9622.net

Researchers at Plymouth University in England reported this week that primates left alone with a computer attacked the machine and failed to produce a single word.

"They pressed a lot of S's," researcher Mike Phillips said Friday. "Obviously, English isn't their first language."

In a project intended more as performance art than scientific experiment, faculty and students in the university's media program left a computer in the monkey enclosure at Paignton Zoo in southwest England, home to six Sulawesi crested macaques.

Then, they waited.

At first, said Phillips, "the lead male got a stone and started bashing the hell out of it.

"Another thing they were interested in was in defecating and urinating all over the keyboard," added Phillips, who runs the university's Institute of Digital Arts and Technologies.

Eventually, monkeys Elmo, Gum, Heather, Holly, Mistletoe and Rowan produced five pages of text, composed primarily of the letter S. Later, the letters A, J, L and M crept in.

The notion that monkeys typing at random will eventually produce literature is often attributed to Thomas Huxley, a 19th-century scientist who supported Charles Darwin's theories of evolution. Mathematicians have also used it to illustrate concepts of chance.

It's funny, because I, too, am interested in urinating and defecating all over my keyboard, right about now.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I was going to be snarky on that thread but it would have reflected back on Steve so I didn't.

But I will say it here, at least show the monkey's how it works, they even gave me lessons. See what I can do, oh that's looking worse for the monkey's case. But is the theory write or type?
Hey could Shakespeare find the s key? Not like he has seen a computer or typewriter.
What’s a monkey suppose to do? Maybe he was typing SOS for help yet didn’t realize there was an O key just saw the 0 key instead. And like it was pointed out if you had an infinite # of monkeys 0ne would do it. The mission was flawed when they paid 3000 bucks for a computer to just type on. For that much get a joy stick too for vedeo games so when the monkeys have writer's block.

You all have a great weekend.

sssssssssssssajlmsssssssssss

Posted by: readymade on May 9, 2003 04:17 PM

Oh, damn, I had not seen this on FetaMilter.

It just seemed so "us." Plus, I wanna be Gum.

ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

It's been a lifelong fantasy of mine to quit a job by urinizing on my boss's desk. Ask Ryan, he'll tell you. I used to just *dream* of it.

5555555555555555555555555
5555555555555555555555555

wait, that's not right.

It's been a lifelong fantasy of mine to quit a job by urinizing on my boss's desk

Oh god, mine too. I once urinated on the door of my college nemesis, but it's not quite the same if the intended victim isn't there, watching.

I once urinated on the floor of a police station.(I was handcuffed at the time) I also once climbed onto the roof of my high school and whizzed into the courtyard. With a few freinds we ran onto a golf course and peed in all the holes. I peed all over the walls of former employers on my last day. At a nude beach in Florida, I snuck behind a bush to pee, which is stupid when you think about it. I once took a whiz at Cornell, and I've peed at Columbia and pooped at NYU. I've relieved myself at some of our finest institutions of higher learning. Plus I've splattered dumpsters all over the NY-CT region.

At the fray they talk about where they get nekkid. Here we talk about where we pee. I don't know whether that means we're more evolved or less evolved. Or simply that we're so full

of beer that we have to pee a lot.

Dammit.

Aren't (a) there supposed to be a million monkeys, and aren't (b) they supposed to have a million years? As Fark would say: "Obvious: Scientists determine monkeys can't learn to type in a month. Still no cure for cancer."

I have never felt the urge to urinize my boss's desk. It's a REALLY nice desk (french, walnut), and all things considered he's a pretty good boss. I did put a little dab o' Fespee in a previous boss' Manhattan though :D

Best way I ever quit:

Boss: "Fes, you better get your head out of your ass, or you better give me your two week's notice!!"

Pause, then Me: "I guess I'm giving you my two week's notice."

Rest of staff burst out laughing. They just *knew* I wasn't going to be able to get my head out of my ass.

I once urinated off the top of the Eiffel Tower, just before closing time.

Really.

From the Eiffel FAQ:

Q : Is the publishing of a photo of the Eiffel Tower permitted?
A : There are no restrictions on publishing a picture of the Tower by day. Photos taken at night when the lights are aglow are subjected to copyright laws, and fees for the right to publish must be paid to the SNTE.

9622.net: Teaching you something new every day.

The first time I walked across the Suspension Bridge over the Ohio River with my eldest son, he looked solemnly down at the water below and announced: "I could pee off this."

100% Genuine Boy.

Rowdy Night Out + Cobblestones + 4 Inch Stilettos + Pants + Female Inability to Whip It Out=Penis Envy.

Freud's got nuthin' on me.

tizzie, that story just warms my cockles.

apparently, when I was small, I attempted to pee at the toilet standing up. when my mother admonished me, saying that I couldn't do it that way, I looked up at her and said, "Why not? I did it this way when I was a boy."

::cue eerie music::

Penis Envy Round #2:

I *so* would like to piss all over the soon-to-be-former web guy for my workplace. I am not having fun cleaning up his data dump. Fucking idjit.

I want a Detachable Penis expressly for this purpose. N.B. There is a vast difference between a Detachable Penis and a strap-on

*grumbles, goes back to work*

To escape the Freudian morass the last few comments have me rapidly sinking into, I shall veer us back to urination based fun. Actually not. You know what freaks me out, urinewise? Urinals where they fill the doggone things with ice. Makes me feel like I'm making some kinda cocktail.

I wish I knew how to link to everyone's favorite STD clinic thread so's I could just put "My pee smells like ham" with the cool blue letters that you just click on.

But I don't so I can't.

What do you mean, Marty, ColdChef's old thread from these parts? Or the MeFi thread that showed up later that day? Or do you just want a direct link to the original "my pee smells like ham" story?

Well, it doesn't really matter, because any one of them is entirely too disgusting. You people are showing an unhealthy obsession with low humor and bodily fluids.

So, because (a) it might change the subject of the thread, (b) I do love all you monkeys, honestly I do, even if I don't come around that often any more, and (c) tizzie's opening remark in this thread reminded me I just saw it today (courtesy of the remarkable iconomy, an honorary monkey if there ever was one), here's a remarkable compendium of every single instance in popular culture of a "we don't need no stinking badges!" reference.

Well, except for the one in this thread, obviously.

It has been my ambition for nigh on 20 years to pee in every single ocean and sea on the planet.

I'm doing pretty well, but I've slowed down a bit in recent years. Not in the peeing, mind, but in the new-bodies-of-water-department.

Also : I loves youse monkeys, too.

The peeing slows down too, eventually.

And we love you plenty, you MIA monkeys. YHBC, how's the wooden leg? Got your parrot yet?

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

(which brings the thread full circle)

Best place that I can remember pissing is on a dumpster behind a McDonald's in Nice, France. I'm 95% sure I've pissed outside in every country I've been to except for Monaco. And that's the country that probably deserved it the most.

Wow...I feel so left out...cowboy sally can pee on a door? Dude...the sheer muscle control required is enough to make me do my kegels. ;)

Maybe she stood on her hands?

When I was a youngun, urine was my weapon of choice. Actually, it still is.

Take that, FatBoy Slim.

I dare anyone, ANYONE, to attempt to piss on Christopher Walken.

No...Mr. Walken is too spooky for that...but I'd love to have him over for dinner. I bet he's fascinating to talk to. Plus...I love, love, love his voice. ;)

Guys, we're not supposed to be talking about this! I don't want any of the monkeys here to think that we're obsessed with bodily fluids and other lowbrow topics. In fact, I've just finished a slim volume of Mallarme that I'd like us all to discuss.

PS It's not the kegel muscles, it's strictly a matter of a forceful stream and some deft finger placement.

cowboy_sally in action?

(slighty possibly not entirely safe for work situations and suchlike)

Yes, but Sally...what prompted one to practice said art? And now, tell me about the Mallarme. ;)

Hey, apropos of nothing, except that urine makes me think of diapers, which reminds me that there are new pictures of one of our monkey children. ;)

Dejah! The look on his face just kills me! What an expressive little mug. And that 1/3 unzipped jumpsuit - have we got a little Elvis action going on, or what?

Dejah, what a cute little piglet! I think I'm in love with a younger man...

Oh, and WRT the fine art of dormitory door-pissing, it was an extemporaneous, one-time act, brought on by sullied pride, blackness in my heart-unit, and an uncomfirmed number of Genny Screamers. Let's just leave it at that. ;)

Wow, great pictures. I wish I had a digital camera when Jasper was that old. Great looking kid you got there.

Thanks gang. :) He is an expressive little bugger. He's starting laughing recently...like really laughing...long giggles. You know, I've spent my whole life avoiding children...I never knew how much fun they could be. (well, except for that whole diaper and screaming part...but the rest is good. heh.)

...like really laughing...long giggles.

The most innocents of times for a person. Also when everyone comments, how precious they are; then they turn two.

I've gotta say, there's little better than IM'ing with your mom at work on a monday morning, loading up the monkey site and getting the following tagline:

9622.net: (WAX MY ANUS!)

AAaaaahhhh, Monday.

I was actually booted off-campus for my senior year for peeing on my dorm rector's (think prison warden in a priest collar) door.

He totally had it coming.

Needless to say this was after my conversion from rabid evangelical Catholicism to pragmatic Atheism.

Yea, as I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death, I shall fear no evil, except vengeful urine.

vengeful urine, what's up with that. When I was having trouble with a neighbor the pres. of my association told me, sorry we can't resolve your problem;go pee on his door thom, I would. She has since asked me if I did, twice. And vengeful urnine sounds like, peeing in the wind.*spray*

Well, Thom, it sounds like urine good company, anyway.

This conversation is going to lead to sorrow, I can see it.

That, or the unfortunate discovery that you all indeed have flung poo.

Posted by: readymade on May 12, 2003 02:20 PM

Well, Thom, it sounds like urine good company, anyway.

Is this the same as being told after returing from the mens room you have a wet spot.

Vengeful Urine...what a great band name...

There is always the vingança do chinês* (the Chinaman's Revenge) referring to the story about this man who found out his wife was sleeping with his boss but, not wanting to make too many waves, peed lightly in the boss's slippers.

*geenuwine chunk a'Portagee cultcha

If you want a sniff of what real revenge smells like, try this magnificent Australian page - probably not safe for work.

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