9622.net

Perhaps, having realized the folly of laughing into the internet void, he has devoted his life to recreating ironic scenes from "Cats" in hot dogs.

Maybe he was inspired by this site.

I have a theory.

Remember back on Blogger Karaoke Night II when some of the usual suspects and a mean woman with a big dog beckoned Dong to NYC?

Now, today on freindster, I get a bullettin board message from our own cowboy_sally asking about "studio apartments in Brooklyn." Plus she's got "guest bloggers" this week.

I sense nefarious plans afoot. Or perhaps I need to upgrade my hat to Reynolds Wrap.

I say we start a huge manhunt for him and involve the authorities like they did for that Jorn guy. We could start by calling people at random and saying "Have you seen my Dong?"

But also, I think Jon may be right. I think he maybe got Gawked.

Mr. K., I had that same thought when I saw the "Jorn is missing" thing.

Wouldn't a "Dong is Missing" campaign be equally compelling?

And Lupo, that milk carton is inspirational.

Although, if the dongstah moves to New York, they should keep him outta Brooklyn. The hipsters will corrupt his pure innocent ass. He needs to come to Queens and get down with the people.

Hey! My permalink is spelled wrong on his site!

A possible clue to the depth of this conspiracy?

If Dong is in the big apple, he will find his way here eventually. Or here.

Who wants stakeout duty?

With your feet in the air
and your head by the ground
Try this trick and spin it, yeah
Your head will collapse,
and there's nothing in it
and you'll ask yourself:

Where is my dong?
Where is my dong?
Where is my dong?

Way out,
in the water see him swimmin'

hmm, that should've all been italicized, but oh well. Maybe my siren song will bring him back anyways.

I guess we'll just have to find a replacement...

I'm sure he's out spending his ill-gotten booty (or is it ill-booten gotty?).

From his source code:

"Reading this grants dong resin power of attorney over your entire estate. Dong resin thanks you, and wants to assure you it will all be spent on burn vicitm porn and candy"

If he's out there on the loose, society as we know it may be doomed.

Update the terror alert!

kaf,
It's been spelled incorrectly ("galdiator") ever since I started reading Dong's site. (which, incidentally, is where I found this monkey den.)

Well, that settles it. *changes "dong resin" link to "mr. snuggles"*

heh...I'm listed in his "drainpipe"...guess that may be good thing.

I'm in "Goat Wax."

I don't even wanna know...

"Arugula." Go figure...

I got dropped.

Don't make me start a thread on MetaFilter, dong! Report in here, where you're amongst friends! ;)

He may be responsible for this.

I am not responsible for dong's disappearance. And he is not, just for example, making me type this under duress.

(Also, he calls me an anti-Semite in his links! A few mentions of the Racial Holy War and suddenly I'm Himmler!)

We would like to take this opportunity to say that we have nothing whatsoever to do with Dong's disappearance. The rumors of him being held in our zombie caves until we bend him to our will and have control over the pure and unholy power of "the dong" are purely conjecture and cannot be proven.

That is all.

Has anyone called Dade County lockup?

Hey, it's not like you all weren't thinking the same thing.

I'll be speaking to the Elders Of Zion about you, ms. c_s.

*hums Horst Wessel song, makes smoochy-smoochy faces at sally*

Since that shaman dude crashed at my swinging pad last week, I don't see the dong in my teevee no more. Now it's just ugly models marrying each other and people selling ab-masters or whatever they're called.

(And, of course, endless reruns of Suddenly Himmler, in which an aging war criminal gets a job on a hip L.A. Fashion Magazine and makes fast friends with Andy Dick. It's not as funny as it sounds, but hey, whaddya want at mumblemumble in the morning?)

I want dong back too. His mother and I are worried sick about him.

Well, okay, I'm guessing about his mother.

Maybe dong is socked away somewhere cozy: anyone check their dresser drawers?

I'd start with the underwear drawers. Specially if you wear leather, rubber, kevlar or barbed wire.

Canada's water supply won't just poison itself, you know.
I'm a very busy man.

/me bows

What the hell's up with the overwhelming amount of comment spam?

Dong, do we need to talk to you about getting a new job?

What, so you're happy with your penis size, readymade? Oooh! Excuuuuse me, miss GATTACA, for pestering the genetically perfect with the dim hope of possibility for enhancement.

Those creams TOTALLY don't work!

Um, that's what I heard, anyway.

Waddaya mean? I've got a 34C rack now. Thank you Bloussant!

Fes, you have to read the label.
Not everything can be a suppository.

*reads instructions*

Never mind.

It's.....ALIVE!!!!!

From the Honourable Mister Resin's site:

I haven't been away from my site, I've been away from computers in general...

I didn't think that was possible. Have you pulled a John Walker Lindh on us, Dong?

Manifestoes don't write themselves, you know.

Our water supply?!? I KNEW it! I KNEW someone was responsible for beaver fever.

And no, it doesn't mean what you think it means. Click on the link you gutter-minded perverts.

Our water supply?!? I KNEW it! I KNEW someone was responsible for beaver fever.

And no, it doesn't mean what you think it means. Click on the link, you gutter-minded perverts.

Damnit. A double, all for the sake of adding a comma.

I think we now know what one of the symptoms of Beaver Fever is: injudicious comma usage.

Giardia can also be found in the waste (bowel movements) of people and some domestic animals, both farm and household pets. It is commonly spread by hand-to-mouth transfer of the parasite.

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

My OCD is going to be working overtime tonight after reading that.

And it's no fun to have, as some of my camping-trip companions back in my scouting days could attest.

(That's why I made sure I sprung for the decent water filter...)

beaver fever.
Yes, my single man's illness...we have this down south: Montazuma's Revenge.

Montezuma's Revenge.

I think you may be looking for your answer in the wrong...ummm....location?

I have it on good authority that dong resin has joined the Mormon church.

WITCHIE!! w00t! w00t!

Nice to see ya, babe!

Dong's been missing, we think he may have gotten a job retrieving lobsters from Jayne Mansfield's arse. Lovely girl, Jane.

Not from where I'm standing, tizz. Who knew lobsters could scream.

That house of domination that Jon linked to above is groovy. I'm not really into that kind of thing, but it wouldn't take a whole lot of arm twisting to get me involved. So to speak.

Somebody die and leave me a place in NYC. Something with a bidet.

I'm placing a lot of my hope eggs in the basket of the deadly flu season they say is forthcoming. Rent control can't protect you from that, can it, grandma.

Say, New York monkeys... if you see an old person, try to get them to inhale deeply for a few minutes, willya? Get their address first. If you need to, say you're with the AARP.

Have you pulled a John Walker Lindh on us, Dong?
Heh. Sorry about the abrupt disappearing act (keen cartoon above, lupo, thank you).
I had hardware issues, and in midst of dealing with them found a break from all things computer was useful. Real life has been irritating and I didn't want to blog a bunch of whiny nonsense, so a little siesta was in order. I didn't mean to freak anyone out.
Well, maybe Chico.

dong and witchstone in the same thread!

/me collapses

Well, we're glad to have ya. Hope real life is going well once again. (And if not, hey, we all can use the target practice.)

Again, let me know if you want my landlady's number. She may look like Selma Diamond (+ a lazy eye) but I like my apartment fine and she found Jonmc & Pips a nice place with a friend of hers.

And you don't need a bidet. Just moon the curb whenever a truck goes by. It's slush season. You'll feel fresh as a daisy in no time.

*scrubs brain furiously with Brillo pads*
*scrubs again*

Must drink caffeine before reading Vidiot comments.

Yes?

Yes. Now that I've had a full day, the slush-bidet doesn't seem nearly so jarring as thinking about it at the crack of the morn.

Crack. Heh. Get it?

That wasn't nearly as dramatic as I'd hoped it would be. Needs more oily midgets with nanaimo bars.

I'm going back to writing Presidential Porn.

I spent all day yesterday and half the night last night trying to scrub that presidential porn out of my head.

No mas, Senor Pollo. No mas, por favor!

*chuckles evilly*
*blames dong_resin*

You and every other post-opp transexual, wonderchicken.

9622.net: More oily midgets and nanaimo bars!

Do they still call 'em nanaimo bars in Nanaimo? Is it like hamburgers in Hamburg or danishes in Denmark? At least, you can count on oily midgets being the same the world over.

Speaking of midgets... (scroll down, scroll waaaay down)

They are still called Nanaimo bars in Nanaimo. At least, they are called Nanaimo bars on the ferry to Nanaimo, which is where I had my last one.

Those things will give you a sugar rush that lasts until forever. (Nanaimo bars, that is, not midgets.)

Those heretics over at MoFi are killin' us on the monkey links.

Not heretics - tribemates! Fellow travellers! Poopflingers!!

We have moved beyond the monkey links stage.

or we're just, ya know... lazy.

and yes, heretics! False Idols! CRUSH THEM!

The pinnacle of Scottish cuisine is a confection called tablet which is basically five pounds of sugar, nine sticks of butter and two jars of condensed milk boiled into a slurry that sets into an inch-thick crumbly glaze that you gum like a bar of fudge with whatever teeth you've got. Until now, it seemed like the most decadent thing I could imagine. I want to test drive one o' them Nanaimo thingies.

Hey, you gotta admit, anything you can use the word 'slurry' to describe[*] sounds, if not actually appertising, at least fascinating, in that bug-splat-under-the-microscope way.

[*] Exschept mebbe my schpeech right now. (hic)

In an unrelated maneuver, Jonmc books a flight to Edinburgh.

Here you go, dong.

Basically chocolate, sugar, butter, sugar, more chocolate, sugar.

Just eating them makes your teeth hurt.

BTW - That's the healthy version. Most bars don't bother with additives like nuts and coconut, just gets in the way of the chocolate and sugar.

Hmm.
Needs more sugar.

HELL YEAH they are still Nanaimo bars in Nanaimo...silly people...I live here...oddly enough I had a Nanaimo bar with my lunch!!! And we have the worlds biggest one in our mall the other day...just what everyone needs...a nanaimo bar that's bigger then a car~!!!! Wooooooooo!

A note about posting images:

We encourage users to post images, especially those hilarous pics of monkeys wearing dresses or programming for Linux. But posting images that reside on someone else's server is considered by many to be bandwidth theft. Our thoughts on the matter, along with some solutions to the problem, can be found here. Thanks.

In an effort to help eliminate spam (and to preserve the sanity of the 9622 Volunteer Simian Spam-Cop Brigade) all threads older than 30 days will now be closed to comments.

Name:


Email Address:


URL:


Comments:

Remember me?