Tired of the ole rat-race?
One evening as the sun went down
And the jungle fires were burning,
Down the track came a hobo hiking,
And he said, "Boys, I'm not turning
I'm headed for a land that's far away
Besides the crystal fountains
So come with me, we'll go and see
The Big Rock Candy Mountains
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains,
There's a land that's fair and bright,
Where the handouts grow on bushes
And you sleep out every night.
Where the boxcars all are empty
And the sun shines every day
And the birds and the bees
And the cigarette trees
The lemonade springs
Where the bluebird sings
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains.
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
All the cops have wooden legs
And the bulldogs all have rubber teeth
And the hens lay soft-boiled eggs
The farmers' trees are full of fruit
And the barns are full of hay
Oh I'm bound to go
Where there ain't no snow
Where the rain don't fall
The winds don't blow
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains.
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
You never change your socks
And the little streams of alcohol
Come trickling down the rocks
The brakemen have to tip their hats
And the railway bulls are blind
There's a lake of stew
And of whiskey too
You can paddle all around it
In a big canoe
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains,
The jails are made of tin.
And you can walk right out again,
As soon as you are in.
There ain't no short-handled shovels,
No axes, saws nor picks,
I'm bound to stay
Where you sleep all day,
Where they hung the jerk
That invented work
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains.
Yeah, it's Monday! But in my imagination, us monkeys are swinging in the cigarette trees near the lemonade springs...
Posted by: tizzie on April 14, 2003 09:02 AMI just got back to work after a business trip to Vegas. During which I drank prodigiously on the company dime and wore my new linen jacket (think Lecter just off the boat at the end of Silence of the Lambs only sans the straw boater). I telephoned flirty girls from the walkway between Bellagio and Bally's with a Yuengling in my hand, watching cars and cabs and tourists negotiate the meat of the Strip. I drank Chopin vodka on the terrazzo with the desert breeze in my ears at my fantastic hotel (the 4 Seasons at Mandalay Bay) and saw Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance, and his posse. I drank giant cans of Foster's poolside at the Flamingo with two of the prettiest, wisecrackin'est, laughingest women in my company, surrounded by canyons of blue neon. I smoked a cuban cigar, a gift from a coworker. My presentation went well, I impressed my bosses, and I won $3 in the casino. And I got a free day off this week, courtesy of my immediate boss, who Saturday gave me his loose chips at the end of the day and told me "have a good time."
Which is to say, work can be moderately rewarding, in its way :D
Posted by: Fes on April 14, 2003 09:50 AMI wanna work with Fes...
(but did you throw the empty Foster's cans AT Michael Flatley and his posse?)
Posted by: Vidiot on April 14, 2003 10:01 AMI drank beer and ate french fries and watched a monkey named Miguel(no shit) in a sombrero and a Flyers jersey, dance in a bar.
Plus i did laundry.
Posted by: jonmc on April 14, 2003 10:12 AM(but did you throw the empty Foster's cans AT Michael Flatley and his posse?)
Two different times during the trip, sadly, enough. I passed the Lord of the Dance in the hall as I was returning to my room after a long day of conferences, me with a laptop in each hand and a bit fragrant from being locked in a room with a bunch of rich guys for 7 hours.
Flatley is quite tiny, by the way. Like an elf.
Posted by: Fes on April 14, 2003 10:15 AMYou should have cast down the laptops and bearhugged him in all your sweaty, smelly glory.
oh, and thank goodness. From the way your post was written, I thought you meant you saw him perform. Thought we were gonna have to do a 9622-style exorcism. (not sure what that would involve.)
Posted by: Vidiot on April 14, 2003 10:27 AMA question to the more domestically inclined among you: would a bowl of rice pudding in a airtight bowl "keep" unrefrigerated on a two hour train ride?
Posted by: jonmc on April 14, 2003 10:34 AMwould a bowl of rice pudding in a airtight bowl "keep" unrefrigerated on a two hour train ride?
I wouldn't think that'd be a problem at all. I wouldn't leave it outside for ten hours on a hot day, but a couple hours shouldn't hurt. (and if you really are concerned, you could always bring one of those insulated bags or little ice-gel packs along.)
I gotta check out that rice pudding place. The NYT had a review of it a day or two before yours, and people at work give it high marks as well.
Posted by: Vidiot on April 14, 2003 10:49 AMYes, it would. You have more chance of getting sick from the people on the train sneezing than from the sealed airtight pudding.
Posted by: tizzie on April 14, 2003 10:51 AMWhich is to say, work can be moderately rewarding, in its way :D
Oh Fes, you happy capitalist! I need to take lessons from you, I do.
Vidiot, I get out at 5pm. It takes me about 15 minutes to get there but I'll wait for ya if you wanna try it. Bring a digital camera and we can post it here maybe...
Also the bowl is reaaally neat.
Posted by: jonmc on April 14, 2003 10:55 AMActually, today is busy for me -- errands to run. but Tues-Thurs are fine, and I get off at 6pm each day this week. (ah, the wonders of a changeable schedule.)
Posted by: Vidiot on April 14, 2003 11:01 AMAren't elves of Satan called imps? So, he's tiny like an imp.
other things I did on my trip:
-gawked at the PRODIGIOUS amount of fair flesh on display; I mean, seriously, we're talking acres of award-winning cleavage here.
-drank vodka from a shotglass made of ice
-paid $12.50 for an absolut and tonic, plus another $7 for a pack of Marlboro Lights. Plus tip. Ouch.
-almost got bit by a big-ass parrot (I was walking by and apparently I startled the thing...)
-almost saw Vince Neil in Bellagio, I was apparently about 50 steps behind him, people on either side of me kept going "That was Vince Neil, did you see him??" Never saw him.
Oh Fes, you happy capitalist! I need to take lessons from you, I do.
Life's too short to sit in the hotel room and watch CNN, dollface. If the company seeks to enhance my happiness, well, I can't in good conscience say no, now can I? :)
Posted by: Fes on April 14, 2003 11:06 AMFes, here in New York $7 is the going rate for a pack of butts. Boy am I glad I quit. I would have a $15 a day habit at this point.
Well, another $15 dollar a day habit. To join the collection.
Posted by: jonmc on April 14, 2003 11:10 AMwe're talking acres of award-winning cleavage here.
Glad you had a great time Fes on the company's dime; always a winner in Vegas that way. :)
Posted by: Thomcatspike on April 14, 2003 11:44 AMI loved your account, Fes! Your expense one, too. Best holiday snaps ever. Trust you to go to the very best hotel in Vegas - the only one without a casino, isn't it?
*breaks down, wishing he'd been there but not before glaring at Jon for thinking Miguel is a funny name for a monkey*
Great post, tizzie, you loveable, cheerful wenchette! Just what the doctor ordered, thanks. :)
Posted by: Miguel on April 14, 2003 11:54 AMFes, here in New York $7 is the going rate for a pack of butts
Feckin' hell, I'd quit too. Fortunately, my non-name brand Noble Lights are $2.15 a pack. I got on them when I was unemployed and I can't see a good reason to go back to the $4 Camel Lights that I loved so much.
Posted by: ufez on April 14, 2003 11:57 AMI don't believe I've ever seen a big-ass parrot before. Not that I'm much of a connoisseur of parrot asses. (Now, monkey asses, of course...)
I heard Vince Neil has let the good life get to him a little bit lately. Meaning, he's less impish and more like a round little mini-David Lee Roth-esque troll doll. Did you see enough to confirm or deny this, Fes? (If you were too busy living large on the corporate dime to notice, I totally understand.)
(And I'd like to be in on the rice pudding expedition, if y'all'll have me along. I have camera too.)
Posted by: Chico on April 14, 2003 12:11 PMI'm cool with it, just gotta see what day is good for Vidiot.
Posted by: jonmc on April 14, 2003 12:14 PMMiguel, I've always felt like a chimpy Louis Renault to your orang-utan Rick Blaine. *raises crystal flute stolen from the hotel and filled with ginger ale [a little early yet, even for me] in direction of Portugal*
Did you see enough to confirm or deny this, Fes?
never actually saw the man, sorry. I just heard people talking about him.
Parrot was the size of my arm, no kidding. And pissed off about something. I thought the damn thing was going to pluck one of my eyeballs out, for all the squawking and flapping. The poor girl holding it looked she was going to mist her kimono.
Posted by: Fes on April 14, 2003 12:17 PMChico: The more the merrier, as far as I'm concerned. Got your mix on Saturday, by the way, but haven't listened to it yet. So I owe you a beer anyway.
Posted by: Vidiot on April 14, 2003 12:18 PMwe're talking acres of award-winning cleavage here.
ALVY
You mean they give awards for that
kind o' music cleavage?
ANNIE
Oh!
ALVY
I thought just earplugsmuffs.
Sounds good gentlemen. Bring a bag, cause you're gonna wanna keep the flatware.
Posted by: jonmc on April 14, 2003 12:22 PMSounds like a plan. Now, Jon, I think you need to try every one of the flavors between now and Thursday so Chico and I know what to get. OK with you?
Posted by: Vidiot on April 14, 2003 12:32 PMLadies and Gentlemen:
That was my impression of Thomcatspike's interpretation of a scene from Annie Hall.
thank you.
Posted by: jpoulos on April 14, 2003 12:38 PMAt the ATM a moment ago a gaggle of young women in front lost their ever-lovin' minds cause apparently Kate Hudson walked by.(There is a movie being filmed on Hudson Street so who the hell knows) I felt like saying, "Why don't you chase after her so you can tackle her and lick her butt or whatever?? Just get outta my way, I need pizza money."
New York. Gotta Love it.
Hmph. I just had to steer clear of guys in lederhosen on 34th Street.
Did I ever mention that I love New York?
Posted by: Vidiot on April 14, 2003 01:28 PMRussian's don't make good calzones.
In case you were wondering.
Posted by: jonmc on April 14, 2003 01:30 PMTrivia question: What movie is this line from?
"I'm not sure, but it looks like her skate got caught in his lederhosen."
Posted by: witchstone on April 14, 2003 01:44 PMCaption this drubken birthday party:
"Silly American girl. You're only supposed to wear red underwear on New Year's Eve."
"We captured the elusive courting ritual of the Italian male on film by using Booty Bait."
"E...X...I...T...O...N...L...Y..." What the hell kind of tattoo is that?
Posted by: Fes on April 14, 2003 01:52 PMJust as an aside, romakimmy, that is some seriously pointy hair your beau has there. Two reasons to envy him!
Posted by: Fes on April 14, 2003 01:54 PMYou put your right hand in, you take your right hand out...
Posted by: Vidiot on April 14, 2003 01:59 PMHmmm he wonders If I put my ear to it, can I hear the ocean?
Posted by: jonmc on April 14, 2003 02:04 PMCaption: "Five attractive people begin the Italian birthday ritual of making sweet sweaty love to each other in a moment of beauty, nature, and grace."
Alternative:
"Fuck, I hate Texas."
Posted by: ufez on April 14, 2003 02:05 PMGreat post, tizzie, you loveable, cheerful wenchette!
Thank you, Miguel, you handsome monkey cult hero!
And Romakimmy, that much fun is not even legal here in Kentucky, unless you are inside your trailer with members of your immediate family.
Posted by: tizzie on April 14, 2003 02:49 PMAlso, what a beautiful day it is here in NY today. Makes me wanna go out and play. Maybe I'll go to the 4th street courts and shoot some hoop.
Nahh, I'll get my dumb slow white ass took to school. I think I'll get me a cherry lime rickey and scoot around 4th street looking at paperbacks from the street vendors, then get some fries for the ride home. Or somthing.
I was at a friend's place on Saturday night and was introduced to the wonderful world of VH-1 Classics channel. I was shivering with delight from We Are the 80's to Metal Mania.
Also realized that I had never before seen an Alphaville video and thus had never known what the singer looked like. I could've predicted the crooked teeth, but not the bee-stung lips.
Another treat: the Flesh For Lulu video to "I Go Crazy."
Posted by: witchstone on April 14, 2003 04:47 PMjonmc, I just passed by the Cage. They were shooting a commercial with a bunch of pros. If you got game, bring it.
Posted by: liam on April 14, 2003 05:10 PMAlso, why is it that I can read all the gory details of jonmc's diet, but I can't see the picture of romakimmy's frolics? The yin-yang balance of 9622 is badly off.
Posted by: liam on April 14, 2003 05:21 PM*Plug* If anyone has an old Newsweek (Private Lynch Cover story) word has it, my brother's picture is 20 page in, he is drawing in his LAV, the pic is above some guy eating cheeze-its. This is the only word of him I've had in almost a month. This since the Key Volunteers wrote to say his unit would not be heard from for a while dated March, 24, and try not to worry.*Un-Plug*
Posted by: Thomcatspike on April 14, 2003 05:54 PMSecondary frolicking link to drunken Italian sommelier checking out my tattoo thong arse cleavage.
That would make you..EEK! talk a tone highI!-R-R!...
Posted by: Thomcatspike on April 14, 2003 07:22 PMHands up all those who, when confronted with such a sweet and plummy revelation as Kimmy, after a few drinks - well, before even - and thinking they were unobserved - would just crank up their chin angle and set their sights on the Lord above.
Thought so. :)
Posted by: Miguel on April 14, 2003 07:45 PMDude! Look what I found at the comic shop!!!
I don't think the text is quite legible, so here's the transcription:
"As far as women voting in Iraq, elections in Iraq mean about as much as elections in Cuba and before you crack any jokes about Florida, you really should just let that one go. You lost, get over it." - Beholder
Tap: Discussion immediately derailed. All creatures in thread immediately die, including unleashed experiment.
I was thinking we could make an entire card game out of this. With users as creatures, threads as fights, "doublepost" interrupts, etc... Objective: To Win.
Which is to say it was yet another long, long boring, pointless night at the gas station.
Posted by: kaibutsu on April 15, 2003 09:06 AMI mentioned my brother with this, and found the photo, again, not confirmed there was no name referenced with pic, but my other brother who spotted this, swears it’s him. Plus it would place him where we think he is in Iraq.
Posted by: Thomcatspike on April 15, 2003 11:54 AMObjective: To Win.
That's just so predictable. Can't we have a different objective like getting jonmc to eat a plain hot dog or getting mathowie to use the phrase "shitmittens" in a FPP?
Posted by: ufez on April 15, 2003 12:07 PMObjective: To Win.
Wait, your game, you lose when you de-rail then?
Posted by: Thomcatspike on April 15, 2003 12:30 PMkaibutsu, I was thinking about a similar game along these lines earlier today.
(And did anyone else have Motorhead stuck in their brain for the first day or so after they heard of these things?)
Posted by: Cyrano on April 15, 2003 12:56 PMKind of odd that Vidbusiness managed to "order a supply of decks from the manufacturer"...considering that they were printed by the Defense Department themselves. They wouldn't have happened to have downloaded the PDF and printed them themselves? Nahhhhh....
Posted by: CynicalVidiot on April 15, 2003 03:14 PMThese guys are already using popup ads for the dern things (the stumbing across of which this morning probably put the thought in my head in the first place.)
*sigh*
Posted by: Cyrano on April 15, 2003 03:38 PMThe ignorance of the people of the United States is the most valuable in the world. A huge portion of the country's GDP is driven by it.
Posted by: jpoulos on April 15, 2003 04:24 PMHmmm. I wonder what a MeFi card game would look like.
*wanders off to get some scissors and paper*
Posted by: eyeballkid on April 15, 2003 05:21 PMI think a MeFi card came would be a lot like Uno, only with more cheating.
(Serioulsy, in my experience only RISK brings out that "You Think I'm On Your Side But I'm Not" vibe more that Uno.)
Posted by: Cyrano on April 15, 2003 06:01 PMThe ignorance of the people of [insert your country's name here] is the most valuable in the world. A huge portion of the country's GDP is driven by it.
Ha ha,Lupo! Nobody ever went broke underestimating, etc... But it's true for any country, I think. The people I can't stand are those that think their people are the most intelligent in the world.
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