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Here he is. According to the Brazilians, with typical macho rationalising, he's only laying on the charm to please the ladies.

Shit! He's posting again!

Call the locksmith, Lupo!

Is this where they harvest those chattering novelty teeth from? damned poachers.

I'm afraid you're all doomed, Kaf. To login I had to delete all my cookies and now I can't get in anywhere except MeFi and here! Bwahahahaha!

Why did I ever listen to that stupid advice about changing my username and password for every single bloody website?

Meanwhile, "Miguel" is taken here, by the old me, and I have to labour under the faux-hip "The Miguel".

It's not the teeth in those pictures that frighten me, it's the vast acres of uncovered gums.

Icky.

"You'd be pissed if you had flaming red nipples too."

alternatively

"Whoopi Goldberg's Plastic Surgery Disaster. Tonight on Fox."

I was trying to figure out the creepiness factor and couldn't until just now. Not only are their big pink gums showing (they look pretty good in terms of dental health), but they almost seem to have no noses. That's what really gives me the willies. You can't see any nostrils which lends an other-worldly quality to them. They look like bad sci-fi characters...or like they're from "Hellraiser."

Posted by: readymade on November 11, 2002 02:55 PM

I was trying to figure out the creepiness factor and couldn't until just now

Your nose-spotting abilities are really coming along!

Also, these little bastards look a lot like Ookla The Mok.

They're Moks I tells ya!

big, pink, glistening gums.

The Brazilian approach to ethology (and captioning) is very different from standard National Geographese.

The scientific caption to the above photograph is:

"Cai fora, solteirão!"
O macho da família olha feio para um solteiro, avisando para deixar suas fêmeas em paz.

"Piss off, Permanent Bachelor Guy!"
The male of the family gives a bachelor a dirty look, warning him to leave his females alone.

Perhaps Lupo or Crash can make those eyes shine in the evil kitty way?

I bet all the ladies dig permanent bachelor guy's stylish mullet.

Yea, alright, it seems dumb now, but really all I could see were gums which were creepy enough on their own. I'm smart, no really, I am!

*Stomps off to try to remember her multiplication tables and fails. Only remembers when "Three is the Magic Number" is heard*

Posted by: readymade on November 11, 2002 03:42 PM

Mig:

I've deleted "Miguel" from the system. Now, you should be able to go in to "Edit Your Profile" and change your username from "The Miguel" to "Miguel".

I thought that first pic was a photo of the Thunderslut(tm)trio.
So which one is Witchstone?

Hey! They look like people.

Them's some hot monkeys. Where can I get me some?

Cheers, Lupo!

So which one is Witchstone?

Obviously none of these three monkeys--they're smiling. I only give bachelor monkeys dirty looks.

The first shot, with the three, whooweee, what you call them there breasts a dig-a-ma-jigs, lips.

Then that male, first glance thought it was a well made mask. Look at his eyes. Almost look human wtih them shut, like a person with a mask on, No? But truley scary, as far as those teeth go, which is far.........

Hey people - he asked for captions. Lessee, how about this one:

My God, we're ugly! Can't somebody please teach The Miguel how to use the "width" attribute to make our pictures smaller!

Wait, what was I going to say - oh yeah, now I remember. Does everyone know that our own Kafkadoodledoo is now a famous blogger? You didn't? Well, here's your chance to talk about it, because you can't leave comments on his crappy little site. Congrats, Kaf! May I be the first to welcome our (not so) new non-sequitur overlord!

Sorry I can't read or narrow my view. Lets try it again. Aw, lets not and say I did.

Kaf, job well done and congrats being a Blogger Star.... this is true per the article, Even the writer's asides will help you crack a smile: )

Here's a humorous aside for you.

I was reading Kaf's adventure at the South Rim of the Grand Canyon when my eyes did that "hey, you're getting old" thing and misread a line, causing me to think Kaf was going to ride a burrito down the Bright Angel Trail.

Good lord. These pictures have to be the best ever posted to 9622. Right up there with the monkey on kottke's shoulder pic.

Shucks.

Thanks, guys. I guess this means I have to update occasionally now.

Weird. I had some crazy double-post action going on on my blog. Typical. All the people who clicked the link from the article probably thought I was a goober.

Oh, wait. They would have thought that anyway.

A very classy and erudite goober, though. Congrats, M. le Kafkaesque!

I finally figured out what those monkey mouths remind me of - the critter in the Alien movies. Am I right?

*Ding ding ding ding ding!*
Tizzie wins the toaster oven! (thanks, that was really freaking me out. So familiar, and yet so bizarre).

Posted by: readymade on November 11, 2002 08:49 PM

Toast! My favorite dish! I'm so happy now.

Kaf's media attention is merely the first step. Soon he and Brittney will host a morning show. Miguel will be foreign correspondent. Crash Davis will be the crotchety Andy Rooney type dude. unclefes will do sports. Adampsyche will be the wacky weatherman.

Then there'll be the daily segment where dong_resin and yours truly will walk around a grocery or bodega. I'll offer pithy commentary on the products and dong will randomly stab people in the head.

Watch out , Neilsens.

oh, caption. right.

"Does this labia under my chin make me look fat?"

Ok, totally creepy monkeys. Man, those pointy fangs... I just know they're going to make an appearance in my dream world tonight. *shudder*

Congratulations, kaf. As tcs so aptly suggested, your witty asides are not news to us.

Let's hope this place never gets press coverage. The only saving grace is that 99.9% of the people who would visit the site would be utterly confused (and possibly repulsed) and would never return.

I'm totally with jonmc and Jello Biafra on this one: "Become the media!" Especially the "dong_resin attacking unsuspecting passer-bys" segment. That rules.

Oh, they knew the risks.

Sincere congrats, Kaf.
Such consistently funny writing deserves endless kudos.

Mig, looking at these monkeyes, I have to say your wisdom exceeds yourself that you were able to get some terrific monkeys to roar with Kaf's success.

Death is easy. Comedy is hard. That's what I want on my tombstone. Or you can just write it on the box with magic marker.

The vast tracts of gum in these pictures are what disturb me the most. They're like the Red Skull of monkeys.

Congratulations too, Kafkaesque!

For me the K-like genius in the sentence you posted:

Inexplicably, a Seattle Times reporter (who apparently has developed some ways that just aren't right) singled out My Life as an American Gladiator in her article "Where to Get Started in the World of Blogs"

is, of course: who apparently has developed some ways that just aren't right

It's the great syntax and grammar, married to an American directness and colloquial ease, that's brilliant. That and the unlikely fusion of a very English and very American senses of humo(u)r.

So there!

P.S. The reason Kaf doesn't allow comments is he doesn't want his beautiful blog fucked up by monkey howls. ;)

A stopped car does not imply a dead driver.

Dear Whoopi
I think you are incredable person and very beautiful person to me you are the one i like about You in the whole time i just wanted you to know that you are my hero and sweet heart as you are the person i wanted to tell you that you are a greatest Acterss of all its not about your skin color of black its because of you i love your attitude the one i like about and your the one is my pen pal i care about you and i don't wanted you to get hurt or killed or to be in jail i wanted to help you and save you you are to beautiful to be jail you do not deserve it you are so kind and sweet person as you are the best friend you always will be my dream Girl i need your trust you can count on me i can help you whoopi you are my favorite always and forever.

Robin Morgan

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