We do contempt and disgust very well; indifference; snark - even hate we're not bad at. But what about that other lowest but most human of emotions that is envy? Not unbridled; not unquestioning; not self-destroying envy, but that slight regret we aren't - at least some days - someone else.
Soooo, who would you rather be - even though you might be a sick and evil person and actually enjoy being who you are - when you're feeling a little blue, a little too yourself for comfort?
Be honest now. Extra points for wishing you were someone you might well be unhappier or a great deal less personable than you.
No points for smug, self-contented splendour.
Posted by Miguel at June 26, 2003 03:44 AM
Women, of course, may be exempted from my forlorn query as I've never met one yet who would rather be another woman. Why is that?
Posted by: Miguel on June 26, 2003 05:54 AM
Most days I'd rather be just about anybody. That's my cross to bear as I see it, is I gotta go through life being me. It could be worse.
Posted by: jonmc on June 26, 2003 08:27 AMGirdles! Gawd, I can remember my mother squirming into those dreadful elastic torture devices, even on the hottest days of the year. Back in the Jackie Kennedy sheath dress days it was just scandalous to let a tummy bump show. And those metal garter clasps to hold your nylons up!
I bet every one of those women wanted to be someone else - anyone else - as long as it was a male!
Posted by: tizzie on June 26, 2003 09:51 AMMiguel, if you ever do get the government funding and figure out a way to become L. Cohen, can you maybe return to the old days? Let's say Songs of Love and Hate kind of period, before all that Casio crap?
And who would I want to be? Hell, I don't know. Tom Waits maybe, but he's all old and stuff. Being the Sultan of Brunei would probably be a pretty good gig, too. Oh, or Bowie. That'd be just fine.
Posted by: Last Year's Kafka on June 26, 2003 01:04 PMAshton Kutcher. Or, failing that, the guy who played opposite him in Dude, Where's My Car?
Posted by: jpoulos on June 26, 2003 01:52 PMOr what's Emmanuel Lewis up to these days? I bet he's livin' LARGE...
(no pun intended)
Posted by: jpoulos on June 26, 2003 01:54 PMMigs, how many women have you met, if you've never met any woman who wanted to be someone else?
I don't anymore, but damn, those teenage years? Give me anyone else's skin to live in. Okay, not Phyllis Schlafly, but anyone else.
Posted by: readymade on June 26, 2003 02:20 PMAh, Ed Gein, not much with the drinks, but quite a whiz with the hors d'ouvres...
Posted by: jonmc on June 26, 2003 09:27 PMSome days I wish I was Martha Stewart. But only on the really bad days.
Posted by: towerbrave on June 26, 2003 10:34 PMYou know the guy who, throughout his life, he always seemed to make the place brighter the moment he walked in? The guy for whom all things seemed as easy as a fingersnap? For whom the world seemed to lay over and welcome? For whom women would slit their eyes and coolly appraise and smile and welcome in their own inestimable fashion? Fortunate sons, for whom the things that make this life bearable - sex, money, influence, power, really great suits - seemed to accrue like so many barnacles on a great and terrible whale? Who move through the very air as if it forms a cushion around him, ensnaring the breeze to make his jacket-sleeves fall perfectly, his hair always boyishly touselled yet handsome and refined, his eyes pale and blue and mesmerizing?
I want to be that guy.
Posted by: Fes on June 27, 2003 12:20 AMI'd not choose to be a fubking soul other than me me me!
Well, OK, maybe me with a more reliable corpus and a few more bucks, but still me.
I am wonderchicken, hear me roar!
Well, OK, cluck.
Posted by: stavrosthewonderchicken on June 27, 2003 08:28 AMPerhaps I'd like to be Jim Goad. I would just love to be that charmingly misanthropic and brilliant at the same time. Even when he's wrong and lacerating shit I like, I can't help but dig the dude. But I'm crazy.
Posted by: jonmc on June 27, 2003 09:13 AMPersonally, I'd like to be the administrator so I could excise that unduly disturbing little film clip at the top of this thread. I don't know why, but it gives me the female equivalent of a softie. /cranky
Who would I rather be? Actually, I'm with jonmc--I'd love to be Jim Goad, except I lost respect for him after discovering he'd gotten hair plugs.
Some days I'd like to be Mick Jagger.
But today, I'd like to be Strom Thurmond's undertaker, so that I could plunge my shovel into the sod, vault over it Chim-chim-cheree stylee and sing a happy little song.
Posted by: cowboy_sally on June 27, 2003 10:07 AMI want to be that guy.
Fes, I think I join the rest of the site in asserting that you already are that guy.
Posted by: a dry, rasping kaf on June 27, 2003 11:23 AMYou know, except for the sex, money, influence, power, and really great suits part.
Posted by: a dry, rasping kaf on June 27, 2003 11:24 AMNot sure who I'd want to be...it varies all the time. (and depends on whether or not the Celexa is working that day.) Socially? Professionally? Hmmmm. will have to think some more on this one.
Posted by: Vidiot on June 27, 2003 11:37 AMSomething like that, yes. My celery is no longer clogged up.
(and if THAT ain't a tagline, I don't know what is.)
Posted by: Vidiot on June 27, 2003 12:11 PMI'd always wanted to be Douglas Adams. He always seemed to be having a pretty good time.
Which of course is why he's dead.
Posted by: dong_resin on June 27, 2003 02:31 PMBe God, yet it's earth so have to go with the Lizard King, Jim Morrison....Rider(sic) on the storm.
Posted by: Thomcatspike on June 27, 2003 05:46 PMBut seriously the best act I could ever hope to be, Maxell Smart, Agent 86...then to always exit Stage Left, out of site.
Posted by: Thomcatspike on June 27, 2003 05:50 PMBeing the Onassis kid would be nice. Also, JK Rowling wouldn't be bad.
Actually, I don't think I'd want to be them so much as I'd like very much to have that much money please.
Posted by: Dejah420 on July 1, 2003 12:47 AMThat was snagglepuss, tomcat. The worlds first gay cartoon.
Posted by: jonmc on July 1, 2003 09:31 AMLet's just hope there are many more where that came from.
Posted by: tizzie on July 1, 2003 09:47 AMI always kinda figured there was something "unspoken" Quick Draw McGraw's relationship with Baba Looie. But that's not just homosexual it's cross species.
Mixed marriages can be difficult.
NTM, how the hell was Quick Draw able to fire his gun? he don't got hands, he got hooves...
Posted by: jonmc on July 1, 2003 09:51 AMCaptain Caveman had it going on with his three groupies though. And he didn't appear to bathe often, so that's a bonus.
Posted by: ufez on July 1, 2003 10:21 AMI posit that not only was Funky Phantom gayer than the Macy's Day Parade, but sadly behind the times in his fashion sense as well.
Also, I don't know if anyone else caught the immensely disappointing "New Ren & Stimpy" the other day, but it definitely solved the question of whether or not they were gay.
Posted by: kaf on July 1, 2003 11:31 AMYep. Pretty much the whole show was them having the anal sex.
Interestingly, this is one of the flagship shows on SpikeTV, "the first network for men" (which is pretty laughable in itself). I guess what men want to see is cartoon cats and dogs having anal sex.
Posted by: kaf on July 1, 2003 01:49 PMAlso, Stripperella voiced by Pamela Anderson. So instead of seeing her freakish cartoony real body, you can hear her voicing a freakish cartoon body.
Posted by: witchstone on July 1, 2003 02:05 PMA former colleague went to work for Spike TV and she said that surprisingly the majority of employees there were women (in the lower echelons, of course).
Posted by: witchstone on July 1, 2003 02:07 PMHmmm. I'm trying like hell to use the phrase "women in the lower echelons" in a manner that isn't offensive to, y'know, women.
Posted by: Vidiot on July 1, 2003 05:33 PMDrat. Meant to put that in another thread. (Damned multi-window browsing.) Anyone want to hope me out here?
Posted by: Vidiot on July 1, 2003 05:40 PMI think the phrase you're looking for, Vidiot, is "women serving men in Princess Leia's slave costume, waving palms fronds and peeling grapes for executives." Just a guess, though.
Posted by: readymade on July 1, 2003 05:58 PMThat wasn't QUITE what I was thinking about, but I like the way you think.
(I mean that in a jocular and utterly non-sexist way.)
So, 'zat why you got out of the teevee biz, then?
Posted by: Vidiot on July 2, 2003 08:29 AMI guess what men want to see is cartoon cats and dogs having anal sex.
That deserves some kind of study funded by the guv'mint, or the Pew Charitable Trust.
Posted by: tizzie on July 2, 2003 08:58 AMOh man that kid singing Slim Shady on the iTunes commercial needs to be beaten about the face and neck with a bat for 10-20 minutes.
Posted by: kaf on July 2, 2003 12:51 PMA bubonic Teutonic.
Y'know, Vidiot, that very well might have been why I got out of the teevee biz. I think you're on to something.
Posted by: readymade on July 2, 2003 02:16 PMAt least the comment spam is monkey-themed now...way to go, AI!
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