[Photograph added by popular demand]
1. Turkish Premier Abdullah Gul?
2. Or Terrorist Suspect Khalid Sheikh Mohammad?
Who knows if he doesn't watch his diet, or becomes fond of those wide-neck Pakistani ezy-doze tees, or starts missing his waxing appointments?
Anyone else have the patience to dig up a photo or two or could-be doppelgangers? Or just put it in words? Please?
Posted by at March 09, 2003 01:42 AMLookalikes that fail to impress, like Mick Jagger, are funny too...
Miguel, you Portuguese bastard. Don't you know that "Batman and Robin" was enough of a gay joke. Beware the licking pig. The sparrow flies at dawn. I'm bleeding. No stop. No stop dammit. Really, no. Stop. Fucker, knock it off. Stop. I'm assuming that you're going to put "Dictated By...". Ha Ha Ha You're such a prick. Are you going to change that to Mars Crash or what. No. You prick. End. I'm done with you. Hey. Hit post motherfucker. Hey Martin. Elmer.
Posted by: tj on March 9, 2003 05:14 AMI'm sorry about the James Joyce stream-of-conscience type thing there, but TJ wanted to post, and he's really bleeding and I'm not a good stenographer.
The End.
I've had Khalid in my site logo for a bit past a week now, and I suppose I should take `em out, but he's just s'dang adorable that I can't make myself do it.
*leans in, tickles Khalid under his brillo'd chin*
Who's a mass murdering religious bugshit wacko? You are! Yes you are!
That is the funniest face, I swear. I just can't stop looking at Mr. Jeremy up there. I've never seen such bedhead.
Posted by: adampsyche on March 9, 2003 08:27 AM*waves hand from the front of the class*
Teacher, teacher, I know!
George's genes:
Dad:
Aunt Rosie:
Apple falls not far from tree:
Unless he gets into the bourbon balls:
Here in the Clooney's neighborhood, we know.
I don't wanna do laundry! Lisa making me do laundry! Make her stop!
Posted by: jonmc on March 9, 2003 10:24 AMPutin and Dobby. (As noted by MrMoonPie here.)
I also think that Ringo Starr and Yasser Arafat are the same person. Think! Have YOU ever seen them together? There you go.
Posted by: Vidiot on March 9, 2003 01:31 PMCommon theory from pissed off nerds looking to hate George Lucas was that Yasser actually got the Dobby treatment with Watto from The Phantom Menace.
Going to a laundromat ranks right up there with a cavity filling on the fun scale.
Posted by: adampsyche on March 9, 2003 05:59 PMMy laundromat is near a cheap bar, so I can have suds with my um...suds.
Posted by: jonmc on March 9, 2003 07:26 PMhmmm ...thanks for bringing up the laundry jon,
im down to my last clean sock here..its like the alamo or something..i refuse to hand my underpants over to the granite faced harpie that rules the laundry!
i will never surrender !
(goes back to sniffing t-shirts)
i refuse to hand my underpants over
Okay, who else is glad Sgt's in Edinburgh?
*raises hand*
Posted by: Vidiot on March 9, 2003 07:50 PMWe recently held a Viking funeral for my husband's last pair of underpants from Britain. Threw them into the flames and stood at attention while they burned. He mourns them, as he hasn't found any American boxers that do not have a "fallout" problem.
And that's all the more detail we'll go into on the subject.
Posted by: tizzie on March 9, 2003 08:19 PMHey, while everyone is here (and I can't do laundry) I would like to nominate Sierra Mist as the official soft drink of 9622.
If you saw the ad with the monkeys you know why. In fact I suspect some of you were IN the ad.
Posted by: b***Yfire on March 9, 2003 09:44 PMSierra Mist is evil. I've spoken on this before.
Besides, what is a "soft" drink exactly.
Posted by: jonmc on March 9, 2003 10:09 PMjonmc, Sierra Mist tastes like Mountain Dew or Mello Yellow WITHOUT the caffeine. There must be some addictive property to it as I have bought a ton of it since I tried it.
Besides, the local IGA was selling a sixpack for 99 cents.
(and you know very well that a soft drink is anything Miguel doesn't imbibe.)
Posted by: b***Yfire on March 9, 2003 10:18 PMjonmc, Sierra Mist tastes like Mountain Dew or Mello Yellow WITHOUT the caffeine. There must be some addictive property to it as I have bought a ton of it since I tried it.
Besides, the local IGA was selling a sixpack for 99 cents.
(and you know very well that a soft drink is anything Miguel doesn't imbibe.)
Posted by: b***Yfire on March 9, 2003 10:18 PMTizzie, I gave up on boxers for the same reason. Amazingly, I just threw out my last pairs today. Really.
Posted by: ana on March 9, 2003 10:26 PMYou can wear boxers and have a fallout problem, or you can wear briefs and see the scorched earth from the actual detonation.
And that's all I'm saying on that subject.
Posted by: yhbc on March 9, 2003 11:22 PMOh, and Sierra Mist is horrible. Plese buy more so it won't find me and pollute me.
Posted by: kaf on March 9, 2003 11:44 PMBut I have actually gotten on the soda wagon. No more soda shall pass my lips unless it's club soda in my whisky.
Posted by: kaf on March 9, 2003 11:45 PM9622.net: Flap in the breeze and be proud!
(That being said, can we get some kind of special soda dispensation for those of us who like the crisp, clean and no caffeine taste of 7up with our gin?)
Posted by: Cyrano on March 10, 2003 12:45 AMWhy hey, I'm a flappy-pants pappy myself, and by golly there oughtn't to be much shame in that, nosirree!
And my first thought when I saw Khalid's photo was, "Oh my god, it was Nick Nolte who masterminded 9/11! And I bet he was so hammered he doesn't even remember!"
Posted by: Chico on March 10, 2003 02:35 AMI thought George Clooney was already hideously wrong. I think it's the head bobble.
And I vote for boxer briefs or boxers or commando. Anything but tighty whiteys.
Posted by: witchstone on March 10, 2003 09:45 AMThe strangest thing has been happening to me. For the past week or so I keep waking up around 2:30am, thirsty as hell. Then I'll go take a slug of milk or juice and go back to sleep.
I wouldn't worry so much, except it's happened so much. Plus I feel kinda achy and lethargic today, plus I have worse than usual abdominal cramps. Iprobably dying, right?
Posted by: jonmc on March 10, 2003 09:55 AMThe strangest thing has been happening to me. For the past week or so I keep waking up around 2:30am, thirsty as hell. Then I'll go take a slug of milk or juice and go back to sleep.
I wouldn't worry so much, except it's happened so much. Plus I feel kinda achy and lethargic today, plus I have worse than usual abdominal cramps. I'm probably dying, right?
A Day In The Life, now post!
Posted by: jonmc on March 10, 2003 09:55 AMYou need a complete blood work-up, jon. There is probably something akin to deep-fried molasses running through your veins.
Posted by: tizzie on March 10, 2003 10:14 AMI'm a boxer brief man. I can't be swinging starboard and port like some comical version of Big Ben. It's over here! It's over there! Pfui.
Commander McBooty and The Piecemakers need support, dammit.
Posted by: Fes on March 10, 2003 10:18 AMJust for the record, I'm a standard boxer man, since my early twenties. But, I'm thinking of switching back to tighty-whities, just to complete the whole overgrown kid persona...
Posted by: jonmc on March 10, 2003 10:22 AMTried boxer briefs, but I just can't be fettered like that. Ain't natural to be all couped up like that.
Posted by: adampsyche on March 10, 2003 11:29 AMFor the past week or so I keep waking up around 2:30am, thirsty as hell.
Sounds like you're drinking beer before bedtime.
That's a great Elvis Costello song by the way. "Beers Before Bedtime".
Posted by: kaf on March 10, 2003 11:37 AMI'm a boxer brief man, too. But sometimes tighty whiteys just make a guy wanna sing.
Posted by: pardon me on March 10, 2003 11:39 AMSounds like you're drinking beer before bedtime.
Yes. And lots of it. But, I've been doing that for over a decade. Why's it fuckin' me up now?
Posted by: jonmc on March 10, 2003 11:46 AMI can't keep water by the bed anymore, 'cause that little runt Humbert Humbert keeps trying to drink it and he knocks it all over my nightstand. I have to keep a sport bottle there now.
Posted by: adampsyche on March 10, 2003 11:48 AMBut, I've been doing that for over a decade. Why's it fuckin' me up now?
Who knows? It could be your age. Could be that you quit smoking. If you think about the effects of a hangover as being a direct result of dehydration, it's not surprising. Makes you wonder, too, why drink so much beer just to go to sleep?
In my heavy boozing days, I would have dreams of swimming in a swimming pool full of orange juice.
It's your body trying to tell you something, like as not.
Posted by: kaf on March 10, 2003 11:58 AMI remember once my body was trying to tell me to stop acting like a $2 crack whore, but it kept saying it in Japanese. After much gesturing and flailing about, I finally convinced it that no, I didn't know Japanese (although I think it still has its doubts).
Posted by: witchstone on March 10, 2003 12:09 PMIn my heavy boozing days, I would have dreams of swimming in a swimming pool full of orange juice.
I did as well, though it wasn't a dream, and it wasn't orange juice.
Posted by: adampsyche on March 10, 2003 12:19 PMYes, you have to remember, when your body is trying to tell you something, that it most likely has purely selfish motives. I once received a very complex series of communiqués from my body which ended only in a hot fudge sundae and a shiatsu massage.
Posted by: kaf on March 10, 2003 12:19 PMMy body usually speaks in binary or morse code. I don't know how to decipher "101001001010110101010101010110100100010101010100100101011010101010101011010010001010101010010010101101010101010101101001000101010101001001010110101010101010110100100010101010100100101011010101010101011010010001010101010010010101101010101010101101001000101010," though it does have a foreboding tone to it, doesn't it?
Posted by: adampsyche on March 10, 2003 12:22 PMSpeaking of dreams, the other night I had a dream that I was driving somewhere and I saw this apartment complex and for some reason, I pulled over and went inside and found my way to this apartment where there was a party going on. Kafkaesque was there, but he still had his old hair. He offered me sushi hors d'ouvres.
Make of that what ever you wish.
Posted by: jonmc on March 10, 2003 12:22 PMMy plans for appearing in every 9622er's dreams are well on their way to reality!
Who's next? I'm free on Wednesday.
Posted by: kaf on March 10, 2003 12:25 PMI just had my third dream about a monkey. First it was miguel, then kaf, and now ColdChef.
He worked as a cashier at this whole foods grocery place and he wouldn't ring up my items. Conflict of interests, he said. Then he made fun of my coupons.
I so shit you not.
Posted by: brittney on March 10, 2003 12:31 PMWe have a new game at The Ranch, called "don't hang up!" The phone rings (and oh does it ring!), and we quickly press the speakerphone button to connect the line, and then immediately press the Mic button to turn off the microphone, so the person calling doesn't hear anything. We then wager on how long the person will actually sit there before they hang up. For each time the person says "hello?" the answerer gets 50 cents, and for each time we where them exclaim "I heard it ring once!" the answerer gets a buck.
My record is a paltry 40 seconds, but my friend had a caller of 1:43 just the other day.
Posted by: adampsyche on March 10, 2003 12:35 PMMake of that what ever you wish.
*displays oragami sculpture*
Well, it was supposed to be Rodin's The Kiss, but in reality it looks more like a pterodactyl.
And kaf, this astral projection thing has got to stop. What if someone steals your body whilst you are out of it? What then?
Posted by: witchstone on March 10, 2003 12:38 PMWoooHOOO! I know what I'll be listening to whilst I'm plotting to steal Kaf's body later tonite!
Posted by: tizzie on March 10, 2003 12:43 PMAs long as no-one makes it wear a silly hat, like a tricorner or something, I don't mind so much.
Posted by: kaf on March 10, 2003 12:44 PMAs long as no-one makes it wear a silly hat
If you insist...
Think it might have been Adam Ant in there for the evening?
Posted by: witchstone on March 10, 2003 01:25 PMdandy fancy-pants californians....with your pointy hats and your powdery wigs...think you're so much better than the rest of us, don't you? Don't you!?!?
*sniffs*
Posted by: ufez on March 10, 2003 02:11 PMI'm totally stealing his body now. It's even better with the hat!
Posted by: tizzie on March 10, 2003 02:31 PMSeparated At Birth?
Adrian Brody (The Pianist)
jonmc
Just sayin'.
Posted by: Crash on March 10, 2003 03:56 PMI think Jon's the lovechild of David Naughton, who was not only the star of American Werewolf in London, but also the satin-jacketed "Pepper" guy from the 70s commercials.
Posted by: kaf on March 10, 2003 04:03 PMIs anyone going to the meetup on the 22nd? Anathema is supposed to meet up with aw and I...just wondering if it's still on, and where it's going to be.
Posted by: adampsyche on March 10, 2003 05:25 PMNo wonder the kitty litter has been more full than usual lately...
Posted by: adampsyche on March 10, 2003 06:18 PMOK, folks. A quick quiz:
Which one of these is the real guy-you-never-heard-of, Ronan Keating?
Contestant #1:
Contestant #2:
Contestant #3:
Second question.
Which profession is more pathetic:
A. 
Crocodile Dundee Impersonator?
B. 
Camilla Parker-Bowles Impersonator?
or
C.
This woman:
OH MY GOD! I TOTALLY THOUGHT THAT WAS CAMILLA PARKER BOWLES, DOOD!
Posted by: kaf on March 10, 2003 07:31 PMThey all have one thing in common: you're collecting the shit from the one that follows you. But with C you get it before it hits the street...
Posted by: Thomcatspike on March 10, 2003 07:33 PMIS THIS THE SIGHT FOR CAMILLA? I WANT MARRYING YOU AND BE MADE KINGS!
Posted by: CAMILALOVER on March 10, 2003 07:40 PM the one that follows you. , what I meant:
The famous one, you're following after.
Do you think dumbo's shit can fly, too? just wondering.
Posted by: kaibutsu on March 11, 2003 03:05 AMJon looks like the UK Springsteen lookalike, post-laundry!
Lots more dubious music lookalikes at this sorry site.
Posted by: Miguel on March 11, 2003 04:39 AMOh look - ColdChef before he married and tidied himself up, with what looks like one of our monkeys.
Boy, it's lonely in the mornings here...
Here's a good likeness for those who follow soccer: Bobby Robson and that other criminal from The Sopranos:
folks, i wish i could say more, our boys, pray for them....f-usa
Posted by: Thomcatspike on March 11, 2003 07:49 AMlupo, i'm pissed...sorry to bring here..but this is more than drubk...they don't have backing, nor do they for the troops.
Posted by: Thomcatspike on March 11, 2003 08:17 AMfolks, i wish i could say more, our boys, pray for them....f-usa
The women of the armed forces thank you for thinking of them.
Posted by: witchstone on March 11, 2003 09:34 AMWell, my friends, I'm off to Gay Paree. Don't worry, I'm telling everyone that I'm Canadian. How aboot that, eh?
Posted by: witchstone on March 11, 2003 12:06 PMWitchy!!! Bon Voyage! Au revoir! Uhm, viva la France! Ou est la salle de baines?
I have run out of French things to say...
Don't fall in the Seine!!!
Posted by: tizzie on March 11, 2003 12:16 PMRemember to play The Outrageous French Type Drinking Game.
Step a: Get some booze (preferably Pernod or Pastis)
Step 2: Drink the booze whenever a French type says "Euhh..."
Step 27: Fall over
Oh, kaf, I love that game!
Bone Voyage, witchy! Send my love to Charles Aznavour if you see him!
Posted by: Chico on March 11, 2003 01:59 PMEat cheese! Drink wine! Visit the Pompadou! Look at the Seine! Meet some French guy so you can marry him and get French citizenship!
And then adopt all of us!
Posted by: readymade on March 11, 2003 02:06 PMAnd be on the lookout for wily camemberts, lying in wait in dark alleys.
Posted by: kaf on March 11, 2003 02:08 PMAlso, it's important to never get between the Mama Bear and her Camembert.
That's how Grandpa lost his elbows.
Posted by: Chico on March 11, 2003 03:04 PMIs that what he told you? I heard he lost them to a widow from Passaic playing Carribean stud in Atlantic City.
Posted by: jpoulos on March 11, 2003 03:18 PMI thought that was how he lost his ass.
You may be right, though. My memory hasn't been the same since I got beaten up by that gang of roving Elton John impersonators who kept quoting ColdChef to me until I passed out.
The streets just ain't safe no more, I tell ya.
Posted by: Chico on March 11, 2003 04:02 PMOh, witchy, if you see Pepe Le Peu, and I'm sure you will, tell him my cat says to stop calling.
Posted by: jonmc on March 11, 2003 04:30 PMJeebus. I'm gone for a day and when I come back, I'm friggin' Elton John. No...wait. I'm a FAUX Elton John. I'm Eldon Jon.
Cripes. I need a new set of friends.
(slips off to make a cameo in that dream where Brittney finds herself naked on the last day of school)
Posted by: ColdChef on March 11, 2003 06:33 PM
Also, congratulations to Britt:
the Number One Brittney in the world!
Posted by: jpoulos on March 11, 2003 07:03 PMBooyah!
Did you mean Britney
No, you dolt, I spelt it right, now give me my results already.
Posted by: Chico on March 11, 2003 07:35 PMWomen in tank tops. Roawr.
And, in honour of Witchstone's journey:
Death to the French
by Stinky del Negro
Darn, I'm on the 5th page for "Adam."
Heh. I'm on the second page for tizzie, and I don't even have my own blog, dammit.
I'd rather be this one, though.
Posted by: tizzie on March 11, 2003 08:45 PMAnd I think our Brittney is way cuter than that other one. Who the hell is she?? Looks like a cheerleader in a toothpaste ad.
Posted by: tizzie on March 11, 2003 08:47 PMAnd I think our Brittney is way cuter than that other one. Who the hell is she?? Looks like a cheerleader in a toothpaste ad.
Posted by: tizzie on March 11, 2003 08:47 PMOn what has been a really cruddy day, this was nice to stumble into.
Take that, Mom! I'm #1!
(And ColdChef, I've written VODKER on my water bottle I keep at work. Big laughs, big laughs.)
(Witchy, au revoir! If you make out wearing a beret you'll be my personal hero.)
Posted by: brittney on March 11, 2003 09:01 PMI've written "Watah" on my vodka bottle at work. It's not working out quite as well.
Posted by: jonmc on March 11, 2003 09:10 PMRemember, that when you snarl "VODKER!", you should hold your mouth to one side in a kind of Dick Cheny-esque grimace.
Posted by: ColdChef on March 11, 2003 09:20 PM(Witchy, au revoir! If you make out wearing a beret you'll be my personal hero.)
Was this a European Vacation reference?
Rusty?
Posted by: adampsyche on March 11, 2003 09:59 PMI'm somewhat in awe that I have passed the actual Crash Davis to become the number one search result.
Posted by: Crash on March 11, 2003 10:23 PMPortugal says EU will ban its chicken exports on Monday
*scratches Miguel's house off list of possible crashpads when the bombs start falling on Seoul*
Posted by: stavrosthewonderchicken on March 11, 2003 11:10 PMCamemberts are easily dealt with. (Especially Earl Camembert.)
Now, Epoisse is the one to watch out for. (plus its sneaky cousin Reblochon.)
hey, witchy, while you're over there, ask them if they want the Statue of Liberty back. We don't seem to be using it much over here.
Posted by: Vidiot on March 12, 2003 12:17 AM[W.C.Fields] was devoted, as much as to anything or anybody, to the bottle and once after shooting a scene he looked around for a beaker of pineapple juice he'd been drinking, gulped some down, spluttered and roared: "Hey! Some rascal's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!"
Posted by: Miguel on March 12, 2003 12:59 AMVidiot, I'm watching you.
And we're crafting a huge drop cloth to be draped over the statue's more revealing curves. I think you might even be able to see the outline of a nipple under all that stone clothing she's wearing.
Posted by: Attorney General Ashcroft on March 12, 2003 04:42 AM
mmmm...big stone 'n' copper nipples. (the REAL reason I moved to Noo Yawk.)
Posted by: Vidiot on March 12, 2003 01:51 PMMy maiden name was Nipples, you know.
That was why I got married so young.
Posted by: Stoney Curtis on March 12, 2003 05:33 PMToo obvious, but...
1. Terrorist Suspect Khalid Sheikh Mohammad
2. Or Porn Legend Ron Jeremy?
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We encourage users to post images, especially those hilarous pics of monkeys
wearing dresses or programming for Linux. But posting images that reside on someone
else's server is considered by many to be bandwidth theft. Our thoughts
on the matter, along with some solutions to the problem, can be found
here. Thanks.
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