LOS ANGELES, California (Reuters) -- Customs officials opened his suitcase and a bird of paradise flew out but that was nothing compared to what they found in his pants -- a pair of pygmy monkeys.
Now, I've had a few strange things in my pants before, but I have never had the...pleasure...of a few monkeys' intimate touch molesting my nether regions for an entire plane ride.
Asked by agents if he had anything else to tell them, Cusack responded:"Yes, I've got monkeys in my pants."
This man deserves a medal for that line. Or something.
Posted by adampsyche at December 19, 2002 09:19 PM"I have never had the...pleasure...of a few monkeys' intimate touch molesting my nether regions for an entire plane ride."
Apparently you've only flown coach.
Posted by: Crash on December 19, 2002 10:13 PMSeriously, folks! How can you top that? Kudos, Crash. The thread is dead.
Posted by: ColdChef on December 19, 2002 10:26 PMForget that. How frightened are we all of the fact that the mighty Crash now has his own blog?
Posted by: yhbc on December 19, 2002 10:39 PMThis is one of the most amazing things I ave ever seen.
(Kudos, Crash)
Oh yeah. And carrying monkeys in your pants is pretty damned cool, too.
Posted by: Ryan on December 20, 2002 09:04 AMwait a sec - there's no room in my pants for any monkeys...
*grins ferally*
Posted by: Unclefes on December 20, 2002 10:08 AMBesides, they'd eat the foil covered cucumber already in there.
Posted by: witchstone on December 20, 2002 10:15 AMEr, actually, a pair of honeydew melons and a number 2 pencil.
You know, in case I have to take a standardized test.
Posted by: Unclefes on December 20, 2002 10:31 AMButternut squash is totally the wrong shape.
So is crookneck.
And forget turban squash.
Go for the zucchini.
Potato is best actually the best.
But whatever fruit or vegetable you employ, be sure to place it in the front of your underpants. Putting it in the back has a whole other effect.
Posted by: jonmc on December 20, 2002 11:25 AMThe way that hand grips the squash is vaguely obscene.
Posted by: tizzie on December 20, 2002 01:19 PMOr, perhaps the man with the monkey-pants knows a bit about the butternut grip? (I wonder if those pants were those new mobile-pant-dockers with extra pockets for monkeys and PDAs and such.)
Posted by: kokogiak on December 20, 2002 02:00 PMWhy, thank you. They're 'mobile'... If you catch my drift.
Posted by: kokogiak on December 20, 2002 02:41 PMCrash, groovy logo thingies! And you get monkeys if you fly coach class? Man, and to think I've been avoiding airlines all this time...who knew you got monkeys? Which begs the question, what critter do you get in first class and can you put them in your pants?
Posted by: dejah420 on December 20, 2002 03:28 PMWait! EBK! Before you go, did you hear about the skit on Saturday Night Live where Al Gore played Trent Lott? Well, it was like this...
Posted by: tizzie on December 20, 2002 04:06 PM........not much to say but be carful with them Vegetables some may have be prickly....
Before I go get Durbnk with the boss'(were skipping the work party and playing pool).......
A Very Merry Christmas To All, And To All A GoodNight to all those that may be off from now untill Christmas.......Ho Ho ho....
........not much to say but be carful with them Vegetables some may have be prickly....
Before I go get Durbnk with the boss'(were skipping the work party and playing pool).......
A Very Merry Christmas To All, And To All A GoodNight to all those that may be off from now untill Christmas.......Ho Ho ho....
In your pants? 'Cause if you've got extra room in your pants, you could put a few monkeys in there. I hear it's nice.
Posted by: readymade on December 21, 2002 01:41 AMMust've been cargo pants.
Whee! The new drive is installed and the long national nightmare is over! God, if I'd had to watch another hour of basic cable I'd have ... I don't know ... done something constructive or something ...
Posted by: octobersurprise on December 21, 2002 09:30 PMI'm eating Rainbow Chip Vanilla Cake Frosting straight from the can with a spoon.
Just felt like sharing.
Posted by: jonmc on December 21, 2002 09:53 PMI can hear your arteries slamming shut all the way over here on the left coast.
Posted by: readymade on December 21, 2002 09:57 PMWell, it was either eat it, or smear it on my chest, put on Pips's underwear and go out in the backyard and bay at the moon.
Posted by: jonmc on December 21, 2002 10:06 PMYou could've smeared that frosting on the monkeys.
Damn, now they're sad.
GO SMEAR THOSE MONKEYS JON! IT'S YOUR CIVIC DUTY!
Posted by: roe on December 22, 2002 12:43 PMI've never fulfilled any civic duty in my life, and have no intentions of starting now. So get yer own...
Besides, I just found some strawberry Pocky which shall eat remaining frosting off of....
Posted by: jonmc on December 22, 2002 01:16 PMA note about posting images:
We encourage users to post images, especially those hilarous pics of monkeys
wearing dresses or programming for Linux. But posting images that reside on someone
else's server is considered by many to be bandwidth theft. Our thoughts
on the matter, along with some solutions to the problem, can be found
here. Thanks.
In an effort to help eliminate spam (and to preserve the sanity of the 9622 Volunteer Simian Spam-Cop Brigade) all threads older than 30 days will now be closed to comments.