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Come November, due to an unprecedented foul-up in the Florida vote and the prompt intervention of the Supreme Court, it's decided that both Kerry and Bush are elected; it being decreed that they'll have to take turns being President and Vice-President, although both wives are conceded the permanent joint status of First Ladies, equitably sharing the privileges and responsibilities of running the White House household.

Both women take to their tasks in the best of spirits but, inevitably, clashes occur. Menu discussions turn sour, as Laura objects to Teresa's passion for adding garlic to the corn chowder and drenching the peach cobbler in brandy, while Teresa refuses to serve Coke with the coq au vin and tells the serving staff to substitute anchovy-stuffed olives whenever George orders a bowl of pretzels.

As if this weren't enough, their daughters don't get along. The Kerry girls hate it when they they find Margarita and Bloody Mary stains, along with pithy, bawdy felt-penned comments ( "The fuck?!!!!") in their French novels. The Bush girls can't stand the way the Kerry mademoiselles sit around drinking effete, fairly-traded Nicaraguan coffee and sneer at every bucket of KFC that's passed their way, like it was cancer-making or something, even while they drool.

Cultures clash; agendas emerge; dress-makers and couturiers are set against each other and Laura and Teresa are unable to avoid the inevitable showdown, while their cowardly husbands lurk terrified in the wings, politely passing dreaded Kofi Annan phone calls to each other, hoping that this too will pass.

As exemplified here, the best pitch is always a one-liner. ;)

P.S. Dammit! I've unwittingly smothered dear Tizzie's new post! :(

Miguel, my love! We simultaneously posted. Isn't that romantic!

Ketchup wars - the women are wearing the perfect attire for it *splat*

"Hey, you got your Bush in my Heinz!"

"Oh yeah? You got your Heinz in my Bush!"

ad infinitum

Crash, that's just wrong.

It made me pass scalding coffee through my nasal passages, but it was Wrong Von Wrong.

Clear up them sinuses.

This photo was taken moments before both potential first ladies were overcome by passion. After a scalding make-out session, they decided to dump their thieving, hypocritical husbands and, ah...how to put this delicately, "form their own ticket."

Laura: Have you seen Walmart's new line of buttplugs?
Teresa: Do tell!
Laura: I never leave home without one! That reminds me, have you met George?

A new visitor! And not a spammer! What a novelty!

#1

Teresa: "Whoa! That's a nice firm ass you have there, Laura."
Laura: "Pilates!"

#2

Either: "Say, did you get your outfit at Shapeless Colorless Heftybags For Harridans?"

#3

Teresa: "You know, Laura, the Democratic party allows a little intramural soulkissing."
Laura: "As nice as that sounds, you really could use a Smint."

#4

Teresa: "OK, you take Eng and I'll take Chang."
Laura: "No fucking way! I want Eng!"
Teresa: "Oh, like you can tell which is Eng."

#5

Teresa: *brrrrrappp*
Laura: "Good lord, what did you eat, Teresa? OK, I give that one a 7 for sound and a 9.5 for smell."
Teresa: "Cool! Ok, now you go again!"

Fes, you and I must be the only ones who are not taking the day off to celebrate Christopher "Not Really the Discoverer of America, but We'll Take the Day Off Anyway" Columbus day.

Seriously, it's Columbus Day? That one snuck up on me like a conquistador in Xochitl.

My company frowns on such Spanish-sponsored India-seeking frippery, and thus I am at my station, diligently toiling away.

You want to talk trash about our fellow monkeys while they're all sitting in their backyards sipping low-carb beers and toasting the Man of the Year 1492?

I, too, am celebrating Canadian Thanksgiving by answering my alarm clock pavlovially and staring at a half-empty office.

I'd know a half-full office whenI see one. This ain't it.

I'm trying to finish a review of Brian Wilson's Smile. I'm cranking out a thousand words that basically boil down to, "Well shee-it. Good Vibrations makes so much more sense now!"

I mean, it's really good, but -- I'm not high enough, I guess. Maybe later.

I am not only working today, but I'm working twice as hard, because my boss is out and the second in command has issued some sorta blockheaded fiat that puts me in charge of doing all the work in the office today.

Fortunately for me I've so finely tuned my work slowdown over the past year or so that working twice as hard is still working only half as hard as a normal person.

Chico, I was given a copy of "Smile" and upon first listening, offered to pass it along to Vidiot. It's not that I didn't like it, it's just that when they finally got to Good Vibrations I breathed a big old sigh of relief and thought, "Maybe the record company wasn't so wrong after all."

*anxiously awaits his Smile*

*looks up from work momentarily, cringes under the sting of the lash, feverishly resumes his toil*

Hang in the with Smile. It took me a couple of listens to get to where I could enjoy it. It's still kind rough sledding, but there is a payoff. (Although I don't know if I'll ever get used to the new version of "Good Vibrations". The old one is too much a part of my childhood, I guess.)

Back on topic: Mrs. Kerry is obviously explaining to Mrs. Bush that is is possible for human sexual intercourse to last longer than 15 seconds, and that the female oragsm is not a myth.

Perhaps, in that case, it is Mrs. Bush who needs Good Vibrations.

That picture perfectly captures the "Hot or Not" meme.

Just be glad you didn't vote on this one only to be taken to the pic of Libby Dole and Barbara Bush dressed lasciviously as Samantha and Jeannie in a no-holds-barred canola oil wrestling match.

Be still my Mazola-smeared heart...

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