9622.net

Make that two T3s

That's great! Instead of thinking you're looking at a mouldering 18th century Russian schlong, your coworkers can be proud to know you're examining the rich pageant of floral modesty screens.

Appropos of nothing....I gotsta do it:

Watch that Quakes game last night, kaf?

I am missing the Russian mystic's prodigious pudendum already.

Nah, they don't show the Quakes down here in Galaxy land, and I didn't shell out for the cable package. I know their game is on ESPN2 this weekend, though.

We seem to be tumbling through the standinggs right now.

Hey, I'm just glad the Burn is finally out of the cellar after a solid year and a half down there. Don't worry, I'm sure we'll back to normal bumblefucktitude by this Saturday's game.

Still, one hell of a PK save by Cassat. The look on Donovan's face was priceless.

9622.net: back to normal bumblefucktitude.

Those of us who threw our backs out on Tuesday can only hope so.

It's a damn shame when folks be throwin' out a perfectly good back like that.

Just so you hoodlums know, my wife's contractions are coming every ten minutes or so, so there may be a new baby chimp in the world very soon.

She's not due for another week, but it may happen sooner.

I'll give you an update when I can.

WOW!

*Starts pushing in a all-push-together worldwide event*

Hold that pushing. False alarm. I bought her some dinner and gave her a bath and the contractions have stopped.

But expect an announcement soon...

Wow, you're easy.

* starts contracting *

I'd like filet mignon, rare, please. And don't put too many bubbles in the bath this time.

Oh D00d!!!!

See, it was just about the time when I said to my husband, after contractions coming all day and then mysteriously tapering off, that I said, "I don't think it's happening today."

Twenty minutes later, we were in the car screeching through rush hour traffic because the monkey decided to visit after all: contractions fast and furious and me huffing like Puff the Magic Dragon.

You just totally jinxed yourself, Chef. Good for you! Now is as good a time as any!

My super-best wishes, and when you become a parent-pariah to all your non-breedin' friends, know that you have my utmost sympathy. Also, I will pass on any extra sleep I have lying around. For a laugh about a head of cabbage, you can read about our first two weeks post-simian here.

Thanks, readymade. That's some good "middle of the night" reading there.

3am and all's well.

I should warn you, CC, that one is never prepared for the water-breaking thang. Specially the mother. Be warned: it's a lot of water; it descends very rapidly and, very confusingly, it looks kind of rusty, like the very best Somerset cider.

Also you should both thank the Lord that you're not in Europe, where it's common practice among left-leaning, Swedish-trained obstetricians to give the parents little booklets with placenta recipes.

What? Pan-fried in olive oil with onions and parsley.

Oh my, another little monkey? This place is lousy with 'em! We'll need to get more vines for swinging.

Unrelated, but since Miguel is here-ish, can anyone make some hotel/bar/restaurant/club recommendations for Barcelona, Madrid, and Lisbon? Email me, per favore.

Also you should both thank the Lord that you're not in Europe, where it's common practice among left-leaning, Swedish-trained obstetricians to give the parents little booklets with placenta recipes.

What? Pan-fried in olive oil with onions and parsley.

I'm sure it's mostly the hangover talking, but that just made me expectorate a little bit of puke.

So happy for you, ColdChef. Remember, this is the best chance you will ever have to screw with someone's head. Dress that kid like a Masai warrior and tell him Christmas is illegal. Seize your destiny!

Great news, ColdChef...and Migs, that "cider" business is part of the reason I've sworn to keep my genes outta the pool.

No, the proper afterbirth cuisine is of course Placenta 'N' Polenta. I'm thinking of opening a franchise.

And go Chef! Keep us updated on the monkey birthin'

Do you have dental insurance lined up for the kid yet? We may be able to find you someone who could make you a deal.

Nothing yet. The contractions have subsided. Now, we play the waiting game.

And I am TOTALLY eating that placenta.

In NOLA, they just throw it in the jambalaya and nobody even notices.

W000t, Cold Chef and Mama Chef! All my good thoughts are with ya.

Dress that kid like a Masai warrior and tell him Christmas is illegal. Seize your destiny!

Dad!

Dana: the best guide for Lisbon, Madrid or Barcelona is Time Out. For the best, most detailed and knowledgeable restaurant and hotel recommendations anywhere, check out the Spain and Portugal forum on eGullet, even if I do contribute to it myself.

Boa viagem!

Chef:

Where's that damned baby? I'm sitting here with bated breath and my husband's concerned since I'm turning slightly blue around the lips.

Sorry. No baby today.

I'm starting to think that bitch ain't even tryin.

Ok, now I know there are little monkeys bursting out all over, but I've lost track. Who has what infant at what age now?

I am infant-free. But I sure am hankering for a new Cajun monkey-niece or -nephew. Where's that kid???

Obviously it has it's tiny little fingers in a death grip on the uterus.

*from my cold little baby hands!*

World being what it is today, can't say I blame it.

Little Feyd-Rautha is five months this Thursday. He's been cutifying nicely, although he seems to have a bit of a slobber-control problem. Well, really, a variety of personal control issues. We're working on it.

Filezilla is giving me the finger this morning, so no action photos, sorry.

Tonight, we induce.

Tomorrow, new baby.

I'll drop by with the news.

WooooHOOOO, ColdChef! Godspeed and good vibrations. And remember, the darkest hour is just before the dawn.

(that's a metaphoric and cliched way of saying "During transition, your lovely bride and future mother of your firstborn child will tell you that she hates your guts and wishes that you would die a slow and painful death. Right after that, she gets to push, and you heroically catch the baby, and all is well again.")

Yay ColdChef! It's gonna go fine. Congrats on your impending daddydom.

Let me be the first to post a monkeybaby picture.

Dana! You know what baby animal pictures do to me!

*imagine girls making out here*

Induce?

Have you tried just sneaking up behind her and giving her a good scare? Maybe with a big ol' balloon, or even a nice blown-up paper bag? I bet that would get some action going.

Seriously, here's thinking of the both of you. Hope all is well.

Inducing is good. It's civilized, controlled and safer. Congratulations of the most massive and joyous orders, Mr and Mrs CC!

PARABÉNS À MÃE, AO PAI E AO BEBÉZINHO!

Miguel

Coldchef my friend, there is no feeling like that of holding your son in your hands, raising him up toward the moon, and declaring: "PREPARE, YE WORLD OF MEN! ANOTHER COLDCHEF WALKS AMONG YOU!"

The trip there is friggin gross, though. And just when you think it's over? The big even more gross finish!

Which is to say, congratulations papa :)

Yeeeeee-dawgy! Hochacha! Hoo-daddy!

Shower your lass with kisses, shower your tot with even more, and don't forget: it's like your wife expelled Jupiter from her body, so open doors for her and pick up the [fill-in-the-blank-heavy-object] while she's healing. Ow.

May your new ruler be benevolent, and shed only a little pee on your lapels. Congrats!

Ah, 50% more ColdChef!

Stuff that in your pipe and smoke it, Forces Of Evil.

Come on, big money, no whammies, big CC spawnin', make your mama & daddy proud, let's go BABY!

Push it out, shove it out, WAAAAAAY out!

*flushes toilet*

Thanks vidiot. The cheer helped.

Damned cheese.

Andrea and wish you guys the best, Chef!

and I. Andrea and I.

Andrea to you too, kaf.

So here's a question, not completely off topic: is it bated breath or baited breath?

I always thought it was bated, as in the verb to abate. But I've seen it twice the other way, and now I'm wondering.

(Just making conversation in the waiting room, here.)

Bated breath.

It's only "baited" breath if a cat eats cheese and waits outside a mousehole.

(Just making conversation in the waiting room, here.)

Pass me that 'Highlights', Chico, I'm jonesing for some Goofus and Gallant.

I'm just pissed that Chico snagged the Highlights first. I always get stuck with the crummy Bible Story book.

I remember at the barber shop when I was a kid, they had about 87 Playboys in these odd library style plastic covers, and one single solitary hardbound children's bible stories book. They were making an effort at least.

But really, what's with the Playboys at the barber shop?

"Hey, you're next!"

"Sorry, got a boner here. Hold on just a minute."

But really, what's with the Playboys at the barber shop?

Maybe they figure that all the pictures of babes will make you wanna keep yourself looking spiffy, so's you can hook up with the babes and thus get lot more haircuts.

But then again, when i was young my barber shop had nothing but Sports Illustrated, which back in the 70's made me wanna wear a batting helmet and grow a mustache. So who knows what they were thinking.

Worked like a charm too, dinnit, Jon?

Romakimmy, I second that emotion.

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