Heckler met Koch.
Stanley met Livingstone.
Barr met Arnold.
And Fes met notsnot.
For lunch.
At a brewery.
Is this snot? No, this is notsnot.
9622’s Favorite Crayon Eater (the asterisk is from Vonnegut!)
Eye In The Sky! (Fresh Oktoberfest from those taps yesterday)
Left Coast Boddhisattva (I’m trying to remember my mantra… dammit! Can’t.)
Lisbon’s Last Rake (here is St. Louis we have a little thing we like called the Four-Beer-Lunch, but you can only order twice)
Small, Lovely, Deceptive (still can’t remember my mantra, and then thoughts of Readymade enter into the equation…)
certainly_sexy, candidly_sensual (my nipples were hard enough to cut diamonds. Luckily, no one had any diamonds)
Den Mother, Author, Thwapper (Tizzie should always be on the menu of good things from this world)
Not entirely disappointing! (soup is good food)
Really entertaining when he was drunk last week… (our chatty Barmistress Donna! I think Donna was her name...)
He likes Supersuckers, and that counts for something! (Cyrano + Tornado= a machinelike combination of grace, agility, and misadventure)
Bald, beautiful, a little scary… (behind notsnot, a wall of empties. It seemed appropriate)
Keeping the townspeople in line (a cross of wood and a tun of mash – welcome to the midwest)
The angel all other angels envy… (sometimes, I find myself incredibly attractive)
We’re really, REALLY sorry… (That Donna! Royalty in her own right)
Gone, but not forgotten *sob* (burn the Witch!)
More photos please! PLEASE! (we really miss your webcam)
Canada doesn’t deserve you – come to St. Louis! (OK, see? She’s approaching America, get it? Come to America…? Ah, hell)
Where’s your towel? (we were seriously considering raiding this strangely unattended cooler just prior to leaving)
But I can! With some trepidation. (Donna!)
Picture missing: Romakimmy! Donna supposedly took it, of both of us, but she fucked it up. My camera in very complex. Apparently.
Forgotten in all the excitement? Eyeballkid. Sorry man. It won’t happen again.
SHIT! We did a picture for you, too! First one! I think notsnot was still figuring out my camera. Sorry, man.
Posted by: Fes on August 22, 2003 10:43 AM*pulls remaining hair out at the prospect of lupo AND romakimmey foto fuckups*
Posted by: Fes on August 22, 2003 10:45 AMI'm all a-twitter. No, that's the alcoholic dysentery.
No, I'm all a-twitter. You look strange without yer facial foliage, dude.
Posted by: jonmc on August 22, 2003 10:45 AMThank you, thank you! You just saved me from the Most. Boring. Day. Ever.
YAYAYAY Fes and Notsnot - and you two are such handsome devils! But is is the two Dong pictures that caused these tears in my eyes.
Posted by: tizzie on August 22, 2003 10:46 AMForgive us, it's our first shoutouts *throws self on mercy of the court*
Posted by: Fes on August 22, 2003 10:46 AMAll's I'm sayin' is, any chick that's afraid to hold a paper dong isn't worth talkin' too.
Y'all.
Posted by: ufez on August 22, 2003 11:05 AMOur St. Louis contingent is darling! I am flattered by the nipple-grab shoutout, fes. (I can only assume that I did not get a notsnot crotch shoutout because he didn't have his Brazilian wax this week?)
Yes, I'm terribly greedy.
Posted by: cowboy_sally on August 22, 2003 11:11 AMWow! That's fabulous! A party of two, and it looks faboo! I'm glad that I'm both lovely and deceptive. It would be a shame if I was homely and honest. This way makes me sound...mysterious....dangerous....dare I say, hot?
I'll take anything I can get since what I really am is pear shaped and hormonal.
Hey, Jack The Barfly didn't seem to mind, but then again, he didn't mind singing with me, either.
Posted by: jonmc on August 22, 2003 11:25 AMI forgot Thomcatspike, too *sobs*
You forgot the whole Dallas contingency. I know, it's Texas, you like to keep out of mind. Don't blame you.
The Miss Ufez and I may be in St. Screwy for a few days the first week of October... just saying.
Posted by: ufez on August 22, 2003 11:26 AMSee, this is why you shouldn't start down the primrose path to written language. It should be enough to communicate through an elaborate series of grunts, hand signals and bodily emissions.
Posted by: kafkasattva on August 22, 2003 11:29 AMGawd! Sorry Ufez.
The first week of October? You could pick a better week, dude. I'm at HQ in NC all that week, it's our annual national meeting and I have to speak. And, you know, point people towards the can and stuff. Is that date solid?
Posted by: Fes on August 22, 2003 11:30 AMI don't suppose any of the Texas Monkeys are going to be in the New Braunfels area next weekend?
Also, a machinelike combination of grace, agility, and misadventure is remarkably accurate. Cheers!
Posted by: Cyrano on August 22, 2003 11:33 AMIt's cool fes. After all, it is National Slacker Day (yeah, I realize it's for the Brits, but I'm gonna celebrate in spirit).
Unfortunately due to some weddings and other pointless events, the dates are pretty firm. Looking at my calendar, it'll be Oct 1-5.
Posted by: ufez on August 22, 2003 11:37 AMGah. the exact days. How does this happen??
Notsnot? Show Ufez and his missus a good time on our behalf?
Posted by: Fes on August 22, 2003 11:41 AM(I can only assume that I did not get a notsnot crotch shoutout because he didn't have his Brazilian wax this week?)
Well, the same day I burned my nipple, I got a bee sting um, *cough* while riding my road bike. You *don't* wanna see that.
I'll do my best to show y'as a good time. I assume the weekends are taken by the weedings and such?
(how's the marathon man thing going, by the way?)
Posted by: notsnot on August 22, 2003 11:49 AMOK, so now that I've looked at a calendar ("Ohh, miss August, you're so dreamy...") I realize that Oct 1-5 spans a weekend. As the time approaches, I'll find out what's going on. Hey, did you know that Old Style is pretty good when it's draft?
Posted by: notsnot on August 22, 2003 11:54 AMHey speaking of the midwest... if anybody is going to be in/near Cincinnati in mid-October, there will be a lot of good music and some paddlewheel boats in the neighborhood - in fact, five blocks from Chez Tizzie. Y'all are more than welcome.
Posted by: tizzie on August 22, 2003 12:34 PMAwwww!
I wish I had known about the midwest meet-up, since I am only about 4 hours away. We could have made it a threesome!
I betcha had I been there Donna woulda held the paper dong and she would have LIKED IT.
Posted by: brittney on August 22, 2003 12:35 PMJust maybe I can make it into town the first of October to coincide with Ufez and his lil' ladies visit.
Tizzie, you come too!
Posted by: brittney on August 22, 2003 12:38 PMWe could have made it a threesome!
*melts*
You know, we're on for another four-beer-lunch in a couple of weeks...?
Posted by: Fes on August 22, 2003 12:39 PMJust maybe I can make it into town the first of October to coincide with Ufez and his lil' ladies visit.
That'd be great. Fes...tell your corporate overlords to fuck off. Or just go change all of their plane tickets for a week later. They won't notice.
Posted by: ufez on August 22, 2003 01:12 PMRomakimmy! Donna supposedly took it, of both of us...
Oh dear. The immagination runs wild.
If you monkeys can wait a bit, November will bring Hot Incestous Lesbian Twins* Monkey Shoutouts from Rome when my sis visits. Yipee!
*We're not twins
Posted by: romakimmy on August 22, 2003 01:22 PMThere's one cure for all this meetup missing, you silly outlanders:
MOVE YOUR MONKEY ASSES TO THE BIG APPLE!
which would then be renamed The Big Banana
Posted by: jonmc on August 22, 2003 01:23 PMI forgot Thomcatspike, too *sobs*
Sobs, no consume a beer, party foul. Fes, seeing you, notsnot & beer I'll forgive.
which would then be renamed The Big Banana
Jon, may want to add:& Spirits.
If you monkeys can wait a bit, November will bring Hot Incestous Lesbian Twins* Monkey Shoutouts from Rome when my sis visits.
Well, that does it. Much one-handed typing ensues.
There's space at my house, if any of you fellow outlander monkeys want to come into town. I'll have to clean the house - ack. Dunno if there's anything cool, music-wise, that weekend, but there's a cool little bar less than a mile from my house.
Posted by: notsnot on August 22, 2003 02:06 PMFes...tell your corporate overlords to fuck off.
I can't. They're overlords for a reason, you know. Plus I have to speak to the company on the 2nd.
This sucks.
Posted by: Fes on August 22, 2003 03:06 PMI mean, selfishly speaking, it sucks. Please do come, though. I will arrange for a round of drinks on me, that's a promise.
Posted by: Fes on August 22, 2003 03:12 PMWait wait wait. Kimmy has a sister?
Why wasn't I informed of this?
Is she committed to this lesbian thing?
Posted by: jpoulos on August 22, 2003 03:17 PMHey! Aren't you supposed to be part of Operation Romeo Drop or something?
*sharpens parachute cord cutting scissors*
Posted by: Fes on August 22, 2003 03:23 PMFes,
are you gonna be there all weekend? Ufez said Oct 1-5, which goes through a sunday.
mmm, a weekend of monkey debauchery!
Posted by: notsnot on August 22, 2003 03:58 PMMuch as I'd like to do that, I won't have seen my kid of a week. He trumps, sorry.
MAYBE Sunday brunch.
Posted by: Fes on August 22, 2003 04:24 PMBrittney:
We could have made it a threesome!
Roma:
If you monkeys can wait a bit, November will bring Hot Incestous Lesbian Twins* Monkey Shoutouts from Rome when my sis visits. Yipee!
*thwap thwap thwap thwap*
Please excuse me for a minute, would y'all?
Posted by: notsnot on August 22, 2003 04:47 PM*thwap thwap thwap thwap*
Can we agree not to type that again?
Posted by: kaf on August 22, 2003 05:04 PMYay!! A shoutout! Thanks, guys. And a thought of raiding an unattended cooler to go with it. *sniffle* It's almost like I was there.
Oh, and my towel is nearby. I never leave home without it.
Posted by: aine42 on August 22, 2003 06:46 PMWish I could con all you monkeys into coming to town this week instead of all these Harley folk. (Probably wouldn't want to combine the two. Poo flinging at bikers is probably a bad idea.)
Posted by: aine42 on August 22, 2003 06:48 PMI am still loved, even in my blaster virus-cleaning absence!
*swoons*
Posted by: adampsyche on August 22, 2003 08:06 PMHey, you know what? I'm drubk on Rebel Yell bourbon and Tahitian Treat fruit punch soda! Does that mean I qualify for government assistance? Cuz I'm hungry for cheez!
Posted by: Mars Crash on August 23, 2003 01:19 AMAwww...thanks! *sniffs, wipes away tear of gratitude* My second shoutout ever.
And I've been away so long, well, because of what Romakimmy said... (Where does your sis live? *acts all casual-like*)
Hey, Cyrano! I've driven through New Braunfels! Didn't stop long, though -- just had some good BBQ brisket and pressed onwards.
Posted by: Vidiot on August 23, 2003 02:29 AMBring back some of that potliquor shit you told me about.
Posted by: jonmc on August 23, 2003 10:01 AM-I have two sisters, 3 and 11 years younger than I. I also have twin half brothers who are a full 22 years younger than I.
-The sister that will be visiting me & I would get mistaken for twins when we were younger, despite her being 3 years younger than I.
-Neither of us are lesbians, though we don't say no to a lapdance from a stripper with bodacious ta-tas.
-The Hot Lesbian Incestous Twins joke originated during a camping trip involving autmunal rain, mud, weed, underage drinking, bonfires involving whole tree trunks, firecrackers, and offroading in a 70's Ford Bronco with only the driver allowed to be inside the car.
Further inquiries will have to wait until I finish ripping out the guts of my inadvertantly-warranty-voided-when-I-installed-a-Firewire-card-6months-ago-and-now-the-fucking-motherboard-has-shorted computer and inserting them into a spare lying around the office. Fuck.
Posted by: romakimmy on August 23, 2003 05:03 PMIf only I had prepared emotionally for all the tawdry revelations in this thread... wow. I'd like to speak for ... myself when I say that while the camping story does sound like a world of fun, the term "Hot Lesbian Incestous Twins" doesn't absolutely need an explanation.
Kimmy, seriously, good luck with the guts transplant. And, um, word to your motherboard.
Oh, and Notsnot, I don't believe I've ever been shouted before, which means that you (of all monkeys) have my shout cherry. Thanks for the empties, brotha.
("A little scary?" Am I scary? Really? Moi? Well. You know I only scare because I love. Now get back in the box!)
Posted by: Chico on August 23, 2003 06:31 PM1) Hey, Fes, you ever scan in jpoulos's and kimmy's shout-out-pages?
2) TO those that didn't get a shout-out, or can't figure out what their shout-out was about, well, neither can we. multiple pints of strong beer as your first nourishment of the day tends to obscure one's intentions.
3)Chico-yo.
4)There is no 4).
5)I almost burned my nipple again.
6)Despite having the handle of "notsnot" for almost a year, and having a hamster named Booger for six months, I never noticed the seeming connection until today. Incidentally, 6) led to 5).
&) I now know how to do a/c service. One of these days, I oughta take the ASE tests, just to see how i do.
8) I'm not drunk, but I will be later.
Wow! I truly think I should go and live in the U.S. to be party of these agreeable parties, since it's plainly obvious you lot won't come - stubborn bastards and bastardettes! - to live here.
What lovely photographs (not to mention the heart-wrenching shout-out)!
*long walrus groan*
Posted by: Miguel on August 23, 2003 07:43 PMIf you put me up, I'd come to your imaginary land of Portugal.
Will I need some kind of faerie currency? And do I have to go through the back of my wardrobe to get there?
Posted by: eyeballkid on August 23, 2003 08:44 PMRock on fez and notsnot! Those are awesome.
Why, WHY, are you all trying to make these little meets happen when VEGA$ is so clearly the answer? Come to Vegas in November. Stay at the El Cortez with us. Drink like fish and gamble like drunks. What could be better?
Please to be turning up your speakers very loudly for the El Cortez link.
*grin*
Posted by: salmonberry on August 23, 2003 08:45 PM-The Hot Lesbian Incestous Twins joke originated during a camping trip involving autmunal rain, mud, weed, underage drinking, bonfires involving whole tree trunks, firecrackers, and offroading in a 70's Ford Bronco with only the driver allowed to be inside the car.
You just described my childhoood. Except for the hot lesbian incest bit. More, as they say, 's the pity.
Posted by: stavrosthewonderchicken on August 23, 2003 09:17 PMsalmonberry-
I'm underemployed. WHich means, I teach at the community college (one class) and work on cars such that people will allow me to (mostly in the morning, bu fore i get this loaded). Vegas sounds nice - i drove through there once- but it's a helluvea drive from ol' st. Lou.
*this coming fromt he guy who drove non-stop to New Hapshire - 23 hours) for a four-day weekend.
Remember Fred's, that I mentioned above? the bartenders were having a contest, who could serve me the strongest drinks that I could still taste the non-alcoholic bits. Im not really sure who won.
Posted by: notsnot on August 24, 2003 01:18 AMwith respect to Salmonberry's link (I almost somehow got the y between the two "r"s...) I like ecrivain's schedule. And, as a bonus, if you have me change someone's clutch, all I need is the googley eye and a cigar, and I'm told I look like Sammy Davis Junior.
I'm pui, can you tell?
Posted by: notsnot on August 24, 2003 01:22 AMGah, tj AND mars_crash... my shoutout skills are for shit. Forgive me, gentlemen. I am old and addled in the head.
In other news, I'd pay serious cash to see romakimmy work on a computer and curse.
1) Hey, Fes, you ever scan in jpoulos's and kimmy's shout-out-pages?
No *forehead smack* I left the fool things sitting on my desk at work. tomorrow.
Posted by: Fes on August 25, 2003 01:33 AMThree cheers for late night, drunken posting!
Hip! Hip! Ok, screw that...(but I would like to mention that I misspelled "drunken" as "frunken" the first time and I think that would be a really cool sounding word for something.)
And I would also like to point out that I watch Apollo 13 every time it's on TV.
And I still always cry at the end.
Posted by: Cyrano on August 25, 2003 01:37 AMwow, was everyone just *stunned* at my drunken lack of erudition, coherence, and general decorum, or was the weather that great all day?
Posted by: notsnot, who apparently cast a 14th-level silence spell on August 25, 2003 01:59 AMWho's drunk? I had two, count 'em TWO scotches. That's it! With ice, even.
Forgot to ask: jon, strange good or strange bad?
Posted by: Fes on August 25, 2003 02:02 AM[Please insert witty banter here, because I'm pretty much cashed right now and if I just could find my fricken' DVD remote so I could watch that one scenee in that one movie I need to see to put to cap on the night, I'd be so asleep right now...]
Posted by: Cyrano on August 25, 2003 02:18 AMBring back some of that potliquor shit you told me about.
Alas, I'm not in Texas on this trip, but am spending the weekend in Darkest Ohio (here there be dragons! ...okay, not dragons per se, but pasty-legged white people, so I fit right in) No pot liquor here, but I am bringing back a one-pound bag of the best potato chips on earth and some pretty damn good pasta. If I can fit them in my carry-on, that is. (Ah, the culinary delights and manifold bounty of the Mid-Ohio Valley!)
Posted by: Vidiot on August 25, 2003 09:09 AMBeen gone since Christmas, and I'm still getting used to it. 17 fur-bearing years is a deep rut to jump out of.
Posted by: Fes on August 25, 2003 09:43 AMSpiffy. I'll have to take you to Brighton Beach for some Soviet vittles and Baltika.
Posted by: jonmc on August 25, 2003 09:47 AMugh. Ohio? I hope you got vaccinated before you went there.
Posted by: tj on August 25, 2003 05:27 PMTalk about delayed reactions...
Vidiot's shout-out "Eye in the Sky" has somehow spawned that fucking Alan Parsons song in my head. All afternoon. Urgh.
Posted by: notsnot on August 25, 2003 09:12 PMOh. Fabulous. Thanks, notsnot. Now it's stuck in my head. *grumble*
Posted by: aine42 on August 26, 2003 11:33 AMA note about posting images:
We encourage users to post images, especially those hilarous pics of monkeys
wearing dresses or programming for Linux. But posting images that reside on someone
else's server is considered by many to be bandwidth theft. Our thoughts
on the matter, along with some solutions to the problem, can be found
here. Thanks.
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