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If there's one thing today needs, it's more remembrances of Bob Hope.

But this is where we get to vent about his true evil nature :)

Oh, right! Yeah, he was frickin' EEEEEVIL.

Plus I don't think it was any of our birthdays today.

Actually, (I just mentioned this over at the blue), I never found him particularly funny, but my dad (who has a good sense of humor) saw him perform in Vietnam, and said he was a hoot. Maybe he saved the good stuff for the guys in uniform.

I'm pretty ambivalent about the whole thing. But I really feel like Bob Hope really belonged to a prior generation, and as such I would be out of line making any sort of judgment about him. I will say that the "Road To..." movies made me laugh like hell when I was a kid.

This morning on CNN some mouth-breather Howard Stern fan pretended to be his joke writer and ended his call with "I hear he died choking on Stern's ball-sack". How inglorious. It just made me think that as foreign to me as Hope's humor was, I would rather have one hundred of him than one Howard Stern.

In summary, let me say the word "really" once again:

Really.

Amen. Really.

And I always figured that Hope's appeal to soldiers was about 50% Needing To Laugh In A Shitty Situation and 50% gratitude. I can dig that.

It just made me think that as foreign to me as Hope's humor was, I would rather have one hundred of him than one Howard Stern.

Triple Amen to that. I was completely ambivalent when I first heard this, but now I feel bad. As boring and obvious and just-plain-stupid as I found Hope's humor, it was a far better brand of boring and obvious and just-plain-stupid than Stern's.

This just occured to me: maybe Bob stayed alive so long to avoid meating up with Bing Crosby again.

meating up with Bing Crosby

I got nothing.

From the radio tribute, it sounds like Hope's career pretty much peaked from 1936 - the 50's. Not our generation - no wonder we don't feel too affected by his passing.

But I've gotta go with Kafkaesque on this one - Stern's 'really' not worthy to shine the old guy's shoes.

Damn, I coulda done a birthday thread after all.

Once upon a time, Stern was amusing, but he's lost it, and now he goes for shock value alone. Plus he begat a plague of "outrageous" morning shows which all sound exactly the same.

I'd rather hear him than Rush Limbaaaauuuuuugh, which I have to listen to in the office if I'm not running around.

Agreed, Senator McNally.

The thing that sucks about Stern is that he's more indicative of the lowest common denominator of society, and obviously the LCD is pretty damn low.

I don't want to hear either of those a-holes, Adam. As far as I'm concerned they're both shitheels who are far more concerned with their own celebrity and image than amusing, informing or entertaining.

Adam, Rush disturbs me because of his politics, but even moreso because he's so calculated about it. I used to watch Morton Downey Jr. with my dad sometimes, and whatever you thought about his politics, he was riveting to watch, cause you half expected sheer pandemonium to break out at any moment. Plus you got the feeling that he was sincerely pissed about whatever he was raving about. Of course, if he was telling the truth later on, he was also hammered. But his audience was mainly outer-borough meatheads and lugs, people I might disagree with, but could enjoy drinkin' with.

Rush is working for the politicians he supports and his main function is to steer his audience toward them. Plus if the studio is any indication, his audience is different from Mort's.

This concludes my hamfisted foray into cultural criticism. We know return to the Hope tribute. of sorts.

Bob Hope's death is a signpost of sorts for the slow slide to oblivion of the entire WWII generation. Not so much the death of an individual as (at least for us here) a sort of intellectual curiousity, like as if someone had informed us that the last Model T Ford had been junked, or the last Dodo stuffed and put into the Smithsonian.

This is disconcerting in the aspect that it reminds us that our generation, too, will someday depart from this earth, and those things we have wrought, all that which we deemed so important and worthy of work, will ultimately pass.

Take what pleasures you may in this world, my friends. Life is ephemeral, none know what comes after, and today, once gone, is gone forever.

I'd rather hear him than Rush Limbaaaauuuuuugh, which I have to listen to in the office if I'm not running around.

Doesn't OSHA have regulations against that?

9622.net: Shitheels who are far more concerned with their own celebrity and image than amusing, informing or entertaining.

And ditto just about everyone. I wouldn't expect my Grandchildren to give two farts about, say, Ben Stiller's death.

He was a total prick. Did I ever tell you about the time we went to Mexico and he got really drunk and high and started fighting the Mexican police...

Wait. Bob Hope, you said? I don't know who that is. I was thinking of someone else.

Thought he was one of a kind tellinig performing the jokes. Found him sophisticated in life so in his earlier pictures his character being the bunt of most jokes and rarley ending up with the dames ruined it for me. I found it harder enjoying those flicks with Bing because of Bings's true nature in life. Goes to show you how great Bob could act; a true star. When I was a lad I dolized Bob and Hoped when as I grew older to be funny like him, nose and all all & nose.

Doesn't OSHA have regulations against that?

Ha! I think that was in the fine print in the kitchen.

Seriously, I don't want to hear either of them, either, which is why I learned that headphones at work (the big kind that block out noise) can be a Great Thing, whether there is music played on them or not. At least you're left alone.

It's just that when I have to go to my boss for anything, Rush is playing in the office. Did I mention that my boss also has a warhead on his desk?

Other than that, he's a nice guy. To which Chico added on Saturday, "other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?"

(and, happy birthday, mlaaag!

whoops what happened there?? (fix as BoB deserved it)When I was a lad I Idolized BoB and Hoped as I grew older to be funny like him, nose and all all & nose. Think his humor was simple in itself that it was treasured by a lot of generations. Just watched this last night.

Call me a cynic (no really, do!), but I just can't feel much sorrow for a successful celebrity who did what he wanted to do his whole life and then died when he was 100.

Awe at his long life, respect (or not) for his work, but certainly not sadness. And perhaps there is some truth to the fact that I can't identify with him so I don't sense the milestone, but I couldn't identify with the death of Kate Hepburn either, despite my respect for her and love of her movies. I just can't pull out the waterworks for people who have led long, fulfilled, interesting lives.

redymade your right about sorrow, because I'm sure Bob wouldn't feel sorrowful about his own life, too many accomplishments to cry. But in this movie he is sorrowful(remember it being good)

I like the photo you chose, Tizzie. cheers, bob.

I liked him. He was the ultimate coward and cad in his films and he made me laugh.

Thus ends one of my favorite bar games. I will miss "Did You Hear Bob Hope Is Dead?" I will remember fondly the times we strolled up to the bar and asked the fictional question. Hey, if as least three people say it, it must be true, right? I will cherish each drink that the party had to take when complete strangers would break the tragic yet completely fabricated news to us.

The looks of puzzlement directed at our whimsy at the death of an alleged American icon. The way the story was padded to include the lurid and sometimes violent manner of his death. The ordering of a round of shots when the tally reaches ten. How can such things be replaced?

Sure, we could always find another celebrity to carry on, just like that one band that you liked did that one time when that guy left. But it just won't be the same without the idiot sidekick to a child-beating orange juice salesman.

Good-bye "Did You Hear Bob Hope Is Dead?" You will live forever in our memories.

By the way, did you hear Ronald Reagan is dead?

No, but I did hear that Stephen King died today.

Really?

As for me this makes me feel incredibly old.

In my childhood I have quite a few memories of watching the televised specials of him entertaining the troops.

If we are planning a dead pool, I guess I need to toss a coin between Liz Taylor and Mickey Rooney.

Saying you can't appreciate Bob Hope because he was of a different generation is like saying you can't appreciate Shakespeare because he was of a different era.

Okay, maybe not Shakespeare, but you get the idea.

Farewell, Bob. (this will not stay up for long).

Don't bury me on this prairie, take me where the cement grows ...

I respectfully disagree, commish. Shakespeare transcends time. Bob Hope's humor seemed very much of its time. One can certainly respect the man without being into the humor.

some interesting work facts about Bob: Most honored actor per GBWR, includes awards, tv specials; longest contract one actor has ever had with one network, NBC 60 years, never retired too. Think his work habits killed kept him alive.

Anybody wanna buy a 1993 Ford Escort?

Do any of the NYC monkeys wanna help me unpack?

I'll buy some beer.

I'm going to take all of this a step further and say the entire WWII generation was boring, bland and not funny in any way.

The Civil War generation on the other hand was a laff riot.

I would even go so far as to say that the Spanish Civil War produced some of the finest comedy known to mankind.

Not to mention the Spanish Inquisition.

I'll pretend you didn't say that, Cardinal Biggles.

I have now been uncovered as the semiwebgeek that I am!

Saturday night my friends threw me a farewell party, complete with PowerPoint Roasting Presentation™. Amongst the pictures, was a picture of me with walrus & roobarb, which my friend Gary explained as me meeting up with "some guy I met on the internet" to which I sputtered "No, you see, I'm part of this, um, web community? You know? And we like, post stuff?" which only made everything look worse.

Cool, I finally learned how to do the ™!

How does one effectively tell straights that one is going to meet people they know primarily from the internet without sounding like a complete nutjob?

When I went to the NYC Mefimeet (was it TWO January's ago? carumba) I told my colleagues that I was taking the subway to Brooklyn to go to a party thrown by people I met on the internet. Their first response: "What sort of party is this, Fes?" Their second: "If this is really you going out to kidnap a 14 year old you met in a chatroom and hightailing it to Virginia, we're all going to be very disappointed." There were many arched eyebrows and meaningful intra-suit glances.

So, Witchy, what do you rate the chances we apes will get to see some of your roasty photos before you light out for points west and drop off the radar for good?

I remember mentioning to my mom that vidiot (I didn't call him that) lived in my new neighborhood. She asked where I met him. I said "On the internet." Mom probably thinks I'm in some swingers club. If any of y'all ever meet my folks, we all met in church, OK?

I hardly even get a raised eyebrow any more when I tell people I met my husband on the internet.

Maybe y'all oughta move to a more sophisticated part of the world, where it's ok to marry your kinfolk as long as you were raised in separate trailers.

But tiz, if you weren't even raised in the same trailer, then how do you meet? I'd be afraid of marrying outside my class if'n I was in a situation like that.

I say thank heavens for tha intronet, cos you all are the bestest friends a feller could have! What ain't (strickly speaking) kin, anyways.

So Jon, when is the turnip truck arriving with yer belongings?

Thursday morning. The turnip truck's only carrying what I can't fit in my poke.

we all met in church, OK?

In my case that would be very easy to arrange.

When I told my friends about the NYC meetup and how it was with a bunch of web geeks, they beat me up, stole my clothes and put me in my locker.

When you think about it, it's a little more amazing to have friends in real life than on here where we are such charming and erudite companions.

In fact, the idea that eyeballkid has these so-called friends makes me want to beat him up and put him in a locker.

um. tizzie. that was you that beat me up and put me in the locker.

gawd, i'm getting so forgetful.

Want your clothes back?

I'm still not convinced ya'll aren't bots.

What do you mean, I'm still not convinced ya'll aren't bots?

Does that question interest you?

Y'all is not a word I undertand. Could you rephrase the question?

9622: I'm still not convinced ya'll aren't bots.

[Cyrano] IS TEH MAN!

Jeez, I didn't mean to kill the conversation. I'm a bad, bad bot.

Jon, I'd help you out, but I'm off Thursday to Toronto for a few days. (I'll help you unpack next week.)

(Anyone wanna go out tomorrow night in NYC?)

(How about Saturday night in Toronto?)

Questioningly, your friend.

WWII generation was boring, bland and not funny in any way.
Your grandparents were not fun/funny/funny by being bland?

witchy, If eel your pain. When I go out to the meetups, I tell mr._sally that I'm going to my LARP circle. It's less embarassing that way.

Uh, that's "I feel."

Do you perform actual laproscopic surgery in this circle?

No actual surgery, no. Just a lot of preliminary photographical investigation. In sepia tones.

Mmmm...nipples...

Suddenly I'm feeling like that guy in 28 Days Later, only circumsized.

Which guy? The hot lead guy or the Poor Man's Ralph Fiennes?

I was thinking of the pouty lead guy, in the opening scene. Hello? HELLO???

But for some strange reason I feel Christopher Eccleston surpassed him in hotness. Maybe it's the uniform.

Christopher Eccleston was probably more attractive in 28DL than in Shallow Grave, what with the crazy dismemberment and all.

Anyone seen the old British film Let Him Have It, about Chris Craig and Derek Bentley? Eccleston was quite moving in that, as a simple kid unjustly put to death. The event was also the subject of the Elvis Costello song "Let Him Dangle" off Spike.

Anyway, 28DL was total godhead in my opinion, and the new ending didn't seem out of place. I'll be buying the DVD as soon as it's out.

Oh my god, I didn't even recognize him as being in Shallow Grave. What with the chainsaw and human bits and all.

What a surprise! Gigli is found a universal piece of shit!

Kaf, I loved Let Him Have It, though I haven't seen it since I've developed my Chris E. obsession. It might be worth reviewing.

And not to sound like a numbnuts, but which ending was the "new" one? The one at the gates, or the one in the countryside?

or the last Dodo stuffed and put into the Smithsonian.

Did you hear that Bob Hope will be stuffed and put into the Smithsonian?

I remember mentioning to my mom that vidiot (I didn't call him that) lived in my new neighborhood.

Um...what exactly did you call me, Jon?

This site is SUCH a girlzone.

Monday's audience burst into laughter during the seduction scene, when J.Lo spreads her legs for Ben and says, "It's turkey time. Gobble-gobble."

Oh. My. God.

Hey! Don't give it away, I've got to go see 28DL and see the "alternate ending" now. Apparently they show it after the credits?

This site is SUCH a girlzone.

Please. No one has mentioned Christopher Eccleston's panties. Yet.

"Well," he says, "I can't think of a single movie that I liked all the way through, can you?"

Umm, hell yes, you idiot.

Men, please tell me that gobble-gobble line is the most spirit-destroying thing you've ever read. It must be.

Spirit-destroying? Mood-killing? Self-insulting? Libido-sapping? Sure.

But also? Appetite-inducing. So it works out. Kind of.

(You know, I can't think of many food metaphors with less sex appeal than the turkey thing. But maybe it could work in some context? ...

... Naah. Not like that.)

I'm off to get me a sammich. And some bleach for my mind's eye.

This site is SUCH a girlzone.

*fap fap fap fap*
What?

I can't think of many food metaphors with less sex appeal than the turkey thing.

Plus you're only a short hop from an attempt at turkey baster humor and after that it's just time for the Four Horsemen to ride.

I think anything involving Underwood meat spread or the clear gelatin that you find lurking in pork pies would be even less appealing. Maybe bean dip.

And don't knock turkey baster humor.

A turkey baster limps into a bar, says "They shot my paw!"

And the baster says, "Well, at nineteen bucks a pint, you're not likely to get many more."

(I just went downstairs to our handy-dandy cafeteria, and they're actually (of course) serving turkey today, which they serve once every week or two anyways, but then I'm explaining the high/low points of our whole Jiggly conversation to the person beside me in line, and I'm absentmindedly stirring the cranberry sauce, and thinking: Hmm. I bet that smears real nice.)

A turkey baster limps into a bar, says "They shot my paw!"
Or the one; turkey baster walks into a bar where upon it plunks itself next to a skirt wearing chic.
Bartender [strolls up]: what ya have?
turkey baster: a squeeze & a shot.
bartender: not sure I heard you right, sir.
turkey baster: squeeze me and you will see.
bartender see what?
turkey baster: What’s up the skirt next to me.
inspired by: absentmindedly stirring the cranberry sauce, and thinking: Hmm. I bet that smears real nice.) Ok pretty lame the best I have...so smear me.

dude. [you know the rest]

I like turkey. Makes me sleepy after I eat it, though.

What? What'd I say?

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