9622.net

*resprays whole room orange with Stoli screwdriver*

I was just trying to comment on Adam's now infamous top-hat monkey post and kept getting a strange message so I'll ruin your thread instead, Marquis.

Yeah, Adam, stop posting to "Miguel In Funny Hats" too! Else you want an "Ogleable Wives In Swimsuits" category. ;)

No,seriously - I'll now amble over to my maquina fotoxopica and reduce that comic for you in a jiffy.

*Puf!*

ColdChef - what was that cool match trick on your MeFi post? I loved the way it was obvious you'd been faithfully searching for monkeys.

In fact, all our posts nowadays can be easily traced to a googled monkey matrix, at one or two removes...

*sigh* I really only posted it because of the "Understanding Women" thing. The monkey was my camoflauge.

Okay, I made a bot. Now what?

My bot doesn't like to say "I will break your back...with my knee!"

Sorry! I meant to post it to Monkeys In Funny Hats, but what's the difference?

I made a bot called Marquisling. I've been talking to him for a while. I don't suppose if I post the link here you'll be able to talk to him too.;)

You say: why is the blender white with anger?
Pandora: Because The iMortalportal.com webmaster programmed me for it.

Interesting. Finally, an answer.

Catch him, catch him! He's pillaging the village!

Congratulations Miguel Cardoso,
You have now successfully published your personality, making it available to others via the internet. Simply point your friends and family to this and they will be able to talk to your ex-friend Marquisling's personality. ;)

Marquisling likes the Hollies. And "Iscariotes - The Real Story". And his girlfriend is Joni Mitchell.

um. neat. :)

*sobbing*

Because you posted my e-mail address, you traitorous rat. Not that it's there anymore, snigger snigger. Yes, you've been edited, Marquis. Or did you think my admin status was just for show? Bwahahahaha! :)

damn you, cardoso, and that madredeus cd you never sent!

also, miguel, [whining] start a thread on metatalk. i'm booored.[/whining]

Sorry, Marquis (it's strange not being able to use your real name, specially in a country like mine where every other guy I deal with is a duke or a c(o)unt) - I'll send you the Madredeus when I send out my 9622 batch. Please send me your address again...

About MeTa - yeah, it is boring. I have nineteen urgent threads currently available and will chose one that will bring some relief...

You have threads in waiting? Sweet!

Is there a sneak preview for monkey lovers?

Marquisling and I didn't get along.

Catch him, catch him! He's pillaging the village!

I've spoken with his programmer and there's only one thing that will stop him. Well, technically two. But it may be too dangerous.

I made a bunnybot. It talks like Yoda.

Y'know, if you add their ages together, they're *totally* legal.

Marquis - I hold you responsible. I just posted to the grey and not only was I repeatedly told to shut up by our colleague mcsweetie but even Matt himself weighed in to diss Europeans in general.

*holds gun to head in vain "why do they all hate me so?" gesture*

Oh and Lupo - only you could have cheered me up in these trying times. I couldn't help myself doing your filthy maths: like 36 six-month old babies...!

I know, Miguel. I'm sorry. As per my email to you, I will do my best to rise to your defense. I encourage other 9622'ers to do the same.

(but you've got to admit, matt has a point about those aw-aw-awful europeans.)

oh, as I was saying:

I will do my best to rise to your defense.

He does. But that's just because there's no Europe. Only entirely different countries. It's like lumping North and South America together and me, being Portuguese, would be the Brazilian. Would you call me a Canuck because of it? Would you? Would you?

Do watch that aw-aw-awful quip or Adam will have your tonsils out for breakfast. That's if he can stave off Aw herself, who'd only settle for your spleen, at the very least.

Now I'm off to MeTa to link to this thread and lay the blame entirely on you. ;)

Oops, just saw the show of force. Now we really are in trouble. History shows that four monkey lovers posting successively spells something rhyming with Lorne Greene shouting "Hey, Hoss!" in Bonanza.

Make that five and change the rhyme to Armageddon.

I get the impression that the absolutely hilarious irony of my occasional Europe-bashing has been too deceitfully concealed to have any impact. Thus, I come clean ("out, spot!"): I am an ex-pat, sir, and a dual-citizen. For this reason, then, I share your pain.

*moved and maudlin*

Just for that, Sir, I'm re-editing, at great personal sacrifice to my spamming, your post so it's exactly as you wrote it.

Mission accomplished, kids. I believe Miguel's potentially-cataclysmic MetaTalk thread has been successfully deflected into harmless, BlueTrain-free pancakeworld. I'll see you back at aitch-queue.

marquis: i believe you were asking how much to mail a cd to the u.s. from canada? not sure if you got an answer yet, but someone from mefi mailed one to me from your fair land and it was $2.80. it wasn't the super skinny kind, though, so those may be less.

Thanks w.

Did they do it in a padded envelope thing?

yup, a cd sized one.

Heh. I've heard that some guys name their monkeys.

Marquis, you should get one of the things we have at my work. It's great!

It's a 100% totally free and doesn't cost any money postage machine!

How it works is, you wait until no-one's around, and then you go up to the machine and start hitting buttons like there's no tomorrow. Pretty soon, you've got enough postage to mail yourself to Toledo (although John Cale would probably advise against it).

Apart from some mystified grumbling from accounting, it seems to be a foolproof system. Oh, did I mention that you should wear socks over your hands? And your ears too. And wear your underwear on your head. That's it. Now you're getting it.

Anyway, I mail a lot of CDs overseas, and I've never had one cost me more than about 3 dollars, even to Australia. I even traded with a guy in Guam, although I am relatively sure that Guam is not a real country.

Damn Guamanians and their fake country!

the $2.80 was in canadian, kafka.

Don't be silly.

There's no country called Canadia.

i know! i was just trying to trick you. but you are too quick for me, grasshopper.

Canadia?

You've never been to my house...my teenagers don't call that country to the north of us anything else! (they have a canadian school friend to harass.)

"Canadia Canadia
We'll never be afraidia
One day we might invadia
Canadia Canadia"

okay. I was counting on about $2 each (*10, oof!), but if it's a little more, I'll cope. :) Music is worth all my riches.

Thanks for the help, witchstone.

You all kid, but I've been saying it for a while now. There is no such place as Portugal. At least not on Earth there isn't.

Miguel? Miguel? You must return to us.

miguel, listen to your mother.

Miguel, come home! Remember the baobob trees!

I wrote 7 chapters of a sequel to the Little Prince in grade 5.

I thought chapters 1-4 were OK, but you really took it too far when Darth Vader turned out to be everyone's dad in Chapter 5.

When I was wearing a dress, I went by the name le petit prince.

That should really read "when I am wearing a dress.

"

When I'm wearing a dress, I'm known simply as That Girl.

when i was little, i thought the little prince was a true story. it wasn't until i was about 10 or 12 that i thought about it and realized that it was fiction. i was devastated.

anyway, the story still makes me weep like a baby.

When I was in college, I was kinda into children's books. I thought i might want to write them. It all stemmed, I think, from a drug-induced fascination with Alice in Wonderland. Anyway, Le Petit Prince is the only one I still hold on to.

Of course, this was before I realized i hate kids.

The Happy Prince is much sadder, I think.

well, there's certainly more violence.

yeah. i'm like that with the star belly sneetches. so real. so sad.

Here is the text.

And don't get me started on that poor Lorax!

*sob* The Truffula trees!

Um.

Does that monkey have a burrito for a torso?

Not that that would be wrong or anything...just askin.

I remember the star-bellied sneeches!

I spent hours as a kid staring at that machine that stamped and unstamped stars on Sneech bellies.

Oh, btw it cost me around four dollars to mail a cd to Greece. (US not Canadian funds)

Kaf: an honest question. Stav also keeps using this construction, familiar from Seinfeld - "not that there's anything wrong with that". Am I wrong, as a stupid and ignorant foreigner, in assuming this means there might be something just slightly wrong but not worth saying out loud? It strikes me as funny; the way "Zoolander" got away with satirizing gay men. Off course? Please advise, dear teacher.

[ You have noticed how my parentheses (here and elsewhere) have learnt your lesson, haven't you? ] :)

I made a friend. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

You say: "What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

fungalnuts: "I do not know what airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow is. I have no answer for that."

How disappointing.

Which do you mean? African or European?

Miguel, let's say Seinfeld says to me,"Bunny, I hear you're bipolar-not that there's anything wrong with that"...In this case Seinfeld would be covering his butt so to speak, using the phrase to (probably falsely) assure me that he doesn't really think bipolars are crazy.

You could have said gay, or Christian, or Portuguese authors...whatever.

But there is also a deeper, comedy meaning. That one's secret, though.

shhh! damnit stav, we can't have the Portuguese learn our Earth humor.

"Take a journey into a timeless world of grace, elegance and romance, where spectacular scenery stirs your imagination and luxurious comfort soothes your body and soul. Sit back, de-stress and relax."

AHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHH

FUCK

AHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHH!

Eyeballkid - as a poor Portuguese fisherman I am unable to learn even from the simplest examples. And yet - ah well! - and yet, you being the only First World person I ever beseeched to send me, along with that entirely dispensable CD, the merest beer nut you might have cast off during a night of drunken bliss, it is now July the 23rd and therefore too late to make amends.

For it is indeed my birthday on the 25th and if I do not receive on that day, which is Thursday, a simple packet of those much-craved and taunted Bloomington, Indiana delicacies, tenderly wrapped in genu-eye-n American foil, I shall have to assume, no matter how great the pain and the loss, that our whole love affair was in vain.

There is comedy and there is tragicomedy. I just hope you...*lip trembling*...remembered the difference. ;)

Humor a little too earthy, ebk?

holy shit miguel. I didn't realize it was your birthday on the horizon. Must send you beer nuts.

*scribbles note to hunt down Miguel's address*

How long it has taken for one of my monkey-loving friends - and the most difficult to boot! - to actually write, in his own hand, "Must send you beer nuts".

It just shows that, if you're ambitious and annoying enough, your message will always get through! Judy Garland knew it and so does Pedro Almodovar.

[EBK: it's just a joke. If you send me any beer nuts you'll get, by return, "anacardos da India", the best damn cashew nuts on earth. Up to you to decide whether this is a threat or a deal. :)]

You may end up with more Beer Nuts than you know what to do with, Miguel. I didn't realize Portuguese bars were so lacking in basic necessities.

Would you also like some pickled eggs?

Oh yeah! And that crazy rainbow colored dessert thing with the marshmallows. The Portuguese love that stuff!

And...and...power bait and Circus Peanuts and Big League Chew...the mind boggles.

I would yes, Commish, if I thought they were available to you and you were in a position to send them on, in an overseas mode. Blankets and distilled water would also be much appreciated and, in the event of saving actual lives, the photographs of my respective family members still alive as a result of your diligence would duly be sent on to you, in a suitable-for-framing format.

Nobody here is asking for such luxuries as your wonderful "bubble gum" (I think it's called) but, as you lucky Americans say, "Whoa!" if a stick should find its way here, as our aristocracy is fond of the odd fruity chew! :)

Miguel, since we're asking for favors, my fiancee wants a photo of you in your Salt Lick Tee shirt. Or a ticket to Portugal. Whichever.

"The Giving Tree" always made me sad as a kid.

Everyone got shit from that stupid thing but me.
What, I'm not good enough for some bark and whatnot?




Fuck that tree.

Whoa, ColdChef: I just woke up and misread an authoritarian demand that you wanted a photograph of my fiancée in the Salt Lick t-shirt.

That shirt has some history and geography by now. I love saying "No, you can't get it anywhere, just fuck off slowly, will you?"

The prob, Lion, is that my wife, though svelte and indifferent to American politics, has since claimed it for her wardrobe. And, as witchstone can confirm, once a piece of clothing enters a woman's wardrobe, it's too late for everyone else.

*sigh*

That was a lame attempt to work "The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe" into a paragraph. Gotta go get some coffee down me...

i have to say that i adore the sound of "just fuck off slowly, will you?"

Hey, a far, far-too-rare pikachu lolita sighting! Somebody grab her quickly and lavish her with cocktails, bougainvilleas and pearls! :)

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