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I don't think ya need to be Nancy Fookin' Drew to smell a clue.

*Burp!*

Gamey, but not unpleasant.

I was just coming here to post this.

I am, however, saddened to see that the book will be written by "Tinkerbell" and not "D. Resin." Man, that made me laugh.

Hey, how does a dead dog affect book sales?

You've gotta still be hungry after that, though.

I hope you have, like, cold cuts or something. The last thing any of us want is to have you waste away like whatserface is.

Actually, I just did an interview for USA Today on the subject, and in the middle of it they found the bloody thing curled up in an Ugg boot.

Lil' fucker.

Er, bloody as in "accursed", not bloody like in the Fatal Attraction sense.

It's alive?

You're in USA Today?

Wow. This is all amazing.

Well, I’m probably not now, Tizz, which is why I’m whining.

Well, it was very good of you to bring her back.

(USA Today? Jeezus. What's next? Soldier of Fortune? Big'uns? Marmot Aficionado? Seriously, brother. Valhalla awaits.)

To answer Cold Chef's question- a dead Tink would have been great. Could have re-packaged things with a Blair Witch slant.
Money in the bank.
Blast.

Thank you, brother Chico.
In all likelihood, we've peaked.
And rightly so.

I don't believe the dog they found in the Ugg is the real Tinkerbell. I think it may be worth studying the subsequent diary entries for inconsistency of tone.

I suggested that Tink is what you get if get an Ugg boot wet. Like a Gremlin.

Sorry Dong. I was changing the paper in her cage and she slipped through my fingers like a bar of soap. Only two more weeks, damnit!

First the Smart kid, and now this.
I totally need new henchpeople.

Craig’s list got a minion section?

I'm available, dong. I've never been a full-fledged minion but I've had occassional part-time henchman work.

Call my old boss for references. Ask for Mr. Hoffa.

I'm available for light stooging.

Sounds dirty when you say it.

Craigslist got a minion section?

Here you go.

(On preview: Oops.)

Best henching in Lisbon - free of charge for the real story about how you switched hounds (and a small tupperware of the Tinker stock).

What, they can't print the word Dong? Or are you being coy, Mr. Resin?

Evidently the word "dong" will cause them head cancer. Dweebs.
This is fairly cool, though.

Damn, that's awesome.

...Tinkerbell, who writes extraordinarily well for a self-taught canine...

That's what "as told to" is all about, dicknoses. Jesus. You'd think they didn't all have Kitty Kelley and Albert Goldman's faces tattooed on the inside of their fucking thighs.

Patronizing freaks. They should know where the talent lies in that book, and it ain't with the bitch, bitch.

Actually the idea of the book is that Tink is in fact the another, sending her stuff to me, who merely collates it for her, she was just playing along with the gag, I think.

BTW, if any monkeys want a copy, mail me your address. I have like 10 or so.

Woah, bad spell checker. Man that's a rough read.

“Actually the idea of the book is that Tink is in fact the author, sending her stuff to me, who merely collates it for her. She was just playing along with the gag, I think.”

I meant.

"the idea of the book?"

You make it sound like fiction or something.

BTW, if any monkeys want a copy, mail me your address. I have like 10 or so.

Hell yes (if you care to send it across the pond, that is. I'll even fight Migsy for it. In Jello. Topless.) Check your mail Mr. Resin.

I'd love one, donger. I sent an email to @katgyrl.com, is that still right?

Pre coffee at 10:30? Do you still have a pulse?

*Z*

Romakimmy mentioned topless Jello wrestling two and a half hours ago, and Fes is not here yet? Frankly, I'm concerned.

*drool*

SLAP!

I mean, you go on with your empowered female self!

I was just digesting the image of Miguel and Kimmy wrestling, like a perfect tableau of all that is right in the world captured for the first time, like a missing panel from the Sistine Chapel ceiling, except, y'know, really, really hot.

Oh, hell. Here we go.

Interesting. The Amazon listing for the book used to have "D. Resin" listed as the author. Now it's on there as "Tinkerbell Hilton." Damn, those celebrities just don't give their ghostwriters any credit.

Oh, hell. Here we go.

Wendell come latelies.

Anderson Cooper's show tonight will feature an "Overkill" segment on either Oprah or Tinkerbell, and the viewers can decide.

Vote early, vote often. (left-hand side of the page.)

Vote Oprah, you fool!
Paris must stay a viable pop property until Christmas!
Or, as I now call it "Q4."

First name: Wendell
Last name: Lately
Middle name: Come

I am so-o-o-o-o ashamed. Been spending way too much time at that OTHER monkey site, playin' the Blogstop game and bashing the Turkmenbashi...

Dong, will you ever forgive me?
Will you ever put me on your blogroll?

It looks like Paris is winning the Anderson Cooper poll, but with only 650 total votes? Gee wilikers, when they put a poll on my latest MSNBC piece [link deleted - admin. Shameless self-promotion not allowed], it got over 10K unscientific responses in less than 48 hours.

I have it on good authority that CNN will be mentioning the book during "AC360" tonight. Probably toward the second half of the show.

Drat. False alarm, alas.

For the first time in my life I've lost the ability to concentrate. The sad thing is that, now that I've had all of out life that could possibly be dreamt about, I'm ready to die.

Bless you, Kimmy! :)

Pictures, Miguel. We want pictures.

In other news, Dong thanks us. w00t!

I still love seeing "Dongresin" in The New Yorker. That just fucking kills me.

Congrats on the book. Sorry I didn't finish off the dog like I promised.

Uhhhh. And what do you make of this?

*waves at mass media*

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Damn, Dong, that's a helluva shout-out. That is right up there close to Dana's tiger undies. Not there, really, but close.

Monkey news! Via Boing-boing, so ya might have already seen it.

So as somebody close enough to ghostwrite for her dog, tell us, Dong, is Paris' middle name also "Come"?

And would that make you two distant cousins?

I don't believe the dog they found in the Ugg is the real Tinkerbell. I think it may be worth studying the subsequent diary entries for inconsistency of tone.

I thought so:

Stop the presses. Call out the SPCA. Tinkerbell may still be missing! Though Paris Hilton told the world last week that her prized teacup Chihuahua had been found, the pampered pooch she's parading may be a body double, according to this week's In Touch magazine...

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