Only 5 for the cool dude with the cigar, peering through the bar(s)? What does this say for the readership of Modern Humorist? Huh?

[Dr. Resin's handy tips for the purloining of monkey pictures in the public domain have tragically been of no avail.]

Post haste!

Damn! Stav managed to lift one from the Bill!

(monkey ads, fake ape, chimp porn, too cute for words, flinging feces, insufficiently evolved, etc.){this posted under Hot or Not}

Took the Are you tha alpha male test, my score was #(?), it didn't work for me, so I take it the bold above must apply for me...eeek eek.

Adding, I want to go back to Jr high, as missing out on this fun-rebellious-antics would this be w/current issues with this class JEFFERSON HIGH SCHOOL ANTI-WAR WEEKEND HOMEWORK STRIKE? I take it; it's a joke; butt...

I was at my folks' house yesterday watching Animal Planet, where I got to see a baby howler monkey be born. It was so ADORABLE.

Howler monkeys are just cool.

They won't pick you up at the airport.

dong, be serious, there's no way a howler monkey could pick you up, at the airport or anywhere else. They're like two feet high, and you're a grown man. I mean c'mon, no way could that happen.

They are pretty cute though, but I bet seeing one born is kind of, you know, icky. I saw my son being born and, hey, I love him and everything, but it was pretty gross. And just when you think you're done? there's a giant grand finale of grossness. Which they asked me if I wanted to SAVE!! WTF is up with THAT??

Anyway, like I say, get real man, no way could a two-foot monkey pick you up. Although I think a chimp could, maybe. They're supposed to be four times as strong as a medium sized human. With that, one could probably toss you across the living room, I bet. That'd hurt like a mutha.

Just as an aside, I'm wearing a shiny white tie today and, if I may say so, feeling pretty damn schwanky. Try to control your envy, gents.

Dong, get in, where to?

Obviously, when Senator Resin says "pick you up" he is referring to a complex system of monkey pulleys and levers, with several monkeys working as a well oiled machine.

Monkey oiling is totally optional.

Hey Snappy Dresser, white ties lead the pack, gettin too.

Fes, as handsome a figure as you cut, do you think that wearing a white tie is a good idea, given your apparent propensity for getting blind drubk?

(You can say that's all in the past, man, but I think we know better.)

Well, I've learned to better handle my booze since then. And apparently my reaction time has improved a bit, because I just now successfully batted away a blue flair pen that I dropped right above my snappy white tie!

Whew! That could have been ogly.

*tips 3/4 full glass of fizzy clear liquid at the dashing monkey in the fine set of wheels*

I'm actually wearing a shiny plaid shirt, but that's just because it hasn't been washed in a while. I have a shiny white face as well, for the same reasons.

Hygeine is overrated.

Also, the hispanic midget woman who sells newspapers on the corner of Varick & Houston keeps giving me this odd smile. And I never buy a paper.

Maybe she can read minds, dude.

Thom, I totally made that mah wallpaper. Lo-Rez humor is a gooder.

Hey guys, my daughter found a pic of me on the internet! What do you think?

And I ask you, where are the monkeys?

Which they asked me if I wanted to SAVE!!

Y'know, in some cultures, the whole village gathers around and eats it.*

Hey, Iron-Gut McNally: I have a proposition for you...

* this is true

Geez, BF, you look pretty... relaxed there. (You might want to empty that wastebasket at some point.)

But really. Cute-plus, it is. (I'd propose to you the day before our first date too, with a pic like that.)

Y'know, in some cultures, the whole village gathers around and eats it.

My cousin who lives in a nudist colony/cult compound in Hawaii did this. She's a raw food person but thankfully they cooked this particular dish before they ate it.

Like we all don't have a cousin in a nudist colony/cult compound?

Sure, that bunny's spine crumpled like an empty plastic water bottle in the hands of a extacy-freak candy raver, and so it had to be destroyed immediately after the photo was taken, but I think if it could comprehend humor it'd have been proud to have given it's life for such clever satire.

I have 47 cousins just on my mom's side of the family. I can't keep track of how many of them are nudists, orthodontists, bankers or placenta chefs.

The only time my mom ever tells me about any of them is when they acquire long-distance-call-worthy diseases.

but when do we get the pictures of the daughter, bfire?

Oh, and placenta stew goes great with a fruity port. Or so I've heard.

Wouldn't it be funny if all our nudist-cultist cousins lived on the same compound?

I'll never forget the time I visited her and she told me she was pregnant. That's when I discovered the horrifying truth that pregnancy makes your nipples the size of pie plates. And I won't get into the color change.

Which they asked me if I wanted to SAVE!!

Thought that had to do with saving some bone marrow, or is that only in the umbilical cord? So you don't have to have a love one go under the knife to extract some if need be...

cowboy_sally, are you coming on saturday? metrocake? fess up you scurvy rogues!

I think that I am the only member of my family who's ever been naked (anywhere)*, never mind lived in a compound.

Also, I hope no New York restaraiteurs are reading this thread, because then it's only a matter of time until someone opens "La Boulangerie De Placenta" down in TriBeCa.

Plus, if c_sally's cuz is in Hawaii, we should hook her up with Rob The EMT and create the first 9622 yenta-ing.

*this is probably a good thing.

the whole village gathers around and eats it

thankfully they cooked this particular dish before they ate it.

Augh! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go throw up for a couple days.

Thought that had to do with saving some bone marrow,

if it does, the certainly didn't mention it. They just wiggled it at me like some horrible jello mold until I was so grossed out that I had a seizure and swallowed my tongue in revulsion.

That's when I discovered the horrifying truth that pregnancy makes your nipples the size of pie plates. And I won't get into the color change.

If that happened to MissusFes, I missed it. There were myriad strange and unusual side effects, however, primarily gastrointestinal and bladder-control related. I honestly don't know how you all put up with it.

Hey look, I found a pic of Rob the EMT.

Postcenta? No thank you!

Do we have to mail it to you within two days?

Witchy, you non-believer. He is real, and he brings presents to all the good little boys and girls and has a sleigh...

Wait a minute.

He is real, ask Evan and Roe and Nicwolff. It's too bad he didn't show up at any of the gatherings, it woulda been fun watching the girl monkey/mefites eat out of his hand.

No! We should hook her up with my friend Julio the Suicidal Bagel Shop Manager!

Julio is also fabulously good looking, rich and tells fascinating stories about bagels and how he wants to kill himself but just can't seem to work up the courage.

He is in the midst of writing a book called "There Is No Love or God, Only Bialies". Werner Herzog has expressed interest in the film rights.

Bialies, do you need to be suicidal to know this word or just a Julio?

Julio would tell you the deeper significance of Bialies if only he could stop weeping.

Thought that had to do with saving some bone marrow, or is that only in the umbilical cord?

Thom, yes, some people do save cord blood for medical reasons. The whole placenta thing is different - it's not medical, it's like a new age tribal ritual.

Unless there's more to it than I've heard about, which is a distinct possibility since I've been out of that birthin' babies business for a lot of years.

Ehh, Julio can go screw a rolling bagel.

Besides, you know those old Daffy Duck cartoons where Daffy's all cowboyed up and riding a steed into some cowtown, with a caption saying "Western Type Hero?" And just behind him would be an unshaven Porky Pig on a donkey wit the caption "Comedy Relief?"

I play Porky to Rob's Daffy. How can you resist a man who comes with his own sidekick?

Mmmmm, placenta on bialy. Now there's a sandwich.

cowboy_sally, are you coming on saturday? metrocake? fess up you scurvy rogues!

So is Saturday, 22nd blog meet up around the world?

Witchy, you non-believer. He is real

Are you suggesting that Snuffleupagus is NOT real?

it woulda been fun watching the girl monkey/mefites eat out of his hand.

Eh, not really my type. There's only one man whose gleaming chest and flowing locks can get me to eat out of his hand.

Uh, I believe the term is "sammich." And, for the love of god, they're called "jamanas," not "pajamas." That has got to be one of my favorite words, jamanas.

Mr. mc, is koko coming to the meetup as well?

You have to ask?

There's only one man whose gleaming chest and flowing locks can get me to eat out of his hand.

I so expected to click through and see a picture of me. :-(

I play Porky to Rob's Daffy.

You two are very much in love, aren't you.

jon, although I've never met RTEMT, I know he would not want to date a 40-y-o single welfare mother who believes in faeries and drum circles.

And alas, I'm not gonna be able to make it on Saturday. Two birthday parties to go to, sadly. Play some Roxy Music for me.

Finally (I know this has been covered already, but humor me) are we supposed to send our cds to fes or to the person whose name we draw?

Well, then, we may have to set koko up with a blind date.

Tizzie, it's a whole culture, apparently. Not just for bialys anymore, there are recipes for "placenta cocktail, placenta lasagna, placenta spaghetti sauce, placenta stew, and placenta pizza." I might stick to gin and nachos this Saturday night, if it's okay with everyone.

I now know more than I ever wanted to about a dish you can only serve every nine months at most.

And my locks may not flow, but at least you won't have to worry about my hair accidentally falling in your drink. That's a sure-fire mood killer.

And alas, I'm not gonna be able to make it on Saturday.

That's simply not supported.

No, it just shows what a sad existence I've led that my main bragging point is having a good-looking, rich freind.

But hey I'll take what I can get :)

Jon, I didn't want to have to do this, but I had to inform Julio of your disrespect to him and the Suicidal Bagel Shop Manager community as a whole. Julio's pretty unpredictable, so just watch your back. Since he's suicidal though, he may just take himself out before he tracks you down.

Do you feel lucky?

**stands outside Julio's house with a boombox playing The Cure and The Smiths on an endless tape loop**

It'd make me wanna kill myself...

Listen, people, there's nothing funny about bagel shop managers...

.... their life has such a hollow center.

Yes, but that's just their lox in life...

I remember this one time, Julio and me were hanging out in the bagel shop. And Julio says to me "Kaf, the darkness talks to me. It tells me to burn my money and read the patterns in the smoke. I dunno, man, maybe I'll burn the shop down."

We had a good laugh over that one, and then a week later Julio was in the best hospital in town, having cut off two of his fingers when he was low one night.

Makes you think.

I find it funny that you refer to it as "the best hospital in town" when everyone knows that it's the only hospital in town.

Yeah, Julio always joked around like that.

Another time we were at a party and he says to me "Kaf, I just can't go on any more. How can I keep serving up bagels when I know I'm just nothing. It's like the whole damn universe is against me and I'll never ever win. Never."

And I said "But you have all that money. All women want you and all men admire you, Julio!"

Julio just smiled ruefully and said "Do they, Kaf? Do they?"

What a guy.

Could someone please 'splain the swap rulz again? I was sleeping during that part of class...

Okay, first off: Ew.

Second, bagel shop guys have a holey meaningless existence. How do I know? I worked in one. So ses a' me.

Third, ew.

*bitchslaps ColdChef*

By the way, the howler monkey mama DID eat the placenta. According to the show this is to keep jaguars from noticing she just gave birth to an appetizer.

Also, I'm still pissed that my sister in law refused to save my nephew's placenta for my "Placenta Lasagna ala ColdChef". She's just fucking selfish.

I think Julio is trying to turn a corner, but just can't find one.

Hey kaf, tell the one about when they found the stash of horticultural porn in Julio's basement.

That one would be hilarious if it wasn't so tragic.

Poison sumac: the lonely man's herpes.

Could someone please 'splain the swap rulz again? I was sleeping during that part of class... *bitchslaps ColdChef*

thank you, witchy. Now, in honor of lupo, a recap:

At deadline, I will ask who's done, and that will become the master list of participants. I'll then get the last swap-group listings from Lupo, and correlate them against current participants so that repeat swapping is minimal (I'll try to get everyone in a group with people they didn't swap with last time) and notify everyone of number of dupes to make. I will also solicit playlists for people to requset copies outside their group and make their CD available to requestors.

Deadline is this Friday midnight New York time: to participate, you must have a master disk created. Only those people who notified me that they have a disk created and ready to dupe will play. Once I have a list of those with ready disks, I will get the old swap lists from Lupo, correlate, and send you the names of the people you should send disks to. Then you start making dupes and sending 'em out, right? Right.

Do we have to mail it to you within two days?

Not necessarily, but do unto others, etc., ok?

Finally (I know this has been covered already, but humor me) are we supposed to send our cds to fes or to the person whose name we draw?

You'll send your CDs to the people on your list, not to me. Unless I'm in your swap group.

After the initial swappitation has been conducted, I will call for volunteers to post their cover art and playlists, so that people may request disks from people not in their particular swap group. All this is voluntary, both requesting and sending.

Questions?

Doof, not in honor of Lupo, in honor of ColdChef.

*bitchslaps self*

Julio once told me
“I envy the forthrightness with which you face the unknown
Your solid, quiet boldness, that sheaths you from the black dangers of this world and others,
And from our eventual trek cross the Twelve Hours of the Night
Where I, I’m a bit shamed to say
(and at this, Julio's voice lowered a bit)
find it difficult, sometimes, to sleep.
The bleak terrors of legend, once reserved for children,
Lay ha’ants about me in the night, and slip chill tentacles ‘round my soul.
The crimson knives of celluloid, that populate the cathode screen
Are relived in my shallow dreams minutes ‘ere I douse the light
And, you know quite well, my loyalties lie with Science,
Not the unquestioning comfort taken from the Living Word
But I must confess, when the frights are on me
I sometimes send a prayer toward high, in hopes of, well, I know not.”

Well: I took a pull from my own bottle, and mulled Julio's admission.
“I know from which you speak, my friend,
I too have seen devils stalking in the night
And ha’ants, you say? Their icy fingers have touched my throat as well.
Scoff not; I have lain awake the evening entire, listening
To the pitter of imagined feet, the saliva click of imagined fangs.”
“S’truth?” Julio declaimed; I nod affirm.
“Then tell me! Your eyes are bright, not hooded from despair nor drink,
Your limbs are light with strength, and your brow both clear and hale.
How, then? If you suffer as do I?”

I explained: One night, my fears drawn ‘round me like a darkling cloak
I started, sweat, and swore, but sweet unconsciousness would not come.
In terrible anguish, the answer came to me inspired
As if writ in blazing capitals a story high:
“To quell the fears that plague you,
to subsume the terrors of the blackest night
you must become that which devils you,
and make the dark your own.
When you are the most fearsome creature in the shadow, the terrors shy from you
And the darkness nurtures now you, as it similarly once nursed thy imps.”

I paused, and then: “And since, I own my nights, and those of them ‘round me;
I am become a fell guardian, and keep my claws sharp as spines.
And that which stalks the dark in search of prey
I count amongst my fellows, and bid them ‘pleasant evening’ as they pass.”
Julio grimaced: “But Friend, how can this be? For can a man’s spirit
Belong to light and shadow both? No, one or other, but never both.
Can you own the night and not be of it too?”
‘Twas my turn to grimace then, for I knew Julio spoke a’right.

So, I showed Julio the eyeteeth that ensure my easy sleep,
And difficult questions, he asks no more.

You people are fucking HIGH!

Fes, feel free to do things in honor of me. I do so enjoy it.

Also, I organized the first swap, but tj organized the second. So you probably want his list of participants. I'll send you mine, too.

I'll see you, me and Julio down by the bagel shop.

Questions?

What's an EMT?

"What's an EMT?"

Electric Monkey Trainer, of course.

That's surreal, Patty. Anne Rice ain't got shit.

Julio likes his porn scratchy.

Emergency Medical Technician.

They used to be called paramedics, I think.

Eat My Turdflakes

Eldritch Muppet Turnips

Actually, RTEMT is trying to become a Honululu Cop at the moment. I keep calling him up and singing the "Hawaii 5-0" theme into the phone, but it hasn't fazed him. He's prolly too busy drinkin' mai tais and screwin' wahines.

Um, about this CD Swap: Do the songs have to be about monkeys? If so, must the monkeys also be hot? Or can the songs also be about unattractive monkeys that nobody really loves, though they might pretend otherwise, such as Morrieasy or Mick Jagger? Are those progressive members of the orginazation allowed to include songs about Monkey Pirates?

(kaibutsu retires, trying his damndest to think of a a monkey pirate song.)

[this is sad]

Dandelion break for all.

*comes in running from the thread adampsyche is talking about*

*sees the pissed monkey with the photoshopped eyes*

*feels a bit better*

*but still has another drink*

*uploads picture of George Bush to Rate My Monkey*

As depressing and scary as the war footage is, the bullshit I'm seeing on the filter and in #mefi is even more depressing. Regardless of political affilaiation, you'd think that people would realize the gravity of the situation. I won't go into details, but I've had to defend my freinds to other freinds. This is causing damage outside of Iraq already and we're all as much to blame as Saddam or Bush.

I'm profoundly disappointed.

*worships stavrosthewonderchicken as his God*

*damn, stavros, it's hard to type your whole name while blitzed*

Um, about this CD Swap: Do the songs have to be about monkeys?
No; the songs can be about anything, although songs concerning 'getting it on' are typical, perhaps even preferred.

If so, must the monkeys also be hot?
Never hurts. Ugly monkeys tend to get snubbed.

Or can the songs also be about unattractive monkeys that nobody really loves, though they might pretend otherwise, such as Morrieasy or Mick Jagger?
Of course they may. As in a knife fight, there are no rules.

Are those progressive members of the orginazation allowed to include songs about Monkey Pirates?
Even lackluster members of the organization (such as it is) are allowed - even encouraged - to include songs about monkey pirates.

What did you expect, Jon?

Moments of crisis seem like a good excuse for people to drop their pretensions and let their inner asshole out, on both sides. I'm pleased to be among level-headed individuals, who can state their opinions without denying others their right to do so.

~Except, you know, Stavros.~

ugh. getting the swap list from me may be difficult. The computer that it was/is on is in, well, parts. The hard drive is intact, but I won't be able to get to it for a couple days at best.

A) I voted "10" for all the monkeys, except for one that had an ugly human in it.

B) I love you guys.

C) I love you guys.

D) That is all.

March 13 : Jon expresses disappointment, verging on disillusionment.

March 18 : Jon expresses sense of futility, verging on disillusionment.

March 20 : Jon expresses disappointment, verging on disillusionment.

"I'm profoundly disappointed."

I'm starting to sense a pattern here, cap'n, and am somewhat concerned about you, especially if this fuck-it gloom is also pervading your 'Real Life.' So I'm gonna give you a wee roughing up, 'cause you need it.

*roughs Jon up, in a friendly sort of way*

**reels amiably from the freindly blows**

Actually it was some people I consider freinds (I'm not naming names) attacking you in #mefi that got me disgusted initially, they said that you were quote "on their shitlist" and "suspicious." I said that since you had actually lost someone to this insanity, that I'd be inclined to give your opinion more weight, if anything. Then I left, when I got to mefi, I saw that several people in the anti-war camp(drstrangelove, skallas & mcsweetie especially) were acting just as asinine and it disgusted me.

I'm a big boy, I've taken a whack or two at activism in my life and I've listened to the tales of others. I know politics gets ugly. But I don't have to like it. My disappoitment is mainly in mefi, even when I used to disagree with peopel there, it used to stay civilized and I'd usually learn something. Now it's just making me pissed off.

Oh, well, we probably shouldn't let politics pollute the monkey house, cause this place was supposed to be a refuge from all that crap if I recall correctly.

*splat*

Exactly, jon. I was just going to mention how nice it is to have a shit-and-banana-filled refuge.

*hurls banana*

Goddamn it, MT ate my post. Was it good? Did you like it? Did it taste a little too salty? Did I use enough garlic?

Anyhow, yes, very thankful here for the refuge. Took the words from my mouth.

It's not monkey-related, but this made my day.

Yes. Since my little monkey is off of school today, I think we'll lay around in our jamanas and watch this.

whoa! never saw the movie -- but check out the voice talent! Anything with both Scatman Crothers AND Orson Welles in it has got to be pure cinematic bliss.

Not to mention Leonard Nimoy, Casey Kasem, Eric Idle, and Judd Nelson.

Not to mention Wierd Al's Dare to be Stoopid song in the soundtrack.

That was a make-or-break moment in the movie, for sure.

I believe I took Teej to go see "Transformers: El Movio" when I was a freshman in college and he was an impressionable youngster. I'm pretty sure I was stoned. He was on a "Sour Patch Kids" high. You know, you can keep watch over those Transformers all you want, but there really is more than meets the eye.

The Blue is going to be the exact opposite of "level-headed" in the next few days, so I'm not even bothering to go over there, even to watch, and I recommend that all people who don't want to have to double up on the blood pressure medicine to do the same.

Stavros is obviously "suspicious," but not in the way Mefi thinks. I mean, c'mon, a Canadian living in Korea? Look at the bones, people! Anyway, as for him being on someone's shitlist, some of those mumblers over there have to make two trips to the grocery to puzzle out the intricacies of the express lane, so getting singled out by them is the rough equivalent of getting called a poopiehead by the neighborhood children when you tell them to quit throwing rocks.

In the meantime, I am very glad that there still exists a sense of decorum and geniality in the face of what can be vast philosophical difference. And I am glad that you all have allowed me to be a part of it. Thank you all on both accounts.

As an aside, the security lady in my building called me "sweetie" today. As in, I was fishing for my badge (it stays in my briefcase, typically) and she said: "That's OK, sweetie, I know you, go on up and have a nice day." Big smile too. That kind of thing can just make your day, you know?

tj, thanks and no rush, whenever is convenient is fine (although sometime this weekend would be excellent). Just to remind everyone: I need some sort of confirm that you have a master disk made by midnight tommorrow in New York City. So far, it's just me, cowboy_sally and anathema. cowboy_sally's mix is superb, too, just so you know.

If you get caught between the moon and New York City
The best that you can do
The best that you can do
Is fall in love

'Cause everyone's your friend
In New York City
And everything is beautiful
When you're young and pretty.

--Cub

New York City really has it all, oh yeah...oh yeaah

I was going more for a Christopher Cross Fest type thing than a NYC thing. Ah well.

Because really, who doesn't love Christopher Cross?

I'll see your Christopher Cross and raise you one Kenny Loggins.

I'd participate but my momma don't dance and my daddy don't rock and roll, so don't look at me with those angry eyes, because I'm alright.

This is getting way too close to the Danger Zone.

I would participate in Crossfest, but I have to ride like the wind, to be free again.

Wow, Kenny Loggins. Now that's really edgy, man.

Witchy, someday you and I simply must get together and compare album collections. I'll bring the Richard Marx, you bring the Britney Fox.

And I so declare that we shall do this in lupo's honor, because he so loves it when we do.

what can I say? I hear that the kids likes that rock and roll...

*Disclaimer: I don't actually own any Christopher Cross or Kenny Loggins

But it doesn't mean I can't sing along to Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do).

I would believe you, except for the disconcerting fact that your pants are on fire.

Just so you know, next week is Disco Night on American Idol.

Wonderchicken, if you are on certain folks' merde list, you should take it as a compliment.

Meanwhile, back home...

Very nice, brittney. Looks spring-ier than NYFC today. (Monday was a false alarm, but March is getting more and more lamb-like.)

Spring has sprung.
The grass has riz.
I wonder where the birdie is?

errr, make that:

Spring has sprung.
The grass has riz.
I wonder where the monkey is?

I'm right heah.

Now what the fuck do you want?

Damn, Britt, you're getting mighty handy with that camera.

The sellers have til noon to accept our house offer today!

Yikes!

In the interest of full disclosure, I've paid Fes handsomely to speak so flatteringly of my mix, which seeks to answer the question: can Adam Ant and Ralph Stanley cohabitate in peace and harmony? I think they can.

As for the blue site, I can't even deal right now. I've yet to leave my house today, and I'd rather not think about what sort of thoughts are churning about in the minds of the populace right now. Trying to find my happy place.

"Outside another yellow moon
has punched a hole in the nightime
i climb through the window
and down to the street
i'm shinin' like a new dime.
the downtown trains are full
of all of those brooklyn girls,
they try so hard
to break out of their little worlds."

(worth noting that it's tom waits and not rod stewart.)

blegh.

in the last 12 hours I've:
1) Watched 1 hour of TV news coverage. I come to recall why I haven't turned on the TV since returning to America except to play video games and watch movies, which don't count, cause like one is interactive brain rot and the other is hopefully not neccesarily brain rot. Which brings us to activity number

2) Watched the second half of Neon Genesis: Evangelion. Had I bothered to sit through the credits surrounding every episode, it should have taken some six hours. As it was, it was closer to four and a half. I become more convinced that the Japanese are sort of the noble zen-masters of pacifism, which you wouldn't expect almost five hours of giant fighting robots to instill, but hey, there's the cards. (It's an awesome series, btw. Except for the last two episodes, when they ran out of money and apparently couldn't pay their animators or their writers.)

3) Sat around the local Steak and Shake, sipping a bottomless mug of coffee, and occasionally supplementing it with a bit of "hot sauce" I'd brought along from home. Realize I need to work on my bootleg Irish coffee recipe. Also that I'm edging closer to being serious about that whole "hide under my desk and drink" thing.

4) woke up after three hours of sleep to a cat licking my hair and digging her claws affectionately into my face.

hate. the. world.

but glad the monkeys are here. the blue has gone to hell.

Kafkooper will come through, I know he will.

Thanks, jpo, dahling.

Oh, there goes the neighborhood...

May I politely suggest that all good monkeys go to BookFilter and get their name registered, Lest some ne'er do well goes over there and registers MiguelCardoso and proceeds to trash the place.

I already gots mine.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

Too late.

Since I heard the Bookfilter thing was going to happen a week or two ago, I've been checking the site every single day to see if it was open yet.

This is a joyous site on an otherwise gloomy (though sunny) day.

I joined but for reasons too convoluted to explain, there I am McJon.

Kick It old school, yo.

I beg your pardon. I am Miguel's Evil Twin (tm) and you can google Mefi to prove it.

*goes stomping off to find a copyright lawyer*

I joined but for reasons too convoluted to explain, there I am McJon.

Kick It old school, yo.

I Got A Feelin' now post yo.

The new McJon! Now with dimethylpolysiloxane added as an anti-foaming agent.

Let's nail the fucker!

Speaking of BookFilter, and McDonald's, I can not recommend this book enough.

No agent shall ever stop me from foaming.

*foams*

um, sorry j-po... that link just gives me a search page. (Fast Food Nation? just guessing.)

Hey, BookFilter just put a spring in my step - thanks for the recommendation, CC!

um, sorry j-po... that link just gives me a search page. (Fast Food Nation? just guessing.)

ugh. yes. Damn session variables timed out. Fast Food Nation

I am now a fellow bookfilter member. I shall now emit a distinctly literary woot in celebration! Thanks, Coldchef

I, too, joined as "El Duderino" (if you're not into the whole brevity thing). I'm kind of tired of the whole "pardon ___" deal.

What a great idea.

Well, I've joined too, officially as "miguelseviltwin(tm)."

Heh.

I'm kind of tired of the whole "pardon ___" deal.

~Oh, but I'm sure "El Duderino" has staying power.~

The best handles come from obscure words in languages you don't actually speak.

BookFilter rules.

The last two episodes of Neon Genesis made me put my entire set on eBay just to get it away from me. I was that pissed. NewType USA has a recent issue that talks about the second Neon Genesis series, which seems impossible considering the way it appeared to end.

I said this on jonmc's site and I'll repeat it here. The thread on #069 about the war isn't any different to me than any other political thread on the site. I think that, at this moment, people are a little more passionate about their beliefs and, therefore a little more touchy on the subject. This is the one of the most important, and controversial, events to occur in the demographic of the average MeFi member.

Everything But The Girl does a fantastic version of "Downtown Train" on their "Acoustic" cd.

I haven't heard any wonderchicken bashing in #mefi.

I'll see you, me and Julio down by the bagel shop.

Reading all this talk about Julio, kaf I take it, the bagel shop is on Orangethorpe.

Just joined today. And, I just Jane Goodall's Wild Chimpanzees special at the IMAX theater at the Liberty Science Center.

Too. many. monkeys.

Er, link for that movie here.

My new wallpaper.

Yay! BookFilter. Thanks for the tip, Chef. I just joined. I'm all about the books these days.

~Oh, but I'm sure "El Duderino" has staying power.~

Hey! Am I supposed to conclude from those squiggly things that you doubt my resolve to remain "El Duderino" forever and ever?

Yeah. You're probably right.

El dude rino is this you.

I'll be back = pardon me

eyeball: You sold the thing? But you've gotta admit, up to that third-to-last episode, the thing was bloody amazing. The scene where Unit 01 rips the head off of Unit 03 is the first (and only) time I've actually cringed at anime violence. Until they wander into pop-psych-philosophy land, the storytelling is breathtaking.

Like, Miyazaki-level, from time to time.

(good luck, kaf)

I just can't compare Hideki Anno's scattered attempt at referencing disparate religious symbolism to Miyazaki's inspired myth-making. I'll agree that it was good, but, as anime goes, it was really just common mech on mech action. Don't get me wrong, I like good mech on mech (I love the new RahXephon series) stuff, but NGE didn't rise above that for me.

I have seen the first three discs of Neon: Genesis, but I'm afraid to go any further, from all the warnings I've heard. Me and Julio used to watch a lot of Captain Harlock and Star Blazers. That was before he hit himself over the head with a morningstar in the middle of a Renaissance Faire jousting tournament, of course.

ps. I think we have the house(!)

I'm on people's shitlists? Yay for ME!

My assumption is that they are stupid, or even worse political people, though, so I'm not too stressed. I can guess who they might have been. And that someone thinks I'm suspicious - is delicious.

Heh.

[And just in case any monkey friends are similarly annoyed, reading my comment with a modicum of attention in the blue thread will reveal that I wasn't calling for the deaths of many soldiers, I was just suggesting that that might cause the Bushites some pause, but then opining that it probably wouldn't.]

Great! Now you'll have a basement for your army of midget butlers!

Actually, we don't have basements here in California, but midgets are small (or so I've heard) so they'll probably fit in the crawlspace.

Stav, your anger is perfectly understandable, my friend.

Eyeballkid, I demand your presence more frequently in 9622. Don't make me take a hostage!

*grabs kaibatsu, holds pygmy marmoset to his temple*

Monkeys are funny.

See you think you have me, yet you do not. I am here, but am not. You should succeed, but cannot. Such is the way of the hostage proxy.

And congrats on the house, kaf. If I ever get my passport in order and can book a flight, I'll come visit you behind the orange curtain.

It's alright, EBK. I was counting the bullets, and that marmoset's not loaded.

Kaf, on the other hand, I am less sure of. (Anyone need one while I'm up?)

cant....take ....heavyness....must...have....monkeys......

kaibatsu, I mean. Ah, never mind.

Hey kaf, when do you know for sure? (Keep us posted, eh?)

I never typed "Homeowner," did I? I own nothing. Not even the clothes on my back.

I'm going out for a drink and watching the rest of the Leafs game down at McHale's.

I personally don't see how anyone could have misconstrued that comment, mr. chicken. But then again, there isn't much sense to go around lately.

Good going, Kaf! Bravo for you and the missus. May your equity build without lien unto the ages. May your sump pump live long and prosper. A blessing upon your HVAC unit.

These are ancient homeowner blessings. While you don't understand them now, in time you will.

(christ, go away for a couple hours and i'm being held hostage by a marmoset.)

MONKEYTEAM ATTACK!!!!!
(by scott mccloud)

oh. You should read that link outloud at the top of your lungs. Scott McCloud himself read this outloud for a lecture I attended a couple months ago, and it was farking hilarious.

That has forever changed my perception of the universe. Thank you, kaibatsu.

I'm approximately 87% drubk, and you bastards need to start posting, or I'm gonna...well, I'm gonna... I'll really be... well, *burp*

What?

One! One ball! Bwahaha!! Two! Two balls! Bwahaha!!

As counting exercises go, Count, you'd have more fun cutting off fingers and toes.

(U2 Numb)

Don't move
Don't talk out of time
Don't think
Don't worry
Everything's just fine
Just fine

Don't grab
Don't clutch
Don't hope for too much
Don't breathe
Don't achieve
Or grieve without leave

Don't check
Just balance on the fence
Don't answer
Don't ask
Don't try and make sense

Don't whisper
Don't talk
Don't run if you can walk
Don't cheat, compete
Don't miss the one beat

Don't travel by train
Don't eat
Don't spill
Don't piss in the drain
Don't make a will

Don't fill out any forms
Don't compensate
Don't cower
Don't crawl
Don't come around late
Don't hover at the gate

Don't take it on board
Don't fall on your sword
Just play another chord
If you feel you're getting bored
I feel numb
I feel numb
Too much is not enough
I feel numb
Don't change your brand Gimme what you got
Don't listen to the band
Don't gape Gimme what I don't get
Don't ape
Don't change your shape Gimme some more
Have another grape
Too much is not enough
I feel numb
I feel numb
Gimme some more
A piece of me, baby
I feel numb
Don't plead
Don't bridle
Don't shackle
Don't grind Gimme some more
Don't curve
Don't swerve I feel numb
Lie, die, serve Gimme some more
Don't theorize, realise, polarise I feel numb
Chance, dance,dismiss, apologise Gimme what you got
Gimme what I don't get
Gimme what you got
Too much is not enough
Don't spy I feel numb
Don't lie
Don't try
Imply
Detain
Explain
Start again I feel numb
I feel numb
Don't triumph
Don't coax
Don't cling
Don't hoax
Don't freak
Peak
Don't leak
Don't speak I feel numb
I feel numb
Don't project
Don't connect
Protect
Don't expect
Suggest
I feel numb
Don't project
Don't connect
Protect
Don't expect
Suggest
I feel numb
Don't struggle
Don't jerk
Don't collar
Don't work
Don't wish
Don't fish
Don't teach
Don't reach
I feel numb
Don't borrow Too much is not enough
Don't break I feel numb
Don't fence
Don't steal
Don't pass
Don't press
Don't try
Don't feel
Gimme some more
Don't touch I feel numb
Don't dive
Don't suffer
Don't rhyme
Don't fantasize
Don't rise
Don't lie
I feel numb
Don't project
Don't connect
Protect I feel numb
Don't expect
Suggest

Don't project
Don't connect
Protect I feel numb
Don't expect
Suggest

I feel numb

Numb, or at least drubken.

Stavvy, you DO sound a bit inebriated, son.

What's the occasion?

Why shouldn't I piss in the drain?

That Bono, he can be quite demanding.

Stav's down the drinker! As your Swapinistratator, I advise everyone who has balls to either be funny or cover your balls with some sort of metallic codpiece or something.

Snip Snip Snip!

~maniacal laughter~

So far, those who will participate include:
me
marscrash
kaf
cowboy_sally
jonmc
anathema
adampsyche

If that stays that way, we'll just all swap with each other in one big group of swappin' fun. But if you want in, you got 14 hours.

I always felt that, if I were to commit myself to a life of crime, Evil Spock would be my role model.

I also always felt that I would concentrate my larcenous efforts on bank robberies. I mean, that's where the money is. Liquor store stickups are for suckers.

Somebody go check on the wonderchicken. Something just isn't normal.

What's the occasion?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Do we have a behavioral baseline for him? Methinks not. This could be normal.

Good night, my friends. I love y'all.

We love you too, Mr. Chicken. A lot.

Stav is my Drunken Hero!

Fes! Are you growing a goatee?

I like it. There might be a lucrative job in a parallel universe for you, or maybe in a giant spaceship shaped like the Elias Big Boy. Those gigs pay primo coin, too, Fester.

If you need a reference, Have 'em call me. I'll tell them about that episode with the schoolkids, and that other time with the water supply.

Good times, good times.

Had a goat, shaved it per MissusFes' request at Christmastime. No inverted pentagram tats, either. I'm stealthily evil.

Although I have to admit, I do have a Dr. Evil bobblehead, a gift from my boss.

And, um, a mini-voodoo-skeleton fetische, a gift from Legba the Far-Traveller (did him a favor once). So maybe, my stealth needs work. Thanks for the vett, though! I may take you up on that.

Dude.

Dude. Server Errors Rule!

I took a "mental health" day from work today and am at present wandering around lower manhattan with a bag of melting doughnuts.

Although, I did have a a beautifully greasy breakfast of salmon fritters, eggs and grits at this harlem lunch counter. Yeah, I had fish for breakfast. I'm fuckin' wacky like that, and people probably wondered what was up with the shaggy white guy in the plaid shirt, but any place I can sop up buttery grits while hearing Irma Thomas and Sam & Dave on the jukebox at 7 AM is a beautiful thing.

Now I need to hunt for chocolate and a cocktail.

Meant to insert a link to this pic of said lunch counter. Ain't she purty?

*kaibutsu hastily puts together a mix...*

jon, what were you doing in my neighborhood? i live 4 blocks from that place.

I'm everywhere witchy, like air and pigeonshit.

9622.net: that marmoset's not loaded.

And jonmc, you've got fine taste in breakfast food. That sounds divine.

But if you're everywhere, how come I never see you on this coast?

bwahaha.... made this for the mix disc cover. i'm the kid on the left. The one in the middle is Kyle, who has lots of cool stories, like the time he got stuck in the Athens Airport for four days (and went insane), and the time he got stuck on a desert island (and went insane). Jonah, on the right, is also crazy. The monkey in the background began its reign of terror over Budapest late last October, after the summer floods had receeded. Last time I checked, he was sitting on top of Parliament waiting for the giant bannanas to be delivered by the military.

Unfortunately, readymade, he's not really everywhere. He's really everywhere else.

Which makes him the perfect accomplice if you're up for committing a crime. (Which reminds me: jon, or anyone else, wanna knock over a liquor store get together for donuts and maybe a felony tomorrow before the meetup? My gin stocks are getting a little low. I have a few Coffee Crisp left over from my last Canadian visitor...)

Kaibatsu, your friend looks a little like Julio the Suicidal Bagel Shop Manager. He looks happier though. That's for sure.

For the love of God, Kaf, let Julio go! He's never going to kill himself! You can't keep holding on like this, it's just tearing all of us apart. I don't know what to do, I'm always in the dark, livin in a powder keg and givin' off sparks.

Jonah or the giant ape?

It's okay, witchy. Forever's gonna start tonight.

Forever's gonna start tonight.

stav, tomorrow, err today errr is it yesterday{damn time lines} then for you. Well this thread will be my first reading, can't wait to hear more of your lovely rants postings.

What's that? You want to hear more about Julio?

'Cause I could tell you more.

Listen, Kaf, I know you care, man. But this time I just can't take it anymore. Please, remember to put the poppy seeds on lightly.

Very lightly.

What's that? You want to hear more about Julio?
No it's stav's thread:p

Asked but no reply, Julio, his beagle shop is it on Orangethorpe(that street made me depress, only reason for asking). So what's the latest word on your buddy? But do let him know: you tell em bagle, you've been around.

Julio's Bagel Shop is in all of our hearts, like Jello and shortening.

Then brighten him up, we don't need no stinking stinking jello.

Heh.

Chico, I shall be bringing some sweet treats to the meet up with me, so never fear.

Also train station bars with half price margaritas and free chips n salsa are a good thing, plus the Chocolate Bar on 8th makes the most exquisite chocolate sweets on the planet.

But if anybody wants to join me and Pips for Be Bim Bop at Zen One befor the meet up, let us know via email.

bars with half price margaritas and free chips n salsa ..., plus the Chocolate Bar on 8th makes the most exquisite chocolate sweets on the planet.
Moderation, just maybe could one belly phantom this feat w/o the phantom then calling Ralph on the porcelain telephone. But Jon if you do this in excess, with success, will bow to the food/drinking/durbnk/sweet tooth-overlord...

Wait, wait, wait.

Julio sells beagles?

Snoopy!

damn it, know how to spell bagel(even checked before aw f-my-thinking. To top it off always wanted a beagle to call bagal though, but instead just worked for one, Camp Snoopy. snoopy was a great employer, if you like hitting on the cheer-leader type chics in shorts...ah the fun of realizing it's not the color of the hair that makes one a cheer.

%yussif
p.o.box22
Ashaiman

%nuhu
box22
Ashaiaman

A note about posting images:

We encourage users to post images, especially those hilarous pics of monkeys wearing dresses or programming for Linux. But posting images that reside on someone else's server is considered by many to be bandwidth theft. Our thoughts on the matter, along with some solutions to the problem, can be found here. Thanks.

In an effort to help eliminate spam (and to preserve the sanity of the 9622 Volunteer Simian Spam-Cop Brigade) all threads older than 30 days will now be closed to comments.

Name:


Email Address:


URL:


Comments:

Remember me?