9622.net

I am not making this up. In today's obituaries were:
Earline
Velma
Jewell
Hallie
Hazel
Earl
James, who was a member of the band 'Sleepy Jim and the Barn Owls'
Howdy
Gertrude, who named her sons Buddy, Junior, and Wilbert

I think a need a trip to a Big City soon, before my sophistication levels bottom out.

If there's any spare culture out there, please send a little my way.

What's the bar exam like there?

I didn't know you were in Kentucky, tiz.

Didn't you hear about her taking me out on the town of Earlenger, Kentucky (or something like that). We tossed a couple of brewskis back.

Next time, we're going to the wrassling bar.

yes, I've been here a good long time, too.

Here I am, making fun, and a quick search in response to your question turns up that "Graduates from Northern Kentucky University's law school scored significantly higher than their counterparts from Ohio in the most recent Ohio Bar Examination."

That's kinda impressive!

I was afraid they'd start wrasslin' over you, little missy.

Howdy?

I'm afraid that if I drive to, say, Detroit this year, someone is going to set my car on fire just because of that license plate.

Hey, Kentucky gave us bluegrass music, Larry Flynt, and good college hoops. Believe me, taht's more culture than CT has, where the an alarming number of citizens is named Blair or Tiffany or something equally inspired. How I wound up here I don't know. I'm convinced that my real parents were hard living poet-rock musicians living on Avenue C and the children got switched at birth or alternately that I was said Lower East Side rock and roller in a previous life and am being punished for something I did then..

I'm afraid that if I drive to, say, Detroit this year, someone is going to set my car on fire just because of that license plate.

There is a very high probability that would happen. And if it did, there's an even higher probability that the perpetrator would be tj.

Actually, tiz from what I've heard a lotta midwestern cities are fulla transplanted Kentuckians. Chicago has a neighboorhood called Uptown which, if my info is correct, is predominately Appalachian migrants.

Actually, tiz from what I've heard a lotta midwestern cities are fulla transplanted Kentuckians. Chicago has a neighboorhood called Uptown which, if my info is correct, is predominately Appalachian migrants.

And Your Bird Can Sing dammit!!

You're right, jon. You win at the 9622.net my-state-has-less-culture-than-your-state contest.

I agree with you on the bluegrass music, jonmc.

I went to see Bill Monroe play in a school gymnasium about 1980, down in Augusta. And there were NO hipsters in that crowd, trust me.

Do not blaspheme Connecticut, Mr. MC. 'Twas Eugene O'Neill's stomping grounds, one of the greatest playwrights to grace our fair country.

Witchy, of course, lives in NYC, like all sane for CT residents...

Former not 'for'. The bad air quality in CT has stunted my punctuation skills.

I don't know what that means.

There are other advantages, of course. Like dinner at the Stearns Diner in Stearns, Kentucky, where you can have a half-a-fried chicken dinner with mashed potatoes, green beans and ham, and biscuits, and get change back from a $5.

Yeah, but you have to put up with the lynchings.

Then there's that article Bobbie Anne Mason wrote for the New Yorker about how people in Kentucky get Mad Cow Disease from eating squirrel brains. That did a lot for our image.

Not that Detroiters need a reason to set things on fire.

Be warned Tizzie that culture, at least in my neck of the 'hoods, comes with a $41 hamburger.

Incidentally...are these the worst bunch of monkeys ever? I'm not so sure.

"What's the bar exam like there?"

If you can kill one when you're only three, they have to write a song about you.

Yeah, I did know about the tiz/stone conference. I forgot.

crash, I was biting my tongue on that question, but you knew the proper cultural reference. Good 'un.

How could you guys talk about kentucky. any other state, but kentucky? are you trying to upset me? Tizzie, I thought we were friends.

Kentucky people pretend to be nice and then they tear your heart to pieces. dash your heart with the bourbon.

Yeah, Tizzie, you're not allowed to talk about your home anymore.

that's exactly what i was trying to say, thanks witchstone.

I think states in general should be off-limits. Provinces, counties, even principalities are fine. But no states.

Not even New Jersey? But, there's so much to say!

As long as we can talk about Detroit. Detroit has much to talk about. Red Wings, Greektown, crime, Noir Leather, Royal Oak, snow...

I second jpos idea.

(I love it when people do that in meetings...)

Can we get a quorum?

I always wanted a quorum.

GAH! I could peacefully live my life never hearing the word quorum again, since it factors hugely in the Mormon Religion. Quorum this, quorum that, no women allowed, etc. etc. ad nausem.

So, no states and no quorums.

Anything else?

I think states in general should be off-limits.

What about drunken states? catatonic states? states of confusion? orgasmic states, even?

Actually, Kentucky is a commonwealth, not a state. So there goes that idea, right out the window.

And no, I have no idea what difference it makes.

"At the About.com: Lawyers site, we learned that there are four commonwealths in the United States: Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Kentucky.

The difference between these commonwealths and the other 46 states is in name alone -- they elected to call themselves commonwealths, a term drawn from political theory. The About.com lawyer assured us that, legally, there is no difference between a state and these four commonwealths."

Well, that's why I never knew.

it's pretty exciting that it's a commonwealth.

Ok names, we can diss on them.
Jewell Hallie

These are current names you would find in a big city, Tiz.

Earl & Earline oh boy now I know for a girl.

Ever met a boy named Daniel spelt Danyell?

I've caught catfish and shot at feral dogs in Kentucky! In the same day!

Ah, good times...

*reverie*

I read the obits daily and am amazed by the names. When I write my Great Novel, I'm sure a family with three brothers named Buddy, Junior, and Wilbert will show up somewhere.

They don't sound too cosmopolitan to me, TCS.

Buried someone I hated there, too. Different day, though. A man mixes his pleasures like that, it never goes well.

how about; Hunter, Codie, Brazen or Taylor four lil tikes I know.

Brazen??

As in, Hussy?

A woman I know has gone nuts with "ees". She has a Baylee, a Britnee, and a Johnee.

Yes, Johnee.

She needs to be put over my knee and paddled until she squeels.

But no nny?

I hear Oakland, CA is nice this time of year.

Brazen?? add a d and subtract a z, my bad..I was on a quickie break. Braden(how it sounds)...but Brazen sounds a lot better than: hi Braden, your name is so smart sounding, getting straight A's on the report card, huh kido?

Tizzie, I was all set to chime in and say that you make my lovely state of Ohio sound downright cosmopolitan - and then I saw it...

"Graduates from Northern Kentucky University's law school scored significantly higher than their counterparts from Ohio in the most recent Ohio Bar Examination."

Now them's fightin' words.

Heh, don't shoot the messenger.

For my own edification, I'd love to try grilled spam. 'Never had it before, and it sounds...well, spongy and pink. Maybe even yummy. Has anyone here ever tried this delicasy?

I've had grilled Spam, but it was back in my youth and I've buried it so deep within my subconscious that it would take a trained hypnotherapist to coax it out.

hey adam, that vasquez feller seems familiar...is that the guy that draws "filler bunny"?

delicacy?

Mmmmm.....marshmallowy meatsteaks!

9622: Spam-on-the-Barbie Eatin' Crackwhores

9622: Who needs hypnotherapy anyway?

*flings yoghurt*

9622: decapitate my tofu statue

Back in the food stamp days of my youth, we ate grilled spam sandwiches quite a bit (alas, this was pan-grilled, though, not fancy bar-b-que or anything). I see now why I don't eat mammal any more. But I liked it all the time. Hint if you try it: toast the bread too.

Grilled Spam is a lot like eating a breaded salt shaker. Only chewier.

We weren't big on spam in my house. We had lots of Underwood Deviled Ham and Velveeta, which is especially odd, figuring my italian mother would consider it an insult to the good name of cheese.

Don't leave out Vienna Sausages. Only at my house they were called "Vi-eeee-ner" sausages.

Wow, an Italian mamma serving Velveeta does sound downright blasphemous- and then again, my Italian grandmother always made corned beef and cabbage on St. Patty's Day.

Best part of spam? The clear, petroleum-jelly-like coating.

*gack*
I may never eat again.

Well, oddly enough, my mom was not the greatest cook in the world, lotsa what you'd call suburban cuisine, meatloaf, pork chops, if she was feeling particularly jaunty hamburger stroganoff made with campbell's soup.

Nonna, that's another story, she made some badass gnocchi.

This is why I will never have children: so they can't complain about my lack of cooking skills on random websites 30 years down the road.

Well that, and the fact that I hate their wee little bodies.

Mine were more timely in their complaints.

My eldest once asked the neighbors through the backyard fence if he could have what they were having for dinner, since his mom only made him a cheese sandwich.

For this, we go through labor and delivery.

Yeah, I'm a bad son. It's on the list.

But ufez, spam ain't mammal, at least not anymore ... or at least not any more than petroleum is still dinosaurs, is it?

My Italian grandmother (does everyone here have one? Who knew?) does not generally bring spam into her house or on her table. Not cos she's a snob or anything, but because instead she spends a whole day making these blocks of greasy polenta the size and shape of sofabeds and plops them on my plate the minute I walk through the door.

I love my grandma. I'm famished now. Tha-anks.

Best part of spam? The clear, petroleum-jelly-like coating.

I love the scene in "Mother" when Debbie Reynolds scrapes the "protective layer" of ice off of the top of the ice cream that's been sitting in the freezer for months.

History of Spam.

Wife: Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in
it.
Wife: I don't want ANY spam!
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?
Wife: THAT'S got spam in it!
Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam (crescendo through next few lines)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon
spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife (shrieks): I don't like spam!
Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it.
I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam
spam and spam!
Vikings (singing): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.

If you say the word "spam" it's starts to sound like a song.

Spam-Spam, Spam Sham-a-lam.

Oh, dear I just sang 'Wig Wam Bam'

I'm losin' it.

I'm losin' it.

Present tense, jon?

And wat's wong with Wig Wam Bam, anyway? I Wuv that widdle song.

Ah likes me sum Spay-um!!!

My god I'm a tourist!

the "protective layer" of ice off of the top of the ice cream that's been sitting in the freezer for months.

This is a sign for all sweet tooths: you know your not going to find any goodies in the frig...give up and go on a munchie run. Even if it's 3am.

Went to the Spam Jam festival in Austin, MN some years back. Most-disgusting activity they featured: a game for kids in which they'd chuck a golf ball into a vat of that gelatin stuff and the kid would root around in there until they found the ball and pulled it out.

Nothing like seeing packs of children on a hot summer day, sleeves rolled up, arms coated in clear gelatin.

that spam festival is vile

*secretly hopes that mention of austin will bring out coldchef.*

give up and go on a munchie run. Even if it's 3am.

Well, if thomcat sez so..

**wanders out to drive way, remebers he lives in the boonies where nothing is open, passes out facedown drunk in the frontyard,is devoured by stray dogs**

Why, God, Why?

*shakes fist at heavenly bodies*

Well you can't really blame the dogs, miss readymade, a lifetime of sugar, cholesterol, alcohlol, and various [ahem,/i>] other chemicals made my flesh especially tender and tasty, sort of a canine equivalent of deepfried jalpeno garlic sausage covered in marshmallow sauce and served with bourbon and a pabst chaser. So let the pups have there fun...

one of the difficulties of purgatory is that it's a bitch to close tags

I saw this about Kentucky last night. Now I know more about the state other than its race horses.

A note about posting images:

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In an effort to help eliminate spam (and to preserve the sanity of the 9622 Volunteer Simian Spam-Cop Brigade) all threads older than 30 days will now be closed to comments.

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