9622.net

Masturbating. Lots and lots of masturbating.

Or watching lots and lots of cable TV.

(Come to think of it...)

Dude, I just checked the weather in Portugal and you, sir, are WAY out of order. Low of 12? High of 15? That's beach weather, man (with a light sweater).

The power of positive thinking, migs. It can work wonders. For example: Thanks to a liquid dinner last night and mexican for lunch, I've earned probably about $8 sitting on the shitter.

*whistles and clicks heels*

Yeah, after this last week-long -20 stretch, I think getting through the winter in a snowless country is a great idea.

(Besides, it can't be that far from Lisbon to the nearest snowboardable mountain, can it? Not day trip distance, but surely weekend distance.)

Here we go. What do you say, arto? We'll go join Migs for a spell.

Jus Cheer Up!

The best Christmas I ever had was spent in Portugal, when I was fourteen. We stayed at this lovely, rather excentric hotel with an incredibly long, flat beach. I spent christmas day building a huge sandcastle for my new toy pony and fending off dogs who were delighted to find something vertical to pee on. The beaches in Portugal are great (if I lived there I would never leave them) and there are always wonderful surprises in unexpected places.

Masturbating?

Watching cable TV?

What the hell is wrong with you people?

Masturbate while watching cable TV!

Sheesh!

Or watch Crash masturbate on cable TV.

Smile, you're on Candid Camera...

I am now in the ridiculous (and yet sincere) position of begging towerbrave to tell me what the name of that beach was. My wife says it was Monte Gordo, in the Algarve.

It's always (sort of) warm there, but it doesn't count. It rains a lot while it's supposedly "warm". In fact, it's cold. Our houses aren't built for winter - all we do is turn our air-conditioners inside out, onto red light, and huddle near the vents.

Winter is winter - it's all relative.

Next thing I know one of you wits will whisper "blankets" or "love".

Eek!

Sorry, salmonberry, I can't quite make that airfare. Know of an airline that picks up hitchhikers?

Sounds like you need a fireplace, Migs. Or a hot tub. Or both.

Or for that matter, masturbation. Or cable TV. Or both.

Well if you're not used to the cold, let me tell you how not to have a fire by a homemade skating rink.

When I was about 12, two of my friends and I decided that a bonfire would allow us to play hockey a little later. My dad had an old metal 55-gallon drum. My friend Kenny grabbed some kerosene and old newpapers from his dad's garage. My friend Tony was on used Christmas tree detail. We assembled at about noon to check out the ice, which was in a vacant field and therefore very pitted and chunky-style. We decided to start the fire a little early, because it was about as cold as it is here right now (9 degrees, wind chill of minus 5!). We put some newspaper in the barrel, and then some kerosene. Then more newspaper. Then we jammed the Christmas tree in along with more kerosene soaked newspaper. Now if you look at this particular formula closely, you will see it is the perfect recipe for a flaming Christmas tree bullet. I was the lucky one. Pine (and evergreen in general) creates a lot of smoke when you burn it. I had just turned my head away and said, "Wow, this is smoky," when the fire burned through the layer of newspaper above the packed down kerosene-soaked layer. I heard, approximately "FOOOOMPT!" Tony and Kenny were rolling around on the ground, and spent the last half of seventh grade with no eyebrows. I burned by butt a little, but got to see a flaming Christmas tree arc magnificently over the field, reaching a height of about 40 feet.

Fun!

9622.net: the perfect recipe for a flaming Christmas tree bullet.

What a fantastic story, Mars!

That's AWESOME, Mars...and well worth the loss of eyebrows, I'd say.

Mig, do what we did in Sunny So California: drive your ass to a ski slope, not sure how far for you, better skiing was a good 8hr drive.

Not knowing if Mig has a car, apoligize for the snark..but I miss my close skiing opertunity stuck here freezing my ass off in tx with no snow. Today is a pleasant warmer day:D
Last year I skiied walking out my front door. Hard part the stairs going down with ski boots on.

Dumb question I suppose, but - are all these unknown commenters some kind of bots or spam or something? It seems like the ones in the "ILL Mitch" thread are genuine (but dim!) but the others are fake. How do they find their way here of all places?

They'll pounce on any comments where you can leave links. I think they have some sort of bot that finds the comment code.

Who makes money from that? Seems like a waste of effort.

And I just realized that Miguel's camel reminds me of my big ol' yaller dog, Cohen.

He's singing in that picture.

a "big ol' yaller dog" from Kentucky is named Cohen?

He's Jewish, OK?

Actually when we adopted him, that was his name. I think it's endearing.

I hate seeing those old threads pop up. Especially the swap one as it reminds me that in the last go round, Fes and I went 1-4.

Oh, and is it wrong to want to do things to an auditor that you wouldn't normally want to even think humans, in their inimitable inherent nature, could even conjure up in their minds?

/pissy curmudgeon.

So much for positive thinking.

By the way (and I know he isn't able to read this site as much as he'd like), it's a monkey's birthday today.

Izzat an IRS auditor, Ufez? Because I think those are actually some sort of inhuman simulacra, and as such, all's fair in love and war.

*** WARNING ***

Our legal department has warned us that the above statement only applies to income tax hellions located in the United States of America, and not the fine folks of Revenue Canada / Les Maudites Bastardes Des Taxes Canada, who are kind of like sweet fluffy bunnies of wholesome love, only nicer.

*** END WARNING ***

Oh, and happy happy, Chico. Us Capricornicanians rawk, don't we?

Miguel, I believe (this was 18 years ago) that the Christmas beach was near Estoril. It was actually rather cold, but compared to Canada, it was warm enough to play on the beach -if I wore my coat.
We drove all along the coast from top to bottom, ending up in the Algarve (which was nice and warm) where my sister and I nearly got drownded many times because we couldn't get the hang of the tides.
But lest you think me some sort of sand fanatic, I do have fond memories of Lisbon and other places of interesting architecture that are a little muddled in my memory.
If you are cold and bored, why don't you go down to Faro and make fun of the pasty Canadan and English tourists?

A note about posting images:

We encourage users to post images, especially those hilarous pics of monkeys wearing dresses or programming for Linux. But posting images that reside on someone else's server is considered by many to be bandwidth theft. Our thoughts on the matter, along with some solutions to the problem, can be found here. Thanks.

In an effort to help eliminate spam (and to preserve the sanity of the 9622 Volunteer Simian Spam-Cop Brigade) all threads older than 30 days will now be closed to comments.

Name:


Email Address:


URL:


Comments:

Remember me?