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Big Bottom.

Bill Evans' cover of My Heart Stood Still from "On Green Dolphin Street".

Definitely.

Oy. Just one?

Robert Cray, "Nothing But A Woman"

Not sure I could pick just one...or even "just" a hundred.

At the moment, it'd be "Back Down to the Old Oasis" by Papas Fritas. Good going-into-a-bar song.

When I'm feeling good, it'd be the opening riff to "Spirit in the Sky."

Maybe something by Tom Waits? "Clap Hands" or "Burma Shave"?

If I'm morose or in my cups, "Deep Dark Truthful Mirror" by Elvis Costello, perhaps...especially the verse that lapses into drunken incoherence.

If I had to pick just one, though? Elmore James. "Dust My Broom."

when I was 21, it would have been something by the Talking Heads... or maybe the Tom Tom Club's 'Little Eva'.

L-O-V-E as sung by Nat King Cole.

The Imperial March from Star Wars.

Jungle Boogie, Kool & The Gang.

I think the Shangri-La's "Give Him a Great Big Kiss" is my first choice. Though when I'm feeling like more of a badass I'm torn between Billy Squier's "Everybody Wants You" and the Clash's "Guns of Brixton."

Yes, I am aware that those are both preposterous. Stop laughing.

Pussy Control - Prince

Like y'all couldn't see that one coming from a mile off.

Rome Monkey shoutouts emminent...sis arrives tommorrow. We are *so* going to get thrown out of the Vatican....

Upon further reflection, my corporate badass allure could perhaps be augmented by the strains of "Click Click Boom" by Saliva preceeding me as I enter a meeting.

steppin' razor, like unto a whippin' stick; on wingtips like panzers cometh the condottiere!

"Here Comes A Regular" by the Replacements. Heh.

Actually, three songs that always pump me up and make me feel all badass are "The Wanderer" by Dion & The Belmonts, "King Of The Night Time World" by Kiss and "Trouble" by Elvis.

More realistically, "In My Room" by the Beach Boys or "Thirteen" by Big Star would make good personal theme songs.

BTW, c_s, good on ya for choosing the Shangri-La's best song.

I'd like to say Nick Cave's cover of "Stagger Lee", but I don't know...I don't think I'm that much of a stupendous badass. Maybe one of the following:

Neubauten's "Sand"
Or Sparklehorse's "Maria's Little Elbows"
Yo La Tengo's "Damage"
Tom Waits' "Jockey Full of Bourbon"

I don't know about bars, but every time I'd have a party in my college apt, I'd bust out Jon Spencer's Orange album to get me in the mood. A couple a drinks while setting up and I was ready to go by the time anyone showed up.

One song though? I'ma have to go with Professor Booty by the Beasties. Nothing will make me want to party down more.

btw, do you think if we had a Guy Fawkes Day thread we could get a witchy sighting?

I don't know what happened with Jon Spencer. In college I was all like "Woo! Extra Width! So great!"

Then I was kind of like "Hey, is this dumb? This sounds kind of dumb."

Now, it's an every six months kind of album.

Not as bad as Horton Heat, though. Don't know what happened there. But I do have four nice coasters now.

Orange is really the only Spencer I listen to anymore, and it may be more of a nostalgia thing. Having more than two albums by him is pretty unnecessary, so I haven't even heard his two more recent outputs.

I've never been a huge fan of the Rev recorded. Some songs are allright, but for the most part I get bored pretty easily with it. Being in Dallas though, I do still go see him about twice a year. He still puts on one hell of a live show. He usually has pretty good opening acts as well.

That's true. I liked him live years back. And I like the first three albums in theory. It's just when I listen to them now, they have that kind of novelty song quality where you think "um. ok. been there."

Yeah, I agree, the Rev. tended to lay it on thick, but he's still fun once in a while. One of the saddest cases of a band from the alterna-heyday going downhill has gotta be Soul Asylum. I heard them on Pete Fornatales morning show when I was 16 and rushed out to buy Hang Time. When Grave Dancers Union broke big, I was overjoyed (although I never need to hear "runaway train" again. Then came the next record. What a disaster. I blame Winona.

I never did quite "get" Jon Spencer. His hole "rock and roll" shtick seemed affected to me. But that's prolly me.

Can we start our theme song upon waking: Here Comes the Sun...Thom at 21 making a bar entrance: Stand and Deliver - Adam Ant...Exit: Whisper to a Scream - Icicle Works. Today it's dreary, overcast: Bus Stop - Hollies.

I think Runaway Train was the only Soul Asylum song I ever heard. It was enough to repel me with the quickness.

Appropos of absolute fuck-all: There are about three dozen Texas Longhorn Cattle outside my building right now. Each time one of them tries to get their hump on, the transients have a ball. This has thus far been the highlight of my day.

Appropos of absolute fuck-all: There are about three dozen Texas Longhorn Cattle outside my building right now. Each time one of them tries to get their hump on, the transients have a ball. This has thus far been the highlight of my day.

blasted server. Don't start that up again!

Tiger Woods.

Texas Longhorn Cattle outside my building
Drives by the knoll, blast: Raww Hide! Pssst! ufez, the news circus will be out your window in a few weeks big JFK event.

ufez, the news circus will be out your window in a few weeks big JFK event.

I know. I'm not looking forward to it. I think so far Tom Brokaw, Dan Rather, and one of the "Get your ass out of bed and be annoyed by Katie Couric" type shows have already enlisted to broadcast from here. Fortunately, the actual date of the anniversary is on a Saturday, so I won't have to come down here. A zoo is anticipated though.

People still read Esquire?

Since I more or less quit drinking some years ago, my theme song would have to be "Who Are You".

I think mine (when I was 21, at least) would have to be "Where Is My Mind?" by the Pixies. It's still my theme song, but for different reasons in a mind polluted by less booze.

"Mekong" by the Refreshments:

Barkeep, another Mekong please.
Yes, of course you can keep the change.
A new glass here for this new friend of mine.
Forgive me I forgot your name.
Flip a coin, what shall we talk about?
Heads I tell the truth and tails I lie.
We came all the way from Taipei today.
And now Bangkok's pissing rain.
And we're going blind again.
And I haven't seen my girl for 15,000 miles.
And yes it's true it's always happy hour here.
And if it is I'd like to stay a while.
As cliche as it may sound, I'd like to raise another round and if your bottle's empty help yourself to mine.
Thank you for your time.
And here's to life

Best. Drinking Song. Ever.

People still read Esquire?

Ouch!

Don't listen to him, he probably reads Maxim. Me? Esquire subscriber since 1992.

Anything's better than Vanity Fair...

All I read is Sunset magazine and National Geographic. I used to subscribe to a soccer magazine called FourFourTwo but it was like 90 bucks a year, so I called it quits. I saw the Harper's editor on the teevee the other day and he seemed pretty astute, so I might check that out. I've just never been much of a magzine reader.

I dig Los Angeles magazine, it has pretty pictures.

How bout Dynamite! Now there was a magazine.

Particularly soul-searching were the "Bummer!" features.

They should add a song into magazine, like them musical greeting card. Replace those smelly scents, they give me a headache.

* ruthlessly ignores the magazine discussion; focusses on the original question *

Der Kommissar, of course.

"Alles klar, Herr Kommissar?"

Feck, it's gonna be 40 years this year, huh? Growing up, I had a hatred of all things JFK (meanwhile my sister had an obsession for Jackie O.) because every year, I'd hear what a horrible day Nov 22 is. My response was always, "It's not a bad day, it's my birthday!," (punctuated with "dammit" as I grew older). Time to break out the industrial-strength earplugs and ignore the TV even more than usual.

"One Mint Julep" by Ray Charles. Without a doubt.

I'm not obsessed by any measure, but I do have a fascination with the JFK assassination. (Reflected in my current reading: a compilation of the NY Times' coverage of that weekend)

And magazines? Love 'em, love 'em, love 'em. I subscribe to the New Yorker and the Atlantic (as well as various teevee trade mags), and I read Harper's, Giant Robot, Nat'l Geographic Traveler, Wired, the Believer, McSweeney's, Flying, Legal Affairs, Invention & Technology, and many more all on a regular/semi-regular basis.

My first entree into politics was marching with a "Small Fry for Kennedy" sign in the Barberton Ohio Labor Day parade when I was something like 4 years old. My dad was the county Democrat chairman.

And my mom used to make dresses for my Barbie that matched Jackie O's. But no leopardskin pillbox hats, mind you.

Magazines, yeah.

I'm big into Highlights, myself. Goofus and Gallant was some heavy stuff, man.

Feh. Highlights was way too educational. They should start Maxim Jr., for the 5-and-up set.

I just began subscribing to Harper's about four months ago and I've enjoyed it quite a bit. If I had the money, I'd love a scrip to The Economist, but I just can't see myself paying that much for it when I can go read it for free at the bookstore.

Maxim Jr?

I'm imagining aticles like "Secrets of Blowing Milk Thru Your Nose," and "How To Poop in The Sandbox," insterspersed with pictorials of heavily made up fem-tots in daring onesies. Ads for high-end german made tricycles and chrome pails and shovels would predominate.

The Economist also has a weekly, truncated version through AvantGo for your Palm.

I'm just sayin'.

I'm a periodical junkie: Newsweek, Esquire, GQ, Wired, Architectural Digest, the New Yorker, Belle Lettres (a local university lit tosser), St. Louis Journalism Review (they're so scrappy!) and Money. Plus a buttload of catalogs. MissusFes gets Vogue, Instyle, and Better Homes and Gardens. Still waiting for the New York Times to start delivering weekends to our zip code (we're too rural - 20 minutes from downtown St. Louis, but we're too rural. Jeebus!)

Forgot Business 2.0, Infoworld, Training magazine and InformationWeek. Work stuff.

So what do you do with all those magazines when you're done? Do you keep them all? Recycle them? We have a whole bookshelf full of National Geographics that I frankly never look at after the first perusal.

Unless there's baby rhino pictures.

Going back to the topic of music for a minute, how many lyrics from 80's songs do you remember?
http://www.yetanotherdot.com/asp/80s.html

I got 107

That URL should have been http://www.yetanotherdot.com/asp/80s.html

I mean to throw them in the recycling bin on a regular basis, but they just pile up and pile up. Until I throw them in the recycling bin every few months or so when I'm sick of the mess.

I hate messes, but I'm both a very messy person and a very lazy person. It's my personal cross to bear, y'know? So tormenting these modern times are...

What is this "topic" of which you speak, Darsh?

Damn, long test. Vague questions. I got 104.5.

Another magazine (and newspaper) junkie here. I'm almost ashamed to confess: The Spectator, The Economist, New Statesman, TLS, LRB, NYRB,TNR, New Yorker, Esquire, Vanity Fair, Harper's, Literary Review, Private Eye, Mojo, Prospect (UK) and a great big bunch of English, French and Portuguese newspapers. Online I read the NYT and the NY Observer.

I only go out to get them twice a week and I really love sitting deep down in my armchair with a pile of print on my reading table, ice bucket, soda water and Bushmill's - I try to keep some for the next day but I generally fail. (The magazines, I mean, not the whiskey - no point trying.)

Man. That quiz was too long. Let's just say I got 1 more point than the highest other score.

I don't subscribe to a lotta stuff cause I usually cant afford it and don't like long term obligations, but some periodicals I've enjoyed are Beer Frame, Readymade, Answer Me!(not for the faint of heart); Cool & Strange Music, Wax Poetics, Spitball, No Depression, Found and Mojo.

Answer Me! is very "uuuh." I still have a copy from my misspent youth and I just tuck it behind everything else in the shelf.

Personally, I'm a fan of Marsupials Today.

jonmc reads Spitball, WoooHOOO! Founded right here in Covington, Kentucky. Held the first Casey Awards right around the corner from my house at Mick Noll's fire station.

I have an unbearable amount of civic pride sometimes.

Is that written by marsupials or for marsupials? Or is it written by marsupials, for marsupials?

Actually, Mrs. jonmc went to Miami of Ohio for a few years. She had....mixed emotions about Cincy, though. Like Kings Island, hated the chili. She did mention that Cincinatti is a baseball crazy town, though. So it stands to reason that Spitball would come from there.

I did not know that about Mrs. jonmc. Prestigious school, Miami. She's a smart cookie!

Is that written by marsupials or for marsupials? Or is it written by marsupials, for marsupials?

It's like the Hair Club for Men. They're not just founders, they're the members.

The Economist also has a weekly, truncated version through AvantGo for your Palm.

I'd have to write really small on my hand to get that. And pray that I don't start sweating.

/luddite

if it had to be a song about monkeys, it would be this.

Aliens came and fucked the monkey
They fucked the monkey

i realize that the conversation shifted away from songs, but unemployment leaves me with much time to dwell on things like bar entrance songs.

I used to read a lot of magazines, including Scientific American, Discover, Hot Rod, Car Craft, Motor Trend, National Geographic, Outdoor Photographer, MAD, Men's Health, Harp, No Depression,and the Annals of Improbably Research. I think I still get *three* of those. I don't do nearly as much reading (besides shitter reading) right now, but once I get the house in order, that should change.

Magazines, lemme see...Hustler, Club, Lactating Lasses, Stuff...

[/obvious joke]

Aw, I didn't mean to knock anyone for reading Esquire. I just meant that the mag no longer has the appeal (or the readership) it once did.

I subscribe to The New Yorker, The Atlantic Monthly, Scientific American and Wired. I just let my subscription to Time expire.

Cyrano: Hustler, Club... what, no Cheri??

The marsupials allow guest editors once in a while (they even let an echidna run the show once), but by and large it's all marsupials all the time.

I subscribe to it because this mammalian child-bearing thing isn't working out for me and I'm trying to join the marsupial class. They come with pouches, which really seems pretty forward-thinking.

Fes, it all really depends on which magazine is offering the best hot lezzie sex orgy.

I think Marsupials Today is the publication for you, Cyrano.

Pouches? Still requires commitment. Now eggs, there's a delivery system. Just let 'em hatch and go!

*thinks Cyrano might be a bonobo*

Ok, you monkey drunkards...time to pool your funds.

PBR sucks. As do most of their subsidiary brands. But McSorley's isn't too bad.

McSorley's? As in Marty McSorley? Bah. Come out with a beer named after Lanny McDonald and his amazing moustache and I'll be interested.

Perhaps the bonobo's most typical sexual pattern, undocumented in any other primate, is genito-genital rubbing (or GG rubbing) between adult females.

Right on!

See! I knew it!

McSorley's.

Okay, if it's the house brand of a bar older than my city, it might be worth a shot.

...my corporate badass allure...

Sorry, but that's the silliest oxymoron evah.

Was that a shot? I guess with the harvest in, things down on the nutria ranch must be pretty boring.

*cue "Duelling Banjos"*

suggests that everyone gets their own personal theme song to be played when they enter bars.

I actually had this at Tommy Africa's in Whistler, when I lived there. Jane's Addiction, Stop!

I used to be somebody, dammit.

He coulda been a contendah!

Or just Marlon Brando.

Whoa, whoa, whoa...two Cyranos now?

Fine. But the other guy has to be "Cyrano Jr." or "Cyrano Lite." I got here first...

Sorry my discs are late. I've been working on a play. Coming soon to a mailbox near you......

Your discs aren't late yet - deadline to send is this Friday.

*chirp*

::watches tizzie have a tizzie::

Can I have those addresses again please, Uncle Fes? AOL erased my messages without my consent.

*whistles calmly into the abyss*

From Letterman's "Odd Catalogues" slideshow:

He swears he has no idea how he got on the mailing list.

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