9622.net

What's that 'round his neck?

Laugh all you want, but these hot flashes really are no picnic.

What's that 'round his neck?

Mardi Gras beads, of course. I bet you know who gave them to him. For what in exchange? I won't speculate.

Oh, and I scream for having to work on a Saturday. Boooooooooo!

*raises fist in slightly belated solidarity*

/me is working on a Sunday.
/me works every Sunday.

*screams*

Me too, Sam. Chin up; take heart!

Today I ate a whole brick of scrapple with 5 eggs. And a buncha Krispy Kremes. Washed down with fruit flavored wine.

Maybe I sould skip moving to New York and just move to Alabama.

If you like scrapple, jon, you'll love goetta. Honest.

Sliced thin and fried crisp. Mmmmmmm.

I got my first "post GWB tax-cut" paycheck this morning - wow, an extra $1.40. That is gonna provide some economic stimulus, no doubt. Surely that $1.40 is worth billions in national debt for future generations.

Let's hear a hearty wage-slave salute! Pbpbpbtttt!

{/rant}

Happy Monday, everybody.

Gosh tiz bad father's day? Or those scrappled eggs get un-scrambled. My neighborhood knows how to treat a dad right, every other roof was ranging father’s day in with a hammering salute starting at 7 am…mother nature sent a nice hail storm back in April so the roofers have been busy.

Gosh tiz bad father's day? that may have not sounded like I had intended it...sorry.

I got my first "post GWB tax-cut" paycheck this morning - wow, an extra $1.40.

Are you sure you did the math right? My cut was $38,000...

I think I got about $5 or so. Would have been a lot more if those pesky democrats hadn't pulled the damn teeth out of it! :D

For the record? I spent it all in one place! To wit: Autozone. I needed a driver's side windshield wiper. total: 6.95. Thanks, Mr. President!

U.S. President Saves Life of Local Man

"The president saved my life!" spluttered Uncle Fes as he climbed from his 1958 Buick Super late Friday night. "I never would have seen that possum if Mr. Bush hadn't seen fit to give me back some of the dough those nasty Democrats have been squandering on ridiculous programs like 'education', and 'a realistic healthcare system'." Fes added "If it were up to the Democrats, that possum'd be dead now. Think about it." (AP)

Oh, I have a wayyyy better auto parts story than that!

Hubby has a Chevy wagon with snazzy hubcaps, and one morning he discovered that one of them had been stolen. So he heads up the street to this funky little hole-in-the-wall auto parts place, where they tell him that they don't have any in stock, but they will get one from their supplier.

He tells me this and I'm just shaking my head.

The next morning, sure as hell, another one is missing off his car and the guy from the auto parts store calls to tell him he now has one in stock.

I say nothing, nothing.

I needed a driver's side windshield wiper...

Oh, no you didn't mister executive guy. You can drive with one hand and squeegee with another just like the rest of us.

Damned conspicous consumers.

:)

Oh, yeah. Last night I was tooling around on the internet and I found pictures of one of my co-workers on a [ahem] adult site. I don't judge,man, whatever pops your cookies, go for it.

I'm just pissed he's not my superior, then I'd be all, "Hey penis boy, I don't have to come to work no more and I still gets paid, got it?"

But, no....

So that's what "tooling" around the internet means.

California Man: President is Stupid

"I think the President is a complete and utter moron," declared California resident Kafka T. Esque this morning from his plush new home in the San Francisco suburbs. "I mean, tax cuts - how stupid is that? The man probably moves his lips when he reads." Esque expressed further outrage (well, pique perhaps) at the president's lack of education policies and universal healthcare initiatives, pointing out his own party's wild success with welfare, natural resources management, cognitive dissonance and basic economics as possible examples of what Bush should be doing with his time. Bush was unavailable for comment. "Probably stupid'ing it up with some of his mouthbreathing friends," observed Esque, his pale, bloodless West Coast lips twisting into an insouciant moue. (Duh Magazine)

Wait, what does the "T" in "Kafka T. Esque" stand for? I need that bit of information to properly analyze the article.

Hmm, upon googling, my vote goes to " Tetramethyldiamidobenzhydrols". That would explain everything.

(found here)

I think it stands for "Truth."

I'm pretty sure it's "Tartlette."

"The". Like in "Smokey T. Bear".

It's obviously Tiberius.

Goddamn, that Shatner was a handsome fellow.

T for thom :P

Could it be "Tinkerbell?" I think it could!

T-Bag.

It's definitely "Tasty"!

Howard.

9622.net: pale, bloodless West Coast lips

Howard starts with H.

I have just come across the most Kafkaesque website I've ever seen and it's given me the munchies, it has, oh yes it has.

Is it you? How many olives to confess?

Howard? Ouch.

I got you beat, though, not-very-good-middle-name wise. Starts with "I". Let your mind wander...

not "Iosef".

No no no, you silly republican.

My real middle name is Graham. Not Howard.

I meant the T stands for Howard.

Is it ichthyologist?

It's Ichabod, isn't it?

He's studies Fishfucker?

Isobel?

"Interspecies"?

Fishfucker has those pale, bloodless West Coast lips, I bet.

"Ineluctable"?

Seriously, is it Isaac? Or Isaiah?

It's Ing. "Fester Ing." Thank gawd his last name isn't "Wound."

Ignacious is good.

Or "igneous" if you're, you know, rocklike.

I'm not a republican. And there's no T in Howard (he said overliterally).

Ivan!

But Graham's no prize, either.

Wait a minute.

I'm not a democrat!

Ivanna Graham Cracker. That would be a good name.

Then this has all just been a tragic misunderstanding, hasn't it?

Lup's going to make us take it to MetaMonkey!

We're both a couple of crackers, that's for sure.

*skips off into a field with Fes*

My teeth are fucking killing me. I've got a mouthfull of Orajel. I know I gotta go to a dentist, but I'm a total dentophobe, plus I have a feeling I'll lose a buncha teeth and wind up looking like a wino and/or going broke putting in bridges and crowns.

**looks for pillow to hug**

Waaah. Yes I'm a big pussy.

*Soft strains of a song by the Carpenters plays in the background*

20 years of eating pocky, that's what did it, jon.

Boy jon, that pic at the top of this thread would really turn a root or two in your mouth about now.
Ps, the dentist has better drugs, just saying, and my Dentist is Dr Payne(no joke) so I feel you.

I hate it when my igneous rocks are even touched.

I've touched my igneous rocks so much I think I'm going blind.

Jon, go to the dentist and pay whatever it takes. The guy across the street from us had a whole-mouth extraction, and I can't bear to look at him anymore. He's only about 35 and he looks twice that.

As someone who has spent the past 2 years visiting both dentist and orthodontist all I can say is....

That scene in the Pink Panther clearly had it right. If you have to have someone do your teeth, at least make sure you're in a good mood.

jonmc, maybe you need some of this stuff.

I've touched my igneous rocks so much I've been awarded an honorary degree in geology from the University of Masterchusetts.

With a minor in hydraulics.

:0

By the way, readymade, congratulations! You must post everyday so that we can all exert our terrible influence, much like the witch's curse in Sleeping Beauty.

Congratulations, Readymade!

You all are a fertile bunch.

All the little monkeys in the uterus go HEEEY! HO! HEY! HO!

Congratulations!

I was in shoe store yesterday and this little girl came up to me and started peppering me with questions "What are you eating? Why are you eating it? Why are you sitting there? Why do your feet hurt?" culminating with "Do you have a baby in your stomach?"

**begins furiously straining bananas**

Congrats, readymade, excellent work.

Ha! Congratulations, Readybake!

Congradulations and thanks for the laugh readymade, ...a bun in the oven. A pig in the poke. I am a jelly donut(sic).

"Do you have a baby in your stomach?"

Apparently, I missed one helluva Meetup.

Readymaking! w00t! Congrats to you, dear lady.

*applauds*

*although bachelor mind boggles at the thought of being responsible for a little monkey*

Hey, congrats readymade! What great news! I bet it has something to do with all the pocky we fed you here.

Hey, maybe that's jon's problem too. All that pocky made him preggers. (Now there's a visual. And maybe a new urban myth.)

Well I gotta say, Miz Jelly Donut, you sure held up your end of the party stick on meetup night, especially all, erm, things considered. Congratulations on your impending simian spawn!

movies to entertain the pregnant one.

Congratulations!

(a little vinegar in a glass of water last thing at nite makes one's tummy feel a wee bit better in the morning.)

Wheee, readymade!

*pats little lodger*

Readybake Oven, that's what they call me. Dough's a risin', and I got hot-cross buns on the way (well, one bun, anyway).

Sorry I kept it in the dark there. It was a little early, and I didn't tell anyone but the family until this week. Lemme tell you, though, the meetup was dy-no-mite, despite my inability to drink like the champ I am. You guys missed out on one of my most honed skills! Alas.

I will try not to annoy or bore with too many tales. Official simian offspring #3, is it? I'm thinking squirrel monkey.

Thanks, all. For those who haven't done it yet, breeding is weird.

#1 and #2 being pardon me's children and #3 being dejah's tommy, then your count is one short. KevinS also has a lovely little girl, but he has not been 'round here lately.

My own two being well before Al Gore invented the intraweb, and Miguel's as well, they are pre-monkey.

Hey, maybe that's jon's problem too. All that pocky made him preggers.

*clutches swollen belly*

Oy, my nipples are sooo swollen.

Don't forget Adampsyche's Jasper...but congratulations to ya, Readybake!

So, Witchstone, what were you eating? Why were you eating it? And why did your feet hurt? Inquiring minds want to know.

Oh, and:
9622.net: Oy, my nipples are sooo swollen.

Apparently, I missed one helluva Meetup.

So does that mean that ebk's knocked up too?

Congrats readymade. I think we're averaging a new baby a year. Any volunteers for next year?

*removes uterus*

Not a chance.

I started my own blog today but, just as soon as I'd started, it died on me.

I thought Mefi was your blog, Miguel.

*runs*

wow jon, never heard that one before.

You want in, Jon? I figure junk food and booze, in a cross-Atlantic perspective, shore to shore, is a winning combination!

I actually saw a uterus get removed once on one of those surgery shows. I came in near the end of the show and because it was filmed in close-up I didn't know what they were doing until they flopped it on the table and said, "well, there she is..."

It...it changed me...

that uterus--it was you, wasn't it? it's okay, you can tell us.

*hears doves cry*

So that's what it sounds like.

That's different than when you hit them with the car, which is more of a "squak!"

This is what it sounds like
When doves fly into the electric fence.

Doesn't really scan.

It does work to verse tune of "Policy of Truth" by Depeche Mode.

plea-sures little trea-sures

Congrats, readymade! And tizzie, my child #1 predates 9622.net by a good few years, so readymade jr. will, in fact, be little monkey #3.

I'm thinking squirrel monkey.

Hey, if you have a girl, you could always hope for this:

(wait a minute -- are those mardi gras beads? Hot!)

treas-ures little pleas-ures

pardon me, ...post damn it, your comment was only in preview for the last 22 hours, was not visually posted. That’s a monkey hiccup on this site, the server error.
...we all live in a yellow submarine...

Pardon me, pardon me, but where have you been? I've been wondering about you! You have been missed.

And I would be proud to call that critter "junior." A little nervous maybe, but almost guaranteed that he would grow up to be a torch singer a la Harvey Fierstien in the Torch Song Trilogy. And that's not a bad thing.

Or maybe I would just have to worry about him/her eating the drapes and flinging poo well past adolescence.

pardon me, ...post damn it, your comment was only in preview for the last 22 hours, was not visually posted. That’s a monkey hiccup on this site, the server error.

Thanks, tcs. I kinda wondered where that little bugger had gone. I'd never had a "post dammit" moment before.

Pardon me, pardon me, but where have you been? I've been wondering about you! You have been missed.

I've been around. I pop in at inopportune moments to drop some non sequiter then leave. But I do peruse more than I post, so I'm keeping my eye on the monkey sanctuary, don't you worry.

And readymade, I doubt your spawn will be so hirsute. But that makeup provides a touch of class at any age!

. I came in near the end of the show and because it was filmed in close-up I didn't know what they were doing....

Whenever one of those shows is on, I play "Guess the Surgery" with whomever is around (often, my cat). The first one to guess correctly wins a prize.

I'm going to be watching up close and live: "Witchstone's Foot Surgery" on Friday and "Witchstone's Hand Surgery" in 2 weeks.

Read along with me in your book, and you just may win a prize!

Witchstonepage, it's witchstonepage
It's time to bring your crayons and your pencils...

**munches Jell-O pudding pop™"

**opens fruitcup**

**opens protective cup**

**fills specimen cup**

**lays off the lemonade**

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