9622.net

Almost every line in this article has 9622 tagline potential.

"...Homo sapiens, hairlessness notwithstanding, was still an ape and thought and behaved like one."

No kidding, eh?

"...the authors of the Science article concluded that some of them did indeed show signs of having taught each other stuff. They had learned how to masturbate with sticks, for example -- male and female alike -- and to make ritual ''raspberry'' noises at bedtime before scaling into their nests. They had also mastered the art of creating funny sounds by blowing into leaves, and of catching rides in Robert Frost fashion, by swinging on bent-over tree snags..."

I think I was actually at that party. Good times, good times...

Was it your birthday party, chico?

Those cupcakes look mighty fine.

mmmmmmmmmmaybe.

I was going to post the pics of everyone masturbating with sticks, Robert Frost style, but really, you kind of had to be there.

(What do they mean by 'Robert Frost fashion,' anyway? I'm imagining orangutans in lumberjackets, taking the road less traveled, with miles to go before they sleep.)

"...man prides himself on having the biggest brain of all the primates...but attempts to conceal the fact that he also has the biggest penis."

Yeah, if by "conceal" what's actually meant is "show anyone, anywhere, at any time (especially after having a few drinks, and who cares that it's a wedding reception, anyway? So the bride's mother fainted, it's probably because she's never seen one quite that thick, right?)".

(Off topic : I've made a template change, which, as you may have noticed, gives us permalinks for indidual comments. And there was much rejoicing! The server crapped out midway through the Rebuild, though, so older threads may not have been updated.

An interesting side-effect is to be able to note that the most recent comment by Chico, above, was #31749. We do go on, don't we? I got dibs on #32000!)

Dude, 9622 looks great in this RSS feed app. Too bad the comments don't come through.

The only problem that I can see is that in the recent comments box, it goes to the last comment in the thread. Which is great if you've been following the thread for a while, but it's gonna be tough for those 100+ comment threads that one might miss out on, say, when you get up to grab a beer. Or sleep.

Not that I ever do that.

AAAHHHHH!!! What happened to all the threads!!!! Now how the hell will I have ANY fookin' idea what threads are active?????!!!!!!

* ahem *

Kindly register One (1) vote against (contra) the new sidebar display (but in favor (pro) being able to permalink individual comments).

Than kew.

And, after posting, what readymade said.

Yeah, I like that.

Right. Ix-nay on the inkage-lay.

AAAHHHHH!!! What happened to all the threads!!!! Now how the hell will I have ANY fookin' idea what threads are active?????!!!!!!

Silly Commissioner : the new sidebar comments tracker works in precisely the same way. It just adds the info about who posted and a link to the newest comment. Panic not.

I would think that a link to the most recent comment made in a thread would be an enhancement - after all, that's the only one you haven't read, probably - but it's cool - I'll change it back to a vanilla link to the thread itself.

Picky buggers, you lot.

Heh.

Stavros, while you're at it, I'd like a pony.

Just a small one, say, only big enough for a year-old bonobo to ride. Nothing fancy.

Oh, and he has to eat only creamed corn and must also shit chocolate bars.

Ah. A plain vanilla pony. Thank you.

Anyone got a cigarette on them, by the way?

On third thought, I realize that the Commish was absolutely right about the 'lots of recently commented threads' thing, and hereby promise not to fiddlefuck around in future until I've thought things through. Sorry.

Please credit readymade with the thoughtful observation; I only went apeshit with it to get your attention.

w00t, w00t, w00t, say I!

As a compromise, hovering your mouse over the comment link on the main page will now tell you who made the most recent comment, and when...

And, just like that *poof* back to normal.

Was it all a dream? Was it?

ps: I love what the little balloon says. Bless you Brother Stav. Bless you.

Glazed pecans and Haffenreffer Private Stock complement eachother very well.

Haffenreffer Private Stock

Dunno what that is, but it sounds delightfully boozy. Needs more Bugs Bunny voice, though.

"I shoulda taken a left toin at Haffenreffer."

Most recent poo flung by is the perfect mouse-over. Thank you, stav.

HPS would be this, which I am pouring down my neck. There's also this which I poured down my neck earlier.

All couretsy of this wunnnerful collection of artifacts.

I've wondered about this for some time : 'malt liquor' is just a hoity-toity name for beer, right? Or is it something more magically delicious? This whole '40 ounces of malt liquor' hiphop flipflop dosey-do stuff is familiar, pop-culturally, but I've never really understood the details...

Malt liquor is cheap ass(usually $2 a 40 or less) beer with a higher than average alcohol content. LIke MD 20/20 is to wine this shit is to beer. It aint great but it'll getcha there.

Beacuse of this, it is popular with poor folks, doorway drunks, teenagers and those who dislike going to the fridge for a beer every 5 minutes.

Basically, it's that malt liquor is cheap, even when compared to beer. Think "Thunderbird" and compare that to wine.

It's also stronger, which only emphasizes the ineveitable ghetto-ization. But yeah, it's basically beer, but with a black, inner-city, bad-ass pimp cachet.

Damn, jon. We need to edit each other's stuff better.

According to The Straight Dope, the difference between beer and malt liquor is one of brewing style, reflected in a slightly different taste and alcohol content.

Malt liquor gives me way wickeder hangovers than beer. (That's no disqualifier, I'm just saying.)

Stav, do all of us collectively answer your question?

There's also the phenomemon of ghetto soda. Live in a down at the heels city for a while you learn all this shit.

Thank you, monkey brothers. I am now very thirsty, but better informed, which can't be bad.

I suspect Korean beer, which is basically kinda nasty, highly carbonated lager, and is very high in alcohol content (subjective observation after my holiday in Canada, no stats to back that up) is much like this malt liquor of which you speak.

But how does it compare with this?

Note: When it says the 5 liter box contains 34 servings, they're lying. Of course, my entire "glassware" collection is actually plastic Super Big Gulp cups, so the serving size may vary somewhat from the recommended portion.

my entire "glassware" collection is actually plastic Super Big Gulp cups

Wait JUST a doggone minute here. I could have sworn I had sent you a perfectly good drinking vessel at one point or another.

Yum!

well, sod it all, nobody else seems to be around, and I'm ready to pass out so:

Your blouse, your skirt, I'll undo them so gently with beautiful care, I'm a lonely man with five bottles of wine and I'd like you share

good night all.

And, just for lupo:

fuck ashcroft!

"Wait JUST a doggone minute here. I could have sworn I had sent you a perfectly good drinking vessel at one point or another."

Technically that's true, except for the fact that your stoneware gift currently occupies a place of honor in the china hutch in the living room (on the shelf next to my Wilt Chamberlain autograph, just below the Diamondbacks World Series pennant, above the home run ball I hit in the 1978 Northern Utah All-Star Game), and no lips have yet touched its rim.

Well, all righty then.

And, just for lupo:

fuck ashcroft!

aw, shucks. you guys are too good to me.

Can we say, "Fuck Rumsfeld!" too? Or Fleischer?

They bring bile to my throat.

I made known my opinion of Fleischer some time ago:

"Ari Fleischer is not the White House Press Secretary. He is the Minister of Information. He stares into the face of the American people and tells lie after lie after lie. Not the harmless little white lies that are the stock and trade of Washington politics. Great big insulting bald-faced lies.

He is a miserable little weasel. A cockroach. A mealy-mouthed worm. A swollen pus-filled blister on the ass of this country. A turd.

He is a rat-faced, smarmy little goon. A puddle of filth. An asshole, a dickwad and a jerk.

He sucks."

You don't like him, do you?

C'mon, tell us what you really think of him!

ba-dump *tish*

Can we get a quorum here? Jon and I reckon that Lupo might have not care for Ari much...anyone?

(I'd say fuck him in the eye with...well the rest, but y2karl'd kick me in the ass again)

Apropos of absolutely bugger-all, the first and last time I ever had my ass well and truly kicked, with a big clodhopper of a boot, was when I was like 12 years old and I used to knock the living shit out of this one pinball machine that would rain quarters out of a hole in the fiberboard bottom of it. I was merry bashing away at it one fine summer day when the arcade owner guy, usually missing in action as the arcade was in the same building as 'The Zoo,' the only bar in my hometown, and even without the walleye was usually too stinkeroo to see straight, walked into the place in my blind spot and unceremoniously gave me a Very Large Kick in The Ass.

Listen, Ari and I just have a difference of opinion. It's nothing personal.

My difference of opinion with El Presidente & Co. is getting wider and deeper by the day. It started out as the Grand Canyon, and is now the Pacific Ocean. I'm running out of comparisons on this planet, and soon will have to go cosmic.

Wha...? Did someone call for me?

Lately, I cannot look back across the pond at the country of my birth without shuddering. What astounds me even more is the number of fellow countrymen who pass through my place of employment expressing the same dissatisfaction with the current regime ensconsed on Capital Hill. How much more dessicration of the Constitution will it take before we boot their asses out?

Hello monkey folks - Just dropping by to say HI and that I'm still a-lurking, and am much entertained. Folks around the house of kokogiak are anxiously awaiting a brand new baby (simian or otherwise). He or she is due to arrive on this planet on Thursday (yes, that's two days from now). Yes, we are strange, and have decided to deliberately not be told the gender of our child until it comes whole into this world and can self-announce. My brain is agog, my wife is weary. I'll post more later - and don't think for a minute any of my little ones will be visiting this place. I mean, they're kids fer chrissake.

I went to Miguel's website and did a little Google translating to see if the people who are posting there know where he is.

From what I could decipher, they are up in arms and plotting to kill and eat the polar bear in the picture that has been on his front page since December.

Excerpt: "Polar bear in the grate! ... I line up in the exotic barbecue."

They grow restless, Miguel's minions....

Congrats, kokogiak! Let us know when the young 'un arrives.

(not because we want to add it to the exotic barbecue! Oh, no! Not us!)

Great news, Kokogiak!

Man, a lot of new simians this year. Good work monkeys! We must make more of us to fling poo, hate Rumsfeld and Co., learn the importance of slacking, and take the keys to our autos when we tell them not to.

I guess that last one comes later.

Congrats, koko(like the ape!)giak. Love to the monkey wife!

We must make more of us to fling poo, hate Rumsfeld and Co., learn the importance of slacking, and take the keys to our autos when we tell them not to.

So it's our civic duty? Let the orgies begin!

Congrats Koko G. Iak!

excellent. I say.

that was a great idea, tizzie. here's a brief exchange i came across on Mig's site:
--------------------
LELLOMARMELO: To the some days that I come and nothing of new (taking off the commentaries of the patilhentos that collaborates here) the Dr. here it is to leave to die the Tablets that for what I read in the ínicio work very gave to place on-line of new, and where it is this great newness? Expensive Dr. we go to give life to the site! LelloMarmelo

ZAZIE: Marmello... who think you that paid this everything to play? Miguel comes back when to want and will be able, this now, luck we have to have the site to the tassel and people to work we and to bring up to date all weekly the information! He sees if you collaborate in the forum, ok? You cover with kisses and many fofinhos homesicknesses and little kisses for Miguel! Zazie

MARADONA: E does not have more colloquy... "when to want and it will be able", it said the Zazie and very well. Who "to want and will be able better" of the one than it sees, pass for the open areas to the participation of all and contributes with its wisdom. Ai, ai, ai..... One I hug maradona PS: I do not have nothing to see with the Doctor, the site or the company who at this moment support it; but I benefit and I participate. PS1: also I do not have nothing to see with Fifth of the Falagueria, the Coutinhos Pear trees or the Captain Johnson. PS2: high and I am musculado.
-------------------------

I love that they call Miguel "The Doctor"

9622.net: : high and I am musculado.

You cover with kisses and many fofinhos homesicknesses and little kisses for Miguel!

I bet those many fofinhos make Miguel feel just swell.

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