It's been a while since we've done this, so here are the latest search terms that have brought people to the site.
(I didn't bother editing down the list very much, so it's kinda long.)
Discuss.
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!!!
No! Maybe Bentley, but George?!
Also, I am glad to see that people are still interested in Monkey Washing Cat.
Posted by: kafka, esq. on June 25, 2003 03:07 PMgirls menstrual airplanes
Apparently I still have a lot to learn about the ladies...
tj jackson girlfriend?
secondhand work boots fetish?
I'm scared.
Posted by: tj on June 25, 2003 03:41 PMI guess that I'm not surprised about the bizarre proclivities of Google searchers, but I'm surprised that so many of them get pointed to our humble abode.
Or not.
I want to know what this is about: dum ditty dum ditty millions of monkeys
aaron sigmund readymade: Who is this "aaron" and how am I associated with him?
avril lavigne cameltoe: This? Is just sad.
Posted by: readymade on June 25, 2003 03:44 PMpics of my step-son wearing dresses in the house
This is funny and awfully specific. Although the name of your step-son might help in the search.
Posted by: readymade on June 25, 2003 03:49 PMNot as sad as someone looking for .wav's of Ray Stevens music. And I'm not even going to touch Glenn Danzig porn.
Posted by: ufez on June 25, 2003 03:52 PMReadymade, maybe they're just not picky. Any stepson would do.
Unlike, oh, marie osmond spanked. (Actually, that one might have been me. You know how hard it is to find good Osmonds fetish pics? It's sad, actually. At this point I'm willing to go and teach the Mormons Photoshop myself if it'll help things along. I have a need here, people.)
Posted by: Chico on June 25, 2003 03:57 PMshemale living in new york
could you be a little more specific? As Robin Williams said to Dudley Moore when explaining the difference between England and America, "You have one queen, and we have so many..."
dandy fancy pants*
Well, dadgummit and gee whillikers, they're not only dandy, they're nifty...
preakness naked pictures
the horses are pretty much naked all the time. but i can understand the interest. I hear horses are hung like...
*for some reason this is spit-take level funny to me
Posted by: jonmc on June 25, 2003 04:04 PMI want to know what this is about: dum ditty dum ditty millions of monkeys
readymade, it comes from Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb, which is somehow affiliated with Dr. Seuss. iirc, witchstone referenced it once.
Millions of fingers!
Millions of thumbs!
Millions of monkeys drumming on drums!
Dum ditty dum ditty dum dum dum.
steve and edie black hole?
Now, just what the hell?
I am a little curious about what cowboy monkey means, though.
Posted by: mikrophon on June 25, 2003 04:09 PMAlso:
semen chunks
Stop googling and make a frickin' appointment!
Posted by: Cyrano on June 25, 2003 04:10 PMthe horses are pretty much naked all the time.
You forget those saucy little numbers they wear called saddles, and those bits! Tell me they don't wear those bits to drive people wild.
Posted by: readymade on June 25, 2003 04:11 PMSteve and Edie, a lounge act of sorts, did a version of "Black Hole Sun." Plus any number of other fabulous tunes, like "Smells Like Teen Angst."
Posted by: readymade on June 25, 2003 04:13 PMOh yes, readymade, some of those horses are absolute studs, I'm told.
Posted by: jonmc on June 25, 2003 04:14 PMpolymorphic ringtones michael jackson
as if they weren't fucking annoying enough. if they were looking for "man in the mirror" they should be hunted down and... well... hurt really badly.
really badly.
Posted by: eyeballkid on June 25, 2003 04:27 PMavril lavigne cameltoe
I can't imagine anything more frightening.
Posted by: eyeballkid on June 25, 2003 04:28 PM"cuntface monkey cock"
This will be the title of my first album.
Posted by: ColdChef on June 25, 2003 04:28 PM"femal sexual behaviour normal"
Sorry. All we gots is Thundersluts. Keep googling.
Posted by: ColdChef on June 25, 2003 04:30 PMNot as sad as someone looking for .wav's of Ray Stevens music.
Don't say that around Chico...
Posted by: Vidiot on June 25, 2003 04:48 PMapropos of nothing, it's damn HOT today:
(and the high was 95..)
Posted by: Vidiot on June 25, 2003 04:49 PMWhat does cowboy monkey mean? And when is the last time we seriously discussed cream corn wrestling? It's been too long.
Posted by: tizzie on June 25, 2003 04:54 PMapple nipple monkey
Ah, yes, the elusive apple nipple monkey, native to Thailand. Hard to track down, but I hear it's rewarding to catch an act of their mating rituals, which are strange and fruity.
Posted by: readymade on June 25, 2003 04:54 PMSurely they were searching for Whiplash the Cowboy Monkey, everyone's favorite monkey who is a cowboy.
Posted by: kafka, esq. on June 25, 2003 04:56 PMCream corn is no damn good at wrestling. In fact it's almost totally armless.
AHAHAHAHAHA!
Posted by: kafka, esq. on June 25, 2003 04:56 PMeveryone's favorite monkey who is a cowboy
Speak for yourself, bucko.
Posted by: Vidiot on June 25, 2003 05:05 PMsalmonberry recipes
I delurk and soon referrers come your way! Man, how popular am I?
Very.
Posted by: salmonberry on June 25, 2003 05:06 PMI would never presume to speak for you, Mr Vidiot.
Unless I was using a high pitched squeaky type voice.
Posted by: kafka, esq. on June 25, 2003 05:14 PMOr maybe in a big opera-style Pavarotti solo number voice.
Posted by: kafka, esq. on June 25, 2003 05:43 PMpfftt!
Vidiot, Houston had a heat index of 112 over the weekend.
Uphill.
Both ways.
Posted by: Cyrano on June 25, 2003 05:45 PMPlease, everyone.
Keep us updated on the current temperature in your local metropolitan area with as much regularity as you can possibly summon.
This, of course, excludes Tizzie, Brittney and ColdChef, who live in the backwoods and badlands and hence have no metropolitan region.
Posted by: kafka, esq. on June 25, 2003 05:47 PMCurrent temperature in the greater Portland metropolitan area, a sunny 78 degrees.
Damn, that's a pretty nice day, isn't it? What the hell am I doing paying bills?
Posted by: readymade on June 25, 2003 05:55 PM112? Heat INDEX??? Candyass Texans. I'm going on vacation next week to Phoenix. For the Fourth of JULY. Flying in Saturday afternoon: "Highs 104 to 109." No indexing. They're scared to.
For those of you who are thinking: why Phoenix in July?? Hell was booked.
Posted by: Fes on June 25, 2003 05:55 PMI ::heart:: vidiot
Woo-hoo! You just made my day.
Posted by: Vidiot & Sally's Mutual Admiration Society on June 25, 2003 05:59 PMIt just ain't a party until you know whether there's a high pressure system coming in from the Gulf.
Posted by: kafka, esq. on June 25, 2003 05:59 PM"Highs 104 to 109." No indexing. They're scared to.
Yeah, but it's a dry heat...
Ok, I'm done.
Posted by: Cyrano on June 25, 2003 06:10 PM"Beat It" and "Billie Jean" are the only two ringtones I've ever purchased. And I hold my head high.
Posted by: ana on June 25, 2003 07:39 PMCan you get one that's just one long continuous ring for like five minutes straight? That's the one I'd want. And it should rise and fall in volume erratically. Or maybe one that just screams really loud.
Posted by: kafka, esq. on June 25, 2003 07:59 PMhugh jackman naked pic
We have this?? I really need to start paying more attention.
pics of my step-son wearing dresses in the house
I don't even wanna know.
Posted by: aine42 on June 25, 2003 08:02 PMwhat does it take
to get a drink in this place?
what does it take
how long must i wait?
Sorry, I was adjusting my leotard wedgie. What was it you said?
Posted by: tizzie on June 25, 2003 09:16 PMAs a act of contrition for my weather related sins, I offer this picture of Garth Knight, David Hasselhoff's evil twin from Knight Rider:
Speaking of search hits, remind me to never ever meantion the names of A***** K**** & D*** M**** ever again even to denounce their slimy sickening stupid hollywood asses. You will get a frightening amount of google hits. Mainly because you know there's not nearly enogh hype surrounding these two wastes of flesh.
Posted by: jonmc on June 25, 2003 10:25 PMOh...and as far as heat goes. I've been in Miami in August. Trust me, there is nothing worse.
Posted by: jonmc on June 25, 2003 10:27 PMI know the feeling, Jon. I made one little mention of the Coreys on my blog once and I'm *still* getting hits for info on them. They have a frightening number of fans out there. (Or, maybe there are just a lot of people Googling them to make fun of them. Hmm. That does seem more likely.)
Posted by: aine42 on June 26, 2003 02:33 PMharry potter broom vibrate toy adult toy?
So...this broom, it vibrates? (Sorry...but it had to be done.)
Posted by: Dejah420 on July 1, 2003 12:56 AMThat reminds me, in a thread from about 10 months ago, I asked a question about Freud. And a couple of weeks ago some strapping young German lad* emailed the answer to me. How cool is that?
Obviously I have no idea if he's young or strapping or even a lad.
Posted by: witchstone on July 1, 2003 09:19 AMWhen they're strapping, they're all lads - if ya catch my drift.
Posted by: tizzie on July 1, 2003 09:45 AMI can't tell you how the Evil David Hasselhoff made my day. Or at least the past five minutes of it.
Posted by: witchstone on July 1, 2003 10:46 AMAnyone looking for photos of Playboy playmate Candy Loving should check: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lovingcandyloving
Posted by: Dan on July 28, 2003 11:33 PMWe're getting Yahoo group pr0n spam now? Jeez, we must be popular or something.
Posted by: Vidiot on July 30, 2003 12:02 PMWell, the way it began was for years, lost in the mists of history, but it turns out that in 1687, Pope Sextus XVI (huh huh, he said "Sextus") decreed that having an un-alphabetised sock drawer was not only a social disgrace slightly worse than leprosy and only marginally better than being the worst artist in a championship, tournament rules Extreme Turbo Pictionary match, but it was in fact a sin so grave that it deserved its own category. Now the pious of the Catholic lands needed not only to avoid cardinal and venal sins, but hoiserial as well.
This inspired Martin Luther's alcoholic slacker brother, Bocephus, to compose a tract so full of indignant wrath and so heretical to church ideas of the time that it eventually launched a conflict which scarred Europe for centuries and destroyed generations, the Hundred Or So Seconds War (which actually lasted, by some historians' estimates, as long as two and a half minutes.) Bocephus' thesis (say that five times fast) was this: Being soundly seen upon the eyes of both Man and God that all those socks are basically just that, socks, that should a man of virtue and good character simply jam them in willy-nilly, they'd still be alphabetised under "S".
After the end of the Hundred Or So Seconds War (the Swiss won, having had the most accurate clocks, but were later disqualified on the technicality of being neutral, the prize later being awarded to an albino hedgehog in Dorsetshire), the Age of Enstockingment followed, in which philosophers such as Voltaire and Paine reasoned that as the natural condition of socks is disarray, and that the sole purpose of sock government was to simultaneously protect these natural, or self-evident rights while ensuring order and that no socks get lost by folding the damn things, the whole thing was pretty much pointless and that while Man's lot as a creature of reason implied the necessity of resolving this dilemma, it didn't really need to be done right now, did it, not while a shockingly anacronistic Rimbaud was over at the next table inspiring Jim Morrison's whole schtick.
The next recorded controversy over the sock-alphabetising issue occurred in Roswell, New Mexico, in 1947, as a young and yet obscure Jack Kerouac, nervously rattling a bottle of prescription Benzedrine and pacing around and around a Burma-Shave sign (it read "He said with a grin as he wiped off his chin", the rest of the poem being sadly lost now) declared, in impromptu and badly-formed haiku:
Yeah, dig it baby
My sock drawer'd be a mess too
But I ain't got one
This caused a US Air Force journalist, one Hunter S. Thompson, to declare the non-existant sock drawer a "crashed weather balloon." (Other things officially declared to be crashed weather balloons: A bottle of "Yoohoo" chocolate not-really-milk drink, seven overdue library books, all of them art collections focusing on the female nude, the weird soapy substance on the rim of a Whirl-O-Mat coin-operated laundry machine, and Jayne Mansfield's left breast.)
The moral of the story is threefold: One, always alphabetise your socks. Or maybe don't, I'm not entirely clear on that one. Two, when piloting an unmanned weather balloon, Safety First! Three, next time have some sort of punchline in mind.
Hope that helps.
Posted by: arto on January 2, 2004 01:24 AMA note about posting images:
We encourage users to post images, especially those hilarous pics of monkeys
wearing dresses or programming for Linux. But posting images that reside on someone
else's server is considered by many to be bandwidth theft. Our thoughts
on the matter, along with some solutions to the problem, can be found
here. Thanks.
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