It's all very well to have brothers and sisters. But sometimes they can be deeply embarrassing. Here is Natalie Wood's sister, Lana, to start us off. Where are the John Waits, the Ben Cohens, the Lucille Chomskys, the Tom Thurmans?
Posted by Miguel at November 18, 2003 02:37 AMThen, of course, there are those of us who are the embarrassing brother or sister...
Posted by: Cyrano on November 18, 2003 11:42 AMYou too, Cyrano?
I figure someday I'll get to play Weird Uncle/Black Sheep to my overacheiving/overconforming sisters kids.
Posted by: jonmc on November 18, 2003 12:05 PMLet's not get strated on Nelson Mandela's brother Ted, who lives in a trailer park in Ohio and has been repeatedly incarcerated, most recently for attempting relations with an elderly woman's mailbox.
Posted by: kaf on November 18, 2003 12:07 PMHey man, don't blame Ted for that one. That old broad had some sexy mail. And it had it's milkshake right up in his face and all. Shoulda put the dang flag down is all I'm sayin...
Posted by: jonmc on November 18, 2003 12:31 PMPrior to Albert's accomplishments in the realm of Physics, his older brother Spencer fucked up so regularly and with such aplomb that in Ulm and surrounding suburbs the phrase "ziehen ein Einstein" ("pulling an Einstein") was a common regional colloquialism for screwing the pooch. Often, the modifier "koniglich" would be attached for a noteworthy fuckup (to wit: "ziehen ein koniglich Einstein", literally "pulling a kingly Einstein").
Posted by: Fes on November 18, 2003 12:31 PMOr Joe Lama, brother of Dali. He's a fifty-six year-old bachelor living in West Virginia. He possesses a Camaro (on blocks in his front yard), a satellite dish, a shotgun (having such a saintly brother can really piss you off sometimes) and approximately three teeth.
Posted by: Vidiot on November 18, 2003 12:33 PMI understand that Dali and Joe also have another brother, Tony, who has had some success in the redneck footwear industry.
Posted by: Fes on November 18, 2003 12:41 PMThe one-l lama, he's a priest
The two-l llama, he's a beast
And I will bet a silk pajama
There isn't any three-l lllama.
--Ogden Nash
My next beer shall be to the Billy Carters of the world. Sic Transit Nausea!
Posted by: ufez on November 18, 2003 02:01 PMI guess it's not so much that I'm an embarrassment, jonmc, it's just that I come off bad in comparison. As I've probably mentioned, my brother flies an Apache helicopter for the Army and, regardless of how one feels about the military, "this is Son B who our government trusts with a ridiculously complex piece of multi-million dollar hardware and grants the power of life and death," sounds better than, "this is Son A...we think he works with computers, or something..."
Posted by: Cyrano on November 18, 2003 03:13 PMDick Clark’s sister & brother: Louis & Jimmy. Both are his younger siblings but you would never know it by looks alone. Many have never heard of them since Dick’s parents decided once his tv show became a success they would renew their vows and started a new family again. Dick’s siblings’ short comings while growing up was trying to look like a teen in hoping one day to guest star on his show. When they were finally of legal age to appear on the show their looks had premature way too fast making them look older than their actual ages. Now both not being able to look like your average teen tried many many face lifts over the years which unfortunately were unsuccessful, never to grasp that ageless teen look Dick possessed. So in the end Lois and Jimmy changed their last names instead to “Kent”. Now being able to say, yes Clark is our older brother, Mr. Clark Kent. Thus no one ever confusing them being an older sibling instead the younger.
Posted by: thomcatspike on November 18, 2003 04:14 PMI am totally getting this.
Fly your monkey colors high! Well, neck-high, at least.
Posted by: Fes on November 19, 2003 11:33 AMYou'd bid against Mr. Soprano? Somehow, Fes, I think that's a bad idea.
Posted by: tizzie on November 19, 2003 01:29 PMI can't believe we missed this.
Yesterday was World Toilet Day.
The one place left on earth where everyone leaves you alone.
Posted by: tizzie on November 20, 2003 08:37 AM...except those damn coprophiliacs. I hate them so much!
Posted by: ufez on November 20, 2003 10:05 AMI think I just single-handedly killed 9622.
Um, sorry about that.
*needs a hug*
Posted by: ufez on November 20, 2003 03:39 PMThis tale reads inCest, was thinking of the old 50's tv show where Louis was a jr reporter, now it reads sexist.
Posted by: thomcatspike on November 20, 2003 04:09 PMLouis meant Lois, even checked a superman site, damn: Louis, Louis, TGIF, which I'm off see ya all.
Posted by: thomcatspike on November 20, 2003 07:53 PMLouis meant Lois, even checked a superman site, damn: Louis, Louis, TGIF, which I'm off see ya all.
Posted by: thomcatspike on November 20, 2003 07:53 PMReadymade, readymade! Calling readymade!
I just feel like giving you a hug, ma'am. How's that baby coming along? About done yet?
Can we have a naming contest, can we, huh? I mean, we wouldn't hold you to it or anything. Just let us pick a name, and sometime down the road when the Kid is really getting on your last nerve, you can say "I should have named you (xxx) like the monkeys wanted me too!"
That'll give 'em something to think about.
Posted by: tizzie on November 20, 2003 08:40 PMWell, the very man whom I'm listening to now, courtesy of anathema's most excellent CD, bears the weighty moniker of "King Solomon Haile Selassie Burke." C'mon, you know you wanna use it.
Posted by: arto on November 21, 2003 04:42 AMBrother TJ- you're 33 percent there! And oddly, he's named after that VERY SONG! Those of you who were on the list for my one and only monkey-CD-swap may recall that the Schoolhouse Rock song "Rufus Xavier Sarsparilla" was featured there (because for those of you that don't know, it is one of the great unheralded masterpieces of the 20th century). Anyway, color me completely amazed that you would throw that out there off the cuff like that and hit the mark....his middle name will ACTUALLY BE XAVIER!
Now guess the first name. I dare you.
(tizzie! I'm here, I drop in, but as you can imagine, since I'm in the amateur league of this whole parent thing, I'm a little, shall we say, preoccupied. For instance, did you know that kids don't just come with bunting--they come with all this other stuff too, and that you are actually expected TO BUY IT? So I've been pacing the aisles of horror houses with names like: "Babies 'R' Us" and "Spoiled Rotten" wondering if there was really a need for things like "diapers." But the monkeys shall be kept abreast (GET IT?) of the developments: we are now at T-minus 8 weeks....which just ain't long enough to resolve all my neuroses and become a fairly normal mother. Oh well.
I guess the neuroses are our legacy. It ain't much, but it's what I got to give....)
Posted by: readymade on November 21, 2003 09:51 AMBy the way, I would add that I showed the picture of the tot in the toilet to the husband, and he looked at me with an expression of such bemusement as he said, "Our kid will not be swimming in the toilet" that I didn't have the heart to tell him that if it wasn't that, it would probably be something worse.
I'll let those illusions fall of their own accord.
Posted by: readymade on November 21, 2003 09:58 AMI'm supposed to have lunch with the Mistah Catspike today, as he's down by the building for some media-related something or other, as is almost everyone else around here. Lotsa media, not too many tourists. Oh well.
And readymade, I'm going to guess it's not Dong, so I'll go with Lucas.
Posted by: ufez on November 21, 2003 10:02 AMIn re: names, I think Murgatroid (as in "Heavens to...") is an unsung classic.
Also: Mookie.
Also: Vlad (or, Wlad, your pick). "Honey, I'm stuck at work - can you pick up the Impaler at daycare?"
Also: Fes! (exclamation point optional but recommended)
Also: Frankenstein (LittleFes recommendation); Could be shortened to Frank N. Stein.
Also: girl's name that I won't be using? Elise Renee. It's up for grabs, readymade! Like Costanza's "Seven"!
Posted by: Fes on November 21, 2003 10:07 AMReadymade, let me console you with this thought. Our hunter-gatherer ancestors carried nothing but the baby in the papoose - no porta-crib, no bouncy seat, no wind up mobile. People give you all that effluvia when the baby arrives, so spend your last 8 weeks seeing movies you like and eating quiet meals in restaurants... that cures neuroses better than shopping!
See "Raising Arizona" for more helpful tips like these!
Posted by: tizzie on November 21, 2003 10:27 AMWe thought that if we wanted to have a little old Jewish man playing chess in the park for a son, we'd name him "Moishe" or "Schmuel."
For the Italian stock, we figured "Giuseppe" would be another good little old man name.
For a while we were thinking that his name should be Vito--Vito "No Neck" or Vito "The Tank" would serve him well on the schoolyard.
However, our friends figured that anything that had the middle name "Stabmaster" would take care of any problems that a first name might give him. Named him "Leslie?" No problem. Leslie Stabmaster would make people think about giving him crap about his "Boy Named Sue" name.
But believe me, Dong was in the running.
Posted by: readymade on November 21, 2003 10:42 AMLeroy Demetrius is a nice name. Failing that Elvis would be nice. I plan using the names Dexter and Dudley someday either for pet bulldogs or my children.
Posted by: jonmc on November 21, 2003 10:45 AMI think "Knuckles" would be a great name.
Especially if it's a girl.
Posted by: Vidiot on November 21, 2003 03:53 PMA note about posting images:
We encourage users to post images, especially those hilarous pics of monkeys
wearing dresses or programming for Linux. But posting images that reside on someone
else's server is considered by many to be bandwidth theft. Our thoughts
on the matter, along with some solutions to the problem, can be found
here. Thanks.
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