9622.net

c'mon baby. don't be so cold. lemme get a little. huh? yeah my breath smells like beer. i've been drinking. what do you expect. c'mon baby jush a little love for the drubk monkey.

Never mind, hama7, just because they hate you over at MetaFilter doesn't mean you're not gay enough.

Fodinha obrigada, por favor?

"You go up and down; up and down; up and down; until you're done; it's not too difficult - and remember that monkeyette is mine, so you've no alternative, have you, you LOSER!"

Ah, sweet love. If only our world of hairless beach apes could love like this monkey love then all of our problems would be solved.

"...a little to the right, baby...down just a bit, yeah...right there..."

Miguel! I had not seen your wonderful "Portugese names for lovemaking" post on MeFi until just now. That is just fabulous! And I have another category in mind that I'm so curious as to whether there is a term for it... but I'm embarrassed to ask! Hmmm - as close as I can explain it, it's like an "insurance fuck" - making sure my partner is satisfied so that they have no appetite for someone else while I'm away. Does that make sense?

Greg, honey? Is it supposed to be this soft?

Tizzie blushing: I didn't mention that one because the words used might seem quite rude. So I'll explain.

It's called a fodinha-descarga (literally a "discharge or running-down-the-battery fuck). Cellphones are more popular here than anywhere else in the world except Finland so the metaphors are inevitable. It's a semi-rape fuck, designed to take the wind out of your partner's sails; deplete his/her ozone; you get the drift. The idea is to leave his/her battery drained so that other communications, as it were, will be made less desirable.

The reason it's a bit intimate is that it also involves, for fear of cheating, the leaving of particular scratch-marks, smells and stains on the loved one's body (no showering before leaving the house!) In extreme cases it may even involve soreness.

"Insurance fuck" is a much better term, though. Of course it works much better on men than women, for obvious reasons.

Me, I think it's just another great excuse. People don't cheat on each other because they're not getting enough sex. They do so because they feel like a change. That's why it's so icky to be the third person in a triangle - all you are is just...different. And anybody can be that, right?

Talk about derailments!

RakDaddy: brilliant! Or the other way round:

"Hey Greg, honey - (sh)it happens..."

I command the evil spirits to leave this monkey!

you see, it's a monkey exorcism and uhh...

"Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific"

"Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific"

Carnac: "What the midget said to the woman right before he was thrown out of the nudist camp."

* wipes off monitor *

* smacks Crash *

* smacks Carnac too, for good measure *

Those lice you're wearing are particularly fetching this evening. If you let me eat them off of you, I'll make it worth your while...

Posted by: readymade on August 23, 2002 12:29 AM

See, now I'm starting to think Mickey C is making all this fucknacular (you know -ver +fuck add the nacular, baby, add it hard) up and chortling away whilst twisting our non-mediterranean melons (man).

And : "I swear wasn't whackin' it, baby, I was just scratchin'. Like this, see?"

Nah, Stav, I promise Miguel is not yanking your cranks (so to speak). Four years here in Mediterranean territory and I'm still learning new words for my pervy 'n rude vocabulary. And having lots of fun while doing it ;-)

Thank you, Miguel! That's fascinating. As for the triangle... hmmm. It depends, doesn't it, on whether everyone in the triangle is aware that they're in it, and consents to their role. Then it might not be icky at all.

Yeah, Stav - stop casting asperger'sions. Even notable Brazilian bloggers such as Enigmatic Mermaid have given their approval. ;)

Miguel--What do you know about h8 fucking?

Okay, c'mon. Which one of you guys is really VelvetHellvis?

I was VelourCarlPerkins for a while but I had to change it for legal reasons.

Not me. I'm the VelveteenRabbit.

Hmph. At one point, I considered being LinenLennon, but then I remembered that I hate the Beatles.

SpandexSpandauBallet, anyone?

The Black Velcrowes?

Johnny CashMere

TulleTool

in case you haven't noticed: monkeys on metafilter.
and this comment by our own coldchef is still cracking me up.

oops. um, i forgot to refresh.

I was SuedeSuede.

Woah, that's weird. Suede is starting to look all freaky now, like a non-word.

CorduRoy Clark?

Fabric Ocasik. Okay. I'm spent.

SilKenny Rogers?

ok that was a bit of a reach.

Muslinda Ronstadt.

*boos*

SatinTin Duffy?

PollyEsther Williams?

Terry Cloth and The Idiots?

Miguel--What do you know about h8 fucking?

Nothing, nothing at all, Brittney. Only that I desperately need to know. Please!

Is it something to do with Velvety Hellman's?

PollyEsther Williams is brilliant, witchie!

PollyHannah Arendt?

Don't get Miggety started on Hat Fucking. We'll be here all day.

First, my American friends, we have the fez. The fez is a sultry partner, best approached with candlelight and cabernet. Remember to play with the tassle for at least 15 minutes before attempting entry.

You should see what he does with a fedora.

And the Swanson Turban? Jesus. Talk about ready for a close-up.

Ah, the beret. For many nights, I longed for her jaunty angle.

Of course EBK is our resident mayonnaise expert. He once said "give me a jar and I'll cantilever the planet, or slather it on lobster buns and then wolf down the lot", I can't remember now.

Lupo - you'll appreciate the colloquialism "wolfing down"!

You Americans and your baseballcap fucking! What about the tophat? Or are there "size" issues?

I remember those stolen nights at Berkeley with my Brand New Leopard Skin Pillbox Hat.

And for the less fortunate among you, there are the tiny football helmets available in many of what I believe are called "Gumball Machines".

Hat fucking? Did they just say hat fucking? Well, just run if anyone mentions Daniel Boone, OK?

Lupo - you'll appreciate the colloquialism "wolfing down"!

Arrrroooooooo!

"Me and this hat got a date later."

C'mon. Mr. T.
Fucking a sombrero.

Gimme somethin' here.

Honest CC, I looked everywhere for a picture I remember of Laurel and/or Hardy with teeny tiny little bowler hats on their heads to contrast with your fab Mr. T in a sombrero shot. But it must exist only in my mind.
Anyway, road to hell and all that.

Oh, sorry ColdChef. I thought Mr T would be catching and the sombrero would be pitching.

That sombrero is pretty pointy, no?

People who probably have sex with their hats:
The Pretend Texan
This Group of Dorks
This guy's hat would claim a headache
Grandpa and hornhat
White men in African Hats
And, of course,
This one

Okay, so...since posting here is like shouting into the silence anyway, let me throw in this:

A certain female popstar from Louisiana stayed at my hotel for the past few days. She would have gone unnoticed, except for her HUGE bodyguard who (I swear) did the whole "thing hanging out of his ear/Secret Service" thing.

Sorry. I had to tell someone.

You have a hotel? Can we have a 9622 party there? We'll be good and we won't fling poo *speaking for myself*
Can we, can we, huh, huh?

I'm thinking Mardi Gras.

OMG! Kitty Carlisle stayed at your hotel! Did you get to see her?

Oh, and ... you have a hotel?

I've said too much already.

Kitty Carlisle? She's ... uh... dead, right?

But I still like the idea of the party! WoooHOOO!

drat, tizzie was too fast.

Anyway, I sure hope you were able to do the whole Norman Bates/look-through-the-hole-in-the-adjoining-room-thing. And if so I hope you took pictures. You could be a very, very, very rich man.

I showed her my "interest in taxidermy" alright.

I don't know what that means.

Oh, but I do. And so does Britney. *wink*

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