9622.net

you mean besides Courtney Love as the Virgin Mary?

I know that's a non sequiteur, but it made me laugh a lot.

How can anything monkey related ever be a non sequiter?

Damn! I just downloaded that, stav, and was about to post it. I mean, I was typing out the code and everything, and then I saw it up above.

Too late for the chicken who's fast on the draw.

I live in constant fear of "Last Tango in Paris II" starring Marlon Brando.

Or a remake of "Annie Hall" starring Hugh Grant, the stuttering fop.

Snoop Dogg

This doofus seems like a natural:

He's got that nailed-to-a-cross pose down flat.

There can be only one (Jesus)! This has already been made clear.

But if you want it to flop, cast David Hasselhoff (warning: it's that scary video). Unless, of course, it's playing in Germany. Germans love David Hasselhoff. Which proves my theory: Germans love David Hasselhoff.

Of course, according to one guy, David Hasselhoff is the Anti-Christ.

I live in constant fear of "Last Tango in Paris II" starring Marlon Brando.

[standard trailer-voice guy]

Brando! (whoosh)

Goatse man! (slurge)

Together.... with butter! (gloop)

There's no stopping the passion! (applause, oooo-ing)

Tango II - The Giver and the Receiver. Tears are not enough.

[/standard trailer-voice guy]

what the fuck happened to Hugh Jackman's head? Is that a wig? I hope it's a wig, because then he could take it off.

David Spade as Judas + J-Lo as Mary Magdalene = a deliciously offbeat yet compelling sexual tension never before seen on stage or screen. Oh, baby.

no, no, no.

Emo Phillips as the Big J, and Judy Tenuta as MM.

I defer to your superior wisdom

I think Vin Diesel should play the part of Brando in Tango II, come to think of it.

Verne Troyer as Pontius Pilate. (He's just SO cute when he makes that widdle thumbs-down sign.)

what the fuck happened to Hugh Jackman's head?

I'm just now realizing that's not Bono.

I'm not very bright.

I will not stand for any criticism of Hugh Jackman's looks. You can criticize his taste in roles (Swordfish, Kate & Leopold, Someone Like You) all you want, though.

I'm with Fes. Either that boy needs a haircut, or that girl needs a shave.

So it's Hugh Jackman, not Hugh Jackson. I love the way you learn things on 9622 - the sweet, lovin' way, not the MeFi - "hey fuckwit, it's not Jackson - it's Jackman."

Witchie: all men hate Jackman, precisely because women have this attitude of yours. :)

What about other characters in the Nativity?

The innkeeper who goes "There's no room at the Inn", above all. He would have to be someone we liked.

hey fuckwit, it's not Jackson -- it's oh, never mind.

(that was just a general "no, no, no", fes, my wisdom couldn't carry your wisdom's jockstrap)

The innkeeper who goes "There's no room at the Inn", above all. He would have to be someone we liked.

Jamie Kennedy!

I will not stand for any criticism of Hugh Jackman's looks.

You ARE aware he's gayer than my grampy's hatband, right?

my wisdom couldn't carry your wisdom's jockstrap

Pshaw. Thou art of significant depth and voluminous reason, Master Lupo. I shall forever be thy student.

How about this for the flight into Egypt?

(Courtesy of my linkin' buddy jonmc)

(would that make the captain Pontius Pilot, then?)

I always thought Eddie Izzard would make a kickass John the Baptist.

You ARE aware he's gayer than my grampy's hatband, right?

It's so sweet that you're jealous. Don't worry, he won't replace you in my heart.

I'm not jealous!! Maybe you're jealous!! Maybe Hugh Jackman's jealous of me! Yeah, that's it!!

*sobs*

Yeah, Hugh Jackson wishes he could be here, hanging around on 9622 flinging poo with us, instead of pretending to be a mutant!

Jackson, Jackman, whatever his damn name is!

9622.net: my wisdom couldn't carry your wisdom's jockstrap

Mr. Jackman is sporting some serious bodice-ripping hair. That said, he's way below Vin Diesel on the Romakimy Bodice Ripping Pavlovian Drooling Guilty Pleasures Totem Pole.

Dunno about JCS, but I vote for Martha Stewart as Mimi in Rent. Or maybe Angel. Tough call.

I don't care if you squeeze him in as one of the lesser apostles, but you need, and I've said this before, you absolutely NEED Michael Paré. Hollywood is just not the same without him.

Gratuitous Michael Paré pic. Look at how HOT he was in Eddie and the Cruisers. He could be Matthew, Luke or John easily.

He's definitely on the dark side, alright.

The dark side! Why didn't I think of that? He could tempt Jesus in the garden! Michael Paré could be Lucifer!

*weeps at the thought of such a glorius scene*

What about Judas? Then we could see some hot "man on man" action when he betrays Jesus with a kiss.

I see Gilbert Gottfried as Caiphus, the crazy black onion hat guy.

"Like John before him, this Jesus must die!"

There are no gratuitous Michael Paré pics. They are all essential.

Who gets to be Peter, though? The guy in the Jewison film looked like a damn sasquatch!

"I don't know him!"

Alternatively:

9622.net: Wisdom's jockstrap.

mmmm....michael pare. I want a remake of streets of fire, stat!

Or, dare I say it, what if Micheal Pare played every part, like Eddie Murphy in whatever god awful films he's done that in?

*weeps in ecstasy*

Streets Of Fire?

I had a mad crush on Amy Madigan in that movie. More proof that I am actually a gay woman in the wrong body.

Like we needed more proof.

SIKE!

I loved Willem DeFoe in Streets of Fire. Those vinyl chaps. Yum.

(Incidentally I too thought that was Bono up there. A better looking, less pockmarked version, but still.)

don't be ridiculous, bono wouldn't be photographed without his shades!

Watched one of Wm. Defoe's best movies last night, and one of my favorites, "To Live And Die In LA." Defoe, Wm Peterson of CSI fame, John Pankow ("Ira" from Mad About You!) as the conflicted sensitive cop caught in the crossfire, John Turturro as the foul-mouthed toughguy, and a walk on by a young Jane Leeves as Defoe's girlfriend's lesbian lover. Woof!

don't be ridiculous, bono wouldn't be photographed without his shades!

maybe jesse helms borrowed them?

And don't forget: Wang Chung on the soundtrack!

Best. Soundtrack. Ever.

Heh, Fes. From IMDB: "One down side of the film is 1980's pop music all through it - it really dates it badly."

Is there no room in this film for Wilford Brimley?

One down side of the film is 1980's pop music all through it - it really dates it badly.

*throws back duster, exposing 6-gun with hand resting two inches above*

Smile when you say that, movie-dorks.

*spits out cigar-stub, stares balefully*

That probabaly should be:

*throws back member's only jacket, exposing Tek 9...

9622.net: Is there no room in this film for Wilford Brimley?

And I think Wilford would make a great Herod.

"So...You are...ummmm...the...ahhh...Christ? The great Jesus Christ? ...."

Mr. K., I just had the weirdest thing happen when I tried to go to MLAAG.
.... A mega-site of Bible, Christian and religious information & studies; including,
audio and written KJV Bible, Bible helps & tools, churches, Doctrine, links, news,
prayer, prophecy, sermons, spiritual warfare, statistics, and tracts. Features the
Chronological 4 Gospels, Prayer Book, Prophecy Bible, and a photo tour of Israel.
What.
The.
Fuck.

Yes, kafka esq., please tell us about:

THE SOON COMING CLIMAX

Incredible Testimony
THE BIGGEST SKEPTIC IN THE WORLD:
IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME

GOD LOVES YOU. JESUS STANDS AT THE DOOR OF YOUR HEART, KNOCKING.

So that's what that sound is. I thought I was having heart murmurs.

this url still works fine.

Oh. Heh.

I guess those Bible-Humpers bought "BlogPSot" knowing all of the blog-readers who can't type would be ripe, RIPE I say, for conversion to Bible-Humping.

Ooops. I mean "JEHOVAH SHALL SMITE THEE! PRAY FOR DELIVERANCE, LOVERS OF HAIRY MONKEY TYPES!"

Are there bananas in heaven, Rev. Kaf? and Pocky? Or dare I hope..Banana Pocky?

Are there bananas in heaven, Rev. Kaf? and Pocky? Or dare I hope..Banana Pocky?

Wait 'til I tell the world about the UNHOLY TRINITY of LEANN RIMES, BOWSER FROM SHA-NA-NA, AND TV'S NELL CARTER!

YES, JON!

THERE WILL BE POCKY!

But no double posting...

You have to love any site that has a button that reads Click Here for Voice of Satan

Demons, come OUT!

*Starts twitching...looks around nervously for outraged Funnybire*

If they have Pocky in heaven, what do they have in hell? Seeing as that's where I'm headed anyway.

by the way, I ran the 9622 front page through the poem generator script. Here's what I got:

9622 net David Hasselhoff fills his fanny with talking
quesadillas body { navAlpha {
height:480,scrollbars=
yes,status=yes,it was a surefire flop on Tuesday,
April 21, 2003 Hugh Jackson is,
the MetaFilter
thread Add a
thread... Add to join the sequel,
of
Hazzard 21 2003 TeeVee, Yo.
Posted to : Opera
5 . */ posts
Things About 9622.net,
Recent Posts The CSS hacks.

I always kind of thought Satan would sound a lot like David Bowie in The Hunger. With Catherine Deneuve as a sufficiently haughty Lilith.

*shrugs* I suppose I'll find out when I report for duty.

It's official: machines can't write poetry for shit.

But Jon, in Hades we will have Banana Pocky! In fact, all the Pocky you dream of will be yours!

and the previous thread:

9622 net: Multiple naked
sweaty is assumed in person, either. I had
to New York should spread it
in
the team. you?
hold out Part Doo body { mass , that I
did I read it
it Posted by: jpoulos on
May 5,
2003 11:07 37 PM
People on May
03,
22 PM
Yay! I almost forgot! Ufez! You
Queebie? ; I come visit
in town.
Close. I
got up that way.

I stand by my earlier comment re: machines and poetry.

Not you, 9622 Server! Your poetry is fine.

It's poetry in motion
She turned her tender eyes to me
As deep as any ocean
As sweet as any harmony
Mmm - but she blinded me with science
"She blinded me with science!"
And failed me in biology

I just realized how "fitting" this was to happen in this "Jesus Christ Superstar" thread.

In fact, I don't think it was a "typing mistake" on Mssr. Kafka's part. I think it's a deliberate attempt at INDOCTRINATION!

*seeps into your consciousness*

buy Precious Moments Collectibles for THE LORD!

[new meme attempt] psst! Kaf is actually Jack Chick! [/new meme attempt]

JackChickEsque?

A fellow tour guide in Alaska had a group that were all from the Precious Moments cruise. That's right, Precious Moments collectors bought out an entire cruise ship. At certain points during the day, they would all open the doors to their rooms so people could come and admire each other's collections or perhaps do some trading.

WHAT.
THE.
FUCK.
PORCELAIN?

You know someone on that ship was doin' the nasty with some porcelain gnomes.

"I've never seen this one with the white sticky cap before."

"Limited edition."

Tagline!!
9622.net: doin' the nasty with some porcelain gnomes.

I think maybe they just would line up all their figurines to watch them.

Hahahaha!

This seems like as good a time as any to post a picture of a dildo shaped like a garden gnome...

Good lord!! That's a dildo??

I'd hate to meet the orifice that that's designed for.

Oh. Oh dear.

But look at how happy the little guy is!

Keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times, young gnome.

I hope he gets a snorkel or something.

My mom had one of those exact gnomes on her lawn!

And then it...disappeared.

Clearly, that gnome's not safe for anal play.

It's those late-night emergency room visits where you have to explain how your gnome disappeared up your ass that teach you these things.

Clearly, that gnome's not safe for anal play.

That gnome needs some colors...looks like it was crated by exiting the above.

These seems as good a time as any for a dildo shaped, suggestively named beverage:

"This seem"

CONFOUND YOU, ENGLISH!

"seems"

ah fuckitalltohelldamnit....

Oh, you were just flustered by the awe-inspiring girth of said beverage. English eludes us all in such cases.

that's nothing...at this moment I am eating a snack food called Freakin' Nuts*.

Would you like to taste my Freakin' Nuts?

*No joke. they're peanuts encased in a flavored(in this case salsa verde) potato chip crust. Ilove america

Back to the original question of bad stars for a remake of JCSS...

Picture it if you will: Ernest goes to Jerusalem...

I now return you to your anthopomorphic ceramic sextoys...you sick, sick bastards. ;)

Back to the original question of bad stars for a remake of JCSS...

Picture it if you will: Ernest goes to Jerusalem...

I now return you to your anthopomorphic ceramic sextoys...you sick, sick bastards. ;)

Hey Vern, It's Saaaaaalvation a-knockin...

So bad, I had to say it twice...damn me and my new mouse...Hey, speaking of sex toys...did I mention that I got one of these:

as a combo anniversary/mother's day present? So cool, I almost wish it had a penis... ;)

You could always put on some Marvin Gaye and hook up the ol' MP3 player to one of these...

for Tizzie:

9622.net: The anus is richly endowed with nerve endings.

*seethes in silent jealousy of Dejah's Alienware box*

speaking of things in places of pleasure and videogame machines...(possibly NSFW)

9622.net: The anus is richly endowed with nerve endings

Oh, kiss my ass...

oh let it ride!

Fear is the mind-killer.

By the way, Chico is far too modest to mention it here, but he has a rare NYC gig tonight (Tuesday) at 10pm at the Baggot Inn in the Village. Any other NY-area monkeys care to join me?

First of all a touchingly true story.

When I was in 6th grade, our class named ourselves "Ernestville." We had a mayor and song and everything a little fledgling town could dream of. And we had Ernest t-shirts made up that we'd all wear on special occasions. And Ernest came and visited and got the key to our city and we were on the local news show.

Now I ask myself "What the fuck was that all about?"

I'd love to go to Chico's gig, but alas I have a stress fracture in my foot and I have to wear at stupid boot thing and hobble around which precludes any late night activities on a school night. But let us know when you're crooning again, Chico.

That Alienware is supercool, Dejah! My Alienware is relegated to back-up system now. Is that an Area 51?

Also, best Ernest line ever: "I've been redecorated! By Elvis!"

Aw. Work has sucked like a shop vac in hell today, but Vidiot, thanks for bringing the show up. (It might be just us monkeys tonight. Just so you're warned.)

I promise to book more gigs in the city, and once the record is done, I'll travel as far and wide as I possibly can and play my little songs in your kitchen until you call the local authorities.

Or until you feed me and/or provide whatever favors I can convince out of you.

("Well, okay then. How about a lift to the airport?")

Wow, that is a really cool case. I just got a new case a few months ago that has the windows and all, but find this strangely uncompelling at this point, as I have no lights or anything in there. The hamsters are getting pretty pissed not being able to see their way around that whell and all.

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