9622.net

I don't know what it is, but there's just something about dancing, clicking, bananas that follow your curser around that MAKES YOU GO FUCKING INSANE WITHIN MINUTES.

Quite an effective little ploy, actually. Any chance of using something similar around here?

Hope you were in the good half, crash.

There's so much value placed on ruthlessness, callousness, ego and greed in the corporate world that wise women and wise men eschew it.

As The Dude says, Crash, "Fuck it, let's go bowling."

*whack*

*thud*

(knocks self out)

"Hope you were in the good half, crash."

Well, I still have a job. Is that the good half? I can never keep this stuff straight.

That's why I left it ambiguous.

Oh, and not to derail either the bad monkey jokes or the laid-off people thing, but has anyone else been getting Nigerian scam emails lately? I only mention it because apparently kafkaesque sent me one this morning. I find that a little bit unlikely, unless he's really "Dr. Mbembe Onkugzaa" of the Ministry of Defence (or whatever it said, I don't remember exactly), and the whole living in a California apartment thing is just an elaborate front. If I were a suspicious person, I'd say we've been harvested somehow.

I get those all the time, commish. but, curiously, the two i got today were addressed to (not from) Brian Kane (a friend of 9622) and Rebecca Blood. She's never been here, as far as I know. I'm thinking they got lifted from mefi.

Hmm, now that you mention it, it could have been addressed to (not from) kaf. It got deleted pretty fast, but I did note the address on its way out. Mbembe you're right.

I got one the other day. I'm using the millions in cash for my honeymoon.

I'm using the millions in cash for my honeymoon.

Your Nigerian Honeymoon, right CC? :)

I got a severely mispelled Nigerian scam letter today too!

I quite enjoyed it, to be frank. I'm sick that way. I wonder whether anyone in the world is taken in by them - or is all just one big mass observation project?

My dong_resin hotmail account gets chinese spam about twice a month.
I can't really tell from looking at it what it's promising, but my money is on "penis enlargement."

I've gotten two also but I didn't take the time to look...shit, I just checked to see if they were still in my deleted items folder. One of them was. Guess who it's from?
Postroad. Now that is scary. I never received any of these when I first read about them. Something went through MeFi.

Nope. It wasn't mefi, because I got one too - addressed to Kafkaesque - and I've never been on mefi.

er, that would be the "half the office got laid off today and i wasn't one of them, dammit" blues.

I got one of those scam letters from one of those countries in the former Yugoslavia.(sorry can't remember which one).

Yup, I always have to be different.

There's so much value placed on ruthlessness, callousness, ego and greed in the corporate world that wise women and wise men eschew it.

Wisdom is won from struggle, and is crystalized within, not without.

But in defense of the devil's workshop, consider the following:

`what many see as ruthlessness, we may observe as directness of thought and clarity of purpose.

`individual focus and steely may often be mistaken for callousness... as may a simple lack of effective communicative skill.

`in re: ego: (1) it is only the smallest mouse that steps on no one's toes; and (2) if one cannot see oneself succeeding, one does not dare; if one does not dare, one will never seek to accomplish what is truly great.

`Greed to the detriment of others, especially those below you, is simple avarice and rightly excoriated, for the truly noble acquisition of wealth must also include the creation of wealth ("wealth," of course, does not refer only to money). But can we similarly decry greed for those things in life that bring pleasure to ourselves and those we love and protect? Is it wrong to recognize the inherent scarcity of all things - most particularly, our days above ground -and therefore seek to gather and share what pleasures this life might offer, and obtain as best a measure of comfort and security as can be had through one's industry?

*adjusts tie*

That said: Crash, I'm glad you avoided the axe.

Uncle, the big blue site is over there. *points*

(only teasing-who says monkeys can't be intellectual?)

Too much yellin' :D

Bunny, I hear tell you live in North Carolina, true? ANywhere near Greensboro?

Yup. Fayettnam.

I, myself, live in Blowing Rock.

But I moved there from Fuquay-Varina (few-kway vah-ree-na).

I hope to one day move to Kill Devil Hills (not to be confused with nearby Kill Devil Hill).

are you excited cold chef? i thought we wouldn't see you here until, you know, after.

I intend to spend my declining years in Sugar Tit.

I ask because my company's HQ is in Gboro and I travel down there a bit...

Kill Devil Hills is the largest incorporated municipality in Dare County.

Formerly Double-Dare County, until the "incident."

"Hey y'all, watch this!"

are you excited cold chef? i thought we wouldn't see you here until, you know, after.

Ten days and counting...

The suspense is killing me.

Is it wrong to recognize the inherent scarcity of all things - most particularly, our days above ground -and therefore seek to gather and share what pleasures this life might offer, and obtain as best a measure of comfort and security as can be had through one's industry?

It's all a question of values, Fes, my dear. I give to others from my widow's mite because to me, that is the greater reward. If the Gas Company would take mites as payment, I wouldn't be a wage slave. I don't want the things that money can buy, past a cold beer of an evening and a warm place to rest. And when my scarce days are through, I leave but dust behind.

And I'm trying to decide betweeen spending my later years in Beaver Lick or Big Bone Lick.

Then again, Pumpkintown, (the home of Pumpkinhead) is charming, too.

Major setbacks so far:
One of my groomsmen "may not be able to...you know...make it" to the wedding.
The restaurant where we're having our rehearsal dinner went out of business yesterday.

Minor setbacks so far:
Our wedding singers aren't speaking to each other.
I still can't find the right paper for our wedding programs.
The bride's mother keeps adding people to the guest list.
I lost my battle for beer. I wanted two kegs of Shiner or Abita. I get two kegs of Coors. I know, I know.

On the bright side, though, upon the reccomendation of our very own Kafkaesque, I got reservations for Bouchon in Yountville, CA for the honeymooon. I am very, very happy about this.

I mean, it ain't the French Laundry, but it's close.

I think Chef needs his Simian Posse to back him up down there.

1. You'll have plenty of groomsmonkeys
2. I'm sure one of us can cook.
3. I know we can sing.
4. The paper thing, you're pretty much screwed on.
But...
5. Gimme 10 minutes with the woman
6. Dude, beer. Please. That's kinda what we do.

I'm taking a very "Zen" approach to the problems at this point. I just keep telling myself that it's only a five hour party. It's only a five hour party.

Coldchef, I might have a bad memory but it ain't that bad.

You live in New Orleans.(btw it's few-quay va-RI-na).
But all those places you named are real and I have been to all of them.
:-p

Just say the word and we're there, Chef. I can cook! And I've got a paper supplier - bunch of them.
Monkeys to the rescue!!!!

:)

I'm sure that the problems will work out.

Or I'll be too drubk to notice. Either way.

I wanted two kegs of Shiner or Abita. I get two kegs of Coors.

Ouch, that's gotta smart ...

True story: I attended a wedding once where the bride's mother served punch made from ginger ale and frozen green jello. Once the jello melted a little, it just sort of congealed ...

So yeah, things could be worse.

The suspense is killing me.

At risk of proferring spoilers: hero gets the beautiful girl, lives happily ever after :)

It's only a five hour party.

...which will likely be videotaped :D

Fuggedaboutit. It's going to happen whether you find the effing paper or not. Show up, look good, avoid saying the wrong name at the wrong time, and all the other stuff will fall into place.

A couple stiff drinks that morning helps. Forwarned is forarmed.

I get two kegs of Coors

Dude!

Only one thing to do: have a groomsman prepare a cooler of proper beer, for you and yours.

It's all a question of values, Fes, my dear. I give to others from my widow's mite because to me, that is the greater reward. If the Gas Company would take mites as payment, I wouldn't be a wage slave. I don't want the things that money can buy, past a cold beer of an evening and a warm place to rest. And when my scarce days are through, I leave but dust behind.

There is indeed more than one path of responsibility and wisdom. Each of us must follow our own - yours in the elegant simplicity and sunlight of Rivendell, mine in the dark of corporate Moria.

*raises war-axe in salute, bows low*

We had nothing but sturm and drang (or whatever the hell you call it) leading up to our wedding...family members threatening not to come, religious altercations with wiry preachers, people we forgot to invite who swore vengeance upon us, a non-miked ceremony directly under San Jose International's flight path...in the end it all worked out.

You bend like a reed in the wind and remember the ceremony is for you, and the party is for everyone. Relax and enjoy it, because you won't remember half of it.

It could be a lot worse. The bride's brother-in-law (all her side of the family) wanted to MAKE all the wine for the reception.

I'm talking "home-brewed strawberry wine."

My wife to be diplomatically convinced him that we wouldn't be needing his services for that.

Thanks for the pics, K. I only hope my bride is at least half that beautiful.

Not to bring a downer on the wedding plans, but methinks Stav could use a bunch of monkey hugs right about now.

Only one thing to do: have a groomsman prepare a cooler of proper beer, for you and yours.

That's an excellent idea. I'll set my best man right on it.

A suggestion, ColdChef: which worked a treat with us: move into the hotel two days before, have your wedding and reception there and then spend the first days of your honeymoon there. Have the hairdresser, etc come to you.

I also moved her parents and my mother in a day before, which they loved.

This way there is no stress at all and you can nip up to your room whenever you like. Which will be often. Weddings are very, but extremely sexy!

What a rude, ingrate hyena: great post, Crash!

Which will be often.

There is little so enticing as the possibility of the not-so-careful removal of a really expensive dress from a woman you just know has garters on underneath.

Something blue, indeed.

My dong_resin hotmail account gets chinese spam

Can I have the recipe for Chinese Spam? How many cans will I need??

btw, Fes's Devil's Workshop made me think of Willie Blake's Printing house in hell and a few googles later I found the The Blake Archive. I wasn't aware of it before, but check it out--it's amazing stuff.

I winced at first when I read about the beer situation. But then I though to myself, 'what beer is more appropriate for a wedding then coors', and I couldn't think of one.

You know what would have been better than Coors?

Anything. Anything is better than Coors.

Ball sweat is better than Coors.

Okay, maybe not ball sweat, but lord...it ain't tasty.

No, ball sweat *is* better than Coors. Trust me on this one.

I ♥ romakimmy more and more every day.

yes, anything would 'taste better'. I mean, coors is the worst beer in the world.

i think you should have let the 'in-laws' make the wine, too.

I can name something worse than Coors.
Coors Light. Gack!!

Oh, I see what you're going for here...

Reception disasters. Okay, I am so down with that. Hmmm. Maybe I should consider starting a drunken fistfight.

Just remember, if you have a videographer there, you can sell the disasters to World's Funniest Home Videos later on, and have your humiliation working for you for a change, just like it should.

Posted by: readymade on October 23, 2002 03:58 PM

are you going to charge a buck for a plastic cup of coors?

For those of you tracking this conversation and find yourself slightly confused, I've taken the liberty of writing out a little explanatory quation:

Johnny Lee Miller's Ball Sweat>Coors>Coors Light>Keanu Reeves' Ball Sweat

The Beast is worse than Coors.

I used to drink the beast when I couldn't afford colt 45.

("quation" is the math geek nickname for an "equation")

Lucky Lager!

Keep your guests entertained with the bottlecap rebuses!

*shudder*

In a story in the local paper about a fellow who killed his girlfriend, there were 4 separate mentions that during the murder and subsequent dismemberment, he left the apartment to buy more Milwaukee's Best. The story didn't say "beer" - it kept repeating "Milwaukee's Best."

Thus my own suggestion for their marketing tagline:
Real Good Killin' Beer.

Miller's top rated beer on that site is Sharp's for fuck's sake. Ugh. When will they just slowly fuck the fuck off?

that's a funny story tizzie.

Real Good Killin' Beer.

what about: "Dismemberin's Thirsty Work!"

Johnny Lee Miller's Ball Sweat>Coors>Coors Light>Keanu Reeves' Ball Sweat

On behalf of my gender, I must ask: do coochies sweat? Because, really, this is all so subjective and we really should hold some sort of, uh, Taste Test. You know, like the Pepsi Challenge. So that we can definitively say whether [insert naughty parts here]-sweat is or is not tastier than Coors.

Hey, it's the scientific method. If it was good enough for Newton, it's good enough for me.

Nothing beats an ice cold beer
Brewed from the purest water in these lands
Unless it's the all-natural
Goes Down Real Smooth
Secretions of Bartholin's Glands.

I dunno, Fes. That may be a niche market.

that's a funny story tizzie.
no, it's an awful story, but sometimes we laugh at awful things. And I'm no expert on why.

Dismemberin's Thirsty Work!
Now THAT'S Comedy!

For ball sweat, though, nothing beats Schmidt. Or as Pabst says "the traditional beer of the outdoorsman ... the ideal brand for those searching for great taste and quality along with a little adventure." And who doesn't like a little adventure in their beer?

Well, nothing beat it except, Red, White & Blue. But that's the stuff of antiques now. I guess the horse died or something.

(How about, "I'd kill for a Milwaukee's Best"?)

Further to the Nigerian email thing, I got another one today, offering me an INVESTMENT PROPOSAL with regard to a fund total amount of fund is $36million. The source of this fund will be disclosed to me as soon as my positive response is received to this effect.

Oddly enough this one was addressed to stavrosthewonderchicken[at]hotmail[dot]com. The mind boggles.

Ah, Schmidt. The official beer of our mid-80's pick-up softball team. We used the empty sport-packs as bases. Every game began with the ceremonial cracking on the first beer, followed by a moment of silence while our team anthem was played on the official boom box.

"With a taste like that, it's gotta be Schmidt."

I once drove from Dallas to Indianapolis for a national fraternity convention with four guys and twenty cases of Lone Star longnecks. We knew the stuff would be a big hit, and it was, even though the taste can charitably be described as a lot like licking a dirty ashtray.

I have to defend PBR here. as far as cheap beer goes... it's better than Bud/Bud Light/Mic/Mic Light/MGD. I'll still take Molson or Labatt's over it though.

I've got a Paulaner Oktoberfest Marzen in my grubby little mitts right now. Beer is important. But when I was broke and stupid, I drank cases of the big three:

*Drummond Brothers. "have a Drummy with a dummy!" They were bottled in those stubby, sorta breast-shaped bottles, as opposed to traditional longnecks.

*Sterling. I think they called it that because of the vaguely nauseating metallic taste. $5.95 a case for bar bottles at Pinch Penny Liquors in Carbondale, Illinois ca. 1986. That $5.95 includes deposit on the bottles.

and the worst? Weidemann. As in "Weidemann Weep." Keep it as cold as you possible can, that's all I can say.

Remembering those days only makes the marzen taste better.

For pure ball sweat it was Haffenreffer Malt Liquor. What Olde English 800 is to HipHop culture that piss is to Heavy Metal. take it from me.

For sheer nastiness in beer form, nothing will ever top Crazy Horse Malt Liquor. A prime example of really bad taste, both inside the bottle and on the label. Thankfully, it's now out of production.

I had the misfortune to be poor enough & desperate enough to buy a 40 of it once. The hangover started within the first six ounces; I never got past the halfway point of the bottle.

Back in my punk rock days we would pool all of our funds and pitch in to buy our local liquor store's personal brand, called appropriately enough "Liquor Mart Beer." It only came in cases which was great for those spontaneous punk rock get-togethers. The best thing about Liquor Mart Beer was that you could return the cases for the deposit; we often collected enough of them to get a free one (great for impoverished ne'er-do-wells). Ah, youth, ah the formaldehyde. Oh, my poor poor liver.

I'm glad I'm sitting here with a bottle of Blue Heron Ale right now.

Posted by: readymade on October 24, 2002 12:07 AM

I'm currently drinking an ice-cold Busch Light.

Why?

$12.49 a 30-pack.

Second Crazy Horse as worst ever. Like drinking Drano.

And Blatz is plenty bad.

WOO GIANTS!!

Drinking Update: Finished the marzen, moved onto St. Pauli Special Dark. Black gold, baby.

Kafkaesque: Woo, indeed! It's time to put 1989 behind us!

Fes: Lucky man. I'm stopping at the store on my way home from work to pick up some Deschutes Jubelale, the only thing that makes the holidays bearable.

ditto on the Nigerian scam letter addressed to Stavros. Either someone's harvesting them off of here, or off of Stav's site.

Pete! Pete! Pete!

I'm here to give a shout out to PBR. $2 beer in Manhattan is nothing to sneeze at.

Plus, I have a Pabst Blue Ribbon tattoo on my left thigh.

[insert mandatory Blue Velvent reference]

For the longest time I remembered Harvey Keitel as playing the part that Dennis Hopper actually played. I don't know why.

In the name of the Sweet Lard, post!

I have a Pabst Blue Ribbon tattoo on my left thigh.

I think I speak for the entire class here when I say that you, ma'am, have attained a level of intriguingness previously only guessed at.

*tips hat*

Is that a PBR logo, witchy? I couldn't tell in the dark.

That's surprising, since it's a glow-in-the-dark tattoo.

Oh, I forgot about the blindfold.

great. just great. you go out and get drunk and miss the beer thread.

Why drink beer when you can talk about it on the internet?

Beer: It's Not Just For Breakfast Anymore.

I'm just waiting for it drop below 70° out here in the land of wigs and novelties, so I can properly enjoy some Samuel Smith's Winter Welcome Ale, not to mention Sierra Nevada's get-pissed-quick Celebration Ale...and then the old reliable Anchor Steam Holiday Ale.

"I assure you, officer, I have only had a couple of ales."

In Heaven there is no beer
Thta's why we're drinking it here
And when we're gone from here
Our friends will be drinking all the beer!

(repeat ad infinitum)

From Fletcher, "The Bloody Brothers, or, Rollo, Duke of Normandy", late sixteenth century.

"Drink today, and drown all sorrow,
You shall perhaps not do it tomorrow:
Best, while you still have it, use your breath;
There is no drinking after death.

Wine works the heart up, wakes the wit,
There is no cure 'gainst age but it:
It helps the head-ache, cough and tisic,
And is for all diseases physic.

Then let us swill, boys, for our health;
Who drinks well, loves the commonwealth;
And he that will go to bed sober,
Falls with the leaf still in October."

Fill with mingled cream and amber,
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious visions clamber
Through the chamber of my brain —
Quaintest thoughts — queerest fancies
Come to life and fade away;
What care I how time advances?
I am drinking ale today.
-Edgar Allan Poe, 1848

See, this is what happens when people with graduate degrees and net connections drink.

Mothers? Warn your children!

Damn, I'm thirsty.

Oh and for me and mine, we always had Red Stripe (after jagermeister, of course. The two just went well together).

Other than that, whatever was at the parties, yo. Usually shit lite, or on a good night, maybe somebody sprung for a keg o Shiner.

*opens fridge, considers Dos Equis for breakfast*

[reverie]

You know, I envision us all discussing this around a colossal oval wooden table as women in dirndls (and men in whatever is the appropriate equivalent, miladies) bring us tin bucket after tin bucket filled with ice, bottles and fresh glassware.

[/reverie]

*prays* May all of Fes's visions come true, please!

(and don't forget the Beer Nuts)

"Malt does more than Milton can, to justify God's ways to man."

Mickey's Big Mouth used to be my favorite cheap beer. Mickey's low, low price, it's 6% alcohol content, and most importantly bottles shaped to float exactly vertical without spilling, make them the beer of choice for a summer day at the lake around here.

But I'm with Kaf, there's not much a few bottles of Anchor Steam won't cure. (And it scores English Major bonus points by making a guest appearance in Frank Norris's McTeague.)

I think I still have a hangover from drinking three 40-oz of Mickey's one enchanted evening about ten years ago.

It also makes a nice tanning oil.

Isn't there some way to get ColdChef a keg of Shiner? The thought of his having to get through a wedding reception on nothing but home-made strawberry wine & Coors makes me very sad.

I can't remember where this comes from (and I've altered it), but

There are many good reasons for drinking
and one has just entered my head ...
if a monkey can't drink while it's living,
how the fuck can it drink when it's dead?

Also, what bmarkey just said. Isn't there somewhere online that could deliver some quality ale for a thirsty friend?

Have no fear! My best man (and dear, dear brother) has gotten a secret stash of Shiner set up in the men's room of the reception hall. (I'm told that he can squirrel away at least three cases in a nondesript area under the sink. It's not faincy, but it'll work. He's one hell of a fella.

But thanks for the offer!

It think Chef needs to set up a webcam on his ceremony and/or reception, so that we can broadcast it live to all our monkey friends.

Monkey earworm:

I've been wading through
All of this unbelievable junk and
Wondering if I should have given
The world to the monkeys

You've just reminded me, humankind: I've been meaning to get back to you about that bloody typo for yonks. What I actually said was "The monkeys shall inherit the Earth". Sort it out, for my sake.

Oh great, ColdChef. What about the chicks who want some Shiner? Well, I suppose a little door marked "MEN" certainly won't stop them. I wouldn't let a thing like that get in my way. If I liked Shiner beer, that is.

secret stash of Shiner set up in the men's room ... in a nondescript area

Horrific errors may ensue ...

Beer makes great bread.

Ok, I'm hooked. How do you slice it?

I'm serious. You use it in place of regular yeast-I have lost the recipe but I did make it at my parents' house once( a sixpack lasts them a year) and it turned out really well.

Oddly enough when I was a teen Coors was considered the ultimate. The fact that you couldn't get it back East then probably lent to the cachet. And it was the very first beer I ever tried (at my boyfriend's parents' house in Iowa.)

But that was when I drank. I have to abstain now. Except in bread form. (my meds and alcohol don't mix as well as more obvious reasons.)

But does it taste of beer?

I had never heard of Shiner before this thread, by the way. But I imagine Coors being to beer what Hersheys is to chocolate.

Shiner is a lovely Texas Beer. Not too faincy, not too cheap. Just right.

And don't worry, Witchstone. Women at our wedding won't have any problems strolling into the men's room. It's that type of wedding.

Shiner Bock

"Oddly enough when I was a teen Coors was considered the ultimate. The fact that you couldn't get it back East then probably lent to the cachet."

Bo "Bandit" Darville: You take Coors beer east of the Mississippi, and that's...that's bootleggin'.

Until 1981, that is, according to the Rocky Mountain Beer Notes Coors Brewing Company Timeline.

The things you can learn while talking with monkeys. Unfuckingbelievable.

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