A loincloth, no doubt. G-Strings and jockstraps and fine leopard loinclothes - these are a few of my favourite thongs. Yup, it's all aboard for the loincloth revival. Gird up!
Posted by at February 23, 2003 05:31 PMLoincloth revival, you say?
More proof that Ted Nugent has always been fashion forward.
Plus...Best. Cookbook Title. Ever.
Posted by: jonmc on February 23, 2003 05:59 PMI think this is what would have happened to Marion if she hadn't shut her eyes as Indy had instructed.
Or, perhaps she just needed to pee.
Posted by: dong resin on February 23, 2003 06:50 PMIf J-lo were the last of her sex
And I were the last of mine
I'd ease my tool
By fucking a mule
Or even a porcupine.
Dear Monkeys,
I'm asking a favor of my dearest (post and current) journalist monkey friends...Do any of you know the more common fonts that are used in newpapers? There are a number of font families that seem to be a big hit with the dailies, and thought to myself, "Hmm, who knows better than a bunch of drunk monkeys what fonts those bastards use?"
Thank you for your time,
readymade, drunk monkey and minister of bad info.
PS, I miss you all. It seems I haven't been around much. Although I am wearing a loincloth right now, if that will endear me to you...
Posted by: readymade on February 24, 2003 02:23 AMI am wearing a loincloth right now...
**loses ability to think clearly**
**goes off to slay water buffalo**
Posted by: jonmc on February 24, 2003 09:14 AMI'm with Lupo, over here in the "baffled" corner.
*waves*
Posted by: tizzie on February 24, 2003 09:45 AMBetter yet, readymade, find some graphic design majors. We had a graphics department in my art school and I had to suffer thru a course on "lettering" which entailed learning about paticular fonts. But that was so long ago I wouldn't be much help.
hm. Try Minion, Caslon, Garamond, Bembo, Bookman. Those are pretty standard (particularly Caslon and Garamond). The big papers often have their own fonts created.
Posted by: whatnot on February 24, 2003 10:24 AMWe had a graphics department in my art school
That's it. Funnybire is officially 9622's Mrs. Robinson.
Posted by: kaf on February 24, 2003 11:31 AMDoo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doooooo.
Posted by: witchstone on February 24, 2003 11:33 AMGood noonish all. Loin cloths, the article makes out as if I'm not hip for just having a towel. I always thought it was a "lion's cloth" growing up, thinking of the jungle when wearing it.
"We get kids from their teens through to old men in their 70s," This statement just reminded me of the nights I work on Odyssey Nights at KBF, as you would see a teen or two with a 70 year old dirty man, yuck.
Can any Detroiters tell me if Ted Nugent still does the Whiplash Bash on New Year's Eve? I went one year, it was great mullet fun.
Also, does he still open up a soup kitchen during the winter in Detroit to feed homeless people venison?
Posted by: adampsyche on February 24, 2003 11:55 AMTONY BONNER ok with a name like that, then wearing a loin cloth he has to hope it's read as Tony Boner.
adam, Ted says he feeds the poor in every interview I see of him with venison & other game.
Posted by: Thomcatspike on February 24, 2003 12:05 PMin every interview I see of him with venison & other game.
Do you mean Ted Nugent is actually being interviewed by venison?
Posted by: Kaf Scratch Fever on February 24, 2003 12:24 PMThat's it. Funnybire is officially 9622's Mrs. Robinson.
fugeddaboutit. I am NOT attracted in the least to Dustin Hoffman.
Posted by: b***Yfire on February 24, 2003 12:51 PMThree of the people in my department called in sick today, so it's like the ghost cubicle here.
On the plus side Pips packed my lunch with not only Go-Gurt but Squeez 'n Go Vanilla pudding in a tube. I showed the two tubes of grub to a co-worker a few minutes a go.
"Tubular," he said.
I also have two drinks in pouches, dehydrated soup in a canister and last night I ate non-alcoholic Jell-o for the first time in about a decade. If I only had some Tang I could pretend I'm on a space station.
Posted by: jonmc the lonesome data wrangler on February 24, 2003 12:54 PMI'm eating Guppies cracker snacks and drinking water. Can you believe it?? Water!
More later.
Posted by: Kaf Scratch Fever on February 24, 2003 01:04 PMGuppies? I've seen the "Dolphin" Goldfish knockoffs, but Guppies?
Doubtless somewhere in the bowels of some rust belt city an entreprenuer is perfecting his Plankton Crackers.
Posted by: jonmc on February 24, 2003 01:11 PMChikn-In-a-Biskit are actually covered in a fine film of ZooPlankton.
Posted by: Kaf Scratch Fever on February 24, 2003 01:13 PMPerhaps we should just make a sidebar for jonmc's running food commentary?
Posted by: witchstone on February 24, 2003 02:01 PMFor those who helped me in my font quest, as a reward I have put back on my clothes. For the rest of you, I have taken them all back off, including the loincloth.
Posted by: readymade on February 24, 2003 02:07 PMPerhaps we should just make a sidebar for jonmc's running food commentary?
I think that would grow very tiresome very quickly.
Posted by: jpoulos on February 24, 2003 03:18 PMOK.OK. Point taken, I'll cease with the lunch play-by-play. Unless, like Lisa makes me a mastadon sandwich or something...
Posted by: jonmc on February 24, 2003 03:28 PMDo you mean Ted Nugent is actually being interviewed by venison?
ok english majors,
in every interview I see of him with venison & other game.
no dangling prepositon, so I wrote, in every interview I see of him. Then added when it didn't post, with venison & other game. Yea your right, but he is game to venison:P
Not complaining but am I the only one having trouble today posting, expried page?
I notice some have trouble on days I don't so maybe O'well on my end.
Posted by: Thomcatspike on February 24, 2003 04:29 PMI, too, have found myself blogging about (or at least wanting to blog about) food. Brian, I believe it was, suggested that I rename my blog Adam's Stomach, and I cut back on it a bit.
By the way, I really like chicken wraps with rice and beans.
Posted by: adampsyche on February 24, 2003 05:39 PMWhat's the difference between a wrap and a burrito, if there is one?
Posted by: tizzie on February 24, 2003 06:10 PMFar as I know, wraps are for gringo chow while burritos have what's "supposed" to be in a tortilla.
It's the difference between pollo con arroz y salsa and a chicken breast with rice in a tangy sauce.
Unresearchedly yours,
Posted by: Chico on February 24, 2003 06:26 PM*sobbing uncontrollably*
It should have been a loincloth only post but, see, I couldn't find any monkey-in-a-loincloth or Tarzan and Jane pics that could be purloined, so I went over to Yahoo and tried a very faint connection which then confused even me.
Sorry, Lupo and Tizzie!
Posted by: Miguel on February 24, 2003 09:22 PMMiguel moves in mysterious ways
(and in mysterious undergarments!)
Posted by: kaf on February 24, 2003 09:30 PMI hereby decree that when we have the 9622 camping trip, that all the men be issued loin cloths. And spears. And you must hunt, semi-naked and bring us back venison burgers and good bottles of red wine. And you must dance for your beer allowance.
Amuse me, monkey boys! Amuse me!
*ahem* sorry...I really have to get more sleep. ;)
Y'know, the beauty of the Chickn 'n a Bskt (I'm not really sure which vowels they're dropping these days) is that the chicken is already in the biscuit. I most heartily advise you to avoid the Bar-B-Q Chkn n Bskt, as the ass-flavored powder is also already in the biscuit.
I will also address the following topics: Times New Roman is a fine font. Very newsprinty however much it's overused. Loincloths seem a trifle...well, breezy for Detroit in February. February is mispronounced as much as "library" and "nuclear." Also, I am drubk at 11:18 on Monday for absolutely no reason other than the fact that I think I might be able to get away with it.
That is all.
Posted by: Mars Crash on February 24, 2003 11:16 PMyay, marty!
and dejah, us non-red meat eating monkeys, can we hunt chickens? and then do we get screwed with wine coolers or what?
Posted by: ufez on February 25, 2003 12:29 AM
That picture is so beautiful! I wish I could jump inside and live in it.
Posted by: tizzie on February 25, 2003 08:02 AMWell, I NEED a hug. Car just broke down-thankfully only about four blocks away from my house. Dad's coming to tow it, and my mother is taking me to my bible study-where I was SUPPOsed to lead worship with my keyboard. Oh well-they will live.
There will be coffee there, anyway.
I hereby decree that when we have the 9622 camping trip, that all the men be issued loin cloths. And spears. And you must hunt, semi-naked and bring us back venison burgers and good bottles of red wine. And you must dance for your beer allowance.
I honestly think I would do that. Except the venison part. I could bring you some fish. Or maybe a nice summer squash?
Posted by: jpoulos on February 25, 2003 09:31 AMAnd when you dance for your beer allowance, you have to do that Really Gay Spiderman Dance. (warning, Really Gay Sound Clip).
Posted by: witchstone on February 25, 2003 09:50 AM{{{{{{{{b***Yfire}}}}}}
Here at chez Tizzie we also have car trouble, one dog with a kidney stone, and Spiderman just made me gay.
So I certainly do have sympathy, if not empathy, even.
Posted by: tizzie on February 25, 2003 09:56 AMmy mother is taking me to my bible study-where I was SUPPOsed to lead worship with my keyboard.
Dude. Remember, the preset Bossa Nova beat is your friend. It whips the crowd into a frenzy!
Posted by: kafka, esq. on February 25, 2003 11:31 AM"OK, everybody! Let's kick this party into overdrive with a little something called 'Bringing in the Sheaves'! Please, if you have a weak heart, try to refrain from joining in the ecstatic dancing. That means you, Mrs. Perkins."
(we kid)
Posted by: kafka, esq. on February 25, 2003 12:07 PMThe last time they brought the Sheaves in, he tracked mud all over the rug and she couldn't stop talking about anal sex.
It gets a little tedious, you know.
Posted by: tizzie on February 25, 2003 12:17 PMTalking about anal sex is like dancing about architecture.
Posted by: jpoulos on February 25, 2003 01:20 PMMock if you must. One of the styles we do at our church is salsa music. We also have a smokin' lead guitar player.
One of our sister churches has a worship leader who used to play lead guitar with folks like Bonnie Raitt. And when she's in town for a concert she has him sit in.
Man, we rock.
Posted by: b***Yfire on February 25, 2003 06:42 PMand dejah, us non-red meat eating monkeys, can we hunt chickens?
Hey!
...Garamond...
I like this font only because it reminds me of Eco's Foucault's Pendulum, which I liked a lot.
Special added non-sequiteur bonus :
Mrs B****fire
And here's to you, Mrs. B****fire
Jesus loves you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, Mrs. B****fire
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)
We'd like to know a little bit about you for our site
We'd like to help you learn to post monkeys
Look around you, all you see are inebriated eyes
Click around the site until you feel at home
And here's to you, Mrs. B****fire
Jesus loves you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, Mrs. B****fire
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)
Link it at a goofy site where no one ever goes
Put it in your browser with your favorites
It's a little secret, just 9622's affair
Most of all, you've got to hide it from the kids
Coo, coo, ca-choo, Mrs B****fire
Jesus loves you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, Mrs. B****fire
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)
Reading 9622 on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon
Posting a link to something goofy
Laugh about it, shout about it
When you've got no booze
Ev'ry way you look at it, you lose
What have you done, Mr Mathowie?
A website turns its lonely eyes to you (Woo, woo, woo)
What's that you say, Mrs. B****fire
Matt went and scared you away?
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)
Hello monkeys, my old friends,
I've come to post with you again,
Because a website slightly queer, dear,
Allows us to write while we drink beer, dear,
And our words, like well-flung chunks of poo,
Can't undo,
The banished thread of 9622.
If any one is interested in creating a fake version of "The Oregonian," the fonts are: Interstate for headlines, Minion for story text, and some very expensive font that I don't want to buy called Niagara for flourish. The nameplate is easily manipulated to say other things.
That is all. (PS: Thanks for font assistance. The suggestions narrowed the field from hundreds to several. Sadly, I used to know all this stuff...)
Posted by: readymade on February 25, 2003 10:22 PMAh, the non-red meat eating monkeys may hunt for the side dishes...as what meal is complete without a veg or fruit? Also, chocolate.
The point isn't really the hunt, so much as it's the loincloth, really. ;)
Posted by: dejah420 on February 26, 2003 01:59 AMSlow down, you move too fast
All these monkeys, they got class, but
Settle down, there's still Big Blue
(don't tell a soul) but I've been sneaky...
Well, there's miles to go and secrets that I keep
I'm swinging and flinging and ready to screech
but now there's still some places I still want to go...and I still go, cuz I'm feeling sneaky...
Stavros and Tizzie- Art Garfunkel called...something about royalties?
(you guys are a hoot!)
Posted by: b***Yfire on February 26, 2003 11:23 AM"Let us be monkeys, we'll post all our bad jokes together"
"I've got some Capuchins here in my bag"
So we linked a red-assed baboon and a bush baby's green eyes
And we walked off to look for non-sequiturs
"Stavros" I said as we went off on Skeleton Warrior
"The mother thread seems like a dream to me now"
It took me four days think up this stupid pun
I've gone to look for non-sequiturs
Laughing in the threads, Photoshopping the faces
Dong said the ape in the gabardine suit was a spy
I said "Be careful, that primate's a good friend of Gamera"
"Toss me a punch line here, I think there's one 'bout Rip Taylor"
"We used the last one an hour ago"
So I made monkey origami, Lupo read his magazine
And the moon rose over an open field
"Eyeball, I'm lost" I said, though I knew he was sleeping
"The mandrills are shrieking and I don't know why
Counting the fleas on a New World chimpanzee
They've all gone to look for non-sequiturs
All gone to look for non-sequiturs, All gone to look for non-sequiturs
that primate's a good friend of Gamera
Comedy frickin' gold!
Posted by: jpoulos on February 26, 2003 11:47 AMokay, who's gonna do "Bridge Over Troubled Monkeys"?
Posted by: b***Yfire on February 26, 2003 12:01 PMok is this about J.Lo again. dang why can't you'll stay off her fuckin nuts. shit. let her do her and you'll mind ur fuckin bussines
Posted by: Jessica on July 13, 2004 11:05 AMok is this about J.Lo again. dang why can't you'll stay off her fuckin nuts. shit. let her do her and you'll mind ur fuckin bussines
Posted by: Jessica on July 13, 2004 11:05 AMOkay, that's it.
Mom, you're not allowed to use my computer anymore.
Posted by: Vidiot on July 13, 2004 11:24 AMI *heart* this thread.
Apparently, though, the essence of it went right over Jessica's head like a low-flying chunk of money poo.
Posted by: tizzie on July 14, 2004 10:00 AMyikes, I forgot about this thread. thought the spammers were all up in its shit when I saw activity in it... guess this is why we keep em open.
Posted by: tj on July 19, 2004 09:44 PMA note about posting images:
We encourage users to post images, especially those hilarous pics of monkeys
wearing dresses or programming for Linux. But posting images that reside on someone
else's server is considered by many to be bandwidth theft. Our thoughts
on the matter, along with some solutions to the problem, can be found
here. Thanks.
In an effort to help eliminate spam (and to preserve the sanity of the 9622 Volunteer Simian Spam-Cop Brigade) all threads older than 30 days will now be closed to comments.