9622.net

Heh. I knew Jon was posting this before I even saw the "Posted by"...
Notwithsanding the gentle convexity of my lower torso, I'm not really too concerned about food. It's fuel, and the more green stuff I eat, the better I feel. These days, 3 out of 4 of my meals are what's called Ssam-bop here in Korea : some white rice, a variety of leafy greens and bitter herbs to wrap around dollops of that rice, a small pot of ssam-jang for a condiment, which is a spicy, salty sauce made from red pepper and bean paste, and some raw cucumber and hot peppers. A steady diet of this makes me happy and healthy. I am not vegetarian (although I was for about 4 years in younger days) - food like this just makes me feel about a decade younger. Plus a pizza once a month, and I'm set.
Of course, if you include beer and other tipples as one of the major food groups, or coffee, well you got me there. I'm a druggie, not a foody, although the two are definitely kissing cousins.

Banana and mayonnaise sandwiches.
And anything chocolate.

Oh, if you can put real food down too, sushi.
Sushi followed by Ben and Jerry's is even better.

stoned: oscar meyer hard salami, triscuits, extra sharp cheddar, followed by some sort of delicious chocolate item.
not-stoned: bagel bites. i could eat those tiny little pizzas till i die.
it seems smoking pot improves my diet.

CheezIts. I can't stop. It would take methadone.
I'm sick, man! SICK!
And black olives. I regularly sit down after work and eat a whole can.
I don't eat fast food really ever anymore. Except In n Out every 6 months or so. And there's a highly grubbin' pizza place near us called Brooklyn Pizza which kicks the 4 major ass groups.
And, of course, butter by the stick and vodka.

**pictures kaf with orange stained fingers and a crazed look in his eye begging some one carrying an empty CheezIt box to the trash to "just let me lick the crumbs outta the bag, man, it's callin' out me..."**

In 'n Out. Those are good burgers, Dude.

We just watched a good old Star Trek movie and ate some french bread, gouda cheese, a bunch of these potato thingies that are like potato chips that are french-fry shaped, and I had an apple while hubby polished off half a pint of Ben & Jerry's One Sweet Whirled.
He has the sweet tooth. I drank the single-malt scotch. To each their own poison....
Now, about the movie - when the Borg Queen and Data have their Really Big Kiss, does the entire collective get... errr .... a collective stiffie?

oh man. goddamn cheez-its. i was visiting my dad last weekend, and he dragged me to this insane burnt-out hippie festival. there were supposed to be about 20 bands there, but of course, there was only one. my boyfriend and i camped in a tent in a field full of hay, which said boyfriend is allergic to, drinking ourselves into oblivion to ignore the insane hippies around us.
all my dad had thought to bring for food was fucking four-cheese cheese nips. not even cheez-its, which are obviously far superior.
by the time we fell asleep, we were incoherently drunk and covered in sticky-but-flaky cheez-goo. it isn't very fun to wake up to a hangover, a boyfriend who can't really breathe thanks to hay, and hippies playing bongo drums. CHEEZ-GOO was the icing on the cake. thanks a lot, god.

Oh man. They used to have these chips. Ruffles Sour Cream and Cheddar. Those fuckers were good.
And Keebler Tato Skin Chips. The Bacon Flavor. Those disappeared from the market one day under what I can only assume was the threat of litigation.

Speaking as Jon's "better half," I can attest to his dietary habits -- I've made the midnight Pepto runs for him.
Of course, I'm not much better myself. There's my famous Miracle Whip and bacon sandwich. And, my all time favorite -- double stuff Suzi-Q's. As you know, they come two in a standard Hostess package, so what I do is eat one chocolate cake side off each one, then put the two creme sides together, and voila, a rush like you wouldn't believe.
I think my ass is mostly made of creme.

mmmm....creme.

"For dessert, Butterscotch frosted Hostess Zingers."
I call bullshit.
Butterscotch Zingers are a Dolly Madison product.
I think Jon's an evil twisted genius, and only writes a thread like this to make us all hungry. He probably only eats organically-grown vegetables and drinks only filtered spring water, and when we're all too fat to get out of our chairs (about ten minutes from now, by my estimate) he'll rule the world.
*gargles with Kraft caramel ice-cream syrup*
*chases it with nacho cheese flavored Doritos*
Oh, and Kaf, you can still get Tato Skins, but now they're marketed as "TGI Friday's Potato Skins". I buy them in huge 30-something ounce bags at Sam's Club for about three bucks, then eat myself into a coma.

Hostess musta bought old Dolly out, crash my man. I also forgot my other old standby. A can of pink frosting and a box of Entemann's chocolate chip cookies which I would make sandwiches of. Thank god we keep those difibrullator paddles handy to snap me out those sugar comas...

Hostess musta bought old Dolly out, crash my man. I also forgot my other old standby. A can of pink frosting and a box of Entemann's chocolate chip cookies which I would make sandwiches of. Thank god we keep those difibrullator paddles handy to snap me out those sugar comas...
post dammit

*looks down his nose, annoyingly condescending, at the gustatory unpleasantness*
I love you guys, you know, in a manly kind of way, but I will never understand you Yankee bastards. Ewwww.

mmmm....crack.

WHAT'S YOUR NUTRITIONAL CRACK
Beer. And lots of it. At the moment, I'm just going to bed, late at night, at a friends house in Connecticut. Tomorrwow morning, we play f*cking croquet.
We have no need of any, what you call, "nutrition".
YAAAAAAAAA!
(fuck me, I'm drubk)

take me drunk, i'm home again.
The beloved adn humble commissioner;s friedn, donnie.

post,dammit!

kaf, i think you and i are snack-food doppelgangers or something. for the three years i was in middle school, i ate nothing - and i really mean nothing - for lunch EVERY DAY except those cheddar and sour cream ruffles and a candy bar. alternating bites of fake candy and fake flavored chips created this incredible fake-food taste explosion. i also used to get the tato skins at an oroweat outlet store in my hometown. i couldn't find them again until one day in high school i found them in a vending machine at the boys and girls club. i was incredibly excited until i realized that they had probably been in there for at least three years.
i still ate 'em, of course. i mean, come on, what are preservatives for?

Ladies and gentleman, there is one foodstuff that will, someday, when I have the money to buy it by the gallon and have it fed to me through tubes while someone changes the television channels for me and rubs me down, finally be the death of me. That food object is Ben and Jerry's Triple Caramel Chunk. Occasionally, I may rest and try force some Caramellos in just to break the monotony.

ummm, does Jack Daniels count?
aside from that. White Castle. I *know* that they're vile, and are going to cause pain in suffering for me (and those around me) the next day, but sometimes I just cannot help myself.
also, I saw in the frozen foods quickie-kunch section of the store on the ground floor of my building: Jalapeno White castle chesseburgers. Apparently for those with Guts Of Steel.

Peanut butter. Crunchy.
And I buy popcorn every time I go to the movies, which is all the time.
I also like donuts, but never eat them as my ass is also made of creme.
Can you tell by my one-sentence paragraphs that I have a journalism background?

I'll also gnaw on a pork rind or two if no one is looking.

Oh man...food crack for me now is all the stuff I'm not allowed to eat while pregnant...french brie, raw oysters, rare lamb, tuna, sea bass, shellfish...oh the list is too long to do without weeping...and have I mentioned how much I miss martinis, red wine and cognac?
Sigh.

A good espresso and a Kit-Kat Big Kat.
Do that a couple of times and I can polish the moon smooth with a toothbrush.

See? I'm totally with Kaf. My only junk food addiction is chips. Chips and salsa. Chips with ranch dip. Chips with cheese. Chips with chips. The Cheddar N' Sour Cream Ruffles are still available (here anyway, and you can at least get the bowel-shifting Wow! kind). And damn you for bringing up tato skins. Love 'em. And almost anything sour cream n' onion. drool. you all can have your 'sweets'. I could go the rest of my life without eating another candy bar and be perfectly fine. But you can't have my chips until...well.. you know...pry...cold fingers..etc.

I enjoy a good blue corn tortilla chip merely because it looks like it will give me a very severe tumor.
I feel invincible, getting to the end of a bag. They look like bruises.
The novelty of this is sort of the selling point, yet they're not really exploited the way they could be. They need more X-treme style marketing.
Nabisco Battered Wife-itz®, perhaps.
Ike&Tina Tots™.
Melanoma-Os®.

I can buzz-saw through a loaf of fresh-baked bread like there's no mañana.

Corn-nuts. Although I can hardly eat them anymore because I have such bad TMJ (Temporo-Mandibular Joint) problems. In fact, my joy in eating extremely chewy things (crusty baguettes, beef jerky, etc) is now coupled with the fear of pain and the thrill of eating something that might or might not hurt me. As if eating wasn't adventurous enough already....

My comment reads like some trashy bd/sm food kink: "The thrill of eating something that might or might not hurt me." It makes me sound like I've been hanging out with de Sade and developed a perverse pleasure/pain relationship with eating. Which I haven't.
No, really.

Ahem:

Actually, I usually can't stand eating at a Friday's. I'm more of a Bennigan's man if I have to pick(great potato soup, kick-ass Monte Cristos, but I will cop to taking home some of the frozen Friday's Bean and Cheese Dip. Squeeze a klime in that bad boy and you gots a treat.

Sorry, Jon. I hear "Bennigan's" and I immediately drift off into South Park-land where Butters catches his father jacking off in a gay bath house. It's branded into my forebrain with the white-hot fire of absurd humor, and the only thing that can pry me from its evil clutches is quaffing horse-killing quantities of beer.
Sweet, sweet beer.

Kaf, I am with you on the no fast food, with ONLY one exception. Hardee's - which I think on the west coast is called Carl's Jr. - egg biscuit sandwich for hangover breakfast. No cheese, no bacon, and even then that bad boy probably has a zillion grams of fat. It's the fat bomb. One egg biscuit and a spicy V-8, and there's hope that one might live to drink again.
p.s. sorry about your cactus; that sucks loudly.

Taco Bell Chalupas.
Call it what you want to.

sharp cheddar cheese, pepperoni, and triscuits. with Vernor's Ginger Ale, the best damned drink that you can't get on the East Coast (hint hint to all you Detroiters...)

No one else in my family will eat sharp cheddar, adam, so it's a rare treat when I get to have some. A few weeks ago, one of the "seconds" stores nearby had eight ounces of extra-sharp Kraft cheddar for the amazing low price of just ninety-nine cents, so I bought a package and ate all of it at one sitting, sliced onto Ritz crackers and topped with pepperoni slices.
I didn't poop for several days, but it was definitely worth it.

I could get heartburn from just reading this thread.
Enjoy eating like heathens while you can. At some point age will catch up with your digestive system and make you pay for your indiscretions...trust me I know.
Meanwhile, anybody else out there chow down on Combos? They are these pretzel bite thingees with different flavors of junk food "cheese" inside, such as Nacho Cheese, Pepperoni, and so forth.
I could eat a whole bag of those chased down with a Pepsi-cola....thankfully my teenagers make sure I share.

Gustatory Bulletin--Lisa just made us some "Elvis Sandwiches"--Grilled Peanut Butter, Banana and Bacon on White Bread. Delicious, but I feel like I'm digesting a barbell.

Gustatory Bulletin--Lisa just made us some "Elvis Sandwiches"--Grilled Peanut Butter, Banana and Bacon on White Bread. Delicious, but I feel like I'm digesting a barbell.
post dammit

Wait until you're...uh...ridding yourself of that barbell, my friend.
You'll howl like a baboon.

That would explain why Elvis was where he was when he expired.
I'm going to fix myself a mayonnaise sandwich now.

In college I used to eat peanut butter, lettuce and mayonnaise on wheat toast. I had read an interview with Bill Murray where he talked about eating them all the time. In retrospect, he probably said it as a prank. But they weren't nearly as bad as they sound.
These days, I'm a big fan of kids' cereals. My absolute poison, though, is plain (now "milk chocolate") m&ms. I used to eat them by the barrell, which is how I went from mesomorph to endomorph.

Mmmm. Them's good eatin'.

Beef or Turkey Jerky. No fancy flavors, just "original" or "smoked," thank you. I have also tried the Ted Nugent-promoted Biltong buffalo jerky a few times, it's pretty good if you can find it.
Occasionally, when my fiancee is out of town and I'm left to my own devices, I get the urge to drive out to the 24hr. Arby's truckstop outside of Ann Arbor and get one of those 8oz. Big Montana roast beef sammiches. Sometimes also the 32oz. Jamocha shake. I'll pay for that in the morning.
I prefer the Pepto chewable tablets.

Follow-ups to others' comments:
- Hardee's was purchased a couple of years ago by Carl's Jr. You can still see the old orange-and-blue signs in a few places, like Ohio Turnpike truckstops, where they haven't been bothered to "re-theme."
- I also like pepperoni-pizza Combos about once or twice a year.
- I have seen many different kinds of White Castles in vending machines. My old favorite was the grilled chicken on those little wheat buns.

Beef jerky, aside from the dead-sea-like quantities of salt it contains, is actually pretty good for you. It's low in fat and high in protein.
I'm just sayin', is all.

jpoulos, ever since I read this article I've wanted to try jerky. I keep thinking, "Oh do it! Eat it! It might be good!" But I just can't. I fear that I am the anti-jonmc when it comes to snack foods. I've never even eaten a pickled egg.

On the other hand, I'd try stavros' Ssam-bop without hesitation. Weird.

The convenience store down the street has a HUGE jerky rack. It's like an antire jerky department. So one day I thought I'd give it a go.
As tizzie's article suggests, Slim Jims are incredibly foul. I couldn't get past the second bite. They taste like...burning. like poison.
Real jerky, on the other hand, is really tasty. And it's definitely just pure beef--at least Pemmican is. I'd eat it more often if it wasn't so expensive. It works out to, like, over a dollar an ounce.

OK, I haven't had this for years....but it popped into my head with the jerky-talk. The indian tribe that makes up about a third of my hometown population, the Carrier Tribe (you can search my blog if yer really really interested in 'em...interestingish backstory there, etymologically), are the only people allowed to pull massive numbers of salmon out of the rivers when the rivers are choked with them during spawning season. They eat 'em all sortsa ways, but the best is smoked. These massive rectangular pieces of sweet smoky fresh salmon - 'indian candy' we called it as kids - are probably the most evocative-of-my-youth and knee-tremblingly delicious thing I can think of, though I've not had any for well over a decade.
Which goes some way to explaining my (partly feigned and partly real) disdain for 'snack food' that comes in foil packages, I guess.
Time for another Cuba Libre.

Dulce de leche. Ever since I was a wee tyke living in Argentina. The Real Deal. I just had a friend give me a jar and I can't stay away! You can put it on toast, you can put it on pancackes, icecream, etc. Or, you can just stick a spoon in and eat it by itself. It's *dreamy*
I second EBK's Triple Caramel Chunk.

I like Ben and Jerry's Half Baked ice cream. Mmmm...

My girlfriend puts dulce de leche on these real thin sweet-wafers that look like flattened waffle cones, witchy. We only have them about once a year, but damn they're good.

Not that I think of my kid as a science experiment, but it is sorta interesting to watch the way he eats. Because of his autism, he's insulated from cultural influences - no tv, no peer pressure, etc. He's been exposed to 'good' and 'bad' foods, but his appetite is probably as natural as it gets.
If you put all the choices in the world in front of him, he'd choose meat every time. Never sweets or pizza or mashed potatoes. He'll eat other things if that's what he's given, but his "instinct" is to go for the meat.
My older son, who's less severe and more aware, eats nothing but junk food. Hmmmmm.

Not that I think of my kid as a science experiment, but...
I'm all for any sentence that starts in this manner.
Not that I think of my kid as a science experiment, but the electrodes keep sliding off. Should I go ahead and shave the tyke?
confused in Syracuse

And he does grow towards the light.