9622.net

Ironically, Martha's Mansion is two towns over from where I live. I've spoken with people who work at Hay Day market she's famous for shopping at, and they report that she's (big surprise) a bitch on wheels.

You're almost famous, jon.

hold me closer, tiny dancer.

Ironically, Martha's Mansion is two towns over from where I live.

Why is this ironic?

Martha, queen of civility and tastefulness so near to jonmc, champion of sloth and slobbery is what I meant.

But you're both (big surprise) a bitch on wheels!

jeez, what'd I do to deserve that?

Have you seen the way you ride a bike?

You know, if I were jonmc, I'd be outright angry at the tone of this if I actually believed Miguel existed in the first place.

(Oh, and I can confirm that Martha is a bitch on wheels.)

I have a thing for Martha Stewart.

She'd make the perfect slave.

Now who's been naughty with her stocks?

*whoosh*

And who's going to make a trayful of Parmesan puffs and a 30-minute Mint Julep to atone for it?

*whoosh whoosh*

Ideal.

It's not miguel's comment that troubled me there. I, too, (from personal experience)can confirm the bitch-on-wheels diagnosis.

But, you know what, we have impersonators saying all kinds of mean shit lately, and I wanna go to the get-together and meet my buddy eyeballkid without any bad vibes in the air, so I'll give the benefit of the doubt and assume somebody pretending to be witchy said that.

I eat her every day with my flat ware...thought she may not be too bad...but then it dawned on me, she's divorced, I think him from her. Tells me something about her, unlivable yet that is her living, how to be livable.

You really find someone calling you a bitch on wheels insulting? My bad.

I glory in it. I live for it! I sing it to the tune of Sex on Wheels by My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult!

OK. Just a little confusing is all.

Cowboy Sally: are you trying to stir it up between Jon and me? It was a little hommage to Jon, not a dig, not by any remote interpretation.

Why, if I existed, I oughta... :)

What are you going to do about it? Come over from that magical, mystical land of "Portugal" and pop me one? Doubtful. I've had Canadian boyfriends who are realer than you.

::throws down gauntlet::
I challenge you to a Manhattan-drinking contest, you cur! :D

*puts on welders mask, grabs checkered flag and bucket*

*grabs Maker's and vermouth and begins shaking furiously*

Any of you bitches on wheels need a marketing director to move to Manhattan and, you know, take care of things for you?

*puts on daddy pants*

Jon, quit yer whinin', you too Miguel.

Because I have bitch on wheels experience.

I eat her every day with my flat ware

Thom, please. Remarks like that go in the kinky sex thread two doors down.

And jonmc, all you need to say is "Flannel. It's a good thing" and the empire is yours.

9622.net: We Have Bitch On Wheels Experience.

Hey, you know what's funny?

monkeys

You know, I've had a long time to think about it, and I just don't think monkeys are all that funny anymore.

Who are you and what have you done with kaf?

monkeys haven't been really funny for a long time. i'm waiting for the monkey renaissance, when suddenly they're so fucking unfunny that they become ironically hilariously uproariously funny again.

Kafkaesque comes back from weed-whacking, and now he's all "monkeys aren't funny" and shit.

Fine. Whacking makes ya too good for us.

The preposition, with would take out the X factor, Tiz...now to take out those damn peguins which are taking over the blue.

I stated several weeks ago that I had never thought that monkeys were funny, or indeed all that interesting. Nobody started a revolution then, did they?

Although I did enjoy the little monkey reference in the last episode of Six Feet Under.

I propose that wild boar are more funny than monkeys.

nice to see you a round kaf *throws poo*

see, under normal circumstances, that animated monkey .gif would cause me to utter forth a guffaw, or a smile, or possibly even a snicker.

but these are not normal times, ladies and gentleman. my stoic unamused curmudgeonly frown wasn't even cracked for 1/20 of a second. it's the dark ages of monkeydom.

monkeys with tails and prosimians are funny. just try to say "lemur" without cracking up. So all new world monkeys are funny. damn prehensile tails. crack me up. old world monkeys can be funny, but some tail-less crank like a baboon just really isn't that funny. nothing like how funny a Sifaka is. the little fuckers run sideways. that's funny. scary baboon, not funny. i am going to taco bell now for lunch. sorry for the monkey delerium. great apes are funny when they act like people, other than that they just eat and sit around. damn dirty apes. bonobos are funny, but in an eerie way. god damned wannabe primatologist, me, much more interesting than marketing.

Worlds Funniest Animals (in reverse order):

5). Meerkats
4). Mayim Bialik
3). Monkeys
2). Giraffes
1). Hippos

I mean, have you ever seen a hippo in galoshes? Or that giraffe that would do soft shoe to Motorhead? I broke a rib I was laughing so hard.

Tapirs. Now those bastards are funny.

And how could you not find those eyeless cavefish just hilarious? I ask you!

Warthogs will be sendin' beer out yer nose as well. And don't even get me started on protozoa...

And how could you not find those eyeless cavefish just hilarious? I ask you!

I find it quite simple, considering it was a certain eyeless cavefish who stole my ancestral home.

I don't think we should discount the capybara for comedic possibility.

Or the platypus, for that matter.

And what about the Gila Monster?? (in espanol: deh heela moanstar). Watch out, it's the Gila Monster! hee hee hee...

One word:

Beavers.

The kind with the paddles.

And sea otters. Fecking geniuses those little bastards are, what with the banging of anemones on their stomachs and whatnot.

I'm sensing a nautical trend.

Ever since 9/11, monkeys have ceased to be funny for me.

Well, that proves it -- the terrorists have won.

Oh, and world's funniest animals? Penguins.

World's funniest animal name? Sperm whale.

And now I will post somethign completely different becasue of the goddamn server error

Dingo ate my baby!

Dingo ate my baby!

twice!

*erp*

How bout the noble dugong? When I was in the merchant marine, many's the night I found comfort in the loving caress of a gentle flipper, let me tell you.

Nautical trend + monkeys = SEA MONKEYS!!!!!

Bring on the brine shrimp!

monkeys haven't been really funny for a long time. i'm waiting for the monkey renaissance, when suddenly they're so fucking unfunny that they become ironically hilariously uproariously funny again.

Ryan, if I correctly remember your posts when you first came around, you never really thought monkeys were funny. Such a spoiled sport!

I always thought that monkeys were kinda funny and all, but after hanging out here, I realized they're fucking hilarious.

If...if...monkeys...aren't funny...does this mean...that...we're...not really here? Pr even all there?

*starts preparing for Manhattan-drinking contest with Cowboy Sally, smacking lips

My work here is done.

How did you miss the mighty echidna? Now that's comedy gold!

Monkeys are too much like myself to be funny. Instead they remind me of the short leap from fun lovin' primate looking for a good time, some nice fruit, and a fabulous tree to opposable-thumbed despot bent on world domination.

*crickets*

Posted by: readymade on June 5, 2003 07:29 PM

Am I too late to enroll in the Manhattan-drinking contest?

BWAHAHAHAHA!!! I WILL BEST YOU ALL!!!

Beware the dreaded Chupacabra! And the cap locks key, too, that fecker would drive you crazy.

mmmm...Manhattans. Sorry about the capslock -- I'm just about to leave work and am a bit frazzled.

We're all friends here, so I will warn you in advance of any actual meeting in meat-space that I tend to get naked when I get happy.

I say this because Stavros' monkey-skeleton gif makes me happy.

Just sayin'.

As long as there is something known as a "tuffled titmouse", all other wild kingdom comedians are amateurs.

Except, of course, for midgets.

Also, Kafka, since you still refuse comments at your site and an e-mail is really too unwieldy for small remarks, I'll have to say it here :
Surely, the most tiredest of all Home Depot jokes revolves around the varying available hardnesses of their caulk.

Furthermore, any of you who get go drunkenly party together in a big city without me can suck the poo out of my dejected simian arse.

Harumph-sob.

Vidiot honey, that cap lock remark was directed at myself - of course you couldn't know that! I had just typed a massive missive with the damn thing on.

You kids have fun tonite. I look forward to more drubken hijinks pictures this weekend!

Isn't that sweet...

Wait up! Dung beetles! Dung beetles are funny.

Listen, vidiot, I'm not foolish enough to enter into a Manhattan-drinking contest with you. You are the sensei of Manhattan-drinking, to be sure.

How about those lizards that run on their back legs?

sensei, nay, he is the Yoda of Manhattan drinking.

Maker's Mark, Vermouth must bond with, much later understand....

9622.net: it was a certain eyeless cavefish who stole my ancestral home

There goes Adam stealing Miguel's thunder. Baby animal pictures.... *sigh*

Dung beetles are hilarious, but I'd much rather meet a baby gorilla.

I don't get it. Some little arthropod makes a ball out of his own feces and rolls it around, they make a nature documentary. I do it in the post office, they call security.

Is that fair?

If you folks have a drinking game, my money is on the non-bragger...unless it's EBK
That was Lesson # 1, I learned in College.

Also, I learned from The Movies that giant Nepalese guys can't hold their liquor for shit.

Listen, vidiot, I'm not foolish enough to enter into a Manhattan-drinking contest with you. You are the sensei of Manhattan-drinking, to be sure.

How about those lizards that run on their back legs?

They drink Manhattans, too?

Actually, I'd put cowboy_sally up against the best...

I just heard EBK's voice for the first time and I'm stunned by the lack of "dude" and "whoa." Shatter my image of SoCal forever, whydontcha?

I don't know why, but "typed a massive missive" just makes me guffaw every time I see it.

Jon, he's totally faking it, dude.

Hey, dude, don't bogart the pipe.

It's casual, bra.

Hey make sure you tell Matt that the safesex guy from the LA Meetup was looking for him.

I sense a pair of starcrossed lovers.

And apropos of nothing, but I'm just getting an incredible amount of fun out of this page.

I know what you mean, vidiot

I remember one night I was sitting around the campfire jamming with Will to Power and I suddenly said "You know what would be really cool? Is if you guys did a medley of 'Freebird' and 'Baby, I Love Your Way'." I'm telling you, it was magic.

The guy in the cube next to me is trying to quit smoking and just started chewing Nicoret gum. He sticks three pieces in his mouth, starts chomping away, and then reads the directions. Apparently it's not like Juicy Fruit - you're supposed to just take one piece and sort of let it rest in your mouth.

I've already dialed 91, and I'm just letting my finger hover over the other 1.

I ate nicorette like candy for a year. It didn't affffect me isnhf any thewi aysdtktjka
bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb bbbbbbbbbbbbb bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

Wonka me, baby!

You know that feeling you have when you think that you've been divorced for the past four years, but then find out that you haven't been?

Does anyone still use the word "jamoke"? How about "schlub"?

I always thought they meant approximately the same thing as dork, but now I'm not so sure.
Is there an etymologist in the house?

I will occasionally refer to someone as a jamoke, albeit rarely. I can't recall referring to anyone as a schlub, though. Does anyone still use "goofus"?

I prefer the blunt yet pungent "mook."

Let's take a look as some movies coming up in the far future:

2004
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (another one?)
Antchurian Candidate (with Denzel Washington)
XXX2
Mission Impossible 3
Shrek 2
Garfield (with Bill Murray)
Ocean's Twelve
Starsky & Hutch (Ben Stiller & Owen Wilson)
Mad Max: Fury Road (Mel Gibson)
Star Wars Episode III
Harry Potter (Gary Oldman is in this one)
Jurassic Park IV
Exorcist: The Beginning
ScoobyDooToo

2005
Indiana Jones 4 (Harrison and Kate Capshaw)
King Kong

2005 is Harrison Ford's centenary, isn't it?

Don't forget this abomination

[Goatse Removed By Admin]

I might pay to see Starsky & Hutch (Snoop Dogg as Huggy Bear!), and probably Star Wars and King Kong. But the rest can shizzle my nizzle. (Did I say that right? I'm not too down with the kids today.)

Argh! Make it stop!

The Singing Detective is sooooo 20003.

What the hell is that movie? The cast list is so bizarre.

Well as of right now, my nizzle has officially been shizzled way more than I have ever needed, especially on a Friday afternoon.

*puts away shizzler*
*goes to Sizzler*

I'll probably see Episode 3, Harry Potter 3, Shrek 2, & The Manchurian Candidate. I never saw Starsky & Hutch, so I don't know if I want to see the movie.

I'd see the Indiana Jones movie if they would put Karen Allen in it.

(pssst. The impersonator has been banned.)

*worships lupo*

Oh, and witchy-poo. I was months ahead of you. And you had the nerve to omit the MacGuyver Movie, "Dude, Seriously, Where's My Car?", Rush Hour 3, and the one movie that I'm really (seriously) looking forward to for next year: Wallace and Gromit: The Great Vegetable Plot (links can be found in the post that I heartlessly self-linked. I'd put them in here, but I'm lazy and going to happy hour now.)

You NYCers have a great time tonight.

Hey why can't I post, I had to change systems to get in?

There hasn't been a decent movie made since Glengarry Glen Ross!

*hitches up pants, grumbles about 'good old days'*

So, lupo - who was it??

The Singing Detective was a BBC miniseries, in my opinion one of the top two or three made for TV series ever. The original had Michael Gambon of The Cook, etc fame as a mystery novelist with extreme psoriasis hallucinating plots within plots in his hospital ward. It's really one of the finest miniseries ever. I would say that and Brideshead Revisited are my favorites.

I bemoaned the remake because it is going to suck.

When will they do a movie on blogging. I see it working with some main characters, then supporting roles with no faces at a screen. Yet, watching a computer screen would get old quick. Tie the web in a way the character is able to ascertain info, or keep current on someone chasing her/him. Oh great now I'm starting to sound like Osoma bin Ladens’s plight.
Cheers! to youz NY bar/restaurant/bar/bar crawlers.

*Worships Lupo 2 - Revenge of the Lupo Worshippers*

Oh, and it's not so much that monkeys are funny - although saying they aren't is, in fact, blasphemy - it's that there are SO MANY handy jokes, references, pictures and stories at hand about monkeys that is funny.

And, of course, monkeys wearing funny hats are comedy gold no matter what decade you're in.

I did a little research and the only person who ever posted comments from that IP address was The Impersonator. It wasn't anyone we know.

goatse.cx was the last straw.

jpoulos, droppin' the hammer.

sweet.

Contestant #1: "I am not the imposter".
Contestant #2: "I am not the imposter".
Contestant #3: "I am not the imposter, you dick-sucking whore".

You know, on second thought I really should have pretended to be someone else for that last post.

I wonder who he actually was.

Shit - he's back. Or he replicated. This one, at least, has a sense of humour.

That lower case M, though, is pretty shoddy work.

Found: The English Jonmc!

Jon, you need to invite that person across the pond for a Fried Mars Bar. I think you may have been separated at birth.

Ehhh, he hasn't mentioned BBW pornography, beer or garage rock yet. I'll wait for that before I start questioning dad about any indiscretions.

BBW?

*googles*

errr, forget I asked.

Monkeys are funny.

...But hyraxes are hilarious.

what is most tiredest sport:

basket ball
football
soccer

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