9622.net

Darth Maul wasn't born a baddass, ya know. He had to start somewhere.

Don't have a bedazzler? How about screen printing your tired out acid washed jean jacket for a new look?

I can't believe someone else is wearing exactly the same thing as I am today. (Look at that guy. Bitch.) Good thing I have a "Cleveland" jacket to wear home. Och, the shame.

And that kid! I love that kid. Was this some kind of audition tape or something?

American Jedi: Coming this fall to FOX.

Then there's the "Newark" jacket..just take that Nashville jacket and smear shit all over it.

I can't see the video ('cause I'm one of those Mac Bastards) but I say, that picture really gives me a taste of Americana.

Didn't anyone tell him that chinos were out?

(Love the jacket though. I'm thinking of getting one that says "Portland" on it. It will have a picture of some really retro looking indy musicians on it, half of them strung out, half ganked on coffee. But it will be raining, so all you'll see is gray.)

Even if that jacket didn't have the foo-foo on it, it would still look girly. Sorry, but it would.

Don't judge, and ruin all the fun?
Fat kid, twirling a shower curtain-rod; give me the shower curtain istead for a show, less dizziness.

Man wearing wife’s jacket, sheesh judge, he is being punished for not buying his wife the one with rhinestones all over it.
{From my days watching tourist go by all day, I’ll spin my take from the picture}
Husband: I’m cold,
Wife: I told you to bring a jacket.
Husband: I’m cold, I’ll buy one.
Wife: No you won’t take mine out of the bag and put it on.
Husband: but it’s a girl’s jacket.
Wife: who cares, plus it not girly, it’s a jean jacket
Husband: I’ll buy a sweatshirt.
Wife: No you won’t, you said we spent way too much $$$ when I went to buy the jacket of first choice, you remember, the one with all the rhinestones.
Husband:Forget it, I'm ok now.
Wife: Wear it and shut up. Here...
Husband: gulp, you want me to carry the duffle bag and your purse, dear.

{brittney comes back to thread looks at what I wrote & posts}
Hey, that's my family...

You know how our friend Pardon Me has been missing lately? He told me that he goes to Dayton on business....

Just a coincidence? You be the judge.

I don't think that thing is a shower curtain rod, I think it's a extendable golf ball grabber (look for the little circle thingie on one end). MAN would I have liked to see that thing snap-extend while he was whipping it around.

and may I please be the first to say...

9622: Because Darth Maul wasn't born a baddass, ya know.

In re: the jacket. Maybe he's, you know, special.

In which case, we are all going to hell. Um, still.

tiz, may not be Pardon Me but bet his handle was one of the first words out of the naked-duct-tape-guy; Pardon Me, can someone get me some shoes for my socked feet so I can run out of here from embarrassment.

{Now Laughing} because he was wrapped in duct tape and it's become apparent to me, all of his hairs must now be gone...ouch!

Hey Thomcat, don't knock it till you've tried it.

Chico, tried it, didn't realize it was a fetish. Duct tape no...But medical tape for medical reason in a hospital, yes and let me say; ouch...I'll do it my self, nurse. Your arms and legs for most guys is a real good strategic spot to place tape. Noticed the nurses lined up real quick when you had tape needing to be removed. You know adhesives come off with WD-40, wonder how it works on one's skin.

Lets find out, Chico, come here...(thom hides role of duck-tape behind back)

All right! Today's Onion has a monkey story!

"MADISON, WI—Chimpanzees at the University of Wisconsin's Primate Laboratory are nearing completion of a two-year study on human-evasion response to hurled feces, sources reported Tuesday. "Our research shows that Homo sapiens experience extreme agitation and an urge to flee when pelted with baseball-sized lumps of primate scat," said Dr. Jingles, speaking from his research cage. "In 10 out of 10 cases, our test subjects retreated to the far corner of the room and screamed, 'Stop! Stop! AIIIIGH!'" Dr. Jingles first made his mark in science in 1993, when he earned a Nobel Prize for conclusively proving the deliciousness of bananas."

You can't scare me, Thom. It's just pain.

Excruciating, horrifying, sticky, exquisite ... pain.

Mmmmm.

'Scuse me. I'll be right back.

I think Dr. Jingles was my pediatrician.

Chico, is that you?

please touch my monkey

Hollywood conventional wisdom states that the movie has yet to be made that would not be improved by the addition of either monkeys or ninjas. And if it works for movies, why shouldn't it work for apparel? Hence, the monkey shirt. (Coming soon: the ninja shirt.)

If you have been turned off by the monkey shirts of yesteryear -- the scary X-Large gorillas; the Che Guevaras reimagined in simian form; even that totally played Paul Frank monkey head -- "Please Touch My Monkey" is the very shirt that will win you back to the camp of monkeyfied leisure wear.

The playful text -- "Please Touch My Monkey" -- provides an impish icebreaker for initiating physical contact with the object of your desire. If s/he goes for your nether regions upon your invitation for her/him to touch your "monkey," so much the better. If not -- "Hey, baby, I just meant the shirt!"

Basically, possession of a monkey shirt confers all the fun of monkey ownership without the risk of contracting some parasite-borne disease or getting poo thrown at you. So get yourself a "Monkey" shirt and a little accordion and hit the streets, Holmes.

shirt :: maritime blue
ink :: black, white, blue-grey

"Holmes." Heh.

Chef!! Happy to see you!!

And as for Chico in duct tape, I'm seeing something more like this.

Just one of the duct tape fashions here. So excellent!

I must say - I'm sitting here rolling my eyes at where this is all going. (Although I gotta admit that superhero dude and the couple from Oklahoma with the bagpipes look kind of cool. I mean -- Plaid! Fricken -- plaid!)

Tape on, dudes!

You know, the terrorists are clearly losing this week.

9622.net: rolling my eyes at where this is all going.

freefilter likes monkeys!

By George, I think they like monkeys.

I like monkeys too. Does anyone happen to have any monkey porn?

I second that request.

I like monkeys, but I feel that they may be up to no good. Can someone talk me through this?

Other Things That Shouldn't Be

MTM and DVD

Christina Aguilera:

Jeez. Mary used to be quite the looker. Now she looks more like Joan Rivers.

"I wouldn't fuck her with Bea Arthur's dick."
jeffrey ross talking about Dr. Ruth

I like monkeys too. Does anyone happen to have any monkey porn?
Posted by: tizzie on April 30, 2003 01:21 PM

I like monkeys a lot, but I didn't post this. How odd.

Why are we discussing things of no importance when I just got tickets to see:

Poison (minus a lot of hair, plus weaves)
Vince Neil (minus Motley Crue, plus several pounds)
Skid Row (minus Sebitchian Bach)

I cannot wait for this mullet fest. It's somewhere on Long Island or something. I am going simply so that I can post pictures here.

Bob is running amok, apparently.

As a kid growing up, our street had a long-standing prank that was passed down to each generation. Because this street was L shaped and connected two major boulevards in the area, we had a high number of folks speeding down our street whom did not live there. All they were doing was cutting the corner of the intersection so they could bypass the light and stopped many of our street fun. So Friday evenings for a prank we would place a 5-foot piece of tape in the street sticky side up and hide & wait in the bushes. When a car ran it over it would stick to the tire and simulate a flat tire sound as the tape hit the body of the car on every tire revolution. The prize prank was getting tape on more than one tire as most folks would yank tape off of one tire but not check the others and have to stop again down the road, our biggest laugh. Most of the time all we could afford was masking tape and once in a while, splurge for electrical tape. The big prize of our eyes for this prank was to use duct-tape. For years we talked about how cool it would be to use it but because of the cost knew our parents would punish us for wasting this tape. Show you how long ago this was. But in the end we really too afraid of taking the paint job off of someone’s car so we never did it. Always wondered what duct tape would do to a speeding car’s paint job to this day, anyone know?

gee I should have hit post back when duct tape was part of this thead...I've been sitting in preview for some time, whoops.

I tell Dick Van Dyke is Rob The EMT 30 years down the road.

Also, that lineup of bands guarntees one thing, hundreds of aging metal chicks flashing their boobies at the band. That alone would make it worth the price of admission.

The Twisted Sister Reunion Concert. This too is wrong.

Ha ha ha ha. Oh lordy. Where to begin with that picture.

But hey, they were in Pee Wee's Big Adventure, so...wait, I'm not sure where I'm going with this.

I think perhaps Dee Snider should have been drinking all of these years instead of staying sober.

I'm an SMF!! I'm an SMF!!

I saw those guys open for Iron Maiden in Hartford back when I was 15. They kicked ass.

w00t!!

the Che Guevaras reimagined in simian form

The Dixie Chicks make Madam Tussaud's Wax Museum. Yet one of them is partially alive.

[The one in the middle is not the right answer.]

I know that this is a tired concept, that Christina is in fact Dee, but the similarity is just too close to be coincidence!

What the hell happened to Christina Aguiliera?? She used to be... uh...

...intriguing.

That brunette Dixie Chick is not entirely charmless either.

Not the Christina I saw at the Texas State Fair several years back right as her career skyrocketed. But for me the back up dancer was what I fancied, Christina was still a teen act yet I kept thinking Disney sponsored this...yikes. Christina did sing & dance great, say more but don't think she was 18...Destinies Child, great & sexy too, opened for her. The State Fair of Texas had to be more than lucky to have booked them to play as their careers where about at their peak. Have to thank my friend's niece & nephew who were kids for dragging us there as it was more of an adult show.

boy was I long winded today...........

Nah - I prefer a long-winded Thom myself. More of you, you see. :)

So, I looked really close at the picture of the guy in the Nashville jacket, and does it seem to anyone else that he has three legs? Is this common among big Nashville fans?

kaibutu, yes that is his third leg, his wife....ok, Mig here you go…

Good news, my LIL brother may be preparing to come home from Iraq, woot, woot...Tikrit was as far north as he made it, which was suppose to be his 1st leading engagement into battle, but it didn't happen for his unit. Most or his role in Iraq was supporting the back of the leading Marines, and I honestly think he never fired a single shot in all the battles he attended, yet nor would as he is a driver.
My blog trolled this info, actually a lot of info like the time my brother called home and left a message, yet calling by satellite phone it was all garbled on the answering machine. Then a day later a Marine’s Mother who found my site wrote me to say her son in my brother's unit called and told me what was up. So that was a big help because we didn’t have to sit around trying to decode a garbled message. I have to thank Blogger/Meta-Filter/9622net for teaching me how to troll. Because, they all opened up a new form of communication for me. Even had an Embedded reporter write me about my site because I posted links to his articles.

his wife....ok, Mig
The ok was for Miguel not kaibutsu, that read like I was telling it like it is, rather than a joke, damn comma. Actually, I did notice a third leg and was thinking of making reference but didn’t, that was why I kidded...

Something else that shouldn't be: Just for jonmc, Kinky Friedman takes on the Dixie Chicks (not safe for work if you couldn't look at the Chicks' EW cover).

Dear Dr. Science,
Is it normal to feel slightly deaf after a concert?
Thank you,
Tizzie "AH CAIN'T HEAH YOU!" Runamok.

Who'd you see? The Bluegrass Brothers?

Is everyone around town getting all frenzied up for the big derby?

*wipes away tear*

That was beautiful, man....

Yeah, I went to the Derby Festival and saw NRBQ. Quite fun, and I danced my arse off, as well as my eardrums, apparently.

I saw NRBQ opening for someone or other...jeez, 10 years ago or something.

*decays*

I'll place your bet for ya, Witchie, if you've got a pick.

Field for Saturday's 129th Kentucky Derby, with post position, horse's name, jockey's name and odds:

1. Supah Blitz, Homeister 50-1
2. Brancusi, Farina 30-1
3. Sir Cherokee, Thompson 15-1
4. Atswhatimtalknbout, Flores 12-1
5. Peace Rules, Prado 8-1
6. Funny Cide, Santos 15-1
7. Offlee Wild, Albarado 30-1
8. Buddy Gil, Stevens 8-1
9. Indian Express, Baze 12-1
10. Lone Star Sky, Sellers 50-1
11. Domestic Dispute, Solis 30-1
12. Empire Maker, Bailey 6-5
13. Eye of the Tiger, Coa 50-1
14. Ten Cents a Shine, Borel 50-1
15. Outta Here, Desormeaux 50-1
16. Ten Most Wanted, Day 6-1
17. Scrimshaw, Velasquez 15-1

I'm calling it right now.

The winner will be Sir Cherokee.

no way, funny cide is taking it all. any horse named after the murder of clowns gets all of my love.

Peace Rules, baby. You heard it here first.

Win - Ten Most Wanted
Place - Empire Maker
Show - Peace Rules

I loves the ponies.

I haven't been to the track in a long time. This damn housebuying stuff cuts into your boozing and gambling money like you wouldn't believe.

Domestic Disturbance is so tempting, but the hippy in me wants Peace Rules.

So I'll eat Frosted Mini Wheats for the best of both worlds!

Peace Rules, baby. You heard it here first.
That was my choice for most bets & win.

Isn't the secret in knowing the winner by the jockey. So who is the famous/best jockey in the race?

Probably Pat Day, Thom. He's the most experienced, anyway.

I don't know why but I kinda have warm feelings toward Domestic Dispute...

Atswhatimtalknbout, baybee!

The Kinkstah rules. Thanks, ufez.

6. Funny Cide, Santos 15-1

After the Derby & the follow up, the station that hosted the derby, kept calling the winner, Funny Cid(Sid). This was done by the head news anchor more than once; guessing he did not watch the race.

Um, back to the Nashville Jacket[s]....

You can have fun each month at Vice magazine.

Go to the Do's and Don'ts. The comments are brutal. Check out some of the previous issues. What a kill.

Oh, that isn't his wife's jacket. It fits too perfectly.

Nice link alice. Favorite comments so far, at the bottom of this page:

You know those fucked-up hard candies old ladies are always trying to give you? This is what those candies would look like if they were a person.

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