It all started when I helped Jonmc find hisself a pad in my neighborhood. He, stupidly, wanted to buy me a drink in celebration. That devolved fairly quickly into an all-out (and I do mean all-out, if ya know what I mean) episode of depravity, debauchery, and other nasty words that begin with "D."
Some of the most [ahem] creative shoutouts of all time herein. You have been warned. Not safe for children, old people, small animals, livestock, people with heart conditions, people with stomach conditions, people who use conditioner, employers, confessors, father figures, infants, or cheesemakers.
Posted by Vidiot at July 19, 2003 02:56 PMI just made it through all of the pictures. All of the glorious panty and crotch-filled photos.
I need a cold shower.
Can I just say right now I love me some Cowboy Sally?
Posted by: brittney on July 19, 2003 05:35 PMUm, it was kind of spontaneous. No slight intended.
But c'mon back -- the bars will still be there.
Posted by: Vidiot on July 19, 2003 07:31 PMNon, je ne regrette rien.
See, THIS is what happens when I don't go home early. Cursed rain, keeping me in the bar for 3 hours like that...(As for the photos, I'd like to blame the 4 Maker's Marks I had but honestly? A good part of those pictures came before I even had my drink half-on.)
It was such great fun though! I got to hang out with the monkeys, plus I even got 2 swap CDs, even though I'm not participating. How's that for customer service?
*wonders why there was no underwear bandied about at the NY meetup he attended*
Posted by: eyeballkid on July 19, 2003 07:58 PMOK, this explains why I woke up confused, smelly and in Queens.
Posted by: jonmc on July 19, 2003 08:50 PMOn the plus side I ate blood sausage for the first time today, when I had Irish Breakfast at a Greek Diner.
Posted by: jonmc on July 19, 2003 09:28 PMI am deeply torn between realizing that my shout-outs arose from a recent lack of monkey business, which means I should stay away to garner more, and some serious want-to-stay lovin' for you all. Especially the cowboy. Whoo-eee! Drunken toilet shoutouts bring tears of wonderchicken joy to my eyes, I gotta tell ya.
*smooches*
If I end up going to work in Thailand next month after the dust settles, you guys gotta come and visit. Mekong whiskey's on me!
Posted by: stavrosthewonderchicken on July 19, 2003 10:37 PMThere's a guy next to me won't tell me his name
Buys me Mekong Whisky just the same...
There's a guy next to me won't tell me his name
Buys me Mekong Whisky just the same...
Last night I discovered that there are a number of beers that don't ask no questions and don't tell no lies.
Posted by: cowboy_sally on July 19, 2003 11:40 PMYup, Red Stripe is pretty friendly that way.
Actually, most beers are pretty friendly that way. (Though the bottle of Colt .45 in my fridge may beg to differ.)
Next time I'm in Thailand, I'll hit you up for a bottle of Sing Ha, Stav.
Posted by: Vidiot on July 20, 2003 12:22 AMBest. Shoutout. EVER.
*slips back smiling into curly-hair-and-creamy-thigh-induced coma*
Posted by: Priapetic Fes on July 20, 2003 01:47 AMSometimes I think that Cowboy Sally and I were separated at birth, (except something like 20 years apart.) My kinda grrl, yep.
You're all a kill. Love these booze-athons with picks and shout outs.
So Jonmc, how are you liking your new place then?
Love it, just started out as a celevratory [oops, sp.] drink [or two]....
Posted by: alicesshoe on July 20, 2003 12:41 PMMy love for cowboy_sally grows stronger every day. And not just because she showed us her crotch.
Posted by: jpoulos on July 20, 2003 05:16 PMI wish someone besides my dad would give me a shoutout from the crapper.
Posted by: ColdChef on July 20, 2003 06:05 PMI would've taken the camera into the crapper with me CC, but I don't wanna give you inadequacy issues...
Posted by: jonmc on July 20, 2003 07:29 PMBesides, it was MY camera.
(And I don't think digital cameras react that well to being soaked in disinfectant.)
Posted by: Vidiot on July 20, 2003 07:35 PMJonmc -- So it's agreed then that the new haircut is, in fact, puppy butt? What did I tell you? Heh.
Looks like you guys had a fabulous time. So jealous.
Posted by: aine42 on July 20, 2003 11:36 PMAh, the luscious, fragrant distillation of simian jealousy. I'm soaking in it!
I gotta get to New York.
Posted by: STILL Priapetic Fes on July 20, 2003 11:54 PMBy the way, I have a few pictures from my phonecam.
This is the backstory of this.
And this is the backstory of this.
And this is Jonmc the morning (well, make that afternoon) after. Note decorously extended pinkie.
Posted by: Vidiot on July 21, 2003 12:41 AM
Now you've done it Vidiot! We'll be expecting the back stories to all the stories pics now.
Excellent. Much more creative also. More back stories!
They have genderless loo's in NY, don't they?
Posted by: alicesshoe on July 21, 2003 12:58 AMAnd this is Jonmc the morning... after
Anyone but me get a bit of a Carson Daly vibe from our morning-after jonmc?
They have genderless loo's in NY, don't they?
If they're big enough for two people to sneak into together, I don't give a tin shit what the pictograph on the door is :)
Posted by: Fes on July 21, 2003 01:37 AMAlas, Tile Bar's restrooms are single-person, and thus only suitable for self-portraits.
And Jon doesn't really want to admit it, but he actually is "Carson Daly." (That's just his stage name.)
Posted by: Vidiot on July 21, 2003 02:46 AM'Tis true. I still havent recovered from that whole Christina Aguilera thing, though.
Posted by: jonmc on July 21, 2003 08:26 AMYou folks win the party animal award, [hiccup] you can see the debatuary glazed in all your eyes.
Posted by: Thomcatspike on July 21, 2003 09:08 AMThe odd thing is Thom,(and vidiot, chico, and the cowboy can verify this) is that I look that way even when I'm stone cold sober.
Posted by: jonmc on July 21, 2003 09:09 AMdebauchery its right in front of me, still mispelled it.
I look that way even when I'm stone cold sober That is a great caption in itself, bet if you placed that in a bar's bathroom, it would generate sales.
That's debatuable, kaf, but we tried.
Jon's right. His alluring come-hither is completely unaffected by even the strongest beer goggles (or whiskey goggles or gin goggles, whichever).
Posted by: Chico, safe at work on July 21, 2003 11:28 AMSpeaking of debauchery (great pictures, by the way), the next Real World starts production next month. Guess where???
Yes, San Diego! I'm gonna hook up with a Real World Loser! Jump start my career!
Ewwww.
Posted by: witchstone on July 21, 2003 11:59 AMHey witchstone, when does the big covered wagon and the mule team arrive to carry you across the purple mountains, the grassy plains, and the burning desert sands?
Posted by: tizzie on July 21, 2003 12:09 PMThe wives and I will be heading out west on August 9 to look for a place. I'll be in SD permanently around August 25.
So these are the twilight hours of 9622 for me. After my last day of work on August 8, I will be but a dim memory in your simian minds.
Posted by: witchstone on July 21, 2003 12:18 PMI too can verify it. And welcome to Astoria, jonmc!
Posted by: language hat on July 21, 2003 12:24 PMWitchy: you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.
One of us! One of us!
Posted by: jpoulos on July 21, 2003 12:33 PMSuch a lovely place, though. Such a lovely place.
But seriously, witchy, it'd suck not having you around. I mean, who am I going to dis Lenny Kravitz to now?
(And the sailors! Och, the sailors miss you already. You should have seen them pining in the corners at Tile bar on Friday for you & Readymade. We would have totally taken pictures of them if it weren't for all the, y'know, dastardly distracting drubken semi-nekkidness and all. But trust me. They were playing "Unsatisfied" on the jukebox over and over again and weeping loudly in their Johnny Walkers.)
Posted by: Chico on July 21, 2003 01:47 PMWhat, witchy: you can't post to 9622 from San Diego?
And wives? Do tell.
Posted by: Vidiot on July 21, 2003 02:07 PMLike Barbie, Math was never my strong suit.
And besides, those are Pacific sailors you got over there. They're all, like, tanned and self-assured and shit. Not like the weepy alt-boy Atlantic brand we gots in these parts.
I guess I understand. I guess.
Posted by: Chico on July 21, 2003 02:21 PMI'll have my computer, but I'll be on a dial-up and in school all day, rehearsing at night. Up till now I've been at a boring day job with not much to do except for surf the net and post here ad nauseam.
Posted by: witchstone on July 21, 2003 02:26 PMI prefer the Coast Guard myself.
Mainly because they have the best drugs from all those seizures.
Posted by: jonmc on July 21, 2003 02:29 PMMainly because they have the best drugs from all those seizures.
Like these?
Posted by: Vidiot on July 21, 2003 02:36 PMAfter my last day of work on August 8, I will be but a dim memory in your simian minds.
But...but...a 9622.net without witchstone is like:
A monkey without poo to fling...
A Battlestar Galactica without Starbuck...
An [insert whatever drink Miguel is fetish-izing about at the moment] without the [whatever booze goes in that drink]...
This cannot be!
Posted by: Cyrano on July 21, 2003 03:32 PMDon't worry. Like Elvis, I will live on in velvet artwork and random sightings. Unlike Elvis, there will be no rumors about me and toilets. I leave that to cowboy sally. :D
Posted by: witchstone on July 21, 2003 03:34 PMListen to that! We're just a time filler until her true destiny comes along.
When she's picking up her Tony award, she'll say "Thanks to the little people and the monkeys I stepped over on my way to the top."
And we'll say "Remember when she was just our witchstone, back in the days of vodka and hairspray? Just look at our little girl now!"
We're loyal, dammit. To a fault.
Posted by: tizzie on July 21, 2003 03:38 PMAs soon as something better comes along for me, I'm dumping you fuckers, too.
But I love you all for now.
Posted by: ColdChef on July 21, 2003 04:34 PMHey CC, quit playing games with my heart. As long as you love me, we've got it goin' on.
More than that, the shape of my heart is all I have to give.
Posted by: One Of The Backstreet Boys, Whichever on July 22, 2003 09:52 AMYou're thinking of AJ. He's got that 40-day-and-40-nights-in-the-wilderness appeal.
Posted by: Fes on July 22, 2003 10:30 AMWell, I think he just digs him for his fast car and spiffy headgear, myself.
Posted by: jonmc on July 22, 2003 10:59 AMIsn't one of them named Saul? I think it's Saul.
I think that's G'n'R, j-po. Though I bet AJ gets that all the time.
(And I thought that 40-days-and-nights look involved not being able to find one's way out of the woods, both literally and proverbially.)
Posted by: Chico on July 22, 2003 11:38 AMfunny how your can go from thinking you have, well, rather nice eyes - to understanding that inside you lies a demon.
Posted by: goneill on July 22, 2003 07:16 PMGoneill! Welcome back, sistah.
And an almost belated birthday toast to aine42. May all your wishes come true.
To all the monkeys, near and far, cheers!
Posted by: tizzie on July 22, 2003 08:24 PMcc: don't be so cruel.
fishfucker:
you are insane. has everyone heard the song he wrote and performed about my cat?
Posted by: goneill on July 22, 2003 10:10 PMYou know, I've spent a half hor trying to write a parody of "Bette Davis Eyes" but I can't come up with a good one, and I usually write great song parodies. You have defeated the master.
Oh, big deal, fishfucker, I have "9622.net" plus a couple taglines written on me...somewhere, but sadlt i dont have a camera...
Posted by: jonmc on July 22, 2003 10:20 PMFF, what is 9662.net, and can just anyone join or do you have to be dyslexic?
Posted by: yhbc on July 22, 2003 11:10 PMMy dear Goneill, there are demons inside ALL of us. Some of them are just more photogenic.
Mine's name is Malebranche, and he loves the smell of smoke and your wicked crimson eyes.
Welcome back :)
Posted by: Fes on July 23, 2003 12:05 AMNo one's more creeped out by Malebranche than I, my dear.
I mean, seriously, you should hear some of the outlandish shit he says, no kidding.
Posted by: Fes on July 23, 2003 01:26 AMNY Times link! Reg. required! OMG! How could you do that to us?! Oh. Heh. I thought I was in MetaTalk for a minute. Carry on.
Goneill, why hast thou forsaken us? Do we smell (more than usual)? You were missed...
Posted by: readymade on July 23, 2003 08:34 AMaine-HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
goneill-YAY! The hippies have returned you!
jonmc-I'm fairly certain there's already a parody of Bette Davis Eyes called Marty Feldman Eyes (indeed, I heard it on Dr Demento in 1985.
fishfucker-Oneupmanship, hmmm? BRING IT, CHACHI!
Posted by: cowboy_sally on July 23, 2003 09:36 AMthey weren't hippies - they were punks - well some were hippies - but anyway - i'm semi back, i guess because i'm programming and programming without 9622 doesn't work. does it?
no. it doesn't
Posted by: goneill on July 23, 2003 10:33 AMBTW: The Alcoholocaust has not yet failed to crack me up.
Posted by: ColdChef on July 23, 2003 10:40 AMThe Alcoholocaust.
How about now?
The Alcoholocaust.
How about now?
The Alcoholocaust.
How about now?
The Alcoholocaust.
Still laughing?
The Alcoholocaust.
How about now?
Posted by: witchstone on July 23, 2003 10:43 AMOh, I know that one, cowboy_sally. I was just trying to write one called "goneill eyes" and failing miserably...
Posted by: jonmc on July 23, 2003 10:54 AMi think it goes something like:
she's got gone eel eyes
but, you're the master and all - so i'll defer
Posted by: goneill on July 23, 2003 12:08 PMI think my friend Bugmuncher has a crush on Fishfucker.
And with names like that, they could get together and be called Fishmuncher and Bugfucker.
Posted by: Vidiot on July 23, 2003 12:11 PMHer hair is Crawford brown
Her lips a sweet surprise
She ain't no circus clown
She's got Satan's demon eyes
*doffs hat*
*realizes he's not wearing a hat*
*feels stupid*
Posted by: jonmc on July 23, 2003 12:33 PM*accepts non-existent hat doffing by doffing in kind*
Posted by: witchstone on July 23, 2003 12:41 PMJust now, in an attempt to shoo away a fly, I swatted myself under my chin, causing myself to bite my own tongue. Hard.
I bring new meaning to the term "hapless."
Posted by: jonmc on July 23, 2003 01:51 PMMain Entry: hap·less
Pronunciation: 'ha-pl&s
Function: adjective
Date: 14th century
: having no luck : UNFORTUNATE
- hap·less·ly adverb
- hap·less·ness noun
See also:
How on earth does someone get a gun into City Hall these days? (OHMYGOD NYTIMES LINK)
Posted by: witchstone on July 23, 2003 03:22 PMThe guy in the cube next to me just got off the phone with somebody on their way to City Hall to take care of something.
Looks like he'll be waiting longer than he thought.
Posted by: jonmc on July 23, 2003 03:45 PMWire service reports are saying that apparently the shooter was with Councilmember Davis and therefore wasn't subject to normal security checks.
In other news, our mayor is incoherent:
"This is an attack on democracy. We will not stop until we find who did this. It is not terrorism. It appears to be a random act, but we cannot allow this to go on, ever. This is an attack on all Americans," Bloomberg said.
(Cowboy_Sally's reaction to the above: "We cannot allow random acts to take place, ever! Sounds like a job for the Situationists...")
You just know "Bloomers" is hoping for a tragic disaster to call his own.
Posted by: ColdChef on July 23, 2003 04:37 PMGod, that's depressing. But unfortunately rings true.
Posted by: readymade on July 23, 2003 04:58 PMWeird--the other wounded guy just died and the police confirmed that he was the shooter.
Posted by: witchstone on July 23, 2003 05:00 PMtizzie and cowboy_sally -- thanks for the b-day wishes. It was a lovely day (even if I did have to spend it at work.)
Posted by: aine42 on July 23, 2003 07:30 PMMiguel! Aine42! I am so glad when everybody puts in an appearance. I think I saw our little readymade around here somewhere too?
*gathers all the chicks under her apron*
*shoos dong_resin and fishfucker away from her hoohah*
Just letting you all know that I survived the Town Council meeting tonight, not that there wasn't some nervous laughter. Reason #14,365 Franklin ain't Noo Yawk: sure, we got loonies, but ours haven't figured out how to load their guns yet.
Posted by: yhbc on July 23, 2003 09:30 PMHey, thanks for the hugs, tizz! And guess what, everybody - I just learned how to do this annoying thing:
{{{{{{Tizzie right back}}}}}}
Posted by: yhbc on July 23, 2003 10:20 PMI trust you will use your new skills only for good...and only somewhere else?
Posted by: kaf on July 23, 2003 10:43 PMyeah - so that whole shooter shootee thing - no sense made, right?
Posted by: goneill on July 23, 2003 11:38 PMoh yeah. 9622.net. whichever.
actually the crazy thing is i started to write it with toothpaste because i couldn't find the sharpie.
toothpaste really fucks up your skin.
Posted by: fishfucker on July 24, 2003 01:08 AMI just received Volume 1 of Snuggle the Fabric Softener Bear Reads the Classics! I'm most looking forward to A Tale of Two Cities, although War and Peace will probably be quite enjoyable as well!
Posted by: witchstone on July 24, 2003 01:09 PMCooool.
I hear his reading of Naked Lunch is great for those long car trips.
Posted by: Chico on July 24, 2003 01:35 PM"The junk merchant doesn't sell his product to the consumer,
*giggle*
he sells the consumer to the product.
*I'm sooooo fluffy*
He does not improve and simplify his merchandise.
*Let's play peek-a-boo*
He degrades and simplifies the client.
*giggle*
*You touched my tummy!*"
Lest anyone make the mistake of thinking I am independently funny, that was a reference to a MLAAAG blog entry which made me chortle.
Posted by: witchstone on July 24, 2003 02:13 PMA note about posting images:
We encourage users to post images, especially those hilarous pics of monkeys
wearing dresses or programming for Linux. But posting images that reside on someone
else's server is considered by many to be bandwidth theft. Our thoughts
on the matter, along with some solutions to the problem, can be found
here. Thanks.
In an effort to help eliminate spam (and to preserve the sanity of the 9622 Volunteer Simian Spam-Cop Brigade) all threads older than 30 days will now be closed to comments.