On Tuesday, April 22, 2003 on American Movie Classics channel (and they use the term "classic" really, really loosely), there will be a showing of "The Long, Hot Summer" starring a young Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward.
After the show, there will be a half hour show about the making of "The Long, Hot Summer" which was filmed in my home town. I was interviewed for the followup show, but I have no idea if I made the cut. They filmed me for about twenty minutes, which means they'll probably use about five seconds, if anything, but there's a good possibilty I'll say something stupid on national television, and that's gotta be worth something, right?
The movie itself is worth seeing for several reasons:
1. Paul Newman
2. Screenplay by William Faulkner
3. Angela Lansbury as the town whore
4. Orson Welles at his sweatiest, covered in thick pancake makeup.
Feel free to mock my moment in the sun.
Posted by ColdChef at April 21, 2003 11:33 PMEnjoy your moment in the celluloid sun, CC.
I'm still waiting for William Morris to discover me as "a Miguel Ferrer for the aughts, only way cooler."
*seethes with envy*
Posted by: Fes on April 21, 2003 11:59 PM"...there's a good possibilty I'll say something stupid on national television..."
I'd say there's at least a 50/50 chance.
Anybody got the number of an honest bookie?
Posted by: Crash on April 22, 2003 12:04 AMGee, I would tune in Chef, but it is national turn off your TV week, and well, if we don't all support this thing and ween off the idiot box, China will march right in and take over.
They eat babies in China, you know.
Posted by: dong resin on April 22, 2003 01:36 AMThey eat babies in China, you know.
Just think how many of the bastards there'd be if they didn't!
Posted by: stavrosthewonderchicken on April 22, 2003 05:52 AMAnybody have cable? I'll bring the popcorn. This is very cool, CC!!
And my favorite early Paul Newman movie is Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Sexy?? Ooooh yeah.
Posted by: tizzie on April 22, 2003 08:24 AMAlso emotionally distant with a dash of unresolved homoerotic fantasies.
Posted by: witchstone on April 22, 2003 09:17 AMHey now. 100% of profits from Newman's Own go to charity. That's salad dressing that you can sink your teeth into!
Posted by: witchstone on April 22, 2003 10:01 AMNot that there's anything wrong with that.
There is if you're Maggie the Cat.
Posted by: witchstone on April 22, 2003 10:02 AMI like Paul's Sockarooni spaghetti sauce. And you can't knock the charity thing.
And Cool Hand Luke. You can't knock that either.
Posted by: tizzie on April 22, 2003 10:14 AMOh yeah, him and his fucking camp.
Where's my camp, huh? I demand a camp!
...Freakin' hollywood liberals won't cough up a damned camp....
Posted by: jonmc on April 22, 2003 10:16 AMFine, jon, here's your fucking camp. Are you happy now? Well, are ya?
Posted by: witchstone on April 22, 2003 10:25 AMDateline, July 23, 2008: Jonmc's string of Beer Camps now stretches across the country, from Maine to Hawaii, with today's opening of the Rob The EMT Six Flags Sixpack Theme Park on Oahu.
Talks about opening a Beer Camp in China (possibly as a "Beer and Baby-Eating Camp") are ongoing.
Posted by: Chico on April 22, 2003 10:42 AMCamping without beer is pretty much sitting outside getting eaten by bugs just killing time until you can get back to some air conditioning.
Posted by: Cyrano on April 22, 2003 10:56 AMBest line in "The Long, Hot Summer":
Paul Newman to Joanne Woodward:
"The world is run by meat eaters and if you gotta take it raw, take it raw."
Also, if you squint, you'll see my dad in the church picnic scene. He's a dorky white teenager with a flattop (but I think that describes just about everyone in that scene.)
The courthouse in the movie? Real courthouse. I got my Eagle Scout awarded to me there.
Posted by: ColdChef on April 22, 2003 11:15 AMI got my Eagle Scout awarded to me there
They gave you an Eagle Scout??
What did you do with him, you devilish bastard?!!
Posted by: jonmc on April 22, 2003 11:19 AMI really don't mind until after about four drinks when he makes me wash his dainties while he dons a Depends and conducts the 1812 Overture with a limp carrot.
Posted by: CC's Eagle Scout on April 22, 2003 12:00 PM"John Waters"-type camp.
My kids will be going to Camp Mondo Trasho for the summer. The shit-eating contests against the Pink Flamingos are as much fun as they are character-building.
Posted by: liam on April 22, 2003 12:03 PMTom Collinses??
Do you pee standin' up oe sittin' down, buddy?
Posted by: jonmc on April 22, 2003 12:07 PMI pee directly into a sterling silver urn that is then emptied and scrubbed by my Eagle Scout manservant.
How do YOU evacuate, Bucko?
Posted by: ColdChef on April 22, 2003 12:21 PMOff the porch.
Into a series of airline nip bottles of Jagermeister.
From a distance of 100 feet.
With pinpoint accuracy.
Posted by: jonmc on April 22, 2003 12:26 PMSingle file. And don't stop to retrieve your valuables.
Posted by: tizzie on April 22, 2003 12:27 PMSaw the promo for this Cold Chef, you are using Cold Chef for the interview? In the promo it made the town out to be so romantic that it steamed the loved between Paul & Joanne. So this steam in this town is from the hot summer humidity I take it but humility since they married.
PS on preview the left side of my text was missing/invisible?
Posted by: Thomcatspike on April 22, 2003 12:40 PMSo this steam in this town is not from the hot summer humidity I take it but humility since they married.
Posted by: Thomcatspike on April 22, 2003 12:42 PMI'm with you, Thom.
The town is a sultry little pit of dark soil and midnight merry-making. In fact, the home where I had my first engagement party was the house where Paul and Joanne stayed during the filming.
They had separate bedrooms. *wink, wink*
You'll recognize me if I'm in there. I'm the only one under fifty.
Posted by: ColdChef on April 22, 2003 12:54 PMthe home where I had my first engagement party
I heard about Louisiana, how they love to party...did you have wedding shower for you{forgot the term for it}; meaning bring the groom to be a tool?
Posted by: Thomcatspike on April 22, 2003 01:52 PMI can't even track all the filth in this thread. Filth! Homoerotic Paul Newman's going to Camp Mondo Trasho, making beer with peeing contests, while being served up Eagle Scouts? It's like Nero's Rome in here!
Actually I was never a camp kid. Did I miss anything?
Posted by: readymade on April 22, 2003 02:46 PMChef, are you going to be wearing that debutante gown I like so much?
Posted by: kaf on April 22, 2003 02:49 PMmeaning the groom to be a tool?
Well, of course he means a Garden Weasel.
Posted by: readymade on April 22, 2003 02:53 PMAnd old Paul Newman flicks kick some Big Bootay.
The Hustler is probably my favorite, with an honorable mention for Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. It is my albatross that I have never seen Cool Hand Luke. I keep going into the video store to get it, but apparently they won't let you in with large seabirds.
And Newman's Own is commedable I think, but the pepper pretzels are just wrong.
Just. Wrong.
Posted by: kaf on April 22, 2003 02:54 PMoff topic:
anybody know how to speak Spanish really well?
I didn't know that the voice intro to the Guns N Roses song "Civil War" was spoken by a man ('cause it always sounded like someone's Grandma)until I saw Cool Hand Luke.
Not a life changing moment, but still...
Posted by: Cyrano on April 22, 2003 03:15 PM"Peabo?" I probably would, if only because how could you fob off a name like that on anyone or anything else?
Could be worse. I'm trying to think of how, but I'm willing to believe it could.
And tiz, I wish I could speak Spanish.
*clicks heels three times* - Nothing? Damn.
When I worked tech support I got a call from the fiance of one of our customers. A Mr. Crotchrot. So, I spoke to the future Mrs. Crotchrot.
Yeah, I can get worse.
Posted by: Cyrano on April 22, 2003 03:49 PMI wonder if Peabo (as in Bryson, which is where this is coming from, I'm guessing, witchy?) is short for something else.
Like Peach Blossom, or Peeling Boils, or Pterodactyl Butt, or whatever.
Posted by: Chico on April 22, 2003 04:19 PMHey, my final act as Swapinistratator:
Did everyone both send and get their mixes?
Posted by: Fes on April 22, 2003 04:36 PMI had many, many engagement parties. Including a surreal "honey-do" party, where the groom gets gifts for when his wife says, "Honey, do this."
Of course, the big joke was, I do all of the cooking and housekeeping, and my wife does all the home repair and yardwork.
We tried to stick to our strict gender roles, but we're both happier this way.
Posted by: ColdChef on April 22, 2003 04:46 PMYes, oh Swapinator! And a belated thank you to all of my group.
Peabeaujolais.
Posted by: tizzie on April 22, 2003 04:47 PMCruisers are clear, Jets are clear. Can anyone from the Sharks vouch that everyone's swaps went out?
Posted by: Fes on April 22, 2003 04:59 PMO! Peabo!
I hath dreamed of you
In rose-dun twilight
In summer's death,
Thy voice radiant
As the fart of swans.
Angela Lansbury as the town whore
Sadly, her "whore" character in Bedknobs and Broomsticks ended up on the cutting room floor.
Posted by: kaf on April 22, 2003 08:11 PMIn case any chimps are watching, I'm the fat guy in the blue shirt holding up the poster in the commercials.
Posted by: ColdChef on April 22, 2003 09:07 PMWell, it looks like I didn't make the cut for the 30 minute documentary after the movie, but they did show me five or six times in the "going to commercial" segment. I look fatter on film.
The candle of my fame now grows dim.
Posted by: ColdChef on April 22, 2003 10:42 PMOne bonus, though:
I've gotten at least a half dozen calls from people I know who didn't know about this who were all, "Was that just fucking you on TV?"
Posted by: ColdChef on April 22, 2003 10:44 PM"Was that just fucking you on TV?"
oh, was it that kind of show?
Posted by: Vidiot on April 22, 2003 11:27 PMDamn, I watched the documentary, but missed the "going to commercial" bits.
I'm imagining you in a blue shirt, holding a sign. Does that count?
Posted by: jpoulos on April 22, 2003 11:43 PMsharks all came through.
Excellent! I hereby declare the Spring '03 9622 Swap an unmitigated success. Swappers - I salute thee! *raises glass of delicious potassium-rich orange juice, tonight being one of my non-drinking nights*
thank you Mr. Swapinistrator.
I was pleased to do it, and gratified that it went so well. Not one holdout!
SummerSwap commences in June! And thanks again, to all who participated.
Posted by: Fes-tival on April 23, 2003 12:03 AM
In the never ending strangeness which is my dream life, last night I dreamt that ColdChef and I were in the same French class.
Obviously, this stems from being wracked with guilt at not being able to watch the documentary.
Posted by: witchstone on April 23, 2003 09:35 AMStrangely enough, I haven't had a dream I've remembered for well over a decade. I'm sure I have them, I just can't remember them.
Somehow, I think it's for the best, all things considered. The depths of my psyche are best left umplumbed, I'd wager.
Posted by: Fes on April 23, 2003 09:55 AMtizzie: If you still need Spanish help, I'm okay, but my g/f is native and can probably do some quick stuff for you. Just e-mail me(ssecrest48AThotmailDOTcom) if you still need anything.
Posted by: ufez on April 23, 2003 09:58 AMChef saw most of the commercial breaks except yours, I was babysitting my neighbor's two year old...They will show it again, and I will catch it, who was the chic with the violin?
That pankcake job on Orson Wells pancaked him...
Posted by: tcs on April 23, 2003 10:15 AMChef saw most of the commercial breaks except yours, I was babysitting my neighbor's two year old...They will show it again, and I will catch it, who was the chic with the violin?
That pankcake job on Orson Wells pancaked him...
Posted by: tcs on April 23, 2003 10:15 AMDamn, I watched the documentary, but missed the "going to commercial" bits.
Same here. I didn't want to watch the film as I hadn't seen it before, and didn't want to ruin future viewings, so I only caught the documentary.
It was nice to see some good shots of Oak Alley in some of the promo stuff too.
This was apparently quite a large turn-out of organized Chef non-spotting. Good work, crew!
Posted by: kaf on April 23, 2003 11:57 AMI've never seen the film, but from the documentary...
ORSON LOOKED AWESOME
That mumbling was GREAT.
Posted by: jpoulos on April 23, 2003 12:02 PMOh, and my excuse for not watching the movie?
I was rocking the Boot, baby.
Posted by: jpoulos on April 23, 2003 01:07 PMDon't sell yourself short, Jurgie, you did some bang-up work as all four horsemen of the Apocalypse in The Seventh Seal.
Posted by: Fes on April 23, 2003 03:35 PMAh, my friend Fes, you are too kind. Perhaps I can interest you in some of my Prochnow line of skin care products? Yes?
And I will regale you with tales of outtakes from Dune.
Remember...the...tooth!
Posted by: Jurgen Prochnow on April 23, 2003 04:16 PMJurgie, certainly your portrayal of the doomed Atreides was superb. But really, does it compare to your artful turn as the Alphabet Bandit in Beverly Hills Cop 2? "Bate heem, barn heem, blue heem avey..."
Posted by: Herr Fes on April 24, 2003 01:16 AMHa ha ha!
That's all - what a wonderful thread this was.
Posted by: Miguel on April 24, 2003 10:16 PMA note about posting images:
We encourage users to post images, especially those hilarous pics of monkeys
wearing dresses or programming for Linux. But posting images that reside on someone
else's server is considered by many to be bandwidth theft. Our thoughts
on the matter, along with some solutions to the problem, can be found
here. Thanks.
In an effort to help eliminate spam (and to preserve the sanity of the 9622 Volunteer Simian Spam-Cop Brigade) all threads older than 30 days will now be closed to comments.