Who's the 80s chick
That's a metal queen with all the hicks?
WITCHY!
Can you dig it?
Who's the 21st century woman
That would risk her neck for her monkey friends?
WITCHY!
You damn right!
She's a complicated woman
But she'll match drink for drink with any man
WITCHSTONE!
They say this chick Witchstone is 30 years old today
SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
I'm talkin' 'bout Witchstone.
THEN WE CAN DIG IT!
Happy Birthday, Witchstone.
We love you, babe.
*Makes devil horns*
Posted by jpoulos at March 07, 2003 11:28 AMHey, happy birthday, Witchstone, though you're probably off hobnobbing with the glitterati in Paris.
Posted by: kaf on March 7, 2003 11:30 AMI cannot believe what I'm seeing. Damn, I was a cute kid.
Hobnobbing comes next week. For now, I still have time for you guys.
Aw, lupo. Thanks for the thread. And for the rap. I think.
Posted by: witchstone on March 7, 2003 11:33 AMI find it funny that she's making the same face in this picture: 
I thought they were sharing jonmc's lunch.
Happy Birthday, witchstone.
Happy Boitday.
If I had a drink, I'd hoist it to ya. Somewhere in lower manhattan tonight, rest assured, a man in flannel will hoist a glass skyward in your name. For now a bag o peanuts will have to do.
Posted by: jonmc on March 7, 2003 11:42 AMAin't she sweet,
See her walking down the street,
Now I ask you very confidentially,
Ain't she sweet!
Ain't she nice,
Look her over once or twice,
Now I ask you very common-sense-ically,
Ain't she nice!
WooooHOOOO Witchstone!! Happy Birthday, Babe!
Posted by: tizzie on March 7, 2003 12:01 PMAnother victim! Jooooooin us! Jooooooin us!
Posted by: Hordes of 30+ zombies on March 7, 2003 12:06 PMSorry, I'm already a member of the Borg Collective and I don't think I can join another club. But I'll check with HR.
Posted by: witchstone on March 7, 2003 12:08 PMCool shit and poor hygiene.. just like all the other nerds in the galaxy.
Posted by: dong resin on March 7, 2003 12:23 PMThey're Front242 all the way, surely.
Also, happy birthday you once adorable small child, you.
Witchy, try not to spend the last hours of your 30th birthday in the ladies room comforting a crying guy in drag.
If you do, it's all you'll remember about that day for the rest of your life.
Posted by: tizzie on March 7, 2003 12:41 PMI know, I don't look anything like when I was a kid do I? My parents must weep every night over it. Well, that and the incident with the priest and the lawn mower.
And we (the Borg) listen to Front 242. We also introduced ourselves to Front Line Assembly.
Posted by: witchstone on March 7, 2003 12:49 PMWitchy, try not to spend the last hours of your 30th birthday in the ladies room comforting a crying guy in drag.
I'm fairly sure that's not going to happen, but you never know. I will try to remember your word, unlike Oedipus with the Oracle's warning that he seems to have promptly forgotten right after receiving it. I mean, if you're told you're going to kill your father and marry your Mother, it seems that the way to avoid this fate is by not killing men old enough to be your father and not marrying women old enough to be your mother. But perhaps that only seems obvious in hindsight.
So, if I am unable to avoid men in drag, I will certainly flee the scene if they start crying.
Posted by: witchstone on March 7, 2003 12:54 PM*poof* Happy Birthday Witchie, Happy Birthday, and all those joyous greetings, like: you don't look-your-age, remember when you were just a little girl...you look like Buffy(Family Affair);P, ...come her and let me give you your b-day spanks & a pinch on your ass to grow an inch...& the always, it just seems like yesterday you blew out your first candle dear...
The bars of Dallas have a Martini waiting for you. so do you want your brew witchie, stirred or shaken
Posted by: Thomcatspike on March 7, 2003 01:07 PM*looks at picture of Witchstone and some unidentified girl missing their trains*
*compares*
*wonders if there ever was a life changing incident involving a priest and a lawnmower*
Thirty cheers for Ms. Stone!!!
Posted by: aw on March 7, 2003 01:45 PMAccording to anathema, I don't even deserve a y.
Thank you all for your sober and thoughtful wishes.
And now: silly pictures.
Posted by: witchstone on March 7, 2003 01:54 PM(Psst...does anyone have any rich male friends? We need to get this girl hitched. She's not getting any younger...)
Posted by: aw on March 7, 2003 01:57 PMWell, I surely can't top tcs's tribute, so let me just wish you a happy birthday, you little imp.
Also, I wonder if it's significant that it's also Tammy Faye Baker and Willard Scott's birthday.
Posted by: pardon me on March 7, 2003 02:01 PMAlso, I wonder if it's significant that it's also Tammy Faye Baker and Willard Scott's birthday.
Yet more evidence that they are, in fact, the same person.
Posted by: jonmc on March 7, 2003 02:04 PMI demand a return of an ancient and esteemed tradition: the birthday spanking.
And one to GROW on!!
Happy Birthday, Witchy.
Posted by: Fes on March 7, 2003 02:08 PM*raises Pink Squirrel cocktail at Witchy and smiles*
You are the bombinest of the bomb-y bomb-squad girls. Da bombinest! Bombinatious! Bombalicious! Da BOMB!
To you, at thirty, which seems oddly similar to those other years....
Posted by: readymade on March 7, 2003 02:24 PM9622.net: Da bombinest! Bombinatious! Bombalicious! Da BOMB!
Posted by: jpoulos on March 7, 2003 02:26 PM*waves the Top Secret March Birthday Hand Signal at witchy*
Posted by: Cyrano on March 7, 2003 02:38 PMWhat kind of really cool, bright-lights and big-city, high heels and lipstick rockin' thing are you doin' for your birthday, Witchy?
(Please don't say "staying home and watching reruns. You will destroy all my fantasies of your glamorous life.)
Posted by: tizzie on March 7, 2003 02:40 PMMuch like Madonna, Witchstone sets the trends, alters the currents of society. If she were to stay home watching reruns on her birthday, then by Monday, staying home watching reruns on one's birthday would be the glamorous life.
Posted by: jpoulos on March 7, 2003 02:44 PMIf she were to stay home watching reruns on her birthday, then by Monday, staying home watching reruns on one's birthday would be the glamorous life.
Suddenly, I feel like an editorial assistant at Vogue.
Posted by: Fes on March 7, 2003 03:02 PM
So how about that monkey-related event, eh? What's up with that? Crazyness!
Posted by: Pretty_Generic on March 7, 2003 03:08 PMCheck out the love. Awesome. Your bad self deserves every smirking, mocking, mostly totally earnest bit of it.
I raise my tumbler of Buckley's mixture to you, you sweet, bad thang. May your lifespan exceed my current temperature.
Posted by: Chico on March 7, 2003 03:10 PMuh, happy birthday. i guess i made a post just for you, so that's your birthday present and stuff.
that and i'm going to get drunk tonight.
uh, in your honor, if you like.
Posted by: fishfucker on March 7, 2003 03:23 PMHappy birthday, witchy. I eagerly await more Stretchcalade drubk pics.
Posted by: Vidiot on March 7, 2003 04:18 PMHappy birthday, witchstone!
You'll enjoy your thirties-it's the big 4-0 that's a...(w)itch!
*tosses birthday confetti and shredded carrots*
*along with the requisite poo*
I need me a cocktail. One of them big colorful ones with plants growing out of 'em an fish swimmin in em and stuff.
Posted by: jonmc on March 7, 2003 04:49 PM
Happy Birthday Witchstone - have a good time with the boys tonight.
Happy Tranny-Free Birthday, witchy! May you rock and roll all night, and party e-very day!
Somebody say somethin' about free beer?
I see ColdChef in that picture! He's got the tie with the giant polka dots - he's on the left, behind the geezer with the cigar.
CC and Witchy, doing that party thang!
Posted by: tizzie on March 7, 2003 08:53 PMI also got you a handmade crochet thong for those long sexy winter nights.
Posted by: ColdChef on March 7, 2003 11:22 PMHappy Birthday, Witchstone!
There will be a lot of revelling round the magic stone tonight!
All the best and congratulations to your happy parents!
Posted by: Miguel on March 8, 2003 12:33 AMAnd welcome to what Balzac called "la summité poétique" in La Femme de Trente Ans!
Running late (as usual), but happy b-day, witchstone! Hope it was a good one.
Posted by: aine42 on March 8, 2003 12:40 AMw00t! Happy birfday, Witchy! :)
"Wooo-hooo, Witchy woman...she's got a big piece of caa-aa-aaaake..."
:D
Posted by: roe/metrocake on March 8, 2003 12:45 AMA thousand apologies for being late. So I toss a belated Happy Birthday and a quick hangover cure your way, Miss Stone. I'd raise a drink, but a 102.4 degree temperature isn't quite conducive to the alkyhaul. Maybe tonight. HOpe you had a great one!
Posted by: ufez on March 8, 2003 11:51 AMYes, happy belated b-day! Sorry I'm late. Mr. _sally and I were out celebrating his acceptance to CUNY last night.
30 is the year, I believe, that one starts subtracting a year from one's age every subsequent birthday. Or at least that's what my Aunts Zsa Zsa and Ava told me.
Posted by: cowboy_sally on March 8, 2003 12:10 PMTo coffee addicted monkeys adampsyche and dong_resin go to the irving farm website and buy a pound of the "71 Irving Place House Blend" in the grind of your choice. We had a pot of it this morning. Best. Coffee. Ever. You will thank me for this. It got the sleepy pips all hyped up to go out and shower a baby or something. I'm stuck here eating breakfast bowls. I may amble to the beer store soon. Whoopee.
Posted by: jonmc on March 8, 2003 12:45 PM
Jon, please for the class...name something you WOULDN'T eat.
Posted by: ColdChef on March 8, 2003 01:33 PMbeets, brussels sprouts, raw onion, coconut, almonds, frogs legs, escargot, artchockes, liver, cheetos, sunflower seeds, shall I go on?
beets, brussels sprouts, raw onion, coconut, almonds, frogs legs, escargot, artchockes, liver, cheetos, sunflower seeds,
One of these things is not like the other,
One of these things does not belong...
Hm. I will try that, jon. Always up for a good cup. While we're at it, check out these guys, the Kona is cheaper than most, and it is better than most other Kona I've had (and it's not crappy blend). Ordering straight from the farm is the way to go with Kona.
Posted by: adampsyche on March 8, 2003 04:57 PMShower the baby with what, precisely?
I get all coffee'd up, I'm generally kept away from babies.
You know, I have a bottle of Boone's Farm Kiwi Starwberry, a Cadbury Creme egg and a Caramel Chocolate Chunk Rice Krispies Treat.
Lock up your potted plants.
Posted by: jonmc on March 8, 2003 07:49 PMEven if you don't eat the potted plant, I expect you're going to get a tooth ache.
Posted by: tizzie on March 8, 2003 08:11 PMWho said anything about eating potted plants, tizzie? I just might get horny is all...
Posted by: jonmc on March 8, 2003 08:23 PMAlways late to the damn party. (And always way more stoned that everyone else.)
Witchy, baby, I hope your birthday was bad-fucking-ass. I hope there was major, major debauchery. I hope there were birthday spankings.
Posted by: brittney on March 8, 2003 10:35 PMI know I've touted them before, but Eaqual Exchange has some great roasts. I go through about 5 pounds of the Costa Rican Vienna Roast around every 6 weeks.
Posted by: ana on March 8, 2003 10:38 PMI know I've touted them before, but Equal Exchange has some great roasts. I go through about 5 pounds of the Costa Rican Vienna Roast around every 6 weeks.
Posted by: ana on March 8, 2003 10:38 PMHappy birthday again witchy. Didja manage to stick to the drinking limits we discussed?
Posted by: walrus on March 9, 2003 11:01 AMHappy Belated, WS.
Suggested Bday gift for 9622ers:
"Barrel of Monkeys"
"Any Number Can Play"
Heh...
Happy Belated, WS.
Suggested Bday gift for 9622ers:
"Barrel of Monkeys"
"Any Number Can Play"
Heh...
Witchy, try not to spend the last hours of your 30th birthday in the ladies room comforting a crying guy in drag.
Happy Tranny-Free Birthday, witchy!
So, in a bizarre twist of events (that obviously proves the prescience of 9622) I was taken to dinner to Lucky Cheng's on Friday. Trannies everywhere! I was even set up with The Lap Dance to End All Lap Dances. Girls, she was grinding, dancing, leg lifting all over me and then she stood me up and said "Okay, honey, keep your legs closed tight" and before I knew what had hit me she had me up in the air upside down. Thank god for vinyl skirts that stick to you.
If there are any not-too-embarrassing pictures developed, I'll post some later.
Once again, thanks for all the wishes and pictures and drinks hoisted in my honor.
I Kiss You!
Posted by: witchstone on March 10, 2003 09:56 AMOkay, just received this in my email--it's obviously someone who has a homework assignment who came to 9622:
r u alyson hannigan? if yuo r can yuo give me ur sn please well g2g buhbyez
Posted by: witchstone on March 10, 2003 10:03 AM"give me ur sn"?? Sign? Snot? Son?
I'm glad she chose you, witchy. I do not have enough stamps to send her snot, let alone my son.
Heh, way to wind up with your legs in the air on your birthday!!
Posted by: tizzie on March 10, 2003 10:11 AMHeh, way to wind up with your legs in the air on your birthday!!
Makes me think of that old Redd Foxx joke:
Two women are walking down the street and one says to the other, "Isn't that your husband I see coming out of the florist?"
"Yes," the second one says, "Now I'm going to have to keep my legs in the air for a week."
"Well, why don't you use a vase?"
tizzie - I could chip in for postage if it'd help. I know what it means to grow up snotless, and if a booger from their idol might brighten someone's day, well, I would be willing to help you make that happen for that theoretical someone.
Just saying.
Alyson witchstone, sweetheart, the same offer of course applies.
Posted by: Snotty Struthers on March 10, 2003 10:57 AMA note about posting images:
We encourage users to post images, especially those hilarous pics of monkeys
wearing dresses or programming for Linux. But posting images that reside on someone
else's server is considered by many to be bandwidth theft. Our thoughts
on the matter, along with some solutions to the problem, can be found
here. Thanks.
In an effort to help eliminate spam (and to preserve the sanity of the 9622 Volunteer Simian Spam-Cop Brigade) all threads older than 30 days will now be closed to comments.