This is a rerun, but it's more precious than gold.
Ever since this appeared on the original 9622, I've returned to it almost weekly to bask in its evil goodness. (Ignore the "j00" stuff, for god's sake) I dare you to try to get this tune out of your head.
Enjoy The Little Red Monkee.
Posted by ColdChef at July 26, 2002 05:16 PMI wish someone would sake my butt. I love Japanese food.
Posted by: ColdChef on July 26, 2002 08:50 PMSpeaking of butt, I just got this email:
Let me ask you this...which is worse:
A. The engine on your Lexus freezes up at 160,000 miles instead of 300,000. You
take a financial hit and you are forced to buy a Toyota this time.
B. You start bleeding during bowel movements. You go to the doctor and get
poked, prodded, X-ray'd, biopsied, etc. 3 days later you get a call for a
consultation. The doctor informs you that you have advanced colon cancer at 45
years old. You have anywhere from 6 months to 5 years left to live. He tells
you it's time to get your house in order because you'll be checking out soon.
Chemotherapy starts today.
A friend of mine who was a science and health researcher at the University of
Chicago, just died this past year of colon cancer at 42. In the midst of the
prime of his life, he said goodbye, and left his wife and child behind,
wondering what just hit them.
Why do you brush your teeth? Are your teeth falling out right now? For most of
us, we do it so we won't need false teeth and Fixodent down the road...right?
We want to be able to eat apples. Hey, I agree with that. Natural teeth are
great.
But have you ever seen someone who was forced to endure a colonectomy? Someone
who now will be spending the rest of their life carrying a bag around?
Incredibly, this is an area where even the staunchest MD's AGREE with us!! Can
you believe it? If they knew you had the greatest colon cleanse in the world, I
bet they might even refer people to you. NO, I'm not kidding...
This subject is not even up for debate. It's a proven fact. The problem is, most
people are not doing anything about it. Please don't be one of them.
****WARNING*****
The next section of this email contains graphic material which may not be
suitable for squeamish individuals.
Let's talk stools.
The stool tells you a lot about your colon health. If it's dark brown in color,
and it sinks, and it stinks, that's not good. And don't feel bad, that's the
way most people are. What you want to see is light brown color, which means
it's full of fresh bile from the liver, very mild odor, and a stool that
floats. We're talking low-density here folks. The more compaction you have the
darker the color and the faster it sinks.
Compaction is not good. Also, moving bowels should be SIMPLE. If the veins are
popping out of your neck and you feel like your doing the bench press, you NEED
to clean your colon.
When you do the cleanse, for the first few days....things are a little weird.
But you know you're cleansed when you see the above good stuff happening, and
you are eliminating at least 2-3 times per day.
Cleansing your colon is a 30-day process. Its also very economical and worth
every cent! You may be very surprised at some of the benefits you will receive
besides just losing 1-5 lbs of cr*p from your body and brightening your future
health.
People have reported more energy, less allergies, clearing of acne, cessation of
migraines, and many other results, not to mention restored regularity. When
your body is void of old, poisonous toxins that are constantly being reabsorbed
through the colon walls, it can begin to heal again. And when the colon walls
are clean, the good nutrients from your food and supplements can be absorbed
again. You will be thrilled with the results.
At this point you are either nauseated thinking about what is inside your own
colon, or you're ready to do something about cleaning it out.
Want more info? Send an email to the link below AND provide
your phone number so we can give you all the information on the products and
business opportunity. And Yes, I have taken it myself!
Currently Available in (Seeking Distributors to meet high
demand)
(In same tone of voice as girl on the other end of telephone call with Ferris Buller) :
Omigod, Crash... you're dying?
Posted by: dong_resin on July 26, 2002 10:03 PMHey, watch it with the name-calling! Since venn ist verbose verboten here? Do you not remember Stav's classic "garrulous monkeys" tag? Isn't one 1142 enough?
Matt.
Posted by: Miguel on July 27, 2002 01:25 AMThere's a nicer version of Little Red Monkey (without the "j00" stuff) here.
Posted by: Eeksy-Peeksy on July 27, 2002 02:34 AMIs it bad to have had a runny bottom for 20 years? This seemed like the thread to ask....
Posted by: stavrosthewonderchicken on July 27, 2002 03:10 AMIt depends. Have you had your own runny bottom for two decades, or someone else's? If the former, you should see a doctor or at least consider cutting down on the spicy foods. If the latter, you should be thankful for all the lubricant money and bother you've saved during 20 years of backdoor bliss.
Posted by: Eeksy-Peeksy on July 27, 2002 04:06 AMA note about posting images:
We encourage users to post images, especially those hilarous pics of monkeys
wearing dresses or programming for Linux. But posting images that reside on someone
else's server is considered by many to be bandwidth theft. Our thoughts
on the matter, along with some solutions to the problem, can be found
here. Thanks.
In an effort to help eliminate spam (and to preserve the sanity of the 9622 Volunteer Simian Spam-Cop Brigade) all threads older than 30 days will now be closed to comments.