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I manage the database for the "quote of the day" on the intranet site here at the gravel mines. It's time for the end of the year freshening up, and I'd like to find some nice subversive, errr, I mean, inspirational quotes to brighten up my fellow miners' days. Any suggestions?

You mean, besides this?

Hm. My two favorites are

The curse of man, and the cause of nearly all his woes, is his stupendous capacity for believing the incredible.
--Mencken

and

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
--Emerson

Not particularly subversive but popular among editors.

PS: This made me sad. But this cheered me up.

That gorilla story is wonderful. *cries*

But that guy in the skirt?? WTF??? *shudder*

The Mencken quote definitely has an edge - thanks, Dana!

In an e-mail that captain positivity sent to my marathon relay team, which contained instructions on where to be and logistics and all kinds of other pointless information, he requested that we all send an inspirational quote or some such nonesense to let him know that we had received and understood our instructions. I sighed, rolled my eyes, and quickly banged out:

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." - Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.

"You always write it's 'bombing, bombing, bombing.' It's not bombing, it's air support."
--Air Force Colonel David Opfer, complaining to reporters about their coverage of the Vietnam War.

On that note:

"We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out."

- unnamed Decca executive, turning down the Beatles.

And, just to publish it here first, lest someone try to steal it later, here's the idea that came to me in the car this afternoon for a mascot for the Masschusetts Wildlife Department:

"Quabbin Carpie".

See, he's a fish that lives in the Quabbin Reservoir, with a jillion other fish that look just like him ...

Okay, maybe I won't rush to the patent office just yet.

Thtop being tho pithy, thweetie.

Where's TJ? He could be selling those Quabbin Carpie t-shirts in time for holiday gift giving.

Jump on that ca$h train, baby!

....

*sniff*

Fare the Well, Cowboy From Hell..

Just about anything from Wilde will work.

And funny you should say that, Ufez -- I was thinking of another Douglas Adams quote:

"Life is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so."
(from Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency.)

Grrr. Brain not working today. Will have to cogitate some more on this one.

"I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused."

-Elvis Costello.

Vidiot, I already had that 'lunchtime' quote in there - it is so work-appropriate!

Did everybody see the censorship article that was linked on The Morning News? It has given me such a headache! This is why I have to add subversive quotes to the database. I am trying to swallow my impulse to e-mail it to all my a**hole republican bosses and say "Is this what you wanted??? Is it??? Is it???"

I have some serious unresolved issues from the election, I really do.

You do have it in as "Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.", though, right, tizz?

And I feel you on the Dimebag pain, jonmc. My friend C., who drove me to school and back all of my sophomore year of HS, played nothing but Pantera and C.O.C. in his car. By the end of that year, I could recite all of Vulgar Display and Cowboys From Hell from memory. Good times.

Some more good Elvis Costello quotes:

"There's malice and there's magic in every season."

"That's what you get when you go chasing after vengeance/But since you've got me punctured, this has been my sentence."

"There's still some pretty insults left, and such sport in threatening."

"I took my better nature out, and drowned it in the babbling stream/Took the blossom of my youth and blew it all to smithereens."

"Nonsense prevails, modesty fails/Grace and virtue turn into stupidity/While the calendar fades almost all barricades/To a pale compromise/And our leaders have feasts on the backsides of beasts/They still think they're the gods of antiquity/If something you missed didn't even exist/It was just an ideal, was that such a surprise?"

"With your cheap rewards, your blackmail, and your comical rage/Just remember that you'll be the boss so long as you pay my wage."

"I could be a corporal into corporal punishment/Or the general manager of a large establishment/They pat some good boys on the back and put some to the rod/But I never thought I'd end up in the goon squad."

"So don't try to touch my heart, it's darker than you think/And don't try to read my mind, because it's full of disappearing ink."

"Better send a begging letter to the big investigation/Who put these fingerprints on my imagination?"

(Brutal lyrics + catchy music = happy Vidiot)

I love quotes of all kinds, but these are the ones that I have tacked up:

"In the Void is Virtue, and no evil. Wisdom has existence, Principle has existence, the Way has existence, Spirit is nothingness." -Musashi

"The two greatest of man's sins are these: Laziness, and Narcissism." Fr. F X Cleary

"Get to work: you aren't paid to believe in the power of your dreams."

"Maximize profit, minimize expense."

"When in doubt, it's vitally imporant to keep moving. Velocity is important. Kinetic energy frees the brain and confuses the enemy." -attributed to Bruce Sterling

"By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which it bitterest." -Confucius

"Phat is Phine and Phunky!" -"Orphan" Ervin Gervin

"Do Not Cause Fes To Explode. In the event of explosion or potential explosion, apply alcohol liberally."

"The greatest happiness is to vanquish your enemies, to chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth, to see those dear to them bathed in tears, and to clasp to your bosom their wives and daughters." -Genghis Khan

"Words are deeds." -Wittgenstein

Alright, here's one: What quote are YOU best known for? What have you said that people would quote you on?

For tizzie:

Most people want things like a candle-flame, flickering, shifting. You, on the other hand, want like a forest fire.

I should warn you, getting what you want and being happy are two quite different things.

- What I've Tasted of Desire, Neil Gaiman

For Fes (nothing very urbane I'm afraid):

"Rome is home"
"Stop breaking my balls"
"Would you like me to wipe your ass for you also?"
"Bite me, you pretentious fuck"

- roma"feelinsnarlytoday"kimmy

"It is far easier to ask forgiveness than permission."

"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened."

"If the world didn't suck, we would all fall off."

Two from the Tizzie Almanac.

"Ow. My balls hurt. I think I have the cancer."

Is that from the ever-popular "My pee smells like ham" thread?

I did not know this, dude.

I think this quote from The Illustrious Chico Bangs may be one of my new favorites:

...no one in their right mind would agree with any of the turds that spill from her mouth like a vomitfall of fascist sewage.

Pithy!

too little, too late:

We turned at a dozen paces, for love is a duel, and looked at each other for the last time.
-Jack Kerouac, On the Road

A sense of duty is useful in work but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not to be endured with patient resignation.
-Bertrand Russell

Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith. I consider the capacity for it terrifying.
-Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl.
-H.L.Mencken

This isn't a goodbye letter, This is a should I be here at all
-Richard Buckner

I'm not known for quotes, but most of my friends have told me that they try to remember numbers by asking themselves, "How would Chris remember that?"

Apropos of nothing, I'm currently entering data on the latest Bell Rays CD. This bunch may just save rock and roll.

"Try to look at life this way: even the worst child molester carries a little candy."

--Me.
That's right, I'm just that impressed with myself.

I want to mate with that Bel Ray Woman's hairdo.

That'd be one fuzzy little dong.

Rock'n'roll is long dead, jon, but its corpse does make a fetching cabaret artiste. Fortunately, hip-hop is in the process of being saved, but I am concerned for the health of the Weimar musical.

"Man is the only animal that blushes, or needs to." M. Twain

That seems especially appropriate for our resident animal shelterer.

Those Bell Rays are definitely in the running for Highest Percentage of Funny-Looking People in a Musical Group.

That is still a Grammy category, right?

I actually think Lisa Kekaula is beautiful (and a hell of a singer in the Carla Thomas/Aretha Franklin tradition). But the dude on the far left does look a bit like Steven Tyler with a thyroid problem.

see, check out these shots

That, and the fellow with the short hair looks like the skull and crossbones without the crossbones.

Um, Hi! remember me?

Been very, very busy. return to your quotefest.

Who is that guy? The one who smells like paint thinner?

Never talk to strangers.

Where's my hair?!?! And when did my dog start wearing glasses?!?!

Above all, why did your dog drink so many whiskeys?!?!

I love the fact that chico's kissing the ass of the Dallas Folk even before he gets here.

Bad dog, ehhh, Liam??

Chico's going to Dallas? Can I come too?

I fyou can make it to St. Louis by ten PM thursday night, you can. I'm going too.

My ignominy is complete. You cannot imagine the depths of my jealousy and despair.

Never fear Fes; I'll get dejah to help with an extra special shoutout.

Oooh, this weekend, no. Phooey.

But I am looking forward to lots of fabulous technicolor shoutouts that make me feel like I'm there.

dejah gets to help? Damn. I do owe Fes an ass shoutout.

*seethes with jealousy*

(Over the meetup as a whole, not for the ass shoutout, I hasten to add.)

You want an ass shoutout, Vidiot - admit it! It's on your Christmas list!

I just read a good one that I know Tizzie will like:

The notion that a radical is one who hates his country is naive and usually idiotic. He is, more likely, one who likes his country more than the
rest of us, and is thus more disturbed than the rest of us when he sees it debauched. --
Mencken

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