9622.net

The photo, as noted, was found at engrish.com, which I find endlessly amusing.

See also this, this, this and this.

I've actually had this. It's like children's chewable crack.

You so gotta come up to NYC, britt, you can buy all that stuff here, plus weirder shit.

"The skate-scooter can be puckered expediently"

Usually I have to have a few drinks before I can be puckered that expediently.

Nothing to do with the mis-appilcation of our bastard language, but this has kept me entranced for the past couple hours.

Notice the green thingy up above and the wording on it. The misspelling in craqstan(sic) is where I determined the saying, mind your p's & q's comes from, unless the monkey throws crack too.

The photo of that monkey above....

seems he's used lipstick inside his mouth as opposed to the lips. What with that? Is it a blow up monkey perchance???

I don't get it. I shoot crap all the time.

Off topic, (is there a topic?) I've got two awesome new cds to listen to - I hopped right on the Tony Hightower track on Vidiot's Delight out of pure curiosity - nice stuff! And there are goodies...

And the lovely and generous cowboy_sally sent me a cd for guest-blogging. Heh, graft! I love it. I haven't gotten to listen to the whole grand affair yet, but I will, I will.

I *heart* youse guys.

It has been a tough coupla days at Chez Tizzie. We were nursing back to health a beautiful but badly treated collie dog, and she made a lot of progress- enough that we thought she was ready to move to a new home. We took her to a beautiful farm on Saturday afternoon - within an hour of our leaving, she had tunnelled out from under the fence and tried to follow us home. She disappeared into a very wild forest, and after 2 days of nonstop searching, we have not found her.

I only hope she's safe.

That sucks beyond belief, tizzie.

Me? I just sent an email to the guy who the only woman I've ever loved (and have for almost 10 years) just so happens to be really, truly in love with, offering to give him any advice he needs to make it work. SSSSHHHHH!!! It's supposed to be a secret!

I'm such a f*cking idiot...

Cyrano, meet Prometheus. Prometheus, Cyrano.

Dude, that's more honorable than I could ever conceive or being. Good luck, mang.

thanks, notsnot. not really trying to troll for sympathy or anything. just kinda drunk and flailing around. probably should save if for my blog.

much appreciated, though.

and i chose my alias for a reason, you know ;)

Cyrano, Cyrano, Cyrano...

Repeat afer me :

"What is best in life? To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women."

"What is best in life? To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women."

Holy crap. Me and a Friend Of Drinking spend a good six hours repeating that quote, drinking, repeating, drinking, falling down, repeating (especially the 'lahhhmenaytion uv duh vimmen' bit), drinking, falling down a bit more, smoking and grinning and mock-flexing, deep in the Conan-idiom, at a bar like a week ago. Weightlifter comes out of fucking nowhere!

I am connected to the dong.

also :

I am connected to the dong.

We are one with the universal dong-spirit that gives us joy.

I don't feel so good.

I also seem to have left my briefcase in Brooklyn. The heart alas is still in San Fran.

But that's ok. I'd grown to hate that briefcase and there was nothing but a few books and some stale wasabi peas and jellybeans in it.

secure we loom more great as sum than part,
we dance in sunlight, hale and twee;
our vulpine smiles razor-smart,
drink a'hand, and dear to thee.
but evening's crimson doth impart
a brackish soul-stain, hard to see
and we know as certain, in black-rim'd heart
that we are Dong, and Dong is we.

Cyrano? Torpedo the fucker. How can we help?

OK, "twee" was a bit overwrought. But not bad for before nine on a Tuesday!

*gives Fes a poetic belly-rub*

*legkick!*

I hopped right on the Tony Hightower track on Vidiot's Delight

Note to the cognoscenti (i.e., Fes, and anyone else who threatened a bloody rain in Astoria...c'mon, like we've never heard THAT before!): This means that not only have my CDs been sent out, but that they and their attending baubles have been successfully received.

And they were only a little more than a month or so late...

I too am in the Tony Hightower fan club. I'm quite pissed he didn't get chosen for the Sprite Liquid Mix Tour. His collaboration with ?uestlove is the shit.

I seek it here. I seek it there. I seek the McNally mix ev-er-y-where.

Now where's that chill spectre, that whisper of the charnel house when you need him?

Mr. K., I too once had the mouse poop on my desk. Every morning I would have the singular turd here or there, and I would take a tissue and pick it up and throw it away. No big deal! Nice mousie!

Then, I moved my monitor out of the corner. Oh, the horror! The poop mountain was there! I was no longer a friend to the office mouse. With duct tape I sealed all the ingress and egress.

Now I miss him. Typical me.

Oh, to live on shitter mountain
with the duct tape o'er the rodent latrine...

Yeah, well, just so you know, I turned down the Sprite thing. The guys from Pantera wouldn't stop whining about how I was showing them up at every stop on the Fresca Tour last year, and I couldn't handle another summer of their endless kvetching about my "playing too loud" and "wrecking their backstage juice cart". Geez. Sor-ree.

Is it my fault that I rock that much harder with just me and my Li'l Boogie(tm) ukulele than all of the Monsters of Rokk combined? No, I do not believe it is.

So I figured, let 'em have their fun. I'd rather go karaokin' around and get drubked up (and frunked up) anyways, with youse, my beloved hominid homies.

Seriously. You guys. So sweet.

Make my frunk the T-Frunk
I want to get frunked up
Make my frunk the T-Frunk
Don't want my frunk uncut
I want the drubk
I want the T-drubk
Don't want my monkeys gone
Make my frunk the T-Frunk
So I can stagger home.

Cyrano? Torpedo the fucker. How can we help?

Thanks for the offer, Fes. If everyone goes on being their kickass monkey selves I'll be just fine.

(But hide the keys to the Death Star, otherwise peaceful, unsuspecting planets might start blowing up left and right ;)

That's fine so long as you get Mercury first. That fucker's been mocking me in my sleep for years.

Now where's that chill spectre, that whisper of the charnel house when you need him?

Well, I'm quite busy - my work is a veritable banquet - but perhaps my darling sister can be of assistance? Astarte, my love, his name is McNally.

See to him, would you?

Ass-tart, you say? My kinda gal.

Sister Astarte speaks but rarely, but she says she likes you, Vidiot. And that she looks forward to paying you a visit sometime.

Wow, that new pheromone-based cologne I recently invested in is really starting to pay off.

I might be a little rusty on my mythology, but I believe that Astarte's lover was castrated.

I don't know if you want to be wearing that pheromone cologne afterall, V.

Post-toasties!

Urp!

*showers violently*

*showers violently*

Normally I have to pay $300 an hour for that...

I should mention that I received Salmonberry's mix and have been enjoying it muchly. Thank you!

Is that cover art from Wings of Desire?

*tumbleweeds*

As I recall, the Jesuits referred to Astarte as "Queen of the Dead."

Also, what Kaf said. Where the hell IS everyone? I'd suspect the Blue, but a quick check over there revealed the same banal foofawraw as usual.

Must be a special on kir royales or something.

Didja know that in France, they call it a kir royale with cheese?

Hmmm...now that's one tasty kir royale...

COntinuing tales from working on the house...

I sprained my ankle - bad - about a month ago, when a car fell on me. Ok, more like sprained it attempting to get out! of the fucking! way!). I still have enough of an intermittent limp to worry the sister who usually doesn't give a shit about such things.

So today, I was putting away the ladder - one of them extension/bendy ones you see on late-night TV, and it slid down and whacked my (luckily, shod) foot, right on the pinkie toe. This seems to have gotten rid of the limp. Whafuck?

We weren't going to go back to look for the dog today, but there were 4 calls from people who said they'd seen her, so I called in sick and went back to the forest. No luck.

At one point I tried to pee behind a tree and managed to have it go straight down my leg and into my shoe.

I didn't cry. I could have, but I didn't. Yay me.

Tiz, ya gotta squat lower! Like this guy.

Of course, that's for number two; at least you didn't crap in your shoes.

kaf, thanks for the mix compliment. Nice to see Canada post and the customs people helped ensure such a speedy delivery.

As far as the cover art goes, e. ballkid esq, can answer that, I am afraid I don't know.

And I haven't commented lately cause I've been thinking really hard about witty lines I could add. My journal is full of halfwitted lines, nothing fullwitted yet.

uh, you think that stops the likes of US?

Pants!

Dear Mr. Dong Resin,
We at the national association of people who sleep recommend the hours between midnight and dawn for lying horizontal in bed with eyes closed, jammmies optional.
Just a thought.
T. Izzie, Esq.

That's only because you all love Hitler, Tizzie.

No, then we'd goose step. We prefer goose down, as in pillows.

But sleep is when The Dreams come...

9622.net: ya gotta squat lower!

I know a motherfucking tagline when I see it. I'm also really hungover. No good, son. No good.

(ok, everyone else, avert your eyes.)

tizzie, the trick to peeing standing up is twofold:
-ya gotta gird those bladder muscles and get ready for a forceful push; this is key for a strong stream.

-WRT to the fingers, ya gotta make a peace sign, then pull up ever so slightly.

I like it here because I learn things.

This is like the best episode of Nova EVER!

I never knew that! Thanks, cowboy_sally.

Damn, I better not practice at work.

A similar method also works for guys, if you prefer what we in the industry like to call a "high poo".

*shudder*

take me now, lord.

Speaking of "high poo:"

scatology in
the rosy fingered dawn makes
me feel slightly wrong

let me at least wipe
the somnalbulism jewels
from my eyes, lest retch.

alright, I used "somnambulism" somewhat inaccurately. Eh.

Basho knew how hard 'somnalbulism' was to work in seemlessly. He called it the "corn of high poo".

It is like corn. It is.

Thanks for understanding the pain of being a poet, dong. It's not easy being this talented.

Say, it dawns on me I'm surrounded by English majors, here...
I've taken to using single quotes to denote specific examples or words, and doubles for quotes or irony. I got the impression in the not too distant past that this is the proper way to go, but I can't re-find where I read that, and I see quote marks being used all over the mainstream media all willy-nilly. Frankly I'm a little insecure over it. Is this good English or is it just ridiculous? Help a dim, dyslexic monkey out. I have a hard time holding on to the basics of English for whatever reason, and I always wonder if my ass is hanging out of my pants when I write.

I've never seen single quotes used, except to delineate a quote within another quote.

"Dong Resin told me 'I'm big into Blue Hawaiians'," said Kaf, leering at Thomcatspike's ankles.

What kinda major are you, Dong? Lee?

I'm an enginerd, er *was*. Now I teach math at the community college. What do the rest of you do besides fling poo?

CNN seems to favor the single qoute. Part of my confusion. Also, this.

I was a Major Waste of Space, notsnot.
Was might be the wrong tense.

Maybe I'm over-thinking the quote thing. Since common use is as Kafka suggests, perhaps looking for the "proper" way is retarded, since most people will simply assume I'm an illiterate moron without giving it any further thought.

I've got to relax.

Also, I think I should look into forming an internal monologue for my thought process rather than typing it all out in posts like this.

I think the quotation question needs to be posited to our dear Thom, whom I'm quite sure has the best answer. For me, I'm a pretty regular double quotes=quote, single quotes=quote within quote kinda gal.

It's in the realm of the em dash/semi-colon that I really get whimsical.

As a side note, I'm a Major Disappointment.

To whom?

Not to me. I *heart* readymade, senior and junior.

Dearest d_r, your second link seems to back up Mr. K., and would be my opinion as well: "single quotation marks are normally used only to enclose a quotation within a quotation."

One of our old friends, mattpfeff, has a style sheet on his site.

Look, I don't have the time for all this "comprehension" when I read stuff, Tizz.
I'm a busy man, I can't be just comprehending grade school - level information all the live long day.

I did bookmark mattpfeff's page, though. Many thanks to you all.

'no" pro'ble"m.

Gesundheit.

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