9622.net

Uh-oh. Hey Maw! Stav's got into the still again!

Widely favored by the Shaolin Drunken Monkey Boxing fighters.

SDMB is not that far from SDB. Just take out the Monkey!

Wooohoo! Blast from the past! Break out the lifeboats, coxswain!

Since we're on the MeFi tangent here, I'm taking a break from it. I guess the reason I like it over here is that we can be friendly and not get our rocks off by arguing for the sake of it.

WHAT? YOU ARE TAKING A BREAK FROM MEFI! I SPIT ON YOU!

Yeah, it does get deep deep into Jane, you ignorant slut territory a bit much of late, don't it?

Fat argumentative bastards. Heh.

Mmmmm, pickled monkey.

BTW, Kaf, what the hell do you mean you're taking a break from MeFi? You can't leave me and Stav alone wuth that bunch over there they'll pick us clean. We need help battling the evil duo of Su and BlueTrain, man.

the evil duo of Su and BlueTrain

Oh dear, I'm probably in trouble now.

I'm just tired of all the dickheads. It's my intention to treat people well and have friendly discussion, not to see who can piss the farthest.

It's not MeFi's fault. If you took a random sampling of 14,000 people in any situation, at least 1,000 of them would be assholes.

This is the first time I've ever had the mind-croggling experience of Going For The Humour Goal (Daehan Minguk!), and having the El Kafko go all serious on me.

Not once, but twice. How can you resist the Comedy Free Kick that is the Ambiguously Gay Duo?

You need a drink, you bastard.

(And by the way, my dad was Welsh too. That's gotta count for something, right?)

Heh. Didn't mean to be too serious, Stav.

And yes, a drink would hit the spot. Make it a double Monkey Stink on the Beach.

*pours*

I hear you, man.

Kaf: It's not MeFi's fault.

It's partly mefi's fault. Ever read Lord of the Flies?

Yeah but we have Miggie instead of Piggie.

Oh. Oops.

I'm not sure I ever read Lord Of The Flies, actually. It's one of those books you know enough about anyway to fake it.

And hey, they still gave me my literature degree.

(Not correcting anything, or trying, friend Kaf, just pre-passing out exuberance, HTML-expressed in rasta-colors! 'Wheee', as the prophets said!)

I have the Conch! Goddammit, all y'all got no opinions worth hearing.

Oh, oops - I had my 'fat argumentative bastard' suit on still.

*squirms out*

So, hey there, how 'bout those Israeli/Palestinian bastards, huh? What is up with that? But, seriously, what could be wrong with the world that a few dozen monkeys couldn't fix?

Oh, and I finally saw the Simpsons episode wherin the "joys of a monkey knife fight" takes place. Moe, to cut monkey: "not so pretty anymore now, is ya?"

I like to picture 9622 as kind of a cabana, located right outside the backdoor of Hotel MetaFilter. (the door's not locked, you just have to know exactly where to press against the wood paneling to slide the false wall back and let you out onto the patio).

It's shady and there's a light breeze. The ocean's always 72 degrees and the blender's always full.

Now, if there was only someway to show a few select people how to squeeze their fat asses through the secret doorway, they could let off some steam with us.

Hey! And try the buffet! All fried foods!

Hey! And try the buffet! All fried foods!

All Carnival Foods would be even better CC.

I like it here in the cabana.

I'm charging all the drinks to Mr. Underhill's credit card.

Someone get me a parasol for my drink. I'm stayin.

It is a relief to swing by and see that folks are being light-hearted. That MeFi place can sure get ugly sometimes.

Now where's that credit card? And the buffet?

/me swings from things.

If things get too warm in this here cabana, we can always cool things down.

(I saw this Finlandia ad many years ago in a magazine, cut it out and kept it because I was so smitten, as young men can sometimes get. Fast-forward to the present, I'm unpacking an old box, find said photo, swoon again and wonder 'I wonder if this is on the web somewhere?' I freakin love the Web, man. Where's my Margarita - and where's that cabana boy?)

An English degree for me as well, and cracketh Lord of the Flies I never did.

9622 as disgruntled MeFi monkey refugee camp?

See, you can tell the English majors because we use words like "cracketh" a lot.

If you really want to spot the English major in any crowd, just very quietly say "catharsis". They'll come runing.

Cat-arses is one of my favorite words, y'know. I don't know where I'm going with this...um, must lay off the cuervo or it's back to jail for me.

Bachelor's degree in English Lit. for this one as well. So why am I now a code-monkey for Jeff Bezos? Who knows. Now if someone paid me to diagram sentences... now there's a living.

Don't feel bad kokogiak, I have merely a high school diploma and I'm a shill for Ted Waitt. Perhap's this is the minion's convention.

Hoo, boy! "English-Creative Writing" here. I think we may have just stumbled unto some kind of MeFi DNA thing hee.

"Boy! Another round of coconut drinks here and a half dozen pupu platters!"

I probably visit the ol' mother ship less than half as much as I used to. The fire is too hot, I don't like the food cooking in the kitchen, I'm staying out and sippin' nice cool bannana daquaris on the beach front property that is 9622.

And singing the blues. Only because the blues make me happy.

You can also get an English major to come running by using the term "dialectic." We love that one, as well as "hegemony" and "dude, where's my job?" Others, such as "you mean my authoritative command of the English language has my salary below the poverty level?" send us running.

And Kafk? Cracketh me a cold one.

*appears at door of cabana, in Speedo, horribly sunburned*

Heyyyy... If I never participated in 9622 the thread, can I participate in 9622 the site? Or is there some sort of hideous initiation ritual I need to go through?

Anyone willing to link to my blog is welcome here, D.

Get this man some Solarcaine!

And some slacks! (Good Lord! I can see his "religion")

Hey, when it starts itching I just do this.

*pours Mai Tai on self*

They [subject] will never know [verb] the joys of a monkey knife fight [predicate].

I didn't know we'd be having a floor show tonight, but hey, the more the merrier. Another Mai-Tai for D, senor, he seems to have, erm, misplaced his last one.

monkey [modifier] knife [modifier] fight [modified object]

Arguing for the saké of it

Mmmm...sushi!

*Remembering Kafkaesque's scrumptious descriptions of olives*

More to the point, here's something I cannot for the life of me understand how we can go on living without:

Man, now I want olives!

The sheen of their black shiny skin, the salty promise of the brine, calling to mind ancient sea voyages and consumption of one's own urine!

Those were the days!

Apropos of nothing, other than the fact that someone said "pundit", a word which appears on the linked page.

jesus Christ, you guys are getting girl drink drunk again aren't you?

I'm reading a series of books right now where every other word is hegenomy or Hegira. Do that make I a Enghlis major?

(is there an older, lamer joke than that one?)

is there some sort of hideous initiation ritual I need to go through?

*walks in the door grinning widely holding a bag containing leg wax, an enema bag, two quarts of Heinz chicken gravy, and a crinoline tutu.*

Welcome to the Family, D.

Naw, just evanizer, but he aint talkin'. *me takes sip of D's new mai tai, pinkie finger daintily raised*

*nudges jon, "hey, you dropped this."*

Oh, don't worry 'bout jonmc. He always carries that stuff around. Just don't ask what it's for... shudder.

Hey, D! Seja bem-vindo a bordo, meu caro comodoro!*

*Welcome aboard, my dear commodore!*

They're starting another cd swap at the ol' MeFi again, btw. I had a bad experience with the cds from that swap, had a better one with the private swap from 11629. We should think about doing that again. Also, if you're a MeFite and you live in LA.....

For some reason, that "Were only a few days old..." thing at the top of the meetup page, now has "Rose Tint My World" from Rocky Horror running through my head...

I'm just seven hours old/truly beautiful to behold....

For some reason jonmc's reference to rocky horror has me picturing him in black lace and fishnets.

They're starting another cd swap at the ol' MeFi again, btw. I had a bad experience with the cds from that swap, had a better one with the private swap from 11629. We should think about doing that again.

I've been putting some thought into that. More later...

Also, if you're a MeFite and you live in LA....

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. You do realize, of course that "LA" also means "Louisiana", right? I got all excited and tingly, thinking about downing Sazeracs with you guys down in New Orleans, until I clicked and found...Los Angeles...Dammit.

Also, eyeballkid, I'd like to say that your past swap CD has made it into heavy rotation on my car stereo. I give it a listen at least every other day. Quality stuff! I'd swap with you anyday.

I promise to send them out on time this time around.

I'd never do that, JP.

*checks seams in mirror*

Do I hear an "amen" to a 9622 Monkey Swap? Songs that make you wanna swing from a tree?

*looks around at deserted beach, hearing the fading of own echo through the trees*

next door, please.

Late to the party, again. The world goes on without me! Woe the English major!

Chef, as long as we're not talking about spit, I guess we're okay. Ditto for the cd you sent out. I've made two mix cds for my wife in the last two months and both included at least two tracks from your cd.

I gotta know: which songs?

"Waltz Across Texas," "Metal and Steel," "Halo 'round the Moon" (I didn't have Transcendental Blues, but bought it soon after) and I think, but I have to make sure I did (if not I'm going to), "Valentine."

That damned Little Texas song ("Amy's Back in Austin") is one of my guilty pleasures.

Thanks for the welcome, everyone. I'm gonna stick around as there's still some chicken gravy left.

*licks lips*

...As long as there's still...

Preview, sloppy man! Preview!

*drams of having the 9622 alka-seltzer concession...*

Make that dreams. *former English major blushes in shame*

I'm curious stav, how'd you get the monkey in the bottle? Was it like building a ship? Or did you use a lotta bannana wax?

Shit, you guys have been drinking here all day, and I can't access 9622.net from work. Life just isn't fair, I tell you!

* slugs down beer, belches *

Me fail english? That's unpossible!

In an amusing 180 from the English Baccalaureates upthread, I actually got a degree in Math, but currently teach English.

Funny old world, innit?

Also, you cannot buy AlkaSeltzer in Korea, and I have a hangover. Thank Jiminy Cricket you can buy coffee, is all I can say.

Ha! And I'm another who did get a degree in English, but now I don't use it!

um, wait - am I supposed to be proud of that, or not?

Curiously, or not, I have a degree in "cultural studies," an offshoot of English even flakier than the standard program. If you want a semiotic reading of Seinfeld, I can do that for you. Or, I could attempt to locate posthuman pansexual resonances in a happy hardcore song.

I'm really quite versatile, and my per-minute rates are competitive.

We'll never reach 100.

[Oh yes.I vote we make this 9622's cult thread!]

hey, d, at least you didn't narrow down your cultural studies to POP CULTURE.

never pick a major simply because it seems like a rather smartass thing to do. i'm just warning you.

*raises hand*

Did that. Agree on how not-clever it is.

The bulk of it was pop culture. Essays analysing Flashdance. Critiquing Doom. Sheer nonsense, all of it. It made watching TV feel like studying.

*sigh*

Toronto's Koreatown is freaking out, Stavros! It's madness out here!

I studied English and communications, then computers and math, but now I'm just quadrumanous, with plenty o' fists for drinking. There was no such thing as pop studies or whatever where I studied English. We weren't using C when I studied computing, either. I am eternally past my sell date. My bar code has just four bars.

> If you really want to spot the English major
> in any crowd, just very quietly say "catharsis".
> They'll come runing.

That must be the Scandinavian majors you're thinking of.

my bar code has just four bars

And three of 'em are wine bars! Eek!

Welcome, Eeksy-P (your new mac daddy rap name) my friend.

Miguel, I thought this WHOLE SITE was a cult thread.
Have an Alka-Seltzer.

A big welcome, Eeksy-Peeksy!

Best typo of the month: those presumably druidic English majors who come runing!

Here's to keeping the ball rolling and all:

Oh - and where's dong_resin when you need and miss him? Please check in, dear friend, before we become really worried!

We'll never get to 100.

Speaking of new monkeys:

"Scientists working in Brazil's central Amazon have discovered two new monkey species that are about the size of small cats, Conservation International announced Sunday."

That would be great news for Platyrrhini and Catarrhini everywhere, but I'm secretly half hoping he was drunk and they were cats.

Does anyone by chance have a picture of a monkey-cat hybrid?

Prehensile pussy?

...sorry...

You mean some prehensile tail?

ya know I dated a gymnast that could've been considered that...

Two things never to say in mixed (or any) company, if you expect to keep your friends:

1. "I dated a gymnast once."

2. "And her father owned a liquor store."

I dated a liquor store clerk once. Her father was a gymnast. Then they pooled their talents and went into business together, but weren't altogether successful. They ran a chain of uneven bars.

*winces*

Ba-dump! Tish!

That's Eeksy-P, ladies and gennlemun! He'll be here in the Starlight Lounge until Thursday...give him a big hand, won'tcha?

OK, bring on the chimp act.

I feel like it's too late to get in on the cult thread. I won't understand all the references to previously established jokes.

That's what the bishop said.

now was that the bishop in the whale pants or the previous reference to his flogging? see what I mean?

Words to live by:

When in doubt, go with the whale pants.

Well? Who's going to be the 100th?

Your mama! And the bishop! And the guy in the whale pants!

Your mama! And the bishop! And the guy in the whale pants!

(repeat as necessary)


100!

oh, i knew this was gonna happen. baby 9622 is all grown up, acting just like his daddy, being all culty and the business.

is culty a word? who knows. but i know that i'm one oh one and i'm gonna ride this wave of envy all the way to the bank.

where my overdrafted account lives.

y'all will be glad to know that at my job it was agreed to by all that we'd take $6,000 from someone to let them punch us in the face.

ok, yeah, rambling now. carry on!

is culty a word?

Sounds more like a mascot to me. A slack-jawed mantra-chanter with a deathwish and exact change.

Hey, it's a good name for our homepage monkey!

I used to have a pet hamper once, my parents didn't trust me with animals

Tonight on "It's The Mind" we examine phenomenon of Deja Vu. What is it? Where does it come from?
What does it mean?

I think I've seen that one before

Tonight on "It's The Mind" we examine phenomenon of Deja Vu. What is it? Where does it come from?
What does it mean?

I think we killed it

Tonight on "It's The Mind" we examine phenomenon of Deja Vu. What is it? Where does it come from?
What does it mean?

It just gets funnier every god damned time!

You always say that.

::cries::

Does this thread make me look fat?

it's just the horizontal scrolling.

Thanks, we'll be here all week.

Just remember to tip your waitress.

Three days, no comments. Is the cult thread's cult thread dying out?

:: IMMINENT DEATH OF 9622 PREDICTED ::

* has another drink, comments and goes to look for pictures of monkeys *

last post.

Officially declared closed? "Condemned" nailed to the front door? Or were you just guessing?

I personally find nailing the condemned to the front door cruel and unusual.

Unless the condemned happen to be one of the Osbourne kids, in which event I'm all for it.

Who's nailing what to who now?

Nailing 95 feces to the door of this holy thread. Two (I just looked them up) can be the Osbourne kids. It would be cruel to let them go.

I'd nail Kelly.

er...um...wha!?

Easy, jpoulos, easy. You don't want to mess with Ozzy.

I kindof have a thing for Sharon Osbourne, but only when she talks in that falsetto voice.

For those of you who missed the series, my favorite highlight:
Sharon puts her finger down her pants and into her own vagina. Then, she chases her daughter Kelly around the room, waving her soiled finger.

Remember when that happened on "Bewitched?"

In 20 years, that will be featured in TV Guide's "Best Moments in Television History" issue. I was never so disappointed as when Kelly stopped her from pissing in the Jack Daniels (to teach her son a lesson about drinking, for those who didn't see it).

Oh, and I think I could take Ozzy. His coordination ain't what it used to be, y'know.

Ya, but if he started to sing, and without the benefits of studio trickery, you'd be on your knees pleading for mercy. Guaranteed.

I don't think I've ever heard Ozzy sing. Is there a song that I'm guaranteed to have heard and remembered no matter how deep I dug my cave?

Osbourne haikus

Some people aren't aware that Ozzy sang for Black Sabbath. Remember "Iron Man"?

As for solo stuff, you can hear a bunch of it here.

Y'know, I followed Cold Chef's link back to the haiku motherland, and all that thread does is painfully remind me how I sent out 4 discs overseas last swap, and got back only one (from Miguel).
You foreigners suck ass.
It was 5 bucks and a long drive each pop to mail out to you and your little... "countries" or whatever they are... while it was like a mere 42 cents a disc to mail out to my fine domestic brothers and sisters.
America rules. We get shit done.
What I said with a degree of snarkiness in the haiku thread, I now say with utter sincerity : "Your countries are just laughably inferior, and mostly smell like Ella Fitzgeralld's pre-amputative, diabetes-gnarled feet."

Dong, I sent a CD to you addressed to Dr. Dong Resin (and the address you gave me) but it was returned to me.

Email me a new address (or your super secret alter-ego) and I'll send it again.

Wow, really, Chef?
I thought that was the same address I gave everyone else... maybe it was.
Maybe all you foreigners don't suck, so much as just smell funny.

No, you still suck. USA! USA!

Perhaps it was the name that confused our stalwart mailpersons.

"Eh... this don' look like no sperm bank..."

Maybe it was incompetent non-Americans delivering my mail, and they simply couldn't read both of the confusing numbers on my door.

> Remember "Iron Man"?

Nope. But if it smelled of metal, I probably changed the station by the second or third chord.

"She's a sweet girl, but she smells a bit of metal."

"Oooh, you got to watch out for them that smell of metal."

I dunno.

"She's a simple girl but she's got mettle,
She'll steal your heart while she irons..."

We'll never reach 200.

Faithlessness is not the quadrumanous way.

Four hands are better than two.

Hey Hey, My my
Drinky the drunk boy
Will never die.

There's more to the monkey
Than meets the eye
Hey hey, my my

My my, hey hey
Watch him stagger
Watch him sway

It's better to throw up
You'll feel better the next day
My my, hey hey

(So my meter sucks. Sue me.)

this is a moebius thread

Uh-oh. Hey Maw! Stav's got into the still again!

would any of you join me in starting a bar called tipsy mcstagger's?

Wow! Like a cross between Filthy McNasty's (where the Pogues were wont to hang) and Stagger Lee. I likes.

How about Stagger McVomit's?

Actually that sounds like a McDonald's character. Maybe Mayor McCheese's ne'er-do-well cousin.

My bar will be called "Any Major Dude's". This I vowed in high school.

The only bar name worth having is the

"Dew Drop Inn".

And it's original, too.

I always thought "Fourteen Absentee Proctologists In Need of Tax Shelter" would actually be a pretty good name for a bar.

I've always wanted to steal a bar name from X's "The Have Nots." Particularly My Sin and The Lucky Star (two bar names that taste great together).

I planned for years to open a bar someday called 'Bosco's Crotch'. Like many of my alcohol-fueled plans, it never actually Came To Pass. More's the pity.

(Bosco was one of my longer-lasting nicknames, one that a number of people still believe to be my really-truly given name. This pleases me, secretly.)

You know nobody (well, nobody sober) would buy a t-shirt that said "Drink at Bosco's Crotch".

It's all in the marketing, StWC (which I still insist stands for Saint Water Closet, but I digress. Or egress. Whatever.).

Migs, are you writing any of this crap down? Andy Rooney's been selling volumes of less-amusing shit for years.

Crash, you're way off. First of all, remember that the Wonderchicken lives in Korea, where nonsensical English phrases like "Drink at Bosco's Crotch" are all the rage.

And secondly, consumers--especially drunk consumers--will pretty much buy anything that attracts their eye. All you'd have to do is come up with a sexy animated character to act as the bar's mascot, name her Bosco, and get one of those little sponges that you use to wet your thumb when counting money.

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