9622.net

Every woman I met in Scotland was called Julie.

That's gotta count for something, right?

I was in Portsmouth, New Hampshire for my sisters college graduation some years back and there was a snafu regarding our hotel rooms.

To finally secure a room, we went to three different hotels at three different chain hotels and dealt with three different desk clerks.

Every single one had a British accent. In fucking New Hampshire. I was starting to get scared.

That's what I'm talkin' about, people!

Ah jon, they just wanted to put one over on the southerner.

I just realized that I said "three different hotels" twice in that entry.

Ironically, I was going to retort that "no one puts one over on me." But I have the feeling that most of my life has been the world putting things over on me.

Ah, blessed oblivion.

OK, I have had one put over on me.

At work, we're making this big donation of a $2M building. This building is being built in a spot where a girl, we'll call her Bridezilla, was planning to get married.

I have spent a month and a bunch of money to pacify this chick - a nasty piece of work who calls daily and heaps verbal abuse upon me. Today, I hired a horse and carriage for $350 to cart her butt to the reception.

She called back, mad, because there's not enough room in the carriage for her bridesmaids.

I should never have been nice to her in the first place! I should have told her to take a flying fork! Now, I will invest all this time and money and she'll still bitch her way down the aisle.

The guy she's marrying must be bloody desperate.

Every woman I met in Scotland was called Julie.
Variations on a theme: I now refuse to date guys whose names are Fabio, Fabiano, or Fabrizio.

roma, I also recommed staying away from Febreze.

Once, while in Chicago, I was walking from the L to the Amtrack station, about 5 blocks. It's about, oh, 3 a.m. or so. There NO ONE downtown. Scraggly looking dude comes up out of nowhere, asks me for a smoke. I hand him one, light it, he pulls a knife and says "wallet and cigarettes too, dude." So over goes my wallet and three packs of Reds. Since there's absolutely no one around and I'm compliant, he's taking his leisurely time with my mugging. When I get scared, my mouth runs on its own accord, so the first thing I say is "Hey, buddy, that DMV is a bitch, how about taking the cash and giving me back my wallet?" he throws me a cockeyed look, pulls my cash out of the wallet and, sure enough, tosses it back to me. He turns to depart, my yap opens on its own accord once again: "Dude, you're going to leave me with no cigarettes for the train?" Mugger turns around, throws me another oddball look, and then - despite my having just handed him three packs of Marlboros! - throws me a $5 bill from the thin sheaf of bills he'd just taken out of my wallet.

Best mugger ever.

It's snowing in April. Hard.

This is entirely unsupported.

I heard they called the Cubs game on account of snow.

It's snowing in April. Hard.

So much for all the wheezing about the global warming.

*changes freon*

Some asshole stole my bag on Saturday night, off the back of my chair. Never saw who did it. License, cell phone, debit card, keys, everything.

I'm annoyed because I'm leaving in 4 months and I don't want to replace all of this stuff.

On the other hand, a friend of a friend got shoved down the subway stairs and then he took her bag, so I guess I'm lucky.

I have to stock up on food. Whenever storms come I get this unbelievably strong need to have large stores of snacks, alcohol and reading material nearby.

The only question is: British, japanese or american?

Also, I just walked to the post office in this shit to deliver your mixes. I look like an emaciated yeti and I smell like wet burlap.

Japanese snacks, British reading material, and American booze?

I have just realised how utterly spoiled I have become in the five years I've lived here. Muggings. Knives. Subway stairs. Damn.

Not that Rome is some utopian society, but my daily personal security musings as a tiny female person are usually limited to deciding whether to use a forehand or backhand swing when smacking little gypsy pickpocket swarms when meandering down the more touristed areas. Meh.

Sorry to hear that, witchy.

Then again, if it causes you to have to stay in NYC longer, it can't be all that bad. (kidding, kidding)

It's snowing in April. Hard.

Hey, you must of been at my house this weekend, had a Hail of a storm. It hailed from the sizes of a pea to a lemon for 30 to 45 minutes straight. Damn'dest thing I've seen...and I’m more than poo-ed, because of the all the property damage it caused. Everything is fine on my end; just have to pay an insurance deductible like I need another bill. Luckily my truck escaped the same fate as the SUV parked next which my truck was blocking it from the hail too. The SUV looks like it was used for a backstop during batting practice all the way around. And in the end, I really can’t be too Poo-ed because at least I did not have to go up on my roof like several of my neighbors whose skylights were trashed and makes roof repairs in the middle of the night. Yet there is a sad part to the tell, it’s now fall around my house with all the trees, bushes & plants being stripped practically bare from the hail…it was full blown blooming spring before. And it especially feels like fall, as Saturday the temperature was in the 80’s today 63’ and tomorrow maybe the 40’s. Who poo-ed on Mother-Nature, not me…. *splat*

Definitely stuck to the theme, the theme today will be poop. Especially if you post before reading, I pooed myself…mommy change me.

Yuck.

9622.net: Yuck.

Thom, if you are bitching about it being 65 degrees out, I may have to punch you right in the cock. We just got about 6 inches of snow this morning.

I may have to punch you right in the cock.

Dude!

Yeah, man. It's only like 80°F here.

I needs me a sweater.

OK, that may have been a bit extreme. sorry

I think weather-related jealousy-provoked violence is perfectly appropriate.

Or not. But it sounded good, huh?

High pressure system moving in from the North?! YOU BASTARD!

*gouges out TJ's eyes*

blinf typing id hard

um, post?

Damn blinf people with your damn typing! I'll show you what's hard, you white-stick-waving person, you!

Err, sorry. Cloudburst.

Whenever storms come I get this unbelievably strong need to have large stores of snacks, alcohol and reading material nearby.

Whenever storms come?

I had to brush about six inches of snow off my car this morning, and I'm not going to punch anybody in the cock.

You people. Sheesh. It's only frozen, crystalline dihydrogen monoxide.

Uh. Little help here?

I've been off TV for the past month, for Lent, so I can't confirm that this is really true. Can one of you monkeys clear it up for me?

In a new television commercial, is it really suggested that Sharon Stone may have just fucked a cartoon AOL man?

I may never watch tv again.

Yes, Coldchef. I saw that commercial last night, I wasn't 100% sure it was sharon stone, though.

Oh, man that's a nasty article. I kept cutting good lines, and couldn't decide which was the bitchiest. I'll have to go with this one by default:

It says a lot about how degraded her profile has become that many people don't even recognize her in the AOL ad.

Because I didn't recognize her either.

You Know My Name (Look Up the Number)

I look like an emaciated yeti and I smell like wet burlap.

Heh.

Thom, if you are bitching about it being 65 degrees out, I may have to punch you right in the cock. We just got about 6 inches of snow this morning.

TJ, all is ok, I can see where you are coming from, since the storm that dropped the hail on me was the bottom tale section of a storm heading east, maybe your snow. But the hail was 3 to 4 inches on my sidewalk. Please don't hit me, as my truck is the new designated punching bag. It had way more damage than first reported. My truck is white, so with the newly accented 1/8 to 1/4 inch dimples all over the hood and roof; thinking of putting some golf ball manufacture's name on it as it now resembles a golf ball…ps today it's 46F. Which goes with a saying in these parts: If you don't like the weather wait 15 minutes it will change...ugg to snow & worst ice...

When I saw the commercial I thought it was Sharon Stone, but it seemed odd that she would be doing it, and she also must have had a shitload of make-up on because she looked younger than she'd looked in awhile. Or maybe it's just yoga and smoothies.

Wow. Looks like we all had the exact same moment of wowisthatreallySharonStone? Then, many of us had the "Dude. She totally just had sex with a cartoon."

Sniffles the Mouse, I could understand. But not the AOL guy.

Haven't seen it. Kazaa wasn't very helpful, either.

(kaf, ufez, and j-po, your disks were mailed an hour ago)

That is a pretty disturbing ad. Apparently, AOL will fuck you and leave you unsatisfied.

And isn't Sharon Stone happily married? I'm so not up on gossip.

We had hail here in Saint Louie a couple days ago; a friend of mine lost a window. Looks like we're not just getting global warming, but random and dangerous weather for at least the next few years.

Ever Brain Fart a word? (Stinking to the theme of this thread)
Been using the word tale, instead of story lately; yet used: tell instead repeatedly. Was thinking just two words at the time; tale & tell forgot tail. Don't say I didn't tail ya.

And isn't Sharon Stone happily married? I'm so not up on gossip.

Ah, you see, in the acting world, we call this--well, acting. This was not a documentary commercial about Sharon Stone's sex life (at least we hope not), she was doing what is sometimes referred to as "playing a part."

Thank you, Doctor Science.

So how is this different from her marriage then, witchstone?

a documentary commercial about Sharon Stone's sex life

What, exactly, would the product be that such a commercial would be advertising? Cuz I got nuthin' but funny money, dawg...

Actually, I don't really find Sharon Stone all that attractive. She's beautiful, yes. But she doesn't give me the quivers and shakes like some other celebs do.

(Yes, yes. I know you've all been dying to hear about my personal turn-ons and turn-offs. For the rest, you'll just have to wait til I publish my memoirs.)

HOTT HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP: Lupo is rendered speechless by the lithe form of Martha Raye on the PoliDent commericals.

Yes, it was Sharon Stone. They must have been using the same ad agency as Herbal Essence.

AOL skanked me out before, but that was disgusting.

On the other hand, the Toys-r-Us commercial with the ton of bunnyrabbits just warms my heart. Which stopped a beat when I thought the giraffe had stepped on one at the end of the ad.

You know what bunny rabbits do, right?

They burn.

Bunny, you obviously haven't seen the ad where a ravaged Sharon Stone is imploring Geofrrey the Giraffe for a repeat performance.

Now that's my kind of commercial, baby!

Well yea, a comercial like that you do get a baby or you just liked the long part, Geofferry the Girraffe.

Thak you for joining me in my orthographical massacre, Thom.

Bing Crosby made too many fucking records. And apparently Rosemary Clooney recorded a version of "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover."

Someone refresh my memory...is civilization still intact or are we living in the ruins?

Jon, where can I get some of these Big Crosby Fucking Records?

They're not for me, you understand, they're for... a friend. Who's really into Der Bingle.

Thak you for joining me in my orthographical massacre, Thom.

orthography: the art or study of correct spelling according to established usage. Monkey see monkey do, actually, Geoffrey but why give him more google points. Also seen it spelled the way you did, kind of like the poor kid whose name was Danyell I sewed on a hat once. I find myself lately linking to a company but not saying their name on the net. They pay others to do that, not me.

Mr. tspike is very wise. yes. most wise.

I may have bitched aboutt his before, but...

Along those lines, one of my big pet peeves is the car dealership advertisement that is plastered on the back of every car in america. Why should I spend $20K to advertise somebody's dealership? The removable license-plate frame is one thing, but I just won't buy a car that has an ad permanently branded (in both senses of the word) into the paint.

9622.net: Mr. tspike is very wise

9622: They pay others to do that, not me.

I have a theory about that, Lupo. They should put the logo for, say, toilet paper on the cardboard roll. That way, when you finish off a particularly bum-pleasing roll, you know what to buy the next time.

Actually, my theory has nothing to do with your pet peeve. Nothing whatsoever.

I can't believe the toilet paper giants haven't already put this plan into action.

Small minds. They disregard my genius.

9622.net: Small minds

can I just say that, I think that's the first time I've seen "bum pleasing roll" typed in such a fashion.

*pokes head into thread*

it's...it's spooky back here...

I'll just stay for a minute...

WHAT WAS THAT?

pr-r-obably just the wind. Heh.

AAAAAIIIEEE! GANGWAY!

*takes off shatner mask*

heh.

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