9622.net

I liked yours, cc, and aw was most excited about getting to listen to it at work today.

Ah, there's the compliment that I was fishing for. Thank you.

Oh, and having given Marquis's disc a few spins, I have to tell you that it makes me feel like dancing. Great music to get me home from work.

Someone remind me to send ColdChef a cd full of kittens belching holiday carols for the next swap...

I sent ten discs out.(Five here, five Mefi).

I have received four discs back, all from here.

I am not at all pleased with my swapping partners on the blue page.

same here, crash. i have yet to get a mefi disc. and rodii was even in my group! *cries*

yeah, i've only gotten 1 cd from mefi swap people. i should have 5 in my hot little hand.

although i haven't had a chance to even listen to all the 9622 ones yet, so i suppose i'll give them a little bit of leeway before going mediaeval on their hineys.

A word about Dong_Resin:

I got Dong_Resin’s disc about halfway through my move and proceeded to lose it. Two days ago, I found it under the seat in my car. Having listened to it almost non-stop since then (at least while I was in my car), I have formed a theory:

Dong_Resin is not a human. He is a group of humans, all specially trained in the art of humor. Kind of like the Super Friends, except that their sacred task is to amuse me. This disc contained songs of such quality that no lone human could make all the necessary calculations required to make it so perfectly. How, for example, could a single person determine that—while I have heard of “The White Stripes”, I own nothing by them—and then pick the song that I heard on Saturday Night Live and wanted to hear again? How could an angry loner such as this “Dong_Resin” determine—without help—that I really needed a CD with the song “Beans and Cornbread” on it? No one person could be as funny as this “Dong_Resin” apparently is. No one person could consistently and quickly make me pee my pants. I call for an “outing” of this “Dong_Resin collective”. Reveal yourselves!

(I mean…there’s a D O N G Station Identification at the start of the disc, for Zod’s sake—you tell me how a normal singular person accomplishes that)

Coldchef, I wouldn't whine until I was SURE all my recipients have gotten their CD's.
;-)

I don't have a CD burner and I've got terrible taste in music that I wouldn't wish to inflict on anyone. Does that mean I can never be a proper 9622er? Could I swap something else? Body fluids? Body parts? Identities?

ColdChef; I know you had ftp issues before with my stuff, but you should be able to get all 17 tracks here. Anyone who didn't get a CD from me is welcome to them all.

It's coming Lady BunnyMarmalade. I made an extra for you and Miguel. I just haven't posted them yet. But I will, for you have shamed me.

Summer, in lieu of music we are always willing to accept cash, bananas, or nude photographs. Or all three if you're feeling generous.

i prefer pictures of nude bananas writhing around in a pool of cold hard cash.

"It's not too clean and not too pleasant, you're soaking in it dong resin."

Yup, you don't hear that sort of radio jingle on your average FM station.

And the music he included doesn't suck one bit either. All 44 tracks are pretty groovy.

Tally:

CDs sent:
MeFiSwap: 5
MonkeySwap: 6

CDs received:
MeFiSwap: 1 [PikachuLolita, who is also a monkeyfriend.]
MonkeySwap: 3 [Aw, Walrus, Kafkaesque]

Missing in Action:
MeFiSwap: I forget. Four stinkin' people. Definitely rodii.
MonkeySwap: Optamystic, ColdChef, fishfucker.

Acknowledgements received:
MeFiSwap: 1 [bridgie, by email]
MonkeySwap: 4 [Coldchef, Adampsyche (!), Kafkaesque, Aw, on 9622]

Resentment:
Infinite. I weep.

Okay, listen here, Marquis! I know for a fact that my swap cd has made it to the sunny shores of England. And I mailed them all on the same day. So, what the frick is going on in the frozen north?

Them mounties confiscate my mix? I'm as perplexed as you.

But I will, for you have shamed me.

All I did was hint. But all is not lost. We can always blame it on Miguel, my evil twin. *bwahahahaha*

I'm onto him too cold chef...

now i want dong's mix. anyone feel like mailing it to me? i can send you my mix (thought it may not represent an equal barter, so it seems)

Your ruse is revealed, ColdChef! "Sunny shores"? In England!? I think not! Perhaps you will fool certain nitwits into believing they've received your package, but the truth is gradually becoming clear.

What next, "I sent my CD to the summery, heatwave-ridden valleys of eastern Ontario, where children laugh and play by barbecues while their elders sip cool lagers from Canadian microbreweries, engage in witty smalltalk, and discuss subjects other than hockey and Michael J. Fox"?! Ha!

they still discuss michael j. fox?

I got yours chef .... very smooth, but it was actually raining at the time. I want to write proper reviews of 'em all, when I get a chance. I'm all 56ked up now @ my new flat. Gadzooks this thing is slow!

Yes, Mr. Chef, I must say that we are getting quite jiggy with it here in the studio, listening to your Cajun/Zydeco mix. I have heard enough Tom Waits and Johnny Cash now to get me through the late-night-bar apocalypse; glad to have in my posession something a little bit...er...spicy.

Bugger this thing just ate my post. I'm not writing it again.

Or not. I'm in some wierd time warp. Apologies, etc.

Euuugh. I was so pissed that I misses the MeFi swap, but I am suddenly ok with that. Between Adam and myself I will have enough variety to last me half the week! And I know that I am missing a few disks, so stragglers be notified that other forms of compensation will be happily accepted. If your burner has suddenly shit the bed, I accept cash, paypal, check, or M.O. as compensation.

I must now admit that the only reason I participated in this current swap was so that I could spread the goodness that is Boozoo Chavis's "You're Gonna Look Like a Monkey When You Get Old."

Christ, what if you already look like a monkey?

What did you say about me?

Shuddup son. Don't start this shit again.

And with that email addy from the Son of Our Lord, the anti-evolutionists go ape...

I'll send someone a banana if they can find me a powder wig on ebay. I can't seem to find one.

not on ebay, but this site has men's civilian and military wigs. who would've thought a wig would be so expensive? their cheapest one is $300.

mmmm. naked bananas...

Good wigs can be very expensive. I should know.

The yak hair is recommended for a wig needed for heavy use as it is pleasant to wear, durable, and sets well, making it the most cost effective over time.

duh. As if they need to say that yak hair is recommended!

Human or yak? Yak or human? I just can't decide!

This wig is recommended for the client who has the larger head, or a very specific look.

Thank you, thank you, thank you witchy.

Seems to be a bit more budget friendly, though it looks loke a few styles would be PIY (Powder It Yourself)

adam, how was sonic youth?

Last year I appeared as Trotsky in a production of David Ives' It's All In The Timing. The director summoned Mrs Trotsky and I to rue Ste-Catherines, where we visited a run-down wig shop, like something out of the late 1970s. The door was barred; we needed to buzz to be admitted.

Inside, a small, waifish looking man with wisps of nicotine-stained hair scampered down the steps and greeted us. My director explained that we were in need of a wig for my 'wife', preferably to rent, but if pressed, to buy. "A grey-haired babushka from the 1890s," she said.

The wigman nodded, dashed away, and eventually returned with a lovely bob - traditional, but with just enough of a revolutionary feel for it to have attracted Leon Trotsky.

"How much to rent?" we asked.
"No rent. Only buy."
"Oh," said my director. "To buy, then?"
"$450."

So we didn't. For $9.99, Mrs Trotsky found a black wig at the whore's shop down the street, and white make-up transformed both her and my heads to a sophisticated shade of grey.

(Upon completion, I'm disappointed to find that the above anecdote is totally without any humour whatsoever, and was probably a waste of time [both to write, and to read]. I apologize.)

how was sonic youth?

I'm guessing, uh... old.

but, you were in a david ives play. fantastic!

Looking closer at the link I gave anathema, I am struck by two things:
A) I'd forgotten how bloody expensive tiaras are
2) The monkey costume is vaguely disturbing

What's a "whore's shop?"

Never been to Montreal, huh?

Who needs humor when you have powder wigs?

There's my favorite wig shop in Chef's little corner of the world, and there are a million online that cater to drag queens that are usually better than the run-of-the-mill Fred's of Hollyweird.

I love wigs. There are not nearly enough occaisions to wear them (get those monkey-party ideas going, people! I got wigs to buy!)

What a "whore's shop"?

I'd hazard a guess as to a store that specializes in "stripper-wear", like 5 inch platform stillettos, g-strings that don't slip while you shimmy down a pole, and rubber dresses cut down to your navel, as well as other accessories.

Uh, not that I would know or anything...maybe.

a quick image google for monkey wig turns up a few scary results.

Markwis, I need your help. Do you know the name of that great vegetarian Thai restaurant up on St. Denis that has meat and seafood on the menu but it's all vegetarian? Do you know what the hell I'm talking about? I think the matchbooks are dark green (because I know that'll help). Instead of music, can we have a wig swap? Please?

from this site (and you dandies on the board may want to peruse it, why people stopped wearing powdered wigs (at least in England):

To generate revenue William Pitt put a tax on hair powder in 1795. It was a curious tax with a long list of exceptions but it was hoped by Pitt to generate around 210,000 guineas in revenue. In fact it was the beginning of the end. Whig leaders met in September of that year and cut off their queues and vowed to abandon the use of hair powder. The move was met with immense support and the tax only raised 46,000 guineas.

ah, wigs. yes, i have 2: blonde & black. since i am redhead, i have the trifecta. i can be ANY of the charlie's angels!

the world will soon be mine, oh yes.

A tax on wigs! A fucking outrage I say!

Anathema: You're thinking of Chu Chai. Best non-chicken chicken I've ever tasted!

And there's a great take-out place next-door.

Sorry about that kids. But if there is one thing I WILL NOT stand for is a tax on hair powder. That fancydress site has crappy monkey costumes by the way.

I bought a wig at a yard sale for two bucks-did nicely for my role as an old redneck grandma for a play I was in early this year. Nice story about the wig-a lady with cancer bought the wig when she thought chemo would take her real hair-turned out she didn't need it and she turned out okay. Her good fortune, my good fortune.

I had played a similar role a couple of years ago-the directors put some kind of acrylic shoe polish on my head and it took FOREVER to get it out-I looked like I had dandruff for DAYS. Not to mention I managed to fall off the stage during rehearsal. Ouch.

Thanks for the FiFi Mahoney's link, readymade. I now have a place to get my drag gear. Make sure you check out their photo section. I found this particularly...interesting.

I will post this site, both because it has faux colonial wigs, and because the dummy heads are so terrifying.

I too have two wigs (black and blonde) although I used to have a few more. Where are you, my pretties?

Thanks Marquis, I've been trying to remember for a while now and keep forgeting to do the research. That reviewer uses the word "tunatarianism" which I had never heard before. Google only brings up one hit and that review is it. I guess I can figure it out. Would one identify themself as a "Tunatarian" or would it be only used in the pejorative?

EEEK! Chef, my eyes! My eyes!

I had a great "Slash" wig (G'n'R) when I lived in San Francisco. I've had others but that was the best.

9622: Wig Wearin' Monkey Tunatarianists

I am SO going to the Shim Sham Revue this September!

with cameras.

Ever been to The Saturn CC?

Ever been to The Saturn CC?
No. Where is that?

Disclaimer: I do not promote drinking alcohol of any kind ever!
Hmmmm....but let me see here, according to TRAVELAPE it's right here.

Used to go there when I was staying in New Orleans.

St. Claude! Good Lord! And you lived to tell about it?

Still, thanks for the link to TravelApe. That's a site after a monkeylover's heart.

some chimps are evil Someone who CAN needs to start a new thread with this.

Also (having looked at that site a bit more) no one ever, EVER calls it "Nawlins." Ever.

This is one street savvy monkey, Chef!

If you ever come down to the dirty city again, I'll take you to a few (relatively) safe places.

That story can't be true bunny. Harvard, feh, what do they know anyway.

There was a place in New Orleans called Checkpoint Charlie's I used to get crocked in with amazing regularity when I was there for a couple of months: I would do laundry, drink beer, play pool, drink more beer, play pool badly, drink moRee ebeer, wherz ma laundry? drink Downy instead of beer, Whazzat? Huh? Your mamaa too, hiippie!!!!!

I lived in N.O. for two months. My liver would have revolted had I stayed any longer.

At least the evil chimps don't glow in the dark yet.

There was a place in New Orleans called Checkpoint Charlie's
I was taken there once against my will. Not a bad place, but a little unsettling. I remember watching the Lucky Dog stand right outside for some guy while he "ran to the bathroom." I sat at his stand for almost two hours before I tricked someone into "watching the stand for me."

You were Ignatius J. for a day. Wow.

I talked people out of buying a Lucky Dog.
"Lookit that water, dude."
I wasn't tempted once to steal one. I did eat several bags of chips, though.

witchstone - it was good. But I was stuck outside, and could only listen. Some poor guy climbed a tree to try to see ( note the rhyme) and a swat team consisting of 13 cops, 2 park security and 1 national guardsmen arrested him. We the jealous not-having-saw-at-all clapped.

Wait. Did goneill go on a date with Adam? Oooh, this is getting good.

It's true, friends. Not only have the chimps begun hitting their females, some of them are actually flaunting it:

Man! I barely made it out of a four hour meeting!

I had to tunnel out with a Bic Rolling Ball!

Now, what are we talking about? CDs? Fes, I sent you a copy of mine and Chef's. Aw's and FuckFisher's for some reason caused meltdown type errors when copying, which was a pain, but resulted in a nice and tasty pasta sauce being excreted from my hard disk, which I served to some guests that dropped by unannounced. Unfortunately for them, there were still some rather sharp resistors in there, and so they all suffered what I'm sure was a rather excruciating death, not unlike having live sparrows forced down your esophagus until their beaks begin to jut out through your inner organ sweetmeats.

Or, you know, so I've been told.

Chef's CD, by the way, is playing right now in my little Cube O Fun. It is pleasing me in unspeakable ways and making me want to take off my shoes and paint faces on my toes so I can wiggle them like a dancing, singing Toe Choir. This also would probably result, Klinger-style, in me getting my walking papers, which would mean no more 4-hour meetings about nothing.

I would skip out the door whistling and wiggling my dancing, singing Toe Choir.

well, not exactly, since adam, aw, dogmatic, dogmatic's gorgeous fiancee, & friends were all inside. as was i until i started to melt (witches, you know). also, i had to get to brooklyn. so i left before sonic youth came on.

so, i guess if you consider two people, one of whom is outside a venue and one of whom is inside with his wife, on a date, then yes, they were on a date.

so, i guess if you consider two people, one of whom is outside a venue and one of whom is inside with his wife, on a date, then yes, they were on a date.

Of course that's a date. That's exactly what I mean when I say "I'm dating Catherine Zeta-Jones." And all the restraining orders and stalking charges in the world can't change that fact.

Sounds like a date to me!

And Kafkaesque, let me know the next time you have a meeting, and I'll dig a tunnel for you ala Corporal Peter Newkirk.

By the way: Leon Askin's Birthday is September 18, 2002 - He is 95 this year!

Hey am I hearing Dwight Yoakam here on the Buckwheat Zydeco track?

i love dwight yoakam. go ahead, mock me. i will never surrender.

No, I dig Dwight too, was why I asked!

Except he made a really really really awful, pointless and sould destroying movie called South of Heaven, West of Hell. Hoo! It sucked!

By which I mean to say it was bad.

And generally not good. On my top 5 crappy movie list.

You might think that I really did like it just a tiny little bit and am just saying this with some sort of ulterior motive in mind. But no.

I hated it.

it MAY be Dwight Yoakum. I...um...borrowed that track from the intranet...

Oh, and "Delta Dawn" was included on the disc specifically for you.

oh, wait. I put that on the note. nebbermind.

so, kafka, correct me if i'm wrong, but what you seem to be saying is that i should see "south of heaven, west of hell." am i correct in divining that from your rather obscure statements?

Well, I know Dwight has Hey Good Lookin on one of the CDs I have...No...wait! Maybe that's The Mavericks.

I'm all confused!

he is saying that you should buy it.

Witchstone, your powers of observation know no bounds. By all means, if you feel like a little masochism, get out there and rent that bad boy!

And maybe you'll think "Hey! Paul Reubens is in this! At least that part will be good !"

Nope.

he was the only redeeming part of blow. which brings us back to the wigs: blow had the worst wigs and hairpieces that i've seen in a movie since--since--well, actually i can't think of anything that bad.

Worst movie hair of all time: Bill Murray in Kingpin. And by worst, I mean, BestWorst.

Bill is so hot.

yhbc, hey, I just checked my mail box monkey and found monkey poo,bills. I hope the turds are in the mail, really I can't bitch as Yhbc is doing me a favor with no return but my big thanks. I'm just dying here wondering like coldchef who are these monkey folks. Yes, I'm just burning inside to hear a cd made by a fellow monkey on my new player which is still a virgin unit, which I might add has no burning capabilities, f-ing budgets. See hearing one's monkey music tells a bigger story as cc has mentioned. Monkey hear, monkey do**splat**(peeyoo, that smell)

Apropos of nothing, I'd just like to posit that Buttered Popcorn Jellybellys and an loving God cannot exist in the same universe.

Or to put it another way: Buttered Popcorn Jellybellys - another bean for Satan.

I just received P-Lo's mix in the mail today. I also just posted a couple extra of mine to Dong and CC. At this point, if anyone wants a copy of mine just drop me an email with your info.

yay! i'm glad it got there, anathema. many apologies about its lateness.

I'll be getting my much sought-after discs this week and sending them out as soon as I get them. Thanks for being patient while I've been makin'whoopee to Commish's, Lupo's, Anathema's and Kaf's (birthday present) grooves!

It'll be worth it in the end, I dearly hope!

I stand proudly with Kaf and Witchy as an unabashed Dwight Yoakam buff. "Streets of Bakersfield" with Buck Owens is a fave, and I especially dig his cover of "I Want You to Want Me"

miguel, your cd will be sent out Very Soon (please please don't hate me!). my sleep patterns are now such that i can actually get to the post office to find out how much it should cost to send. everyone else's i just dumped in the mailbox at 5am. but you foreigners...

Dwight Yoakam rocks my world. His version of "Train in Vain" was posted to the Site I Can Not Name a couple of weeks ago. If anyone's interested, I'll send it to them.

Yes yes yes

Send it on down, brutha Poulos!

has anyone seen my pants? they were here a few hours ago. also, has anybody here seen hank?

I LIKE buttered popcorn Jellybellies.
The toasted marshmallow flavor is good too.

Figures.

But Bunnyfire! Those Satanic Beans are setting you on the road to damnation! Repent now, and embrace the glory of black licorice!

Sheesh! I bet you even like the peanut ones. Ew.

Dwight Yoakum in Sling Blade! "What are you doing with that blade, there, Karl?" Now that's mighty fine cinema.

Really the only Jelly Bellys worth eating are the black ones, and they don't even have a fancy name.

What can't exist with a loving deity is frozen pizza. I keep getting betrayed into thinking I'll just try one more, and then it tastes like essence of ghost fart
memory of yesterday's milk
salted salt, with added salt flavor
red cubed tomato holograms
brown disc of compressed staleness

aaaaack. I shoulda had the monkey poo.

Black licorice tastes like puke.

But I can almost agree about the frozen pizza. Except it makes great burnt offerings to three hungry teenagers.

That frozen pizza comment hit too close to home.

It was good, witchie. Fuck, I just got home from my first day of school, and I didn't have an apple!

Pics up soon.

Sorry didn't see your inquiry until now.

and my wallet. did someone take my wallet. and what is this stuck to the roof of my... oh my.

Miss January and Miss February of the first 9622 calendar?

*trying to figger out how to say, "Hubba hubba" in a politically correct way*

speaking of "hubba hubba"....tomorrow my husband and I celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary.

*the crowd goes "aaawwwwwwhhh....*

Dude, them's worth at least three or four months apiece.

You want readers' wives? Let me give you readers' wives. Woof!

and where are my shoes. and what is that smell?

Miguel, that was...beautiful.

Miguel. Them some real bitches.

Hey, how do eyeballk!d's panties look on me? Too revealing?

That's no beautiful, Adam, that's my wife:

I. Don't. Want. To. Know.

Sorry Miguel. Compared to Adam's ladies, those are ... dogs. Plus, I think there were some drag kings in the bunch.

Oh tizzie, honestly!

oh, jeez, did i wake up in prague again? god. i hate it when i sleep walk. now, where's my passport. god, i hope i grabbed my passport.

Fuck me I'm drubk!

*Tears eyeballkid's photo out of passport. Pastes in picture of Martha Raye, Denture Wearer*

Thanks, Adam, for putting up the mp3s from your CD...have you also a track listing? It pleases me to be able to participate kinda sorta, even though, I, uh, didn't. Anyone else who cares to do so would be richly rewarded in WonderChicken Karma Points™, redeemable in all finer watering holes...

Please don't hate me 'cause I'm poor (or at least coerced by the Korean-Money-Neurosis-Afflicted She Who Must Be Obeyed into behaving in such a fashion.)

This is Martha Raye today.

Hey, stav, if you want a copy of mine, I would be happy to send it to you, no swap required.

now where did I put my GPS device?

Por que o gorilla tem as narinas grandes?

Têm os dedos grandes!

hmmmm. now where is that diskette my contact needed?

stav; the tracks are named (but not the links, 1,2,3, etc.) and I will see if i can't post the order of them. and the artist if it isn't in the file name.

All kidding aside...

In 1993 Martha Raye was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom for her lifetime service to America. When she died a special exception to policy was made so that she could be buried in the military cemetery at Fort Bragg, North Carolina.* For fifty years Colonel Maggie served the military she loved. Those of us who knew her considered her as much, if not moreso, a part of the Armed Forces. She wore the uniform proudly; she wore the uniform in the trenches; she wore the uniform in the mud instead of on stage; and she deserves to be remembered for those fifty years of unique and totally dedicated military service.

*Fort Bragg is here where I live.

You can be sure that when her name is brought up here no one is thinking of dentures...

and yes, i really am that white. which has something to do with why a guy in my 'hood said to me the other day, "milk of magnesia, where have you been all my life?" points for originality. we're now dating.

*grumble* didn't know the picture was being taken. adam, you sneaky mothafucka.

Well, ya ruined the other one by hiding behind fiona's umbrella! Ha! Your new nick: M.O.M.

you know, eyeballkid just hasn't been the same since we administered electro-shock therapy.

*sharpens eyeballkid's nippleclamps, greases the stirrups*

I must have missed it...where did that happen???

Is he looking like Burstyn from Requiem for a Dream?

Thank you, ColdChef, for reminding me I have to schedule my annual visit to the gyno.
[sarcasm]oh joy.[/sarcasm]

nothing like a papsmear to shatter any delusions of grandeur you may have.

...

...the indignities of being a woman....*sigh*

I cannot *wait* until my first mamogram. I've been practicing by slamming my tits in the freezer door.

We now return to our regularly scheduled Boyzone.

How 'bout them Mets?

Man, 9622.net is become such a girlzone. Pretty soon everything will be about knitting, or baking, or how to be a better mommy.

i don't knit.

i don't bake.

i'm not a mom.

so, let's talk about the female orgasm.

*trying to picture what slamming tits on a freezer door looks like*

I hope my lack of [sarcasm] tags didn't put anyone off.

so, let's talk about the female orgasm.

Now that's the common denominator between the boyzone and the girlzone.

no, no sarcasm tags needed on 9622. they are assumed!

*trying NOT to picture what slamming-well, you know-on a freezer door would look-or more pertinently-FEEL like*

To my dear hubby

Happy 19th Anniversary!

to all the married monkeys out there- may you be as happy as we have been...

To the single simians-eat your heart out!

well, happy anniversary, bfire. 19th anniversary...so, that makes you what, 35?
*kidding, kidding*

"well, happy anniversary, bfire. 19th anniversary...so, that makes you what, 35?
*kidding, kidding*"

That's actually pretty close, Adam. On my 19th I'll be 37.

"well, happy anniversary, bfire. 19th anniversary...so, that makes you what, 35?
*kidding, kidding*"

That's actually pretty close, Adam. On my 19th I'll be 37.

*eats heart out*

I'd LOVE to be 35 again. With the bod I had at 25 while we are at it. (better make that 24-I spent most of my 25th year being pregnant and the size of the Goodyear blimp.)
For the curious I was born in the latter part of 1958. You do the math.
If it weren't for Miguel I would probably be the oldest monkey in this zoo.

*reminiscent of big lurch, asks for lungs*

*decides heart is a bit bland, adds a bit of salt*

ha! i was also in central park during the sonic youth thingamajiggy, so i'm sure you all felt my mojo.

we didn't get there 'till 3:30 though, so there was no way in hell we were getting inside, though we did manage to get shooed off the lawn outside the stage a couple of times before giving up and sitting on a bench on the path there.

i actually rather enjoyed it -- i got to hear sonic youth play live while laughing at panting bulldogs, stumbling rollerbladers, and some magician guy who didn't do a lot of anything except juggle balls rather poorly -- though he was awfully energetic.

anyhow, cured my hangover quite nicely.

until we drove to baltimore.

until we drove to baltimore.

What an evocative phrase! I think I will try to end every one of my conversations with it today.

"Yeah, boss, I'm almost done with the page layout. I should have the brochure finished in a couple of days. Everything will be just fine...

....until we drove to Baltimore."

So we had 5 MeFiers inside the show and another two outside! Also, six 9622ers total! Goneill and fishmolester, you should have called us! We could have climbed trees and flung poo at people!

Good Lord On Earth. You all have had too much free time. Criminey!

Man, 9622.net is become such a girlzone. Pretty soon everything will be about knitting, or baking, or how to be a better mommy.

Augh, I know! 'Bunch of Nancies you all are.

Soon to come: 9622 knitting circle.

Maybe we can convince the Lifetime channel to air a 9622 pilot. Then after we get on the air, we can all start flinging poo and humping trees.

I think I will try to end every one of my conversations with it today.

That reminds me of the e-mail forward that went around several years ago listing ways to annoy people. One of the suggestions was to finish every sentence with the phrase: "In accordance with prophecy." Thus, "I'm going to the laundromat, in accordance with prophecy." For some reason that always made me laugh. (in accordance with prophecy)

or vice versa.

Are you there God? It's me, 9622.

*zzzzz....*

Quick! Everybody sin!

*hurriedly commits sloth*

*considers Onanism*

*decides sloth is less effort*

*commits more sloth*

Speaking of all things Nancy(ie), monkey, and googly, will someone with speakers tell me how this sounds.

Radio 9622 - Bringin' ya hot Monkey Love non-stop.

*snoozes, allowing the contradictory terms "hurriedly" and "sloth" to coexist within the same action, in a monumental, but overlooked, act of defiance towards the laws that I hath laid down for Mankind.*

*zzzzz.....*

*dips God's hand in warm water, causing massive flooding in the lowlands of Louisiana*

*considers abandoning asterisking for JPoulos's sake*

*baptizes kafkaesque in floodwaters of lowlands of louisiana*

*eyes legs of witchstone and head of kafkaesque*

*licks teeth*

I am back on the computer now.

You may therefore commence behaving again.

*begs kafkaesque not to abandon her*

::stands on sidelines, tapping foot, with arms crossed::

Dear God,

There ain't no place to pee on Mardi Gras Day.

With love,

Ignatius J. Reilly
NOPD

*bitchslaps :: in a fit of jealous rage*

*dips God's hand in warm water, causing massive flooding in the lowlands of Louisiana*

First the West Nile outbreak, then ColdChef moves there. For the love of God, hasn't Louisiana suffered enough??

*lies in mound in front of house, thankful to be away from IJR*

I'm just jealous. I wish I was in the R Bar right now, suckin down a cool one.

I was just looking at the stats, and next to the domain I am surfing from was this:

Aug 13 2002 3:20:33 pm (page views) 84 (time spent) 431:04

Wow.

Ummm. Here's something interesting:

If you use your lofi.mefi, you can now see deleted comments from deleted threads.

All the way back to the beginning:
http://www.metafilter.com/comments_deleted.mefi/1

That's new, right?

I saw that, but didn't know where I could find other deleted threads.

Did you not like the movie?

Everything up to 19 was deleted, for sure.

Hmmm. not finding anything worthwhile before 19

The infamous haiku thread that got me a six week vacation from MetaFilter.

No, but you can go through MeTa in search of deleted threads, copy the thread #, and go from there. Good haikus posted before a thread is deleted.

Jeez, I have a lot of time today.

Holy fucking shit, CC. Did you see the time stamps on those haikus? You pumped out one like, every minute or two. That got you a suspension? Do tell...

Hey, ColdChef, here's the Star Wars meets Pulp Fiction thread. Good times!

*wonders where she can find a job that allows her to haiku and search MeFi for deleted threads and comments all damn day*

(Am new graduate, so seriously, if'n you got any leads, hurl 'em at me.)

Well, what I do is take the average time it takes my supervisor to make her cofee, chit chat, send e-mails, chat some more, tell me that her mistakes are my fault, gab in the lunchroom, chit chat, make coffee, condescend me, and call her boyfriend. I take that number of minutes, divide it by three, and I give that time to myself for the mental anguish.

And, she is out today, so therefore, I play.

Adam, where my boyfriend works they give each other little postcards if they do favours for each other. They have boxes to tick that say:

Thanks for the freedom!

Thanks for being 'for the people'!

Thanks for your teamwork!

Thanks for thinking out of the box!

Is your job as shit as that?

At my work, to recognize extra "go get 'em" effort, they give out $5 McDonalds gift certificates.

No shit.

We've got some brain-power here. We need to start a business for own salvation. Besides which, we've got God on our side.

Adam, my friend Susan is a librarian in a bunny-torturing institute, which is odd for a vegetarian but I digress. Her boss has had 37 days sick this year. Her ailments range from "feeling dizzy and in need of a lie down" to "a bit of a tingle in my finger which needs checking out". Nobody seems to find this odd. And yet my friend Susan was sent on a time management course when it was discovered she had been receiving non-work-related emails at her work address. Is your job as shit as that?

Well, technically I'm neutral.

uh oh. eyeballkid has been completely silent since the nipple clams and greasy stirrups.

such a pity. i thought he was ready to take a walk on the wild side.

Pretty close! My boss goes home sick at least once a week. She is the sickliest thing I have ever met, if it be the truth. It isn't the worst job (but just a tad boring).

The surfing policies here are stricter than at my last job (as if you could tell), but even she mentioned how it's unfair that smokers can go outside and take a cancer break, but when I punch out a quick e-mail or haiku, it's looked down upon.

Then she looks down upon me. Fie, fie on thee!

We also get very wierd memos, a few of which I have posted to FilePile.

We also had a rash of thefts that was eirily reminiscent of the movie Clockwatchers, and the memos that went out during that were hysterical.

*grabs guitar*

I gotta get out of this place...

...if it's the last thing I ever do...

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, and drive safe.

Her boss has had 37 days sick this year. Her ailments range from "feeling dizzy and in need of a lie down" to "a bit of a tingle in my finger which needs checking out". Nobody seems to find this odd.

Is this woman a bit odd in other ways? It is quite possible she is being "accommodated" under the disabilities act. That would explain the disparity.

Don't ask how I know about that.

Of course I see "certain ailments" behind every bush...and there is quite a lot of shrubbery these days.

huh. sorry. dozed off. oooh. nipple clamps.

i have no direct supervisor.

(kneel before the wonders of my job)

Is this woman a bit odd in other ways? It is quite possible she is being "accommodated" under the disabilities act. That would explain the disparity.

I don't know. I only have anecdotal evidence. I've come to the conclusion after 8 years in employment that most jobs are sickeningly tedious and only made bearable by the humour of your work colleagues and a boss who accomodates lunchtime drinking.

my job gives out free krispy kreme donuts and starbucks coffee in the morning. after work, free deep tissue massages and beer.

My job gives out a punch in the goolies and a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

If you're lucky!

Have you seen the front of Salon today?

ColdChef: I just missed out on the Star Wars thread - your words, now resurrected, now have me hacking uncontrollably. I agree - this is timeless, and should be saved:

Mace Windu: What planet you from!
C3p0: What?
Mace Windu: "What" ain't no planet I know! Do they speak English in "What?"
C3p0: What?
Mace Windu: English-motherfucker-can-you-speak-it?
C3p0: Yes. Of course I can, sir. It's like a second language for me...I'm as fluent in Bocce...
Mace Windu: Then you understand what I'm sayin'?
C3p0: Yes. My first job was programming binary load lifter...very similar to your vaporators. You could say...
Mace Windu: Now describe what Darth Vader looks like!
C3p0: What?
Mace Windu: Say "What" again! C'mon, say "What" again! I dare ya, I double dare ya motherfucker, say "What" one more goddamn time! Now describe to me what Darth Vader looks like!
C3p0: Well he's ...he's...black --
Mace Windu: -- go on!
C3p0: ...and he's...he's...tall --
Mace Windu: -- does he look like a bitch?!
C3p0: What?
Mace Windu: Does-he-look-like-a-bitch?!
C3p0: No.
Mace Windu: Then why did you try to fuck 'im like a bitch?!
posted by ColdChef at 2:26 PM PST on March 5

Now, c'mon - did you really get banned for six weeks for the haiku thread? (I also note, on review, that our old pal BlueTrain was matching you one-for-one in at least the early going).

posted by NotDeadYet at whenever on lurking, alright already?

I always thought your MeFi-atus was voluntary. If I'd known you'd been shown the door, I would have walked out right then and there.

It was a voluntary exile. Sorry to have suggested anything else. I think it was Kafkaesque who gave me a very loving, very brotherly "Step away from the computer."

It was necessary. It may be necessary again. I'm becoming chronic.

I need a twelve step program or something.

just give yourself up to a Higher Power, brother cold chef. that Higher Power being me. and when i say "give yourself up" i basically mean your bank account and any stock options.

Ve hav vays of dealing with vous.

*regreases stirrups, applies conducting grease to jumper cable clamps*

Here you go, 'Chef -- thirteen steps to a better you:

1. Admit you are powerless over 9622.net - that your life has become unmanageable.

2. Believe that a Power greater than yourself could restore you to sanity.

3. Make a decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of the Head Monkey as you understand Him.

4. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself.

5. Admit to the Head Monkey, to yourself and to another human being the exact nature of your wrongs.

6. Be entirely ready to have the Head Monkey remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly ask the Head Monkey to remove your shortcomings.

8. Make a list of all persons you have harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all.

9. Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continue to take personal inventory and when you are wrong promptly admit it.

11. Seek through prayer and meditation to improve your conscious contact with the Head Monkey as you understand Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for you and the power to carry that out.

12. Have a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, and try to carry this message to 9622-aholics and to practice these principles in all your affairs.

13. Come to the shocking realization that the Head Monkey has just been foolin' wichyou, and has now secured His grasp on your soul for all eternity, and will forever compel you to remain a prolific part of His little online community. Mwahahahahahah.

See? Piece of cake.

Hey, this coffee sucks. And where are the donuts?

Screw this, I'm finding me some sex addicts.

Stick to only the non-filled donuts at the sex addict meetings.

Trust me.

i once went to a gambler's anonymous meeting and bet a guy $5 he wouldn't be there next week.

no shit.

It is a well documented fact that pervy sex addicts make better coffee. (I seem to have misplaced those documents, however, so you'll just have to take my word for it.)

Now, who takes cream and sugar?

Today is the first day I went to 9622.net before Mefi. This must be some kind of watershed. What is a watershed?

I always come here first.

Today is the first day I went to 9622.net before Mefi. This must be some kind of watershed. What is a watershed?

Welcome!

Actually, I think that's the first sign of addiction.

1. Admit you are powerless over 9622.net - that your life has become unmanageable.

2. Believe that a monkey stinkier than yourself could restore you to stinkiness.

3. Make a decision to turn your poo and your bananas over to the care of the Head Monkey as you understand Him.

4. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of your butt.

5. Admit to the Head Monkey, to yourself and to another simian the exact nature of your humping.

6. Be entirely ready to have the Head Monkey remove all these defects of monkeytude.

7. Humbly ask the Head Monkey to remove your shortcomings.

8. Make a list of all trees you have humped and become willing to fling poo at them all.

9. Fling direct poo at people wherever wherever possible, except when to do so would splatter others.

10. Continue to take monkey inventory and when you are wrong promptly flung poo.

11. Seek through humping and fecal-throwing to improve your conscious contact with the Head Monkey as you understand Him, praying only for tons of bananas for you and the power to hump with an unruly boner.

12. Have a simian awakening as the result of these steps, and try to carry this message to 9622-aholics and to fling poo in all your affairs.

4. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of your butt.

Good thing I'm flexible.

Of course I would be here more often - or at least commenting more - if I didn't have to wait 30 minutes befor I was my posts appeared.

Or if I could type.

I think I need all thirteen steps. I'm here way too often.

List of trees I've humped:

--That juicy little maple last Tuesday.
--There was that foxy elm...mmmm.
--I think there was a juniper bush: spiky but hot hot hot! yeowwww!
--The weeping willow? I had nothing, nothing, to do with that.
--In the haze, I see an orange tree, but that might have been the banana-slushee talking.
--I think I tried to do a redwood, but jumpin' on that thang was just too much for me. Too fuggin' big.

I'll get back to you on the rest, Mr. Head Monkey, sir.

Heh. I took that cherry tree. It was everything I'd dreamed it would be.

My name's anathema and I'm a....wait a second, where the hell am I?

btw, Marquis, I just got your missive from the Great White North. Will report back soon.

Alright, I think I'm done with the first step. Now on to #2. Do have have to do all thirteen tonight?