9622.net

Oh, c'mon! Get in the spirit! Say something romantic, or .... smutty!

Romantic enuff?

Crash, that was...breathtaking.

I wonder what the...uh, lower monkey is saying.

"WAX MY ANUS!", of course.

*smacks forehead*

well, duh on me.

This monkey has no genitals.

To take this thread in an, ahem, different direction-the day after Valentine's is my dear hubby's birthday. The scamp was born 2 months premature just so I would have to be sweet to him for two days in a row.

By the way, almost 20 years ago, we got engaged the day before our first date. And he is still a mushball.

To all my monkey brethern and sisters,

Get me out of this damn cage!

I just saw ColdChef's monkey, and all I can think is:

"If man is five - if man is five
then the devil is six - then the devil is six"

By the way, almost 20 years ago, we got engaged the day before our first date

Only in the South.

ColdChef: By the way, we should keep our eye on "UknowForKids". A Coens fan AND and English Major? He's built for this place.

While searching for a webpage with my MeFi username (and AIM screenname), I came across this old thread, which rather scared me... Apparently, I have a stalker. Anyway, thought I'd say hello. Hello.

hey UKnow...
btw, a calling from the big Chef is higher than a calling for a Mormon mission. Just saying.

Happy V-day everyone. (interpret as you will)

yeah, um. happy fucking Valentine's Day kids.

Anyone got big plans for VD? Hot pokers through the eye? Burning magma poured in many orifices?

Just wondering.

My plans for VD involve antibiotics, just so you know.

Uknowforkids: Well, it took you long enough. Someone get this person a pair of assless chaps and a bowler hat. Sure, sure. Your friends, they call you "chump", right?

I plan to clean the house.

I plan to be the monkey on the bottom.

Was that romantic?

Jeez, that dong_resin is one sentimental guy. Love that picture!

This may shock some of you, but Doctor D.R. is on to something. I detest those freaky "baby cherub" critters. They should be banned from the face of the planet.

So is there a poster?

my main squeeze got me a card with a colorized picture of a small girl with a dog, that read: 'Hungry: don't eat puppies, happy valentine's day.'

(by main squeeze I mean friend.)

Here's the cupid shot for anyone who wants it.
Also, enjoy the glory of this.

ColdChef's monkey is exactly what I picture going on in Michael Jackson's pants, only less brown.
Up front, anyway.

goneill, will you be my valentine?

Check a box:
[]Yes

[]Of Course

Oh my goodness
Girl, look at him
He is the cutest brother in here
And he's comin' this way!

Whatever happened to Salt n Pepa, anyway?

Valentine's Day is also my mom's birthday*. Which was kinda nice when I was single. But it does give me the added burden of figuring out what to buy a 57-year old Italian control freak. So I went to Ferarra's and bought her some nice Italian pastries. For V-Day I bought Pips a book and DVD of Alias her favorite show at St. Marks Comics. She gave me a cold.I also visited my sister and her husband and while everybody was civil(visits were brief), I found myself wondering for the umpteenth time whether I'm too weird or they're too normal.

I listened to a lot of Front 242 and sulked about and gave the mailman the creeps.
Valentine's day, or as I call it, "friday".

x

i've got colt 45, panthera, and the promise of bartending at a valentine's day party to get me through the night

Girl, look at him
He is the cutest brother in here
And he's comin' this way!

Oh, yes. Well, too bad I'm taken. Oh, you mean Kaf, he's taken too. Unclefes, same thing....

I'm pretty sure I read that Pepa bought into the Atkins Diet, and ate Salt alive onstage in a fit of carbohydrate-deprived hunger.

Unclefes, same thing....

Coming up on 15 years for me. MissusFes still feels I have "potential."

As for Valentine's Day? I taped the entire CBS lineup of CSI and Survivor last night, and tonight we're going to watch it! I might score, too.

I've always been of the opinion that Spinderella was the real talent in Salt and Pepa.

We will be celebrating this fine day by watching Dog Soldiers and possibly engaging in a little mental anguish.

We like them all, Salt, Pepa & Spinderella!

I don't get Valentine's Day at all. The bizarre rituals, the demand for jewelry, the pathetic plastic-wrapped rose bought at a gas station, the normally easygoing people who spit venom on you when you mention February 14--it all seems so laughably bizarre to me.

Front 242! Ah, the memories. I need to bust out the Front By Front album.

1: You lock the target
2: You bait the line
3: You slowly spread the net
and 4: You catch the man

I think it took me about 200 times listening to that to finally figure it all out. Fucking Belgians, man.

Wow, the Front 242 Website is pretty cool for a band site.

I'm gonna wait on those who think the most romantic place to take their sweetie is one that's menu says shit like "Bonzer!"

The love of my life is in the next room coughing like a Pinto with a bad muffler. I took a personal day to take care of some business which seems to have taken care of itself. Maybe I'll go out later. It's fried shrimp night at the Hometown Buffett in Milford.

Also, is it perverse to develop crushes on comic book characters? Both Bee from Shutterbug Follies,and Hildy from Box Office Poison are both really hot.

I'm gonna wait on those who think the most romantic place to take their sweetie is one that's menu says shit like "Bonzer!"

Actually, brittney, it wouldn't surprise me in the least if I've gone to just such an establishment on a past Valentine's Day. Hey, there's something undeniably romantic about big knives slicing through warm pumpernickel bread. And how can you deny the romantic qualities of something called a "Sweet Chook O' Mine" (honest to God, that's what my wife orders). Alas, we haven't been "down under" in at least a year, though. Romance is dead.

But that place is so bonzer.

tizzie? you have pie?

happy whatever day, y'all! eep! eep!

DOG SOLDIERS... overflows with other cheesy horror flicks' leftovers.

So sorry I can't join you for that Mr. K., but y'all have fun.

I am just in a great mood! It's Friday, the boss bought pizza for lunch, it's Valentine's day so I can flirt with everybody. Smmmooooooch!

tizzie? you have pie?

No, but apparently her husband's about to...

I'm sitting here with a stuffy nose, drinking wine all alone while my darling wife is over at the kids' elementary school helping chaperone their Very First Valentine's Day Dance.

Later, I plan to shift my weight from one buttock to the other.

Hee hee, Lupo - you got that right.

I forgot to mention ... it's our wedding anniversary. Four years. Yay!

Lisa took me to the Outback in Kendall, FL for my 30th birtday, along with a pal of hers. I had the shrimp on the pumpernickel appetizer, the porterhouse with a lobster tail and the sweet potato(they rock) and a baked potato. Then lisa and her pal had the staff sing happy birthday to me over the carmel ice cream pie doohickey.

Yes, brittney. I am the people you make fun of. jeepers. How did that happen.

I love those big outback knives.
I like to pretend I'm shrinking.

I'd hit it.

I'm proud to say I have about three years of absolutely no Outback ingestion.

I think my arteries are just starting to clear of Bloomin' Onion detritus.

Tonight I am planning on staying indoors with my little recording device, working on a couple of new songs, maybe listening to This Is Spinal Tap for inspiration, think about how cool it would be to hit an Outback (I've never been, though I could probably guess what it's like) (Stigma? What stigma?) so I could order some sizzling shrimp'n'steak construction or something and drink copious amounts of bad beer. (Mmmmm. Pastoral.)

If I don't make much headway with the songs, I'll probably get drunk and start calling you-all at random, cos I love you guys!

jon--It was your birthday, so no harm, no foul. It is the teenaged kids who bring in bottles of sparkling grape juice and candles off their mom's dresser to treat their date just right. It should be cute, but I'm bitter, so it's more pathetic.

Going to Outback for a birthday is a-okay, except next time she asks the staff to sing to you, cut her with one of those mega-knives. We fucking hate that.

Though, if it were you two, I'd sing (and dance) with pleasure.

"date just right, that bother me" it should have read

Wait, wait, wait. You had shrimp, a porterhouse, a sweet potato AND a baked potato and then dessert?

You perspired glistening drops of fat after that, didn't you?

I have this recurring image of Jon frozen in carbonite like Han Solo, only it's not carbonite, it's lard.

I figure it'd hold him for about twenty minutes, tops.

brittney, did I once read that the "Aussie chips" appetizer -- or whatever you call that enormous pile of fries, cheese, and bacon (with a side of ranch dressing for "dipping") -- is the single worst menu item at any chain restaurant, in terms of fat or calories?

It is damn good, though. Better than a bloomin' onion, imho.

I saw Front 242 once in Detroit, it was fun.

I went to a Bennegan's a few weeks ago, and our waitress spent more time singing happy birthday to people than making sure I had such luxuries as a fork and spoon.

Adam, in her defense, that is typically the hostess' responsibility. But yeah, that is why we hate the singing--as if there is time...

And the Aussie Cheese Fries have over 400 fat grams. Not calories. FAT grams. And while I steer clear of them, late at night when one gets thrown down as "waiter bait," I definitely partcipate. My thighs hate me.

I know, I know...I don't blame her for it. Then again, I did have to eat half of my meal with my hands.

Not that I don't usually do that already. It really impresses a spouse.

My pat, unfunny response when a table has no silverware:
"It's National Eat with your Hands Day"

This is why I suck at serving.

Whoa. Adam suck at it, too, apparently.

See, I'd give you a better tip and a laugh for that. At least you noticed.

And, monkeys get better tips. Always.

More perils of the Outback employee, from yesterday's Washington Post (via obscurestore):

Judge Herman C. Dawson, 45, who was appointed to the bench in 1998, was taken to jail in handcuffs about 10 p.m. after he allegedly refused to leave the Outback Steakhouse on Lottsford Court despite being asked to do so repeatedly by employees and county police, according to authorities and the owner of the franchise.

At one point, according to a police affidavit, Dawson "repeated in a loud, boisterous voice, 'Why do I have to leave? Do you know who I am? I am a judge.' "

Of course, the proper response should have been to apologize and offer him a free Aussie Cheese Fries for his trouble.

By the way, while we were waiting for a table at an Outback once, one of the patrons sitting in a booth by the bar had some sort of heart trouble that resulted in a 911 call. In light of the above statistic, I now have reason to believe Aussie Cheese Fries were at fault. Mr. Commish, a lawsuit?

I have a dentist appointment on Monday. No fun.

Well, my 30th bithday was over 2 years ago and I think I can still feel the porterhouse working it's way through me. Besides, in high school I was a busboy at American Steak House, Outback's downscale cousin, so nothing shocks me, foodwise.

Someday after we move to the city and I save a few bucks, I'm gonna go to Peter Luger's in Brooklyn and taste steak the way it was meant to be.

Suddenly it seems even more wonderful that I have never been to Outback.

My secret desire (now revealed) is to go to the Korean restaurant in my neighborhood this weekend. Mmmm, bibimbap.

A man once choked to death on prime rib the Outback I work at. Died right there on the dining room floor.

We had to close, and the people who had been waiting to eat were PISSED OFF. One man said, "Can I have his leftover food?"

I hate people.

I was waiting for you to say that the crowd went insane and cooked and ate the dead guy.

The really terrible thing was that they fought over the piece of prime rib that had lodged in his throat.

I really didn't just say that.

I was waiting for you to say that the crowd went insane and cooked and ate the dead guy.

New Outback menu items:

* Bloomin' Brains
* Sweet Chook O' Neck
* Alice Springs A Leak
* Grilled Shin On The Barbie

mmmm, dead guy.

ha!

pardon me, I'm a bit concerned about your extensive Outback menu knowledge.

Act 1, Scene 3: OUTBACK OF HORROR

Brittney: Hi, welcome to Outback. My name is Brittney and I'll be your server...
Zombie Diner: Shut up and bring me the Bloomin' Brains!
Other Zombies (pounding table): Chook O' Neck! Choock O' Neck!
Brittney: Would you like a pitcher of Brains Beer with that?
Zombies: Brains Beer! Brains Beer!

(how do you like it so far?)

That is a surprisingly accurate depiction of how it goes even now.

*bows*
*accepts screenwriting award*

pardon me, I'm a bit concerned about your extensive Outback menu knowledge.

You're concerned? Think of how I feel. I'm the one coming across as the stereotypical chain-loving, mass-produced food-eating, fat-ingesting ugly American. Which is, of course, totally unfair (except for the part about ingesting fat).

Well, enough chit-chat. Got to go hop in the SUV to meet the wife at Wal-Mart. I hear they're having a great sale on Cheez-Wiz. After that we'll enjoy a nice Valentine's dinner at The Olive Garden and cap off the night seeing some movie about losing a man in 10 days or something at the local 50-plex.

That movie is SO GOOD!

Yeah, I hear it's received some great reviews. Isn't that luminous Kate Hudson in it?

I've decided that if I don't get into any grad programs that my consolation prize (my "Miss Congeniality" if you will) will be taking myself out for a nice steak dinner. I have a hankering to go to this one place where Women Don't Dine Alone. A friend of mine went there and she was meeting a female friend. She walked in and the maitre d' said "May I help you?" and she said "Yes, I'm meeting a friend of mine here" and he said "Ah yes, the single woman?" and took her right over. There were men eating with men, or men eating with women, but they were the only table of just women. I'd like to go there by myself, drink a whole bottle of wine, consume a steak, and stare down all the good ol' boys with their cigars.

On the other hand, apparenlty this place has mafia connections. Perhaps not a good plan.

After that bottle of wine, I'm guessing you may get more than just a steak.

Witchstone, no pity party for you. You're going to France for your birthday in just 3 weeks!

France? Nice....

They didn’t hold hands like some couples. They didn’t, like, make big displays of affection, which they both considered kind of tacky, if you want to know the truth, like flinging around a fur coat and a gold Rolex. There wasn’t some fancy, operatic tale about the way they fell in love – they just did. I mean, they watched the same programs, they were both cat people, and he thought she looked smashing in tight jeans. Sometimes, when a friend recounted another wild misadventure, a toppling romance, a fantastic collision, they wondered if there was more than this. But honestly, they doubted it.

If you don't, which you likely do, you should read Sarah Hepola wro writes better than you and me.

True, I guess I will cry along the banks of the Seine for my lost youth. No wait, wait, I just found it, everything is fine. You can go about your business.

pardon me, I'm a bit concerned about your extensive Outback menu knowledge..

I'm concerned my lunch was being discussed while I was eating it. I had a working-lunch delivered by Outback, and Victoria was delicious too, the steak.

Happy heart's day to the 9622.net'ers, may you all have a sunny, sexy day. Plus it's Friday what's not to Love...XOXO....... but that these letters are not my initials.

I think I shall go out tonight, get monumentally drunk and vomit on people in love. That oughta tine their goddamn valen.

Give us a general idea of what zip code we need to avoid there, Mars Crash.

And happy anniversary, tizzie m'dear!

Thang kew.

Oh, I got distracted by talk of ersatz-Australian cannibalism, and ignored the purpose of the thread. So to get back on track: Happy Valentine's day to you, too, tizzie. And to all you crazy simians.

Well, since when Mars does this, I usually get involved witht he shenangians (more times than not a co-conspirator) I'd recommend staying away from anything beginning with 48.

Mars, I be the single guy so pass on me, as I'll have already vomitted on myself to be single...thank you very much.

PS, there should be alot of lonely horney rich woman in my zip so stop by.

I be...I am, that sounded horrible. Maybe I can start rapping, I be the guy chillin like Gilliagan...

Brittney: Okay, here's something odd: I KNOW Sarah Hepola (Hi, Sarah-doing-google-searches-for-her-own-name!). She was roomates with this guy I know when I lived in Austin. I went to parties at her home.

BTW: Never, EVER, play movie-based trivia games with her. She's ruthless.

Buy did I learn that the hard way!

Last time I play "Name the movie or lose a finger."

Boy!

Not "buy"! BOY!

I'll just see myself out, shall I?

My Valentine's Day: Got stuck in the city because Penn Station had a track fire and I couldn't get home.

This after a gawd-awful day.

We were going out to dinner this weekend, but the restaurant's not around the corner, and it's going to SNOW.

Waaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and Witchy: France?! Excellent! :)

(By the way, everyone, we're watching "While You Were Out," and the makeover of the house is gawd-awful...)

Look Roe, it looks like this place and your site have merged. HaHaHa! Glad you made it home safe.

Man I'm blitzed...but in a gooood way

Jeez, Jon - go to bed ;)

I admit it...during my pregnancy, I craved, really, really, really, craved Outback Prime Minister primerib, just cooked enough to be slightly warm...with the dill/horseradish sauce. And lobster tails. Oh, the lobster tails.

It's no wonder I gained 50 pounds during the pregnancy, but damn, those steaks were yummy.

Oh, roe -- sorry to hear you got stuck at Penn Station. I hope the rest of the evening is going better.

Jon -- I'm with you on the whole blitzed thing. But in a good way. Hey -- I'm entitled. This is the first time anyone's treated me to the whole big Valentine's Day deal. I could get used to this (though there's a part of me that's feeling a little guilty for not being out drinking and commiserating with the singles tonight).

happy valentine's day.

here's hoping the lovers love sweetly, and that those who lack a lover to love enjoy the full sweetness of melancholy.

Sadly, I am sober. Happily, though, mated. It evens out.

If it makes any difference, Stavros, I just toasted you. So, that's kind of a Valentine of sorts, right?

and that those who lack a lover to love enjoy the full sweetness of melancholy...

Or at least the love of a good hand.

Well now I am good and properly drubk. With no barfing on happy couples, I might add.

It's just this thing called love. It's got a checkered past that's for sure. Ask Tristan and Iseult, they'll tell ya. I guess it's all about how this abstract thought we've created and romanticized treats you.

It treats me like I owe it money.

you do.

You owe me money!

(I just thought I'd take advantage of a drunk MC)

I hope you're planning to butter me, too, aine42!

Geez, that reminds me of that scene in Last Tango in Paris, when Skeleton Warrior pulled out the butter...

So how many of you are hung over this morning?

*raises hand*

but hey as a wiseman once said, What's the use of gettin' sober, when you're gonna get drunk again...

Who's hung not me, I wish, because sitting at work with nothing to do....is plain monotonous, tedious, irksome, tiresome, humdrum
boring. Why? they have country music cranked on to boot, ugh. Plus, I'm missing the march.

I'll take pictures, TCS.

Hope you all had a pleasant v-day.

I like country music, TCS. Some anyway. And I'm on record endorsing Natalie Maines as the perfect woman. Plus I like that Deana Carter sons "Did I Shave My Legs For This?"

Besides dosen't Dallas have a Krispy Kreme? We just got our first one in Southern CT and I've been workin my way through a dozen. The suager coma they engender will put all other thoughts out of your mind.

"I feel bad for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." --Frank Sinatra

Lisa just put the complimentary Krispy Kreme paper hat on the head of the stuffed monkey what sits on my printer.

I'm getting a little verklempt.

Ok, my bad, country music is ok...after a few beers, no tears from me.

jon, Those chicks, two of them went to high school a stone's throw from my desk, so hey I'm on their turf maybe I should shut my pie whole.

Crispie creams...warmth full of deliciousness, O, yea, mmmm. Funny Dallas just openned their first one, yet there are several locations on Dallas's fringes so I've been stuffing these donut-O's for two years now.

The secret is in the warmth, not the recipe, mhop.
And we all know the first don-nuts were made where?
In greese.

Good Luck at the ralley, fez...hope to still make it.
Jon, your MC I now see: Jon is the MCking of MunChies.

English, motherfucker, do you speak it?

9622: English, motherfucker, do you speak it?

tj's a bastard when he's hungover.

Hey Lupo...I was just reading the label on this bottle of Arbor Mist Peach Chardonnay says "Contains 0% juice."

I'm concerned.

no, I'm just a bastard

Hangover? Heck, no.

You know what's a freakin' great movie? Jackie Brown.

"Beaumont is an employee I had to let go." Now that Samuel L. Jackson, he is a bastard. He makes TJ look like a puppy on a blanket.

And hooray to Ufez for going to the peace march! I am going to bequeath my ancient copy of "The Phil Ochs Songbook" to you, my friend.

I thought TJ was a puppy on a blanket.

And damn right about Jackie Brown. Ain't nobody else could make that little dead rat-tail thing Samuel Jackson had hanging from his chin look badass. "My ass may be dumb, but I ain't no dumbass." Heheheee.

(And Pam Grier, may I say, is hotter now than when she was Miss Thang back in '73. That opening sequence with the camera just following her through the airport for a few minutes is pure gold, baby.)

Dagnabbit. Pam Grier. She looks so good I wanna put her on a plate and sop her up with a biscuit.

But then again you don't medd around with Foxy Brown...

Unless of course you're Wonder Woman...or Daisy Duke...

**WARNING: TESTOSTERONE OVERLOAD IMMINENT**

ack, sorry kids. I've just been going a little insane lately. I'll behave better.

And hooray to Ufez for going to the peace march! I am going to bequeath my ancient copy of "The Phil Ochs Songbook" to you, my friend.

w00t! We were (according to the local news) about 5000 here in Dallas, which is about 5x what I expected. Add the 4,000 in Houston and the est. 10,000 in Austin, and that's almost 20,000 in Bush's "home" state. Not too shabby. It's not NYC or SF or London or Berlin numbers, but I'm pleased.

Now I just need to find someone kind enough to host my pictures so I can share 'em.

*raises hand*

Oh, please! Someone distract me so I have an excuse not to do my fooking taxes! Please, send me obscene pictures to look at, fascinating prose to read, movies, books, anything!

There's an ice storm outside so there's no where to go. My alternatives are taxes or cleaning house. And I get no money back from cleaning house, right?

Oh, the pain of doing what's right.

You could go to my site and report back if you can see anything on that steam powered browser of yours.

They tax Fooking now? Oh man...I'm gonna go broke on the back taxes alone....

bloody *^&^%&(%&% rat-bastards.

We ain't getting back, we're paying.

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