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Have you heard the news?

So many things have been so depressing in the US this year. Finally, a bright spot! I feel happy all over.

*bends cowboy_sally over backwards and kisses her like VE Day*

NOTE TO SELF:

If you drop a hundred dollar bill in Texas, kick it to Oklahoma, then bend over and pick it up.

Ah..it's Texas. Steers & Queers, remember?

On preview....

I need a moment.

I've been asking around the office if anyone wants to practice our newly established rights. Haven't had any takers yet, but it's still before lunch. Maybe once everyone gets their requisite three martinis in them it'll loosen up and we'll have a wonderful Office of Government Slack Orgy™.

Regardless, I do have many friends who will be personally very happy about this and I'm happiest for them.

::straightens her slip, daubs forehead with hankie::

Whew! That *is* the best news I've had all day. And the best delivery of it, to be sure.

Damn. I left Texas a year too soon.

*enjoyably watching from afar*

Not that my luck with the ladies has been so bad of late that I've been thinking about changing teams (at least not yet) but this is still good news.

Three cheers for bum-sex!

Hip hip Hooray!
Hip hip Hooray!
Hip hip....ouch!...oh...oh, yeah....that's it...

I saw her on Monday
'Twas my lucky bun day
You know what I mean

I love her each weekday
Each velvety cheekday
You know what I mean

My love gun's loaded and she's in my sights
Big game is waiting there inside her tights

Big bottom
Big bottom
Talk about mudflaps
My gal's got 'em
Big bottom, drive me out of my mind
How can I leave this behind?

::turns to readymade::

May I sink you with my pink torpedo?

I am dressed up like a "flesh tuxedo," so I would say "Yes."

[green acres]

Butt Fuckin' is the way for me..
those cheeks are nice and firm you see
Take my word you know you've got to try..

Forget that pussy just gimme that tight brown eye...

[/acres]

Well, I see that this is one thread I won't be reading at work...

If you worked at a brothel, it wouldn't be a problem.

Alas, I don't. (Maybe I should put this in the previous "Who would you rather be?" thread, but...no. Less bidet-scrubbing this way.)

We have a bidet? This is a fancier joint than I thought.

I thought it was a little low for a drinking fountain...

**looks up from funny looking oddly short water fountain**

What's a bidet?

damn you, cyrano..

And who isn't thrilled about this news?

It's a good day.

Yup, him and Lester Maddox both gone in the same week.

"Buttfuckin' will be legal over my dead body."

Rest in Crusty Old Pieces, you Hatemonger.

Is that too strong?

Oh, and may the name "Strom" die with him.

He's not dead, you rubes! He just at a special hopsital in Uzbekistan, having his hormone treatments and his replacement pituitary gland installed. Once the lines have smoothed and his hair grows back, he'll return, with a different name, a different agenda...

But we'll know, because the handwriting of his signatures will be the same - won't they, Strom? Or should I say, "Mervin"? Or "Ichabod"? Or "Vectroborus"??? Won't they just!

And then you'll belong to me, Strom, my old nemesis....

*levitates, steeples fingers, smiles cruelly*

Okay, here's a 9622 challenge:

Everyone has to say one nice thing about Strom Thurmond.

I'll go first:

Ummmm...he gave the Democrats a big fat target to aim at.

I gots nothing.

He brought about the downfall of Trent "not-much-better" Lott.

Lest we forget that this means much more than just sex in teh ass. Oral sex between husband and wife is still illegal in Virginia... for now...

Should all of us married couples go to Virginia's capital and have a "blow-in?"

Never more appropriate than on this day

Not as many know this, but Strom's homemade pistachio puddin' was legendary.

Not as many know this, but Strom's homemade pistachio puddin' was legendary.

He actually stole that recipe from Mamie Eisenhower.

In the original version of her biography, it's reported that he was great at the muff-diving.

If you needed your drink shaken, you could have just handed it to him and said:" Um, hold this for a sec"

Apparently (couldn't find a cite, alas), he had sex with a woman on death row shortly before her execution. Even crazier? He was the prosecutor who sent her there.

Hey, fishfucker met up with crash and didn't invite us!

Everyone has to say one nice thing about Strom Thurmond.

Strom Thurmond bit the head off my baby, but he did it quick-like, and it was probably painless. Mostly.

All politics aside, just what kinda fuckin'name is strom for a human being?

Plus, readymade, I like your "blow in" idea? I can see the t-shirts.."Virginia Sucks!"

Personally, I'm partial to "Virginia Licks".

Strom Thurmond did not live in Kentucky.

For this relief, much thanks, Horatio.

Machaus, my understanding is that the court decision (not Strom's timely passing) makes oral sex, anal sex, and all that good stuff legal between consenting adults in all the states, as long as the act takes place in private and there's no money involved.

Which is cool with me because I'm part of the rural poor.

Speaking of sodomy...any of the NY monkeys want some beer and bratwurst? I get outta work at 4pm then I'm gonna go here.

Then I shall invade Poland. Are ya with me, mein herrs??

No money involved? There's always a damn catch.

*shuffles off mumbling*

Strom Thurmond at least had the decency to fashion the snakes that grew out of the top of his head into a semblance of hair. I'll give him that.

And he was into ethnic cleansing long, long before it was fashionable.

Only the good die young.

Right. Whatever you say, Bob.

Does anyone remember a story a few years ago about a woman who was convinced that Bob Hope was making her go insane?

C'mon...who hasn't been there?

I once knew a homeless guy who claimed he was Bob Hope's younger brother, No Hope.

wow, that's.... really not that funny.

I once knew a homeless guy who claimed he was Bob Hope's younger brother, No Hope.

What mother wouldn't want to have a child named "no?"

"No! Stop! No! Clean up your room! No!"

Dammit, I have googled my fingers to the bone, and I can't find it. I know i read this, about a woman who claimed that a billboard of Bob Hope in Branson, Missouri was sending her messages and making her go insane.

Could I be making this up? It's possible.

Just ignore me. My celery needs a laxative.

When is Witchstone coming back from sick leave? I am beginning to suspect that Bob Hope made her go insane.

If she was in Branson, then a billboard of Bob Hope should've been the least of her concerns.

*shudders from childhood vacation memories*

You try getting Bob Hope out of your bed at 4 am with only one arm and one leg.

Hit him with your crutch, that oughta do it. Dirty old bugger, 'e is.

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