9622.net

It could be worse. It could be much, much worse.

Save us an aisle seat, Brittney.

Yay, hooray! Brittney with a by-line! That's excellent, chica.

Wow. Super-cool.

You'll have to become a reviewer for some sycophantic and tiny movie mag like THE HOLLYWOOD MINUTE so you can have your quote in a TV ad in huge type and where it came from in teeny type.

That's what I would do.

So they can quote part of what you say, like "I was delighted..." (to leave the theatre) or "It moved me..." (straight to the exit door).

I loved the review in the Dallas Observer:

Oh, let's throw down. 10 Days is utterly implausible, since even the toughest hussy would do a 180 on her pointy little heel if her dumb hunk were inconsiderate enough to listen to UB40. Further butchering credibility, production designer Therese DePrez creates for Ben not a man's apartment but a female fantasy of a man's apartment (hint, honey: no straight single man has a pedestal sink). Even Andie's abrupt shift to "vegetarianism" (immediately after wolfing down lobster) is hijacked directly from Naomi Watts' hypocrisy in David Baer's hilarious and informative short film, "Never Date an Actress." All in all, the only lesson here is how to irritate. This is a stupid movie for stupid people. If you're a stupid person, knock yourself out.

Please.

That said, kick ass and take names, britt. Congrats. If I had my 9622.net frosted beer mug™ in yet, I'd raise it to you.

I loved it when the movie finally ended.

It's incredible that crap like this gets released.

The director must have had Two Thumbs Up his ass when he made this.

Fun for the whole family if their idea of fun includes projectile vomiting.

whoops. that "please" should've been in italics as well. oh fiddlefucks.

First of all, YAY!

Secondly, though, this is a small assignment, 500 words or less, that may or may not run. Just so ya know.

Finally, YAY!

(Thanks, ya'll rule.)

P.S. Off to see it now. Got my lighted pen securely in back pocket. And popcorn money.

I review movies for my older brother's book(VideoHound's Golden Movie Retriever), and I would much rather review a bad movie than a good one. It's no fun being nice.

My best lines are always cut out in the interest of good taste, however. For instance, this one from my review of "Spice World:"

"The Spice Girls then rush to their sold-out performance at a famous London concert venue. Now we know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall."

My latest batch has a comment about Seagal's movie "Half Past Dead" intimating that his biggest fight was with the buffet table.

Way to go brittney.

Please do share with us, the review.

Don't care what the rest have said above, will wait to hear it from our New overlordmoviecritic.

PS, just don't go bald on us, pretty please.

On the other hand, Tom Ridge, Secretary of Homeland Security, following a lead from dong_resin's office, is now safely behind bars.

The only problem is he won't stop muttering something about "reasonable excuses".

I cannot comment on anything. I am still dumbfounded at the choice of illustration at the top of this thread. Dr. Resin has been chewin' on toads again.

That's from "Life of Brian", you philistine!

or is it the Holy Grail?

I think it was from "Brian's Song," actually.

Possibly from the Brian Bosworth magnum opus "Cold Steel"?

It ain't the Holy Grail.

it's only a cute lit'l bunnay....

Or maybe the magnum opus "What Would Brian Boitano Do?" in South Park, the Movie.

How 'bout I bogart your cool word "magnum opus" to make me look all smarty-pants?

How 'bout that? 'Cause copyin' people makes you look clever and um, clever.

Magnum Opus: Ill conceived collaboration between Clint Eastwood and Berke Breathed. Straight to video.

Magnum's Opus: Tom Selleck and Richard Dreyfuss in a laugh-a-minute comedy about a private investigator and a music teacher who team up to fight crime with their loveable dog, Foodles. Watch as the two fight sinister criminals...and...uh...

Screw it, Kafka's was funnier. :) Points to you.

I'll have enough for the Foreman Grill in no time!

9622.net: 'Cause copyin' people makes you look clever and um, clever.

9622.net: 'Cause copyin' people makes you look clever and um, clever.

That movie sucked ass.

you may need to elaborate on that.

I'd pad that a little, Britt.
They give you a word count?

damn you, tj.

No one said I had to explain myself. Can't I just curse and shit a lot, like I so on muh blog? People seem to love that.

No one said I had to explain myself. Can't I just curse and shit a lot, like I so on muh blog? People seem to love that.

(Well, they do.)

Yay Brit! Go with your bad writing self! :)

After proofreading my double-post, I realized "curse and shit a lot" should read "curse a lot and shit."

'Cause "curse and shit a lot" is something exponentially different, and messy and niche porn, so, come to think of it, perhaps that is the route to take.

There's money in that. Do you know how much journalists make?

They make nothing.

Me, I curse a lot and shit. For free, too!

You really should start charging. I hear there's a market.

Chicken excrement makes great fertilizer.

Do you know how much journalists make?

It's usually about 60% of what you need to survive, depending on the cost of living in your area. When I left print journalism, I had a BA, 5 years experience at three different publications (from street reporter to rewrites to editor), two of those as news director (top spot in the newsroom, hiring and firing, budget, etc), and I was pulling down just *under* 20 grand. No benefits. 70 hour work week. But it was a smoking office, and I got $50 a month under the table cash for gas. Kept a bottle of Gordon's Vodka in the bottom drawer of my desk. and by way of mentoring I would often tell my reporters to "...get the f**k out there! You can't cover a g****mn story from f**king mohogany ridge, you a**hole! [pause] And take a f**king shooter with you! Pictures sell motherf**king papers, you dips**t!" Then I would pop two Mylanta chewables for my ulcer and light a Marlboro. Lou F**king Grant, baby.

Congratulations, dollface. *gnaws cigar stump*

My story is similar to Fes's. I was one of three editors at a monthly, nationally-distrubted music magazine, personally wrote about 20% of it each month, and made a whopping $19,950. After two years they gave me a raise--a whole $100 a year. My boss explained that they weren't gonna give me a raise at all (no one got them) but he was embarrassed that I was working for under $20K.

$20,050?? You are SO lucky!

*seethes with jealousy*

Hey, brittney, here's some good quotes for your piece:

"I would rather pack my rectum full of M-80s and squat over a flaming hibachi than see this movie."

"I'd rather play 'Spin the Plunger' with a New York City cop than see this film."

"I'd rather wear Sally Jesse Raphael's panties as a ski mask than see this movie."

"I would rather have a circle jerk with my dad and grandpa than see this flaming turd of a movie." (This one probably wouldn't work for you unless you're hoping to use a male nom de plume).

(note: to avoid plagarism charges, you might have to give some credit to Adam Carolla and Jimmy Kimmel)

he was embarrassed that I was working for under $20K.

That, and he got wind of the Emancipation Proclamation.

haven't you heard of female ejaculation?

brittney - you rock.

Dude I didn't break the $20K/year barrier till I was 28. I'm hoping to crack the $30k by age 40. Shouldn't be too difficult if lack of education, skills and congeniality don't mean anything.

To Dream...The Impossible Dream....

Just move to California. You can make 40 grand easy, but it'll only be worth 20 grand.

And in NYC it's worth 5 dude.

I think we should start a commune.

If we pooled our talents and our assets, we'd have a ... bunch of talented monkeys with no assets. That would be so cool.

You communist.

That's me, Tizzie the Pinko.

I'm forming my own political party: The Guilty Party, because generally speaking I'm guilty as charged.

And in NYC it's worth 5 dude.

I would guess it's about the same, actually.

That movie sucked ass.

Well good morning/noon to you all,

Now because this movie looked dumb assed(keeping with the theme)I'd take it, sucked ass is not like saying that movie was sick...in a good way. The first time too, I thought Kate looked like Goldie.

9622.net:If we pooled our talents and our assets, we'd have a ... bunch of talented monkeys with no assets.

Dude. Seriously. What the heck are you talking about?

I'm eating fresh salmon with mozzarella and balsamic vinegar on a baguette with a vanilla capuccino.

I feel a little strange.

Someone is posing as Jon!

A Pod Person!!!!!!

Hey, it may be fancy but it ain't healthy or anything. And it was tasty, plus it was made by a genuine Frenchman, or maybe he was just a really convincing French major from Bensonhurst, who the hell knows?

I have a stuffy nose.

That is all.

Liquid Plumr works like a charm.

That salmon probably had more nutrients in it than you've eaten in a month. If you start feeling faint, be sure to have a Snickerdoodle and some Twizzlers lined up, just in case.

I have nowhere else to write this: I just realized today how stealthily cute Hello Kitty is. I mean, it just sneaks up on you when you least expect it.

Dude. Seriously. What the heck are you talking about?

Oh, kaf I'm 12 hours behind in hearing the review to the thread. Want to make sure sucked ass is not some new line for, it was great go see it. Like the word sick being used now-a-days.

Kaf is one totally sick dude;P

Ps, Jon what gives, your menu: are you feeling sick today?

Hey-I got a tentative offer on a job today. Two days a week to start with the possibility of more if I want it. (Which at the moment I don't.)

A bunny with some money. Now there's a thought.

Speaking of dinero, I was in an office supply store with a friend today-they have special printer paper there that you can use to iron on a t-shirt or other article of clothing. In other words, make your own monkey shirt.

I'm just sayin'.

witchy: You'd never guess it, but the donger uses a lil skipping Hello Kitty as his AIM icon sometimes.

Other times it is naked boobs.

9622: Other times it is naked boobs.

I have a Hello Kitty toothbrush and a Hello Kitty gumball machine.

My husband frowns on my Hello Kitty items, but he liked it when I told him about a dream I had where my secretary and I were little girls dressed in matching Hello Kitty swimsuits, playing a naughty game.

Hello Kitty, I wish I had that market. Big in the early 80's with the little rich girls I knew. The more HK crap they had the more mo-money they had too. But HK has to be doing quite well being it has become ageless.

Tinker-bell products & Disney have nothing on HK.
Why didn't someone tell me to invest in HK. I would have listened to the girls...I do have to now.

Okay.

I've only written the lead and the second sentence. I'm pressing onward but fear my opening may be a bit too wordy and disjointed.

Opinions, criticism, editing notes and other constructive comments greatly appreciated.

“How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” is so boringly average and under whelming in nearly every facet that it may function more successfully as a tutorial for studios on how to lose a viewer in under ten minutes. Director Donald Petrie (whose resume includes such lackluster flicks as “Miss Congeniality” and the faint recollection that is the Whoopi Goldberg vehicle “The Associate”) dares not stray from formula in his newest, feeble effort, a romantic comedy that thoroughly blunders both the romantic and the comedy aspects of the over-saturated genre.

Hello Leows? Yes, 2 tickets to How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, please!

Hello Leows not to be confused with Hello Kitty.

Shit, it's Loews anyway. Just forget I said anything.

*crawls back under rock*

How's this?

The movie “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” may function more successfully as a film tutorial on how to lose a viewer in under ten minutes.

(I'm so sorry-I have been the edited one but never the editor-feel free to spit at me.)

I think the rest is fine.

Revised lead paragraph:

“How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” is so boringly average and under whelming in nearly every facet that it may function more successfully as a tutorial for studios on how to lose a viewer in under ten minutes than as actual entertainment. Director Donald Petrie (whose resume includes such lackluster flicks as “Miss Congeniality” and the faint recollection that is the Whoopi Goldberg vehicle “The Associate”) dares not stray from formula in his newest, feeble effort--a romantic comedy that thoroughly blunders both the romantic and the comedy aspects of the over-saturated genre. His two leads, the luminous Kate Hudson and the hopelessly down-home Matthew McConaughey, valiantly try to act their way out of this clichéd inanity but they fail to do so, remaining mired in the mediocrity.

(If my posting this shit is annoying, or otherwise unwelcome, just say the word. It's just I'm nervous as all get out about turning in an at least decent review.)

A little Over The Top scathing for a first review I think (Although the arm wrestling film Over the Top may compare with it favorably). Maybe tone it down a little bit.

like:
“How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” is so boringly average and under whelming in nearly every facet that it may function more successfully as a tutorial for studios on how to lose a viewer in under ten minutes.

could be:
“How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” is so underwhelming that it may function more successfully as "how to lose a viewer in 10 minutes".

And my wife has a Hello Kitty toilet seat cover, so I know what I'm talking about. But hell, just write from your heart, kiddo.

I'm pretty sure underwhelming is one word.

Consider this:

"How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days has brought the word 'bad' to new levels of badness. Bad acting. Bad effects. Bad everything. This bad film just oozed rottenness from every bad scene. Simply bad beyond all infinite dimensions of possible badness. Well maybe not that bad, but lord it wasn't good. "

Or, you know, what Funkybier said.

on preview:

clichéd inanity

No offense, but it sounds a little self-satisfied to me.

God, you are right.

Okay. Time to rethink the vitriol. I'm all amped on coffee and twitching a bit I'm so nervous.

Good call. Major re-edit underway.

But, seriously. It was real, real awful.

Crash, that was Bloom County, right?

Or you could just go with "Shit Sandwich". My personal fave.

Well, look at it this way. You have saved all of us from having to discover for ourselves how bad this movie is. You're our hero.

My advice is to carve it up if it's that bad. The editor will clean up the blood if you go overboard.

Thing is it isn't painful. Just so maddeningly average that itis completely joyless.

"Crash, that was Bloom County, right?"

Indeed. Well met.

"Thing is it isn't painful. Just so maddeningly average that it is completely joyless."

That needs to find its way into the closing paragraph.

But, seriously. It was real, real awful.

There you go, tell it like it is. Where did they get the title, How to loose a guy in 10 days, from, a line in a scene. Is there some catch phrase that is similar to this?

How to loose a guy in 10 days
Take him to this movie and it will be one date, not even a day.....use some lame line from the movie. It will come to you, you have been chosen.

Hey, give it a great review and we will not only see your writing in print but hear it next week when it hits the video-rental-stores.

Indeed. Well met.

I was really surprised when once I made a "Man, them Samoans are a surly bunch" reference and someone immediately said "Bloom County".

Wow. I just got the error for the first time in a looooong and winding road.

Alrighty. I've written three paragraphs and need a break. I'm finding the monkey critiques very helpful. I'll post what I've got here, and if you got the inclination, tell me if it sucks:

“How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” is so underwhelming that it may function more successfully as a tutorial on how to lose a viewer in under ten minutes. Director Donald Petrie (whose resume includes such lackluster flicks as “Miss Congeniality” and the faint recollection that is the Whoopi Goldberg vehicle “The Associate”) dares not stray from formula in his newest, feeble effort--a romantic comedy that blunders both the romantic and the comedy aspects of the over-saturated genre. His two leads, the luminous Kate Hudson and the hopelessly down-home Matthew McConaughey, valiantly try to act their way out of the mediocrity, but they fail to do so, and instead become marooned in it.

The film’s paramount flaw is its preposterous premise. Andie (Kate Hudson) is the “How-To girl” at Composure magazine, the fastest-rising women’s fashion rag in the country. A Columbia-educated journalist, Andie, who longs to write about politics, religion, foreign policy—things she really cares about—is assigned only a column in which she reveals ten ways to avoid exposing your thong while wearing low-rider pants and other such banalities. She pitches the story idea responsible for the title of the movie to her Helen Gurley Brown-esque (but younger) editor, Lana (an under-used Bebe Neuwirth), who encourages her to find a man, then become as clingy, desperate and and insecure as possible to illustrate how to do it all wrong.

That man is Ben (Matthew McConaughey), an advertising executive who attempts to nab a diamond account from his smolderingly sexy (and pencil-thin) female competitors by convincing his boss that by his ability to make any woman fall in love with him inside ten days means he understands women, and therefore, diamonds. This is the kind of stereotypical, perhaps sexist, shallow logic that permeates the entire piece, and when, implausibly, Andie and Ben choose one another for their ridiculous rouses, the viewer is made aware they are going to have to actively exercise their suspension of disbelief.

I'm uncomfortable with the use of "blunders" as a verb in paragraph one. "Botches" may be a better choice.

"Preposterous premise" is nice.

I think you mean "ruses" in paragraph 3.

formula in his newest,... His two leads, the luminous Kate Hudson and the hopelessly down-home Matthew McConaughey,

I wonder if they were trying to capture a Goldie Hawn/Chevy Chase type of movie? Can't think of the movie...damit, Bye all, going home to bed.

I'm uncomfortable with the use of "blunders" as a verb in paragraph one.

For me, on the whole, simplify.

But it's really coming along! Good work! Shiny star sticker for you, young critic.

Firstly and most importantly, I like what you've got too. You've cleared the bar already, and any more edits from here on in are gravy.

But a couple of little things. How about this to replace that one sentence in the middle:

A Columbia-educated journalist, Andie longs to write about politics, religion or foreign policy -- things she really cares about -- but is instead assigned a column in which she reveals ten ways to avoid exposing your thong while wearing low-rider pants and other such banalities.

Your call. I just took a stab at it.

Secondly, do you think it could use a better final sentence? I don't know. If you ended with one final quarter-turn of the knife, it would be even more satisfying than it already is.

This is gonna be the last big chunk of text I post. Promise. I just sent this rough draft to the lead critic, who is going to edit, suggest and aid in a rework before it gets seen by the editor. I repeat, this is merely a rough draft.

Your suggestions were headed and for them I am sincerely grateful.

“How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” is so underwhelming that it may function more successfully as a tutorial on how to lose a viewer in under ten minutes. Director Donald Petrie (whose resume includes such lackluster flicks as “Miss Congeniality” and the faint recollection that is the Whoopi Goldberg vehicle “The Associate”) dares not stray from formula in his newest, feeble effort--a romantic comedy that botches both the romantic and the comedy aspects of the over-saturated genre. His two leads, the luminous Kate Hudson and the hopelessly down-home Matthew McConaughey, valiantly try to act their way out of the mediocrity, but they fail to do so, and instead become marooned in it.

The film’s paramount flaw is its preposterous premise. Andie (Kate Hudson) is the “How-To girl” at Composure magazine, the fastest-rising women’s fashion rag in the country. A Columbia-educated journalist, Andie longs to write about politics, religion, foreign policy—things she really cares about— but is instead assigned a column in which she reveals 10 ways to a hot bod and other such banalities. She pitches the story idea responsible for the movie’s title to her Helen Gurley Brown-esque (but younger) editor, Lana (an under-used Bebe Neuwirth), who encourages her to find a man, then become as clingy, desperate and stereotypically psychotic as possible to illustrate how to do it all wrong.

That man is Ben (Matthew McConaughey), an advertising executive who attempts to nab a diamond account from his smolderingly sexy (and pencil-thin) female competitors by convincing his boss that his ability to make any woman fall in love with him in just ten days means he understands what women, and therefore, how to sell diamonds. This is the kind of unsound, perhaps sexist, shallow logic that permeates the entire piece, and when, implausibly, Andie and Ben choose one another for their ridiculous ruses, the viewer is made aware they are going to have to actively exercise their suspension of disbelief.

The deceitful pair spend the entire ten days swindling, manipulating and misrepresenting themselves, yet, inexplicably, there is a bubbling attraction between them. The viewer may ponder what Ben sees in the dreadful Andie, but her Boticelli face, which the director frames with a soft focus lens so smoky it calls attention to itself. Ben, likewise, is flat and uninteresting save for his finely toned physique. The dialogue between the two isn’t just stale it is lazy. Their initial conversation is an unimaginative volley of single word sentences that could have been clever and charming if it weren’t so uninspired. The characters say and do what is expected of them, from start to the very end, but at least they look good doing it. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” isn’t so terrible that it is unbearable to watch, it is just so maddeningly average that it is devoid of any joy.

*stands up and cheers*

brit, who's the audience for the review?

The Nashville Scene is an alternative weekly. So, liberal-minded, bohemian types, I guess.

I don't get it. So you didn't like the movie?

Kate Hudson is luminous? I think that is a bit much. Then again, when I see a picture of her I break out in hives.

Yaar! Not enough skeleton warriors!

Jason and the Argonauts!

woot! woot!, 100, wanted to say that and I did.
Good morning err good night, stav.

That pic is from a movie I saw as a kid.

woot! woot!, 100, wanted to say that and I did.
Good morning err good night, stav.

That pic is from a movie I saw as a kid.

Here comes the sun, it's alright....post damit

bunny you took my 100 spot, so de-woot! de-woot!:P

I think any movie would be improved by the addition of that skeleton warrior.

Even Citizen Kane.

I would love to be able to pop him onto the screen during the boring 3-hour meeting I am now obliged to attend. aaaaaaaaaaack.

I think any movie would be improved by the addition of that skeleton warrior

Even Citizen Kane

And Kramer Vs. Kramer too. Especially that movie. It would be awful neat if during the scene where Meryl Streep ditches Dustin Hoffman the skeleton warrior could come out and chop her little prissy head off with a sword.

Just an idea.

That's okay. I evidently got the movie wrong.

Which one had the harpies?

(oh, before I forget-w00t!)

Even Citizen Kane.

I think the best part would be when Charles Kane & his wife are in that huge monstrosity of a house, by the fireplace, not speaking to each other, and suddenly the skeleton warrior comes scraping across the floor.

Dragging a sled.

He's hiding under the bed in the scene with Kane in his mistress' apartment.

Also, in Dark Passage, the part of Humphrey Bogart was played by Skeleton Warrior until the bandages come off.

And ship it, baby. That review is ready for the glitterati of Nashville, and that is the proverbial triple truth, Ruth.

The big mistake was the last minute replacement of skeleton warrior with Matt Damon for the title role in Good Will Hunting.

Skeleton Warrior was totally robbed for Best Actor in The Remains of the Day.

I personally thought the Skeleton Warrior's performance infinitely more moving than Tom Cruise's in the little known original "Born on the 4th of July." The physical therapy scenes were heartbreaking.

And who can forget his physical boldness in those scenes from The Unbearable Lightness of Being?

Don't even get me started on The Elephant Man (referred to by some as the greatest performance of Skeleton Warrior's career)

Or Charly...how Skeleton Warrior grew in intelligence exponentially, until that seminal moment when the rat started to deteriorate.

Such pathos!

If you've ever seen the outtakes, there's this great part where Skeleton Warrior breaks into "You don't bring me flowers anymore" to the dying rat.

What a card!

I like the scene in Jules et Jim when, after Jeanne Moreau has been dithering for years trying to decide which man she loves the most, the Skeleton Warrior appears and whisks her away. (The part where he drops her is also good.)

I only wish the same sort of praise could be lavished upon Skeleton Warrior's portrayal of Lawrence in the David Lean classic. O'Toole had to come in and save the day, as Skeleton Warrior, besides showing up drunk almost every day on the set, had particular trouble with the "trudging through the desert" sequences, and was said to bring to the whole affair an "unwanted glibness", particularly in one desert sandstorm scene where his patellas kept falling off.

Lunchtime meditation:

When there are mouse droppings in your fortune cookie, your fortune has already been told.

And if you remember, Skeleton Warrior's dance scene in Saturday Night Fever blew Travolta out of the water.

Even though he died early in the film, skeleton warrior's performance in Steel Magnolias was believable and poignant.

oh wait, that was his doppelganger, Julia Roberts. nevermind.

O'Toole had to come in and save the day, as Skeleton Warrior, besides showing up drunk almost every day on the set,

On wonders what Mr. Lean was thinking, if he was thinking at all. Out of the frying pan into the fire, as they say.

Just got off the phone with the Scene's lead critic who told me, aside from some minor edits, the piece is funny, clean and "far ahead of most first time submissions."

:)

Thanks, ya'll.

Skeleton Warrior RAWKED in Jason and the Argonauts! oh, wait...

Yay Brittney! Great job!

Getting published is better than booze. And drugs.

And *this* close to better than sex.

WoooHooo! Bravo, Brittney!

As an obituary is the closest that I'll ever get to being published, I'll take sex and booze for now.

Congrats!

Getting published is better than booze. And drugs.

And *this* close to better than sex.

Uh-Oh. Pips has been published 4 times. She's gonna kick me to the curb soon.....

*frets*

Way to go, brittney! Next time slide in a monkey reference -- nothing like a little shout-out to your 9622 homies!

Matthew McConaughey's role could have been better played by an autistic baboon.

I actually think that may be true. I saw some of his appearance on Saturday Night Live, and he seems dumb as a bag of hammers.

More likely he was just relaxin'.

I think anytime a handsome man is needed they should just use Johnny Depp. Except, of course, I can't imagine Johnny Depp agreeing to "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days." So then you get Matthew Ma-whatever, or that guy in "Sweet Home Alabama" who is the poor man's Matthew Ma-whatever.

What I'm trying to say is, I wish people would actually only agree to do projects that they could be proud of, and that people wouldn't go see drivel. In fact, I wish that that sort of drivel was never greenlighted (greenlit?) in the first place.

And a lot of other ridiculous fantasies.

I think anytime a handsome man is needed they should just use Johnny Depp.

No, no, no.

But witchy, that would mean there were only a half-dozen movies put out every year.

Now, they'd all be great, and you could watch them over and over. But then think of how boring Oscar night would be.

Also, hood ornaments like Matthew M. would then have to take whatever TV gigs they could get and then moonlight as underwear models and construction workers whenever they couldn't find work. And we all know how slippery that slope can be. (Or we'll soon find out, anyway.)

I think anytime a handsome man is needed they should just use Johnny Depp.

Then again Dead Man with Skeleton Warrior in the lead would be interesting, too.

I saw at least half a dozen worthwhile movies last year even with money & time being spent on crap.

Come to think of it, bring on the Harryhausen "Stranger Than Paradise":
Smoking with eight arms!
Hydras eating TV dinners!
Existential exoskeletons hanging out on streetcorners!

OOOOh, ooooh, I found the picture I wanted. Here's who needs to be in all those handsome-guy movies!!

*swooon*

That's my dream guy!

Go, Britney!
*stands up and cheers again*

Damn, tizzie. You're fickle.

That guy, tizzie?

I hear he's had work done....

Is it in poor taste to photoshop oneself?

(PS - aw, thanks, tizz. i'm blushin'.)

well, that explains cowboy sally's expression much better.

Not fickle. I just have a lot of love to give.

I think that means she's one of those "loose" women I've heard so much about.

Yay Brittney!

Go brittney. Congrats, what everyone else said, et al. Hope you're out celebrating.

Oh, and tizzie, I ♥ you for the Cletus pic. Just so ya know.

Bravíssima, Brittney!

Late for the party, but all the same...

Actually, I don't know who that is standing next to jpoulos. In real life I'm Yasmine Bleeth.

"...on the internet, nobody knows you're Yasmine Bleeth."

No offense intended in the slightest, I feel compelled to hasten to add. My fingers did that before my brain told me to stop.

But Sally, have you seen Yasmine Bleeth these days? If that's you, then honey, what happened? You came off as so, like, smart and together and stuff.

Ah, cowboy sally, I saw this coming a mile away.

Ah chico, I thought of the same cartoon. Wow, this is the first time I've been Photoshopped on the internet (at least I hope it's the first time...) and I'm so grateful it's not on Fark.

oh, and

Yay Brittney! You rock the hardest.

Ah, Yasmeen Bleeth on her worst day=me on my best. I'm ok with that. There are worse celebrities to resemble. (WAX MY ANUS!)

9622.net: (WAX MY ANUS!)

(WAX MY ANUS!)

*shrugs, grabs Turtle Wax*

*shrugs, grabs turtle wax, revs buffer*

Hands off, dude!

go brittney!

Avast, ye scurvy dogs!

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