in my sleep, dreams come
the banana means something
dance monkey watch, dance
[from letterneversent.com]
Posted by ColdChef at July 23, 2002 09:33 AMWhat is this I see?
ColdChef makes a random post
Makes no sense to me.
Could coldchef explain-
was this drawn by thomcatspike?
explanation, please!
you want dance, lil' man?
THIS is a motherfuckin'
major monkey dance.
well, i'm glad someone did, otherwise we wouldn't be able to eat all the gay monkey sushi that we eat today.
Posted by: witchstone on July 23, 2002 10:34 AMAdam, no more sausage biscuits for you till you repent.
Maybe I should be a little more curious about what is in my sushi.
Posted by: b****fire on July 23, 2002 10:38 AM"This is a motherfuckin' major monkey dance."
I smell a tagline. *sniff*
Posted by: adampsyche on July 23, 2002 10:38 AMMartyrdom offers
raw homosexual fish
to the chosen ones.
from the mount He fed
the multitudes with loaves and
uncooked queer fishes
i love sweet sushi
sea urchin eggs look much like
wet silly putty
blasphemous haiku
what will I be reading next
I'm afraid to ask
sushi-what to do?
California rolls are good
Not like SOME haiku.
;-)
Posted by: b****fire on July 23, 2002 11:45 AMno one could have guessed
Gologotha made a smell like
Madonna's panties
Just driving around
Makes me hunger for sushi
All those metal fish!
It is a proven fact
that fishmobiles drive slower
than most tortoises.
My solution is
to segregate these slowpokes
in the Jesus lane
Christ stood on the waves
"Cast your nets on the left side
and we'll eat dyke pike."
I can read backwards without a mirror.
As I said in another venue, there is somewhere a Hispanic fellow who upon reading all this will get his manual can opener and open a can of whoo-
(well, you can figure out the rest.)
Guys, all joking aside, I feel a sudden urge to
START PREACHING.
Can we change the subject?
Tank ewe. Tank ewe fairy mush.
Posted by: b****fire on July 23, 2002 12:23 PMa Hispanic fellow who upon reading all this will get his manual can opener and open a can of whoo-
You don't mean.....Santos?!
you mean if someone mentions jesus and sushi in the same sentence, you have an uncontrollable urge to start preaching?
Posted by: witchstone on July 23, 2002 12:38 PMwait, wait. one more:
the lord looked over
his final meal here on earth
"who ordered odd cod?"
"This is my body.
No, no. Not the tempura.
It's a metaphor."
Yes, it was slow loading. sorry, didn't see how slow it was at first.
the post joins skippy
in the eternal sleep just
for internet threads
catholics eat his flesh
but is it cooked or do they
eat sushi jesus?
wow. a deleted post. Cool.
how about just a link, Madam im adam?
Posted by: ColdChef on July 23, 2002 12:44 PMNot Santos, no! I would break his back...with my knee! I am...El Asso Wipo!
"professional wrestlers that didn't quite work out"
Nice pic, Kafka.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!
Okay, okay, just how many of you ARE practicing Satanists, huh?
Posted by: b****fire on July 23, 2002 12:48 PM"Suffer gay monkeys
to come unto me", said Christ
(or something like that).
So what: they come raw
and nicely presented in
fresh seaweed parcels?
We should celebrate,
for of such is the kingdom
of 9 6 2 2.
we mean god no harm
if he can move the mountains
he can take some jokes
Seriously, come on guys-I would rather be the subject of 45 posts by bluetrain in a row than have to see how casually you are throwing around my Lord's name.
Pick on me all you want, but PLEASE leave Him out of it, okay?
Posted by: b****fire on July 23, 2002 12:55 PM
Sorry if offensive bf. God made gay monkeys too. I personally blame the Japanese here, with their strangely addictive raw-fish-eating ways and smaller, sleeker electronic devices.
Posted by: walrus on July 23, 2002 12:59 PM"Greatest Hits of Bread"
unspools along the sidewalk
God dropped his Walkman.
My entire office is wondering why I am laughing so hard.
Posted by: adampsyche on July 23, 2002 01:03 PM
This hot-off-the-wire AP news story seems oddly appropriate here:
NICE, France (AP) - More than 400 sheep leaped to their deaths this weekend in mountainous southeastern France, likely a panicked attempt to escape from a pack of wolves, police said.
The sheep have lain in a ravine near the Mercantour national park since Saturday, and police were burning them on Tuesday. Officials discovered wolf bite marks on some of the carcasses.
Police said there was no risk of contamination to the water supply.
The local agriculture department started a procedure to reimburse the owner, who lost 406 animals - nearly his entire herd.
Posted by: Crash on July 23, 2002 01:15 PMGod sleeps on the couch
for his lover likes the strokes.
know what i'm saying
GUYS, THAT'S ENOUGH.
I MEAN IT.
Look, Jesus it the reason I am still alive after all these years. You make Him the butt of a joke, while meanwhile he has saved my sorry butt in more ways than one.
A lot of bipolars kill themselves. He is the main reason I haven't.
I think you all have been reading Davezilla. Well so have I, and i went off on them there too.
signed,
one very pissed off bunny.
NO MORE JESUS JOKES, I MEAN IT!
(anybody want a peanut?)
Listen
I'm going to be straight with you, Bunnyfire.
I have no idea why you would want to hang out here on 9622. I think you seem like an OK person, but a little tender psychologically.
This is not a born again Christian chatroom.
People joking about Jesus is not intended as a personal attack towards you. If it bothers you, don't read the thread.
Start another thread about how much you love Jesus. I'm not being facetious. Anyone that wants to can go in your thread and post about their religious experiences.
Posted by: kafkaesque on July 23, 2002 01:40 PMHas it ever occurred to you that I have never asked for posting privileges?
I bet if i started railing against Adam's little boy he'd get a wee bit testy.
And remember. you all started it.
:-p
Posted by: b****fire on July 23, 2002 01:56 PMTo which I reply:
Like Kaf said: we were playing around, and it wasn't personal. What's more, your deity and my son are in different leagues, so let's not even try it.
Posted by: adampsyche on July 23, 2002 02:00 PMi did mean thread-starting privileges. That's what got me in trouble on the filter, and I figured i'm better off wit'owt em.
Has it been that long since y'all have watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail?
Posted by: b****fire on July 23, 2002 02:02 PMthank you Adam, you made my point brilliantly. Now i will go take a break before either my computer or my head blows up.
Posted by: b****fire on July 23, 2002 02:03 PMThat's true. You didn't ask for posting privileges. I guess the point I ws trying to make was that you wouldn't have too much company in the I-love-Jesus thread because this isn't that kind of site.
Also, I'm guessing if I started joking about Adam's kid, he'd know it was intended as a joke, because I would never be so cruel or crass. (Although, on preview, he looks a little like Scott Baio)
Joking about Jesus is different, because you're joking about something unknown, something unknowable. When you joke about Jesus, you joke about the whole mythos, all the holier-than-thou Christians with no sense of humor.
I'm sorry if I personally have hurt your feelings with any jokes about Jesus, Jehovah, Yahweh, or anybody. I certainly don't want to offend. But can't you see that it isn't meant to be an attack on you personally?
Posted by: kafkaesque on July 23, 2002 02:05 PMI didn't make your point, I refuted it. You bringing up my son was personal, us playing around with monkey jesus wasn't.
Please do.
Posted by: adampsyche on July 23, 2002 02:06 PMKaf is right on the money with the statement above. I know you're genuinely bothered by jesus jokes, bunny. But telling people what they can and can't say goes against the spirit of this place.
No one has ever told you not to talk about jesus. To be perfectly honest, I really hate when people talk about God as if it exists. And I'm not making light of your beliefs. It bothers me deeply. From my point of view, it's as if people were running around insisting that 1 + 1 = 3. As far as I'm concerned, it's a lie, and I find it offensive.
But I wouldn't tell anyone not to talk about it.
In the early weeks of this site, we decided that openness was the best way to go. Unless someone is an asshole, they are welcome. But if someone goes around telling others what they can and can't say, that pretty much puts them in the "asshole" category.
If you don't like the thead, bunny, go find another.
Posted by: jpoulos on July 23, 2002 02:06 PM
And, if you guys didn't know this already, he loves gorillas.
Posted by: adampsyche on July 23, 2002 02:10 PMAnd with that being said (and said well, j'po):
mr_crash_davis seals his own fate.
Posted by: Crash on July 23, 2002 02:12 PMgreat choice. Either I act like a hypocrite or I piss you all off.
and the admin email doesn't take hotmail.
Posted by: b****fire on July 23, 2002 02:37 PMthe admin email does go through. it's just one of the addresses (my work one) bounces it. but it goes to my home address, and to all the other admins.
Posted by: jpoulos on July 23, 2002 02:43 PMYou don't piss me off, or particularly strike me as hypocritical. But you do sometimes seem to run at a situation, when you could calmly look away.
Posted by: walrus on July 23, 2002 02:50 PMActually, as a Christian, I think she's required not to look away. I think she has to try to save us. I'm not being flip. That's what I've been told. If she allows us to continue, without trying to stop us, she's just as guilty of blasphemy.
Could we perhaps start a Jesus thread separate from this one? It's messing up my haha.
Posted by: ColdChef on July 23, 2002 02:54 PMJesus was a nice, intelligent Jewish man who, as such, must have enjoyed a joke; got angry now and then; was utterly human.
Then religions differ as to his posthumous status. For the Jews he continued to be a man; for the Christians he was the son of God; for the Muslims he was a prophet.
Jokes about God exist in all three monotheistic religions. So why shouldn't there be jokes about Jesus the man, even if he is believed to be "the son of God"?
Posted by: Miguel on July 23, 2002 02:56 PM
JC was obviously a popular guy. He got millions of people to follow his teachings, even when they got put to death because of it.
If anyone could take a joke, it was this guy. There was an article in Playboy Magazine years ago (the link above came from my search for it) that suggested that Jesus was a loud, bawdy guy--otherwise, no one would have wanted to hang around him so much. It suggested that he was a drinker AND a thinker and that he was the ULTIMATE party guest. Hey, the dude hung with hookers!
So, when I suggest that Jesus didn't like M&Ms because they fall through the holes in his hands, God (in whatever incarnation you choose or don't) knows I'm joshing.
Whenever I think of Jesus, I think of the guy in Billy Joel's song, "The Pianoman". This disturbs me.
Posted by: ColdChef on July 23, 2002 03:02 PM
*peeking out to see if it's safe*
Actually (hate to admit this) there was one joke that Sam Kinison told that for some reason always cracked me up.
Basically it went along the lines that none of the 12 disciples could ever call in sick.
Think for a minute. I'm sure you will get it.
Posted by: b****fire on July 23, 2002 03:39 PMScurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills; I am
none of his skains-mates. And thou must stand by
too, and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure?
And the 911 call was funny, CC...surfboard tshirt-tho I probably wouldn't wear it-doesn't seem too bad.
Yes, i believe Jesus is and was very personable and non-pharisaic. And I know from experience He has a sense of humor.
But we all need to remember that Aslan is not a tame lion.
Posted by: b****fire on July 23, 2002 03:42 PMnor is he a real lion. no slur on clive staples intended.
Posted by: Marquis on July 23, 2002 03:48 PMJpoulos hit it on the button. Anything about religion offends someone. Talking about God offends atheists. Talking about Christianity offends Jews like me, whose ancestors suffered a lot because of Christian beliefs - as in the expulsion from Portugal and Spain, the Inquisition, the rabid anti-semitism of the Catholic Church until very recently ("Christ-killers" and all that) etc etc. Talking about Judaism offends Christians and Muslims.
So we should all respect each other by allowing each one of us the freedom to follow our beliefs. This means - mainly - letting others make fun and light of us. It does not mean silence.
It means recognizing that we're all God's children. And for those who don't believe in God that is doubly important. We all have a place here, whatever our beliefs, and what matters is enjoying the life that was given to us and, in our acts, being as good as we can to those who deserve it.
Freedom is the main thing and humour is its most liberating expression.
*Sorry for the rant*
Posted by: Miguel on July 23, 2002 03:51 PMEloquent and wise, miguel.
Freedom is the main thing and humour is its most liberating expression.
Not sure about "most liberating", but it's certainly, um, the funniest.
coldchef: aslan is the name of a fictional drug - and major plot-point - in Jonathan Franzen's The Corrections. Which is really quite good, by the way.
Posted by: Marquis on July 23, 2002 03:56 PMraises hand nervously...
I like the redistribution of property teachings and the destruction of the money lenders. Jesus was a homeless squatter, you know and he wasn't all preachy about himself, he was preachy about being a good person, a person who can adapt to different experiences.
Posted by: goneill on July 23, 2002 03:58 PMThanks, Marquis. You've given me the final push I need to actually buy that book. Thanks.
Posted by: ColdChef on July 23, 2002 03:59 PMAslan is the Turkish word for lion, and also the Christ-figure character in the Chronicles of Narnia series by C.S.Lewis. Yes, Marquis, Clive Staples Lewis. Consider me impressed.
The rest of you had deprived childhoods. Those books are GOOD.
Posted by: b****fire on July 23, 2002 03:59 PMGah! what happened to my monkey?
And, those are good books.
Posted by: adampsyche on July 23, 2002 04:01 PMCan I just say I don't want anybody going to hell?
Now I really MUST be getting off this computer. Gotta start supper.
Posted by: b****fire on July 23, 2002 04:01 PMIn my town, you weren't allowed to read "The Chronicles of Narnia." They were taken out of our library. Witches, you know.
Posted by: ColdChef on July 23, 2002 04:03 PMYou can keep your C.S.Lewis and your Franzen. I'm saving my money for the clothes.
Posted by: liam on July 23, 2002 04:07 PMthe white witch was cool (obviously i'm biased).
never understood being bribed by turkish delight. it's just not very tasty! now, if it was some thing chocolate & caramel, okay. but that weird jelly-like substance? ewww.
Posted by: witchstone on July 23, 2002 04:09 PMSorry 'bout that; should've warned. I thought the intro page was safe, but I don't have much experience of office internethics.
Posted by: liam on July 23, 2002 04:14 PMnever understood being bribed by turkish delight. it's just not very tasty!
dude, don't let kaf hear you. *hides*
Posted by: jpoulos on July 23, 2002 04:22 PMHey! Turkish Delight is the shiznit! yum yum yum!
I think we probably all were raised in some part at least with the spectre of Narnia lurking somewhere close by. God knows there were enough times I wished I could head off through the back of the wardrobe.
Posted by: kafkaesque on July 23, 2002 04:24 PMWell, someone's got to have consideration for the site's bandwidth! ;-)
Posted by: adampsyche on July 23, 2002 04:25 PM...
.":. .:"" "".
: :.: . "'.
: ..: .:..
:..')) ; .'). )/~(
'))) ))) U/
Lemur
The Fry's Turkish Delight is awful, but Cadburry's? Now that is some nice stuff!
Posted by: goneill on July 23, 2002 04:28 PMLast summer, after sniffing disdainfully at them for years, I tried a Big Turk (a chocolate bar, available here, which espouses 'TURKISH DELIGHT FLAVOUR!' [yes, 'flavour'] while containing no real turkish delight [rosewater, etc.] whatsoever). And then I was absolutely addicted. I mean, I like turkish delight, but all of a sudden there was this $1 chocolate-meets-turkish-de-lite just waiting for me in the snack-bar downstairs, and my gourmet preconceptions went out the window in exchange for a much-desired 4pm hit.
Posted by: Marquis on July 23, 2002 04:31 PMNo chocolate tainted Turkish Delight shall sully my palate.
Ye gods! These philistines!
Posted by: kafkaesque on July 23, 2002 04:33 PMNote to ascii artists:
Put the following code before
<pre><span style="line-height: 8px">
and this after your artwork
</span></pre>
for it to look right.
Posted by: jpoulos on July 23, 2002 04:37 PMWe've all been saved; saved, you hear? Who can we blame now?
Well, I blame liam. Welcome aboard, old chum!
Posted by: Miguel on July 23, 2002 05:26 PMSorry. Just chicken casserole. (pull up a chair if you're brave-and fast-I have three teenagers who like to eat.)
We had a heckuva thunderstorm during the cooking of it. One bolt was so close we heard the snap of the static electricity.
What in creation is Turkish Delight?
Posted by: b****fire on July 23, 2002 05:56 PMdo I have to do EVERYTHING around here???
"WHAT IS TURKISH DELIGHT Turkish Delight is one of the most famous sweets in the whole world It is made from sugar. corn starch, gum base and it contains nuts according to the variety. In the old days, it was originally made from dates, honey and roses and then bound together by Gum base. It was used to sweeten the breath. Nowadays it is a great way of eating sweets after every meal."
Uh, I'll stick to chocolate.
Posted by: b****fire on July 23, 2002 06:38 PMAfter reading this entire thread upon coming home from, I am shocked. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go sacrifice a goat in the backyard and get some gay monkey sushi. And remember what Jesus said, "If you don't like spicy food, you should probably stay away from the flaming gay monkey sushi."
Posted by: MarsCrash on July 23, 2002 08:41 PM
Easy to do, bunny. Just copy the image and whack it onto a CafePress T-shirt. Apparently they're just appliques, but the mugs and stuff are apparently really good quality.
(I stole the image from the SA Forums, but I don't suppose anyone is gonna mind too much.)
Posted by: stavrosthewonderchicken on July 23, 2002 09:12 PMHP makes an iron-on ink jet paper, for just such purposes. Sure, an iron-on is a little too 1977 for most people, but it's great for joke tshirts, etc.
I made a friend little onesies for his newborn with the linux penguin and bsd devil, for example.
Posted by: jpoulos on July 23, 2002 09:27 PMMarty? Where's the goat?...
...
And the neighbor kids?
...
I'm gonna miss that goat.
Posted by: tj on July 23, 2002 09:59 PMI made a friend little onesies for his newborn with the linux penguin and bsd devil, for example.
That rocks. Onesies rock.
*off to search for adult-sized onesies*
Posted by: brittney on July 23, 2002 10:18 PMWhere I come from onesies were known as "Dr. Dentons." Why this is, and who Dr. Denton was I have no idea. Perhaps he got some kinda charge from wearing them. You want me to get his phone number for ya, Brittney?
Posted by: jonmc on July 23, 2002 10:34 PMBrittney in a onesie/Marriage to my lifemate.
Damn. I'm gonna have to think about this one for a minute.
Posted by: ColdChef on July 23, 2002 11:30 PMThey passed a law in a small town not far from me (Sanford, NC) that people could not slaughter their own food animals, but were required to take them to a slaughterhouse.
This stemmed from the hispanic custom of butchering their own goats so the meat would be fresh (the hispanic community is growing here.)
The reason given for the law was that "children could be traumatized".
Give me a break. Where do they think hamburger or (sorry stavros)chicken nuggets come from?
So if you are gonna kill a goat don't do it in Sanford.
Posted by: b****fire on July 23, 2002 11:45 PMThank you, B*******e, always looking out for us. Can I have a hug?
Posted by: ColdChef on July 23, 2002 11:51 PMOne-piece outfits with feet are cute, ColdChef, but I can horribly jealous a bit of a slob.
Posted by: brittney on July 24, 2002 12:57 AMThere should have been an "and" between "jealous" and "a."
She's likely also a superior typist.
Posted by: brittney on July 24, 2002 12:58 AMA note about posting images:
We encourage users to post images, especially those hilarous pics of monkeys
wearing dresses or programming for Linux. But posting images that reside on someone
else's server is considered by many to be bandwidth theft. Our thoughts
on the matter, along with some solutions to the problem, can be found
here. Thanks.
In an effort to help eliminate spam (and to preserve the sanity of the 9622 Volunteer Simian Spam-Cop Brigade) all threads older than 30 days will now be closed to comments.