9622.net

I have a 93 Escort. Lisa has a 2002 Dodge Neon. Pure econo-box. As soon as we move to the city, I will happily forsake my wheels for the subway. You cant sleep or read during your commute if you drive.

Wanna talk about cars? Yes, a vehicle that sucks your money dry.
Current wheels? 2000mr2 spider/96 ranger

Best you ever drove? 66 Pontiac Tempest, I say because I did 140+ on the Pomona 57, and lived to tell, bought it for a 1K bucks.
What you'd drive if you had MidasMulligan's dough? a helicopter
Sort of driver that really pisses you off? Drivers who do impersonations of themselves in a phone booth.

Think your car reps your personality? Yes, we are a match.
What should [insert Monkey here] drive? A School Bus or Hummer

Tales from the road? Had a ritual or actually became one, for all three cars I owned in Cali. Rode in them while they were driven the wrong way in front of the Sheriff’s sub-Station on Orange Ave(iirc) in LB. Doing over a 100mph on a stretch of road with 40mph on-coming traffic and nice center island to keep us to one side for the entire block. Nuts, no just guy with oc’s in hand on a Friday night.

the Sheriff’s sub-Station on Orange Ave(iirc)

This was usually on our way back to my friends homes in the LongBeach/Compton area, it was on Clark in Lakewood.

The first car I ever owned was a 1970 Ford Maverick, yellow with brown accents, with a massive 170 cubic inch straight-6. It had a one-barrel carburetor, a three-speed manual transmission that had been converted from column-shift to floor-shift (poorly, as the shift pattern was backwards) and an interior covered in gold and black velvet couch material (almost exactly this pattern). I drove that pile of shit for two years until I finally sold it at the break-even price of three hundred dollars, the thousand or so more that I'd sunk into it just to keep it running notwithstanding.

If I had any amount of money to spend on a car, I'd have to have a 1967 Shelby 427 Cobra. Not one of those cheesy fiberglass knockoffs, but the real deal, with a firebreathing side-oiler 427.

I'd have to have MidasMulligan's money just to pay the fines, but it would be worth it.

The license plate would have to say "POSTDAMIT".

Current wheels? 2003 Kia Optima

Best you ever drove? Well, I'm still on the honeymoon with the Kia, but I gotta give much love to the car it replaced. A 1994 Pontiac Sunbird that had over 200,000 miles on her before...*sniff*...before her old transmission just couldn't take it anymore. *sob*

What you'd drive if you had MidasMulligan's dough? I'd pay off the car I have now and spend the extra on women and booze.

What should [insert Monkey here] drive? Is there anyone here who wouldn't love to drive the A-Team van?

Tales from the road? A few years back I was driving up I-5 from San Diego to LA with an ex-girlfriend to go see a concert. All the radio stations were talking about a high speed chase in progress but we didn't think much of it until we noticed we hadn't seen any traffic coming the other way for a while. Then the traffic on our side of the road slows down and we see the reason. An honest-to-God police standoff was happening on the other side of the freeway. The guy had stopped his car sideways in the middle of the freeway and six cop cars were fanned out about twenty yards away with the cops crouched behind them with guns drawn just like on the TeeVee. Multiple helicopters. Snipers plainly visible. We later found out that he had backed up traffic for over 25 miles.

Current wheels? 94 Ford Escort Wagon, red, 120K miles

Best you ever drove? 1968 Rambler Classic

What you'd drive if you had MidasMulligan's dough? If I had a lot of dough I'd be ridin' not drivin'.

Think your car reps your personality? My driving personality vaguely resembles Mr. Magoo.

What should [insert Monkey here] drive? I think Fes should drive a Lincoln Continental, and it should be immaculate. Stavros should drive a convertible a la Hunter S. Thompson/Johnny Depp in "Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas." Crash Davis should drive a Humvee. Eyeballkid should drive a VW Beetle, a real one from the 60's. Most of the rest of us should drive VW campers, painted psychedelic colors.

I had a 72 Super Beetle, powder blue. I had a nice system in there and everything, but got into an accident with it (it was his fault, really!)

Wanna talk about cars?
I should say right here at the outset that I am NOT a car guy. I am a wussy man.

Current wheels?
I used to drive a brown Ford Explorer that I got my second year in college. I put 150k miles on her before she started to fail me. Whereas I am not the kind of person who can tend to an ailing car, I dumped her like a bucket of KFC honey bbq wings when she started letting me down weekly. I am now driving a monstrosity: a big ass Crown Victoria that I bought from my grandfather. It smells like old people and sweats gasoline. I hate this car.

Best you ever drove?
I drove a friend's BMW five series about ten miles and had to pull over to the side of the road because it was way too much car for me. I hit a hundred without blinking and it scared me.

What you'd drive if you had MidasMulligan's dough?
Much like the lesbians out there, I love the Subaru Outback.

Sort of driver that really pisses you off?
I drive like a grandma, so most of the other drivers out there anger me. I use turn signals in a parking lot for gosh's sake. I am a very courteous driver.

Think your car reps your personality?
My Explorer was an extension of me. Now...I look like I should be cruising St. Petersburg.

What should ColdChef drive?
In a perfect world, an old "woody" station wagon.

Tales from the road?
Once, while driving out to California, my car overheated in the desert somewhere in Arizona. After she cooled off, I started her back up and (on my father's advice) turned on the heater to draw heat off the engine. It worked, but it was hotter than hell in there, even with the windows down.

I was sweating a puddle. So, I took off my shirt. And my shoes. Socks followed. What the hell, I thought and shucked off my shorts, leaving nothing between me and the seat but my draws.

The draws came off. I screamed down the highway, blaring "Carmina Burana" in the altogether, not a soul around me.

For about twenty minutes, when I nearly wrecked my car when a bigrig pulled up right on top of me. He gave me a knowing smile as I hit the side of the road and clothed my sickly pink body.

Current wheels?
1998 4-door white Nissan Sentra w/ one missing hubcap. I believe, after seeing hundreds of dopplegangers of my own auto on the road, that having a missing hub cap must have been one of the car's many features offered at purchase. It may have even been the feature that replaced automatic windows.

Best you ever drove?
The truck I traded for the Sentra. It was a nice, cheap, small 1994 Nissan Truck.

What you'd drive if you had MidasMulligan's dough?
I'm not a big car guy. I think I'd want a Passat with all the features.
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.
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Wow. I'm such a wussy. Can I change that to Crash's Shelby suggestion?

Sort of driver that really pisses you off?
Anyone who lives in Westlake Village, CA. (if you're unsure about whether or not you are driving amongst drivers from this area, here are some pointers:
1) All stops are optional, especially in parking lots. I mean, who wants to stop in the parking lot of the local Vons when you're doing 45?
2) Blinkers are not necessary. Actually, that's not true. The closer you are to someone, the less necessary the blinker becomes. Example- If no one is closer than 1/4 miles behind you, use your blinker. If changing into the lane right at this moment is going to remove a layer of paint of the front bumper of the car next to you, don't bother with the blinker. They can obviously see you.
3) When you have the option of two lanes at a stoplight, the first will allow you to follow the rest of traffic and the second will force you to cut someone off to get where you're going, the choice is obvious. [see rule#2]
4) If you are white, male and young, you must be wearing a sports jersey, a crooked baseball cap and thumping 50 cent. Bonus points if you can act hard. [Acting hard like you've seen on MTV News "Documentaries" is just fine. You haven't been 30 miles near a ghetto anyway. Just make sure that you don't blow the speakers, mommy paid a lot for them.]
)

Think your car reps your personality?
Cheap, dirty and missing a hubcap. You decide.

Tales from the road?
My first car, a 1990 Honda Civic 3-door was purchased from a very shady, here-today, gone-tomorrow, kinda place. It was a bunch of cars lined up on an empty Shell station lot. It was used and really cheap ($1000!). It had three problems that one might consider serious. The first was that the brakes would give out at the funniest times. The second was that it didn't drive straight [it was later explained to me that the car was registered as totalled by an insurance company and then pasted together with elmer's glue. The front and back of the chasis didn't really line up.] Finally, occasionally the accelerator would stick to the floor and you'd have to wedge your foot underneath it to pull it back up again.

That car got me through a car chase in a more youthful, crazy time [not with the cops, though that would have been better than what was chasing us]. It also spun me out in a hailstorm on the way back from Palm Springs. Ever seen headlights coming at you at 65m.p.h through your windshield? It's not fun, especially when the car needs to turn over three times to start again. (not only did it spin out, the bastard stalled)

Anyway. I sold the damned thing and bought a ticket to Spain.

I imagine all the monkeys could fit in a clown-style circus car. That would be cool. Migs could drive, unless he's sober.

Current wheels? '93 Toyota Camry. Wouldn't have been my first choice, but it was a good price and reliable as hell.

Best you ever drove? They caused me no end of trouble, but god how I loved my two Novas -- a '77 and an '86. (I know I've spoken fondly of them before.) How could you not love the '77? It had plaid seats!

What you'd drive if you had MidasMulligan's dough? A Mini Cooper! Or a nice little BMW. But really I want the Mini more.

Sort of driver that pisses you off? Gotta go with TCS here -- drivers yappin' on the phone. Actually, a lot of things people do while driving piss me off, but that may just be my problem.

What should [insert Monkey here] drive? No contest: Mach 5s for everyone!

Hey! ColdChef is a wussy, just like me!

Current wheels?
I drive a 2001 Volkswagen GTI VR6.

I love driving it, but I've had all sorts of problems with it. It's been back at the dealer about 8 or 10 times since I bought it. It was all covered under warranty, but now the warranty is up--so nothing else had better go wrong.

Best you ever drove?
My company keeps a couple of Porsche Boxsters on hand to loan out as incentives. My name was pulled from a hat and I got one for two weeks. Too much fun.

What you'd drive if you had MidasMulligan's dough?
I dunno. I'm not big into cars. I'd feel kinda gross spending more than, say, $40K. I like a small car. I like the Infiniti G35 Coupe.

Sort of driver that really pisses you off?
Most of them.

I also like the Audi TT.

Current wheels? My feet. Or my girl friend drives. After almost 5 years of not driving, I am sporadically learning to drive a moped, which is harder than it looks with Rome's traffic.

Best you ever drove? My dad's cherry red 1990 convertable Corvette. I was 15, had my learner's permit, and my dad was trying to earn brownie points with me since he & Ma were in the midst of a divorce. Not being able to see the end of the fiberglass nose freaked my shit out.

What you'd drive if you had MidasMulligan's dough? Alfa Romeo Spider Veloce

Sort of driver that really pisses you off? Those that don't get out of the way when you blink your headlights at them.

What should jonmc drive? An ice cream n' Pocky truck. Or the Weinermobile.

Tales from the road? Aformentioned girl friend and I have a bad habit of blaring Vasco Rossi/Metallica/Guns n' Roses with the windows open while we do illegal donuts in front of the Colosseum in the wee hours of the morn.

On Sunday I rode in an all-original 1967 Corvette Stingray. A friend of my father's. The bastard wouldn't let me drive it.

Hmmm, cars. I want to know more about cars than I do, but whenever I endeavor to learn anything technical I glaze over.

That said, I currently drive a Subaru Loyale. Not a lot of pep, but it's a decent "incognito" car. I got it last year, after I donated my 84 T-bird to the National Kidney Foundation, which they sure as hell didn't want, but it was either that or grind down the VINs and launch her into the East River. Suckers.

The best car I ever drove? I still have a soft spot for the good ol' Monte Carlo I first learned to drive on. I guess the best car I ever drove belonged to a college boyfriend--he'd been a race car driver as a kid and had this BMW 318i with the Hartge kit and those Schnitzer tires (looked a little like the cars here). How many weekends did we spend washing and polishing that thing? Always be suspicious of a man who takes better care of his car than of his teeth.

Where was I? Oh, if I were MosesMulligan, I'd either want to drive something muscle-y, like a '67 Barracuda with a slant 6 and 3 on the tree (and I know 4 on the floor is better but I just would want to be able to say "3 on the tree") OR a Plymouth Road Runner OR a Triumph TR4A, just about any year. OR a dually pickup truck, just to be an asshole.

More of one, anyhow.

(Damn, I meant to hit preview.)

Oh. And I hate drivers who honk. And drivers with loud stereos. I think they should all be forced to wear clown suits.

I am an excellent driver, btw. Never been in an accident, never had a speeding ticket. In high school I used to drive to the Cape with my cruise control set on 85. I have no idea how I got away with it.

Hubris, come get me!

What should [insert Monkey here] drive?
I thought the monkey from speed racer, dope.

Ever leave a comment then come back, then come back & wonder: did I derail the thread...sorry if I did.
If you like to drive, think driving a train would be fun too.

Current wheels? VW 2001 Jetta TDI (Diesel, 52 MPG!)

Best you ever drove? I've only driven a few, so I guess that would be my current car.

What you'd drive if you had MidasMulligan's dough? My dream car is the Volvo P1800, car of The Saint. Why? Because it's one of the quirkiest sports cars I've ever seen. I almost bought a convertible Sunbeam once, but I realized that you have to be a "tinkerer" to own one, and I am decidedly NOT a tinkerer. Tinkering would be involved in the P1800 too, but with MM's money, it wouldn't matter.

Sort of driver that really pisses you off? All of them. Really. Myself included.

Think your car reps your personality? I have no idea.

Tales from the road? Around the time I met my husband, I had been given a 1988 Sentra by my family, a beater, but a good car. It was an utterly unattractive color brown, so that was its name: "Brown." I think UPS ripped us off. One summer I left to go to school in another country for a couple months, and when I got back, he had purchased another car. It also happened to be a 1988 Nissan Sentra. Its name was "Red."

Time passes. Our friend, if we can call him that, wanted to get rid of his car so he gave it to us as a joke. What was it? A 1988 Nissan Sentra of course, "Silver." We began being called TriSentra. Our house looked like a used car dealership. It was extremely embarrassing to look out the window at our shockingly trashed cars and think, "All those junk-heaps? Yeah, they're ours."

Easy come, easy go. "Brown" was falling apart, so we donated it to a charity. I mean, we had two to spare, right? Then we decided to sell "Red" and buy a newer car. A week after we had unloaded it, some guy ran a red light and slammed into "Silver." TriSentra to NoSentra in under three weeks.

Current Car: Smashed up 94 Saturn.
Best Car I regularly drove: either of the convertibles I had in High School.
Best Car I've driven: probably the convertible XJ that my boss had.

Car I'd have if I had mad bank: Lotus Elise 340r, because I want a space ship.

My first vehicle was one of these, except mine had the rollbar and molded plastic ejection seats in the back.

Then when I lived in New Zealand I had one of these, except in classic white.


The Mighty Morris Minor Van!

Yes, I am an odd duck. Each lasted about a year before I resold it for a profit.

I've had a few motorcycles, too.

Never been much into the car thing.

Never owned a car. Don't know how to drive, in fact. Is this something you need a TV to know about?

The coolest cars I've ever ridden in(not driven, my folks are distressingly sensible, of Ford Tempos, Olds Cutlasses and Chevettes and Subarus, all down the line)would be first off, my neighbors DeLorean, a silver one with the spaceship doors. He liled to run the needle into the red. And he shared Mr Delorean's fondness for white powder, I later learned. After he divorced his wife and they moved, I used to babysit his kids, the pay wasn't great but they always had a well stocked liquor cabinet. One night I found a videotape of the wife having acrobatic sex with a neighbor.

What were talking about? Oh yeah, cars. A high school freind of mine, had a beautiful metallic purple 68 GTO with the Hurst shifter and the hood scoop the works. I remember once we spent an afternoon cruising around in it, then went off into some roadside wilderness that covered less than an acre, and got so stoned we couldn't find our way out. Last I heard this guy had gotten arrested for robbing a gas station. I guess he didn't use the GTO for a getaway car.

Detroit

1987 Pontiac LeMans
1972 VW Super Beetle
2 1988 Dodge Omnis. That's right, two in a row. Same color and all.

NJ
1976 Kawasaki motorcyle, forget the version.
1988 Honda CBR1100 motorcycle. New Jersey car insurance was unaffordable to me at the time, so yes, I rode my mbike year-round, often showing up at school looking like the abominable snowman.
1996 Honda something or other, the lowrider bike. I didn't like that one as much. Lowrider bikes transfer all the shock of the road to your spine, whereas the crotch rockets or even the ones where you are more straight sitting allow your knees to take the bumps.
1992 Honda CRX. Little. Red. Got me about 24 points on my license.
1995 Mazda 626.

Present car: 2001 Suzuki XL-7. Yes, it's an SUV, but at least it's not one of the Ford Monstrosities. Kinda like a RAV4, but not as cute.

Sort of driver that really pisses you off?

Keep right, pass left, motherfucker!

Think your car reps your personality?

Unfortunately, I think this is somewhat true. At least for some people. My car usually expresses my wallet.

romakimmy- re: the weinermobile. One of my all time favorite short stories, the first one in Tom Perrotta's Bad Haircut takes place almost completely inside a weiner wagon. Thanks for making me think of it.

Current wheels?
No current wheels in the city, which is fine by me. My last wheels were attached to a 1972 Triumph Tiger motorcycle.

Best car?
For a few years I tooled around London in an early '80s Jaguar XJ6, a car too old for a rich guy, too new for a hipster. People treat you well if they think you're a drug dealer, cops excepted.

Rockefeller moolah?
I'd probably stick with quirky beaters and old trucks, but have a faster turnover. If there were kids to ferry and so forth, the Subaru Outback is good.

Jon, I crossed the States for the first time in a '76 Cutlass Supreme, but topped that a few years later with a '79 Buick Deuce-and-a-quarter, two-tone brown & tan, with a dimmer for the vanity mirror lights, cigar lighters for every individual seat, and an 8-track player (no cassette). I still sucked at being a pimp, but the rear seat passengers did enjoy those lighters.

Adam, I rode a '77 Kawasaki Z1000 for a while and it was fun.

Wow, stavros, I thought my dad was the only person in the world who actually owned a Subaru Brat (complete with the ejector seats.)

Warning: delaying coffee consumption in the morning by even a half hour can result in a massive headache.

Tales from the Road: Coming home from a (ahem) gentlemen's establishment one night in my second car, an '85 Firebird (on of the first of the new design Firebirds), it began to snow: beautiful, thumb-knuckle-sized flakes, floating lazily down in slow arcs, illuminated by the lights of the streetlamps so that they seemed to appear as if by magic about 50 feet off the ground in stark white contrast to the black-hole sky - the effect was striking. So, obviously, I pulled over and removed my T-tops. I had to roads to myself (thankfully) and thus emboldened I careened with impunity toward home, slaloming this way and that, across empty lanes, Triumph's Allied Forces in the cassette deck up good and loud, snow all around me and slowly filling my car.

Soon, I came to a "T" intersection, where I was to turn left. Past the bar of the T was a substantial ravine, filled with deadfall, riprap, trash, various rusty-pointy pieces of ancient appliances. The light was, of course, as emerald as they all had been, and so I (rather majestically, I felt at the time) put my 'Bird into what I thought was a controlled slide, a half-ass half-bootlegger.

It had been snowing at that point for quite a while now, and the roads where before were perfect for such maneuvering, were now a bit slicker. I gave a little pull on the emergency break to start the turn, but the rear started to break loose, so I (over)compensated by turning into it, and ended up T-boning the guardrail over the ravine. HARD. Like at about 40. I bent the shit out of it, almost went through it (that would not have been good) but the worst of the damage was to my car: the front was mashed in about a foot, both headlights had actually launched themselves out of their housings and into the ravine, the bumper was curled underneath up against the front wheels, and my chest was a little sore from it hitting the steering wheel (oof!). I had a three foot piece of metal pipe in the hatch, so I pried the bumper off the wheels, got it started again, and crawled home. T-tops? Still off. I had to peel the seals to get them to set back into their slots when I got back to my apartment, and one eventually broke above me a day later going over a traintrack. Took 'em both out. The looks I got, driving around in February in a quarter-compacted Firebird with the T-tops off.

Well, I got her looked at the next day, and estimate was $5K. Of course, I didn't have it, and I didn't have insurance either (this was back in the heady days when an uninsured motorist could semi-legally smash into shit). So, I got the damage that would have grounded me fixed (about $500, which I had) and drove it around. One of the lesser effects of the guardrail crash was that the darn doors wouldn't open, so between that and the T-tops I took to getting in and out "Duke's of Hazzard" style, through the open window, which I had to leave open. One morning, I wake to to the sounds of pouring down rain - I mean, drenching, flash-flooding, impromptu-cruising-down-the-alleys-in-a-Zodiac rain. Eventually, I come to the startling realization: my windows are down and I got no t-tops. I rush outside and sure enough, my car has three inches of water in the cabin. I run back in, grab a milk carton to fashion into a makeshift bailer, run back out and start, well, bailing. Ever bailed? Not easy. Water seems to fill instantly any whole in it you make. AND it was still raining. So there I am, soaked to the skin, in the backseat of a wrecked car, half a milk carton in my hand, furiously throwing water out the top, cursing continuously, when I happen to look up...?

Stereo's gone.

What I did at that moment, I learned later, was the early progenitor Kirk's "Khhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!" in Wrath of Khan.

Strangely, someone had scrawled on that guardrail, in red spray paint, "post, dammit!"

Postscript: I eventually got the car fixed, but threw a rod through the engine block racing it over the aforementioned traintracks. Spent another $3K replacing the engine with what turned out to be a far suckier one - 0-60 in about 10 minutes or so. I literally ended up abandoning it in the rear parking lot of my old fraternity house, and my frat brothers turned it into a sort of combination planter/dumpster. I heard later than the dumpster side won out, and that the trash hauler would actually remove bags of trash from the car on his weekly rounds. I was later rumored to have be buried in the yard where it lay, but I'm pretty sure a new generation of frat administration sold it to one of those "any car, $50 bucks!" joints and used the money for a kegger.

Jesus Christ, fes. I am in awe.

I got nothin.' Once I was a passenger in a station wagon we (intentionally) drove headlong down a hillside and rolled (we were wearing helmets, ma! No worries!). Another time I managed to launch my friend's Monarch (float like a... lead dirigible) about 10 feet in the air, 20 yards long, General Lee-stylee, on a bump in a dirt road in the middle of nowhere. Broke the front axle. But did it with a certain grace.

I did have something of a tempestuous youth. The love of a good woman saved me. But hey, that's significant air, c_s, especially for a Monarch. And to do it with grace...? Certainly not nothin'.

And to do it with grace...?

Well, I was going for a triple salchow, but all's I got was a single axle!

::rimshot::

Remember folks, the 9:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show.

I had a friend in high school that asked his parents for a car, so he could be cool like the other kids.

They bought him a used purple ice cream truck. We teased him about it, until he got around to customizing it.

Think about it: big van, speakers on top, coolers in the back. It was a fucking party on wheels.

I never thought I'd be jealous of an ice cream truck driver, but there you go.

CC's friend's ice cream truck? Party of wheels.

Speed Racer? Demon on wheels.

Get them together?

*mind blows*

I LOVE those Kawasaki bikes from the 70s!
So very Mad Max.

Adam, did it have that big bubbly batgirl cowling thing up front?
All the aerodynamics of a block of government cheese, at price anyone can afford.

Smallest vehicle I've owned.
It was my 14th B-day gift and unfortunately the times were very tight with $ in our family so the first offer that was made on it for more than we paid, it was sold :(
Mine didn’t have a cover for the back. Without the cover it looks like a VWtruck/van, but mini-me size. Notice the wheels, the size of a scooter's. The truck was roomy but bare.

Thom, that's by far the coolest car ever. God, I want one.

First car: 1986 Nissan Stanza while I was in high school, hand-me-down from my mother. When the Stanza was in the shop (which seemed like it was about half the time), I drove a 1972 Dodge Polara (like this, but 4-door.) The Dodge was the BEST -- huge, 400-cubic-inch engine, incredible acceleration. I don't race, but once a guy pulled up next to me in a fratboy pimpbox Mustang 5.0 and revved the engine while sneering at my rusty, peeling-paint Dodge. I was honor-bound to blow the doors off him, which I proceeded to do when the light changed.

Plus: AM-only radio, outboard turn signal indicators, lap belts (the shoulder belts used a hook-and-eye closure to hook onto the lap belts), heater only. Plus it was the first year they had power steering, and there was very little roadfeel. God, I loved that car.

Worst car? Well, my dad did own a Plymouth Volare at one time.

We've been a Nissan family, though: 1978 Datsun B210, '85, '86, '87, '91, '92 Stanzas, '96 Altima over the years. It felt like a betrayal when my stepfather got a Camry.

I gave my car (aforementioned '92 Stanza -- not terribly fun, but was cheap) back to my stepfather when I moved to NYC.

I know they're girly cars, but Miatas are lots of fun...probably the most fun car I've driven. I wouldn't mind one of those. If I had Midas' dough, though, I'd probably go for an Aston Martin.

"Car Talk"'s Worst Cars of the Millennium

I *heart* Car Talk.

My girlfriend taught me to drive a stickshift in a Ford Pinto (#3).

I learned a little about manual transmissions, too!

::rimshot::

hey, the 9:30 show really IS different from the 7:30!

Dude, I need one of these shirts. Badly.

Big Thanks cowboy_sally about the lil Subaru truck, especially coming from someone who appreciates the 60's muscle cars with all their glorious HorsePower. Talking about horse-power, my mr2spider's hp is whimp in this catagory it has 1:1 ratio comparing hp to my weight, 135ponies. Yet it’s the only car I’ve owned that can make a rt turn doing 25+mph & turn on a dime literally.

"Car Talk"'s Worst Cars of the Millennium
#5 - The Chevy Chevette - first car I ever bought new.

Riding in the tow truck to take it back to the dealer caused me to go into labor with my first child.

You shoulda named your kid after the car.

Vidiot, I once lived upstairs from a woman named Chevelle. If your gonna be named after a car, make it a good one.

That IS good. I knew a girl in high school named Toshiba -- she was named after a cassette player. Seriously. (Thank goodness she had a good sense of humor about it.)

If your gonna be named after a car, make it a good one.
6th place: Renault LeCar.

Ooo. I obviously wasn't thinking clearly yesterday and forgot to mention I would want a Ducati Mostro in addition to the Alfa Romeo Spider. Those bikes make me drool, even though many acquaintances have told the the vibration factor is high (like that's a bad thing to have between my legs? ha!). Being a petite little thang, though, some major upper body training would be neccessary beforehand.

My favourite cars: old Beetles. I've had seven or eight. Favourite: a 1959 1200 black "limusine de luxe" I literally drove into the ground.

Best car I've had: a Mercedes manual SLK230. Had to give it back after a year (couldn't afford it).

If I could have any car: any normally-aspirated Porsche. The GT4 would be nice.

Most fun in a car: I had a big white Range Rover throughout the 90s. Killer sound ($5000 state-of-the-art Nakamichi); awesome air conditioning, refrigerator. It was a rolling cocktail bar. Awful fucking automobile, though.

Kitschiest car: a 3 liter V6 Ford Capri. I had my first accident at the age of 13 - I was a juvenile delinquent.

Number of big accidents: 4.

Most fun: flying an ultra-light aircraft over Rio de Janeiro.

I love cars, motorbikes, trains, planes. Problem is I only like the big, powerful, fast ones - and I can't afford any right now.

I forgot my much loved (but crashed) BMW k1 motorbike. That was fast too. Yummy!

Planes *are* fun. I've toyed with going for my pilot's license, and ultimately decided against it (I don't think I can devote the amount of time to it that's really necessary to maintain your skills after you get your license.) I use the "best friend with his own airplane" approach, which is much better.

That's it, Miguel. I'm moving to Portugal. Make me a pallet on your floor.

To the Thundersluts of 9622:

Ladies, next time you're bemoaning that water weight or monthly bloating, heave a sigh of relief. You could be like our lady in red here and get photographed next to two of the skinnest of "Friends."

Unfortunately, the link is COMPLETELY safe for work. Is a little skin too much to ask, Miss Pitt?

You regale Mrs. Pitt with your charming bayou tales, while I see if I can convince Mrs. Arquette of the wisdom of the 200 mile rule - right?

Adam, did it have that big bubbly batgirl cowling thing up front?
All the aerodynamics of a block of government cheese, at price anyone can afford.

Oh, the thing was slick alright, butno batgirl cowling.

"Look, Court. I would NEVER NEVER do commercials for a cheap collect call service. You can trust me. Oh...and none of my family members have ever married Nic Cage. So, I got that going for me. More lotion, Jennybaby?"

"Jenniflower, my dear, I can assure you with utmost certainty that my good friend Mr. Chef is indeed the very paragon of discretion. He's also, by all reports, very much a 'giver.' Now then, ladies: more champagne?"

I think that little conversational fantasy is possibly the dearest thing I've read lately. A 'giver'. Hehehe.

Pass the baby oil!

*humming Chef's a Giver to the tune of Elkie Brooks's Pearl's A Singer*

"No, Courtney, I don't think they're uneven at all! They're superb, and I say that not only as a fan, but as a lifelong student of the topography."

Oh yeah, at this exact moment I am entering track info for a song on a compilation. The performer is none other than Miguel Migs.

The universe is talkin' to me man.

First, let me say that the lady in red may very well be me...I'm about that size now. Ah, the perils of being an incredible chef...and a new mother. ;)

To the original questions:

Current wheels? A Mercury Mountaineer and my faithful souped up Camaro...which, unfortunately, due to being laid off for a year, I'm going to have to sell...probably to some idiot teenager who will wreck it the first time he realizes it has 2 carbs under that Hollly Highrise.

Best you ever drove? 1971 Lamborgini...at over 200 miles an hour on the DC Beltway...good times, good times. Rule of thumb, never leave your keys where antisocial teenage girls can snag them. Sheesh, was I in trouble when the cops finally caught up with me.

What you'd drive if you had MidasMulligan's dough? Probably a volvo or mercedes SUV.

Sort of driver that really pisses you off? The ones in my damn way!

Think your car reps your personality? The fire-engine-red camaro prolly does...not so much the SUV...but it's big enough for the baby, the assorted baby equipment, the dog, the husband and a water bottle, so that's nice.

What should [insert Monkey here] drive? Anything that makes you happy. ;)

Tales from the road? One of the real reasons I'm selling the camaro is because now that I'm a parent, I'm too scared to drive something that fast...I tend to drag race, and while it's one thing to go stupid fast on abandoned backroads with other idiots willing to go stupid fast when you're not responsible for anyone else...it's a whole different ball of wax when you have to think about leaving a will before playing with your hobby. Sigh. I'm gonna miss Jezabel. I love that car. But, let's face it...cars with roll cages very rarely have room for infant seats. ;)

1971 Lamborgini...at over 200 miles an hour on the DC Beltway...good times, good times.

Goodly christ!

Dejah, when are you writing the book? I want a signed copy.

I'm not that into cars, but I could appreciate a Lamborgini. Who couldn't?

My main requirement for cars is that they never have to go into the shop, thus avoiding being fleeced by auto mechanics. Unfortunately, I've never owned a car that meets this requirement. I've owned 2 cars, a Plymouth Sundance & a CRX. The CRX was out of desperation, I had always hated those cars, especially in parking lots where you think "A free space--and right in front!" and then find one of those cars sitting pretty in it.

Dream car? Ferrari. Black. I don't care what kind. But I also have fond feelings for Honda Accords.

Worst Road Trip? My best in college & I were taking a Christmas road trip in her little Renault. First, we'd drive from Provo, UT to Phoenix, AZ where she'd drop me off with my sister, then she'd head over to LA to be with her family. A few days later, I would fly out to LA, we'd drive up to San Francisco for a few days, and then drive back to Utah. Such innocent fools we were.

We made it about 20 miles past the Hoover Dam when I was driving and the clutch went out. It was midnight. We pulled over to the side of the road and tried to sleep while 18 wheelers sped past so closely the vibations would shake the car. We opened up our Christmas presents to each other in front of the headlights, just to cheer ourselves up. The next morning we had to hitchhike to the nearest casino across the Nevada border. Neither of us had hitchhiked before, and were a little nervous about being two young things on the road. We just started walking and after a few minutes, a nice old couple picked us up. So we call AAA from the casino and they inform my friend that they can't have drivers cross state lines, so we'd have to hitchhike BACK to the car in AZ and meet a driver there. I wasn't having any of that and called back and said "You're telling two girls they have to hitchhike 30 miles because no driver can cross 2 feet into Nevada to pick us up???" They caved and found a tow truck driver in NV willing to pick us up and take us to pick up the car and drive us back to Vegas. Where I caught a bus to Phoenix and my friend flew to LA. She then went back to Vegas with her father and they towed the car back to LA to fix.

So, after a few days the car is "fixed" (including the wheel axle or something which could have fallen apart at any time, apparently)and I meet her in LA to drive up to San Francisco. Everything is fine until we get into the city proper and I discover on one of the hills that the car won't go into first. So at every stop, we had to turn the car off and jam it into first in order to go. In San Francisco.

We get it fixed again. We leave San Francisco and head out to Utah. Everything is going fine until we're once again in the dark not near any cities--and once again while I'm driving--a tire blows out. We pull over, find a phone (also try to get someone to let us use their bathroom. They wouldn't let us in so I said "Can you at least give us some toilet paper?" and they did), call AAA, they come tow the car into the closest town which happens to have a 24 hour tire place. We think "Thank god! Finally our luck is changing!" Well. Sort of. They didn't have a tire quite small enough for the Renault, but they had one that fit--as long as you didn't mind hearing it rub up against the wheel well. So we just turned up the stereo really loud.

I've never been so glad to get home. Sorry, that was a really long post. Anyone still reading? I'm not wearing any underwear.

*eyes snap open*

I'm sorry, what was that last part again??

Pshaw, Witchy, anyone that got through my little screed above easily got through yours, which was actually interesting, as opposed to my "Um, do you think you'll update your f***ing blog anytime soon there, Mr. Faulkner?" ramblings.

Does that mean that your son is now a judge?

Congratulations on adoption! (If that is in fact what it means...You guys look far too happy for you to be observing his first public nudity trial.)

Witchy - you should have buried that somewhere in the middle. Most readers cheat. Or go all pro and start off "Someone asked today me why I don't wear any underwear whenever I write about cars. How did he know? Is he watching now? Because I've got an interesting car tale to tell, the likes of which I shall never..."

You didn't really knead the underwear reference. It just didn't wring true. ;)

I love your writing and your superb narrative drive, btw. Great story, thanks!

Yes it is! Ha ha!

I bow to Miguel's superior knowlegde of when to let slip the dogs of erotic references.

Karen (Aw)! Congratulations! Just in time for Mothers' Day. As if you weren't a mother already, but now it's all legal 'n shit.

Adam! Karen! Mugwump! Congratulations one and all. That's way cool.

9622: all legal and shit.

Narrative DRIVE, Miguel?

That Witchy always comes through in the clutch.

That Witchy always comes through in the clutch.

Especially when she is first told, no. !!!/

Wow! Congrats on the adoption finality! Yay!

As to the book...yes, my 9622 cage sharers...should I ever decide to out myself and write a book...perhaps if I ever have enough money to not be prosecuted...or once I'm sure the statues of limitations have passed...then everyone gets a free copy...but you'll have to buy me a drink on the book tour. ;)

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