
From the realm of questionable taste, here's the Brains Trust's Grief-O-Meter, designed to realistically measure catastrophes in Dianas and Dandos.
Posted by at September 24, 2002 10:53 AMDamn. I didn't register at all. Not enough death, I guess.
Posted by: ColdChef on September 24, 2002 11:08 AMjpoulos's jihad on people who got emotionally involved in "American Idol"
15,000 dead, on average 40% cute, in a location of 60% importance. The event had 75% visual impact and the story lasted for 7 days.
jpoulos's jihad on people who got emotionally involved in "American Idol" scores 6.4 Dandos
(10 Dandos = 1 Diana)
Posted by: jpoulos on September 24, 2002 11:29 AMStrangely enough (or perhaps fittingly), Diana's death itself only scores 1 Diana.
Posted by: witchstone on September 24, 2002 11:35 AMI'm too lazy to plug in the stats for when I got kicked off Big Blue.
Posted by: b****fire on September 24, 2002 11:37 AMI'm too lazy to plug in the stats for when I got kicked off Big Blue.
Posted by: b****fire on September 24, 2002 11:38 AMsee, kimmy, it's not that bad! your speech doesn't even rate a diana on the scale of tragedy.
Posted by: witchstone on September 24, 2002 11:45 AMThis Morning's Events=0.5 Dandos.
Phooey. I shall greive alone it seems.
Posted by: jonmc on September 24, 2002 11:52 AMOnly 4 dandos? Maybe it's a walk in the park to you, but it's pretty fucking tragic to me!
Posted by: octobersurprise on September 24, 2002 11:54 AMFes Croaks
1 dead, on average 100% cute, in a location of 50% importance. The event had 100% visual impact and the story lasted for 1 days.
Fes Croaks fails to register!
Aw, man...
FOr those of you counting at home, I gave myself 100% visual impact because I assumed that I would buy it in an interesting, visually stimulating fashion, probably on some security tape, to boot.
Still got nothin', though.
*sulks*
Posted by: Unclefes on September 24, 2002 11:57 AMYou're doing it wrong, Fes!
ColdChef: here's the original Dando.
Posted by: Miguel on September 24, 2002 12:00 PMIf anyone can decypher this message I got from quonsar, I'll give them a dollar.
"ROFLMAOASTFOOTC!"
Posted by: anathema on September 24, 2002 12:07 PMFes Croaks fails to register!
but it's got the kind of underground word-of-mouth buzz that money just can't buy ...
Posted by: octobersurprise on September 24, 2002 12:07 PMDeath of Ramond Burr
1 dead, on average 80% cute, in a location of 80% importance. The event had 100% visual impact and the story lasted for 1 days.
Death of Ramond Burr fails to register!
"ROFLMAOASTFOOTC!"
"Rolling on the floor, laughing my ass off. Accidentally stub toe. Fucking ottoman! Ouch, the couch!"
Posted by: ColdChef on September 24, 2002 12:12 PMRolling on floor laughing my ass off and spitting Thai food on the computer?
Posted by: witchstone on September 24, 2002 12:13 PMRolling on floor laughing my ass off and swallowing the fuzz off of the carpet?
(really wants the dollar)
Posted by: tizzie on September 24, 2002 12:20 PMEnd of the World
2,147,483,647 dead, on average 15% cute, in a location of 100% importance. The event had 100% visual impact and the story lasted for 0 days.
End of the World fails to register!
Funny, it wont print the real population figure. It comes up with this one.
Rolling On Floor Laughing My Ass Off And Spewing Tepid Fettucini On Overlord's Turkish Carpet?
Posted by: Miguel on September 24, 2002 12:21 PMRolling on floor laughing my ass off and stick twelve fucking otters on the counter?
Posted by: kafkaesque on September 24, 2002 12:24 PMFrosty the snowman got a positive reading. Time to shakedown some elves
Posted by: clavdivs on September 24, 2002 12:38 PMRolling on floor laughing my ass off as seven trained ferrets on oxycontin take cash.
Bats, man, the Bats...
Posted by: octobersurprise on September 24, 2002 12:39 PMooooh. 10 points for using oxycontin and ferrets in the same sentence.
Posted by: jpoulos on September 24, 2002 12:52 PMRolling On Floor Laughing My Ass Off And Shitting Ten Fucking Odiforous Orange Tiger Cats.
... i got nothin'.
Rolling On Floor Lubing My Ass Off As She Tries Fellatio On Our Toy Cthuthlu?
Posted by: romakimmy on September 24, 2002 01:04 PM80% cute? Raymond Burr?
In that teddy bear sort of way.
Posted by: witchstone on September 24, 2002 01:20 PMOnce again, romakimmy is my favorite person.
I'm coming over there, dammit.
Posted by: jpoulos on September 24, 2002 01:20 PMSeptember 11 Attacks
6,000 dead, on average 60% cute, in a location of 100% importance. The event had 100% visual impact and the story lasted for 90 days.
September 11 Attacks scores 3 Dianas 4.1 Dandos
Posted by: jpoulos on September 24, 2002 01:25 PMOnce again, romakimmy is my favorite person.
We must learn to form a queue!
Posted by: Miguel on September 24, 2002 01:27 PMThough pikachulolita is my absolutely favourite person. Men don't count, as usual. Except Lupo. And so are almost all the other monkey lovers (except RadioBemba231).
Posted by: Miguel on September 24, 2002 01:29 PMIt gets worse. That's me, right in the dead center now.
Posted by: ColdChef on September 24, 2002 02:06 PMNew Orleans just needs to get over this "below sea level" thing and drag their sorry asses above sea level.
Posted by: witchstone on September 24, 2002 02:17 PMKeep everything standing until I get there in December, Chef!
Posted by: kafkaesque on September 24, 2002 02:18 PMKafka, by the time you get here, we may have this whole "scuba the lost city of atlantis" thing going on. Wouldn't that be cool? Sitting in the piano bar of Pat O's in dive suits?
Posted by: ColdChef on September 24, 2002 02:22 PM*bad donovan song stuck in head*
By the way, the 9622 demon seems to be getting more bold-eating posts entirely. I blame Witchstone. ;-)
Posted by: b****fire on September 24, 2002 02:29 PMCold Chef & anyone else, I asked several days too early. I will ask again. Is anyone attending a hurricane party? I only heard of these parties after moving to this region of the country. friends in Houston always call to ivite me down to one, they work for the airlines and usually rent a room near the gulf. No work, so what eles to do for kicks, live out air-turbualance while grounded, I guess.
Posted by: Thomcatspike on September 24, 2002 02:43 PMThom, I have attended many, many hurricane parties. They are stupid, reckless, irresponsible events.
Also, you will have the best sex of your life.
Posted by: ColdChef on September 24, 2002 02:46 PMThe ColdChef Watch for thursday morning just took on a different perspective.
Posted by: liam on September 24, 2002 02:52 PMI think Chef ought to blog the storm live, right here on 9622.
Posted by: jpoulos on September 24, 2002 02:54 PMIncluding all the blood and gore. That's the best part.
Posted by: jpoulos on September 24, 2002 02:54 PMI want to see the exciting stats, like how many cows were picked up and placed down gently somewhere else.
Hurricanes love to mess with cows and their little tiny pea brains.
Stupid cows.
Posted by: kafkaesque on September 24, 2002 02:56 PMYou're assuming, of course, that the electricity will still be flowing.
Actually, in Louisiana, you lose lights when a critter farts, so I may be offline for a bit.
*oils up his lamps*
* no, really *
God: "oparata...davenpurt 775"
operator: "emnnnn.., one moment please"
(wramp-wramp-wramp-wramp)
Other end: "hello?"
God: "Neptune, whats going on in the gulf there...shee. I owdered no stom for texas
they are pahtyying like it's -2525 down there.
Neptune: "but sir..."
God: "Dont try...shee. The shee is my overall domain...shee. go muscle in on your own turf"
Neptune: "But sir, the party has already started"
God: "welll...O.K. then, and shee that it doesnt make anyone cross, and no fishing pourts....shee"
Neptune:"Right chief"
God: "Swell, see ya in albany?"
Neptune: "thank you chief"
God: "maarah, O.K."
Posted by: clavdivs on September 24, 2002 03:13 PMChef, you don't think I brought this down on your head by asking about the hurricane days ago, do you? I mean, that's just crazy-talk, right? Right?!
*Must remember to not be openly concerned for monkeys welfare, else bring down natural disaster 'pon their heads; must remember to not be openly concerned for monkeys welfare, else bring down natural disaster 'pon their heads; repeat; repeat; repeat*
Posted by: readymade
on
September 24, 2002 03:22 PM
I can do better, that might not be Kosher though.
Posted by: Thomcatspike on September 24, 2002 04:37 PMYou people are WAY too generous on the "cute" scale.
Posted by: ColdChef on September 24, 2002 04:40 PMoh miguel. i love you with the fire of one thousand suns.
Posted by: pikachu lolita on September 24, 2002 04:50 PMColdchef, were you ever a poster on soc.culture.Thai? All of a sudden I am having a wave of Deja Vu over here.
Yes, I took my meds this morning.
Posted by: b****fire on September 24, 2002 04:56 PMI'd expect that of a Thunderslut like Romakimmy, but you Brittney?
Posted by: ColdChef on September 24, 2002 05:15 PMI worked at that video store with my boyfriend who was the (oooooh) Assistant Manager.
Sometimes we let the frenzy invoked by Sperms of Endearment and Face Jam get the best of us.
Posted by: brittney on September 24, 2002 05:34 PMoooh...looky....
We'll have to do something about this via our own blogs...
Posted by: gen on September 24, 2002 06:22 PMper, I've decided I'm a thunderSaint.
This sign means, well where you can find a hooker in some countries, bunny. I was just reading about the football team, The Saints and popped over here and your comment reminded me of a guy who I actually sold a sport's logo hat because of that fact.....sorry to lump you in with my tale, I know you're too soft as cotton to be conected to my tale.....
PS, thanks to crash & Kaf, I was able to cut&paste w/o using my mouse, but now it works without having to use the key commnands just fine, thanks guys.
Posted by: Thomcatspike on September 24, 2002 06:25 PMjust so you know, the Bible teaches that all believers are saints. (I know, I know, the Catholic folks have a different spin on it.)
Therefore, I am a thunderSaint. Has nothing to do with mediocre football teams.
(go Panthers!)
Posted by: b****fire on September 24, 2002 06:31 PMI noticed that earlier gen, the googlebot will abide.
Posted by: anathema on September 24, 2002 06:33 PMIn ref to that thread of Miguel's on the blue:
In the Children's Museum. Hey, it was the name - how can they have a little house on the floor that says "Discovery Zone" and not expect you to... err... discover?
Therefore, I am a thunderSaint. Has nothing to do with mediocre football teams.
Bunny it was the insignea for the team, not the actual team name. The insignea is older than the team's logo...Maybe your comment went over my head then you are a Saint...go cowboys*splat* the are sucky this year and next......
Posted by: Thomcatspike on September 24, 2002 07:23 PMBunnyfire played Inside Linebacker for the Aints from 78-84.
Many now blame her for the team's continued incompetence.
Posted by: kafkaesque on September 24, 2002 07:31 PMEveryone knows the Superdome being built on an Indian Burial Ground is the real reason the Saints are really really bad. Bunnyfire's embarrassingly poor Linebcaker play had little or nothing to do with it.
Posted by: kafkaesque on September 24, 2002 07:45 PMDrunken Monkey is about a "man" of the third century who roams about the pugilistic world.
Now that sounds familiar. Yeah, I'm figuring this is old news. eep.
Posted by: anathema on September 24, 2002 07:48 PMDrunken Monkey is about a "man" of the third century who roams about the pugilistic world.
Don't post, dammit!
I think it is hilarious that New Orleans would have a team called the Saints anyway. I used to live in Pensacola, Florida and I can tell you that almost all the people I knew that went to New Orleans went there with the full intention of being sinners.
off topic-which one of you monkeys gave me this cold? *achoo*
Posted by: b****fire on September 24, 2002 08:05 PMAnd while I am at it *you* try playing professional football when you are only five feet tall. *hmmmph*
Posted by: b****fire on September 24, 2002 08:07 PMShit - I thought Evan Dando had died there for a sec. Now that would be sad.
Posted by: stavrosthewonderchicken on September 24, 2002 08:26 PMDon't you mean it would be a shame about evan?
He used to play that for us while he was writing it.
Posted by: anathema on September 24, 2002 08:51 PMEBK is flinging poo on Big Grey.
Can someone go get him?
Posted by: b****fire on September 24, 2002 09:11 PMJeez. Got lost there. Thanks FunnyBire. I didn't know what to do. Those people looked so mean.
Posted by: eyeballkid on September 24, 2002 09:43 PMKafkaesque inspired photoshoppage (also posted in the gray):
In Arabic, the word "jihad" means struggling or striving. Those unfamiliar with Islam tend to associate the term with "holy war" and the thought of Muslims attempting to scourge infidels from their lands, or of terrorists claiming their right to terrorize.
You see, my usage was correct. Nyah.
Anathema, you're going to make my brain explode with these hepcat little rock tidbits you keep dropping. You the man, or in case you're not, like, male, you the woman.
I can never keep genders straight. Except UncleFes, who I'm pretty sure is a guy.
Posted by: stavrosthewonderchicken on September 25, 2002 07:01 AMThat was a long time ago stav, during my early "crazy" period, late 80s-early 90s. He had just gotten back from Australia where he did most of the writing and then sort of refined them while hanging out back in Boston. I always liked the private acoustic living room shows better. You are making me realize that I have a bunch of these stories. I have to ration them out.
The "certain bass player" episode was in '95.
Thanks, B****. But I'll probably forget again tomorrow.
*sigh*
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