9622.net

...especially the poor bugger that I stole that monkey in a Santa hat picture from.

Anyway! I love you all, and wish you much happiness and cheer. Anybody needs a place to stay warm, you know you've got one here with me.

"Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect." -Oren Arnold

Here's wishing each of you a very Merry Christmas, and a happy and fulfilling new Year.

Fes is right, tolerance is a great way to lull your enemies.

I agree. After that "forgiveness" and "tolerance" crap, they never see the ax handle crashing into their skull on the 26th. It's a Boxing Day miracle!

I prefer uppercuts on Boxing day. You know, keeping with the theme and all.

Wait. Boxing Day isn't about underwear?

*slips out of his skivies*

...and thus, so easily are my machinations sussed.

Christmas has ended! What'd YOU get? I got a bottle of Stoli, a decent dress shirt and two ties, one usable, one suitable only for tourniquets.

Hey, this Boxing Day thing, I checked all over cable and nary a match in sight - what gives?

Not bad. The New Yorker Cartoon Anthology, America: The Book, a Josephine Baker CD, an external hard drive, a set of sheets (laugh, I know, but I needed 'em), the Outfoxed DVD, an Amazon gift certificate.

And next week I'm off to Ohio to see the other set of parents.

Bottle of bourbon, bottle of tequila, a cool t-shirt, an ugly-assed overly "festive" red sweater, and corduroy pants that I'll never wear.

Someone bought my dad that New Yorker book. I bought him a CD anthology of Terry Gross interviewing writers. My dad, the original Grumoy White Male, has become an NPR listener. The mind boggles.

Jon, watch out! That could be you one day! You'll come out of the closet as some kind of intelleftual hippie, with the tweed and the graying ponytail and the Sting records and the Ms. subscription, and of course NPR playing in the kitchen, twenty four friggin' seven.

That could easily be you. If, y'know, if you eat some vegetables or something by accident.

I'd tie him up and give him a carrot juice injection just to see that happen.

I had the ponytail at one point, it was 7 inches long but alas I was too young for it to gray. And the day my old man fires up the Sting, is the day the earth opens up. And he still dresses so neatly that you could shoot him and bury him in the same suit. But my grampa (rest in peace) was something of a slob. After he retired, he started shaving his head and wearing a huge thick gray beard. He was never much for clothes, party because he was a huge man (18 inch neck, I'm told) and partly cause he just didn't care, so maybe the gene skips a generation.

It was fun having my baby neice's first Xmas, though. We held her up at the dinner table with roughly 23 representatives (most of the New York wing of the clan) surrounding her, confronted with such a picture of the gene pool from whence she sprung, her eyes goggled and her throat gurgled.

And I eat vegetables. A couple weeks ago I had an actual salad. I figured out that it's actually iceberg lettuce that I dislike, not salad per se, so I guess that's some kinda progress.

You held her up?

Silly wabbit. Newborns don't carry much money on 'em. Those diapers are roomy, but they're not that big on pockets. Also, they tend to not have jobs.

And have you tried romaine?

How about Rebecca Romaine?

I think there was actually romaine in the salad I ate. It was a side thing that came with some grilled shrimp we had at Fatty's. It was a bunch of green leaves that had a little creamy dressing on top. It wasn't bad.

wow you guys made out nice this year.

I love you, my typographipals. I'm gonna have another drink and sing a verse or two of Smoke On The Water in your honour, just see if I don't.

*sings*

I wish you the elusive and evasive happy, or, failing that, the annoying but character-building grrr, for the New Year. Regardless, love, like I said.

*resolves to stop taking friends for granted*

Two of the puppies we were fostering have died from parvovirus. Three may survive, one is very tenuous. The only way I can console myself is to think that they had a week where we nurtured them and loved them, and that is a week longer than they would have had if they'd been put to death at the pound.

Everything that you allow yourself to love then has the ability to break your heart with grief.

Aw, tizzie. That's awful. I'm so, so sorry.

I do think you're right, though: I'm sure they experienced more love and nurturing the week they were with you than they ever had before.

I'm very sorry to hear that, Tizzie -- but you gave them a better life than they'd been having.

Thanks, guys, and I'm sorry to bring the mood down. I'm just having a tough time dealing with this, but time will help.

And Vidiot, where in Ohio?

Marietta, on the opposite side of the state from you. (More's the pity.)

Phooey - if it would have been just a little bit closer, I'd have met you halfway.

On another note - is our Jpoulos throwing his old bones into the cold sea again this weekend? I think it was just a year ago that he took the icy plunge.

nofuckingway

Pussy.

he's afraid of those, too.

I kid because I love

I would imagine J-po is wisely waiting for both testicles to re-emerge before doing anything like that again. I don't mean figuratively, either. Mine shot up to my lungs just reading about the swim.

Hey Tizzy, most likely those puppies only needed one week (almost two months in dog time) of perfect love to punch that last hole in their karma card; now they romp blissfully in nirvana.

I go monkey earings.

It's 10:09 pm Dec 31 here in Korea, and I don't think I have enough booze in the house to carry me through to midnight. Then again, She and I don't do the fucking lamecunt wikkiwikka dance about The Significant Dates by common agreement (which is probably the biggest reason I love her, no seriously), so what, nnnnyah?.

Still damn, I wish I had me some more drink. Yaar!

Is there any way I can go back and edit the stupid out of that last comment?

No?

Bummer.

OK then. GOATSE!

Poooooooooossy.

*flipflipflipflipflipflipflip*

(that's the sound of poor little Oolong rolling in his grave)

Happy New Year, ya bums!!!
xoxoxoo

I'll take the first post of '05 to mention how much I love you guys. You've made this year a lot more bearable.

I wish for you everything you wish for yourselves.

I wish for all the world that 2005 will become known as "The Year of Chico's Book" - and that all of us monkey types get to say we knew you when. How's that sound?

I mean, after all, we spent 2004 riding Dong's coattails. Let's let someone else have a turn.

I love that, even facetiously, someone could refer to that dog turd as "coattails."

coattails, shmoattails. Where the fuck is Miguel?

I keed, I keed. I am also enormously hungover, or possibly still drunk. The jury is still out on that one. But I look forward to "The Year of Chico's Book" if only for the fact that I will enjoy a modicum of noriety from the sale of Rack 'Em Up: The Tale of romakimmy, her sister, chicobangs, and a pool stick.

Hope your holidays were as tequila-n-refried-beans fueled as mine, y'all. Baci

I'm thinking of starting a restaurant that serves only lamb and veal, accompanied by baby greens, baby carrots, and alfalfa sprouts.

I'll call it Infanticide.

That is seriously the best idea I've heard for months.

Add omelettes, and then we'll talk.

Happy New Year to one and all.

Holy Smokes, Bullwinkle. Y'all are busy.

But anyway -- late as usual -- HAPPY FLIPPIN' NEW YEAR! :)

Bah.

Humbug.

I didn't get a Xmas CD from ANYONE this year.

Oh, and my computer broke, and I lost my job.

I already got a new computer, though!

'tis the curse of the Okies, commish. (just see the bowl games.....) I'm jobless as well, for the time being.

Regardless, I think all of us monkeys should flip!

I didn't get a Xmas CD from ANYONE this year.

That is because we haven't had a CD swap since, like, springish?

*Fes realizes he's Swapinistratator, lambent green light emanates from his eyes and fills the room like a bear growl*

That's it! We're having a Swap. Who's in, dammit? In honor of yhbc's soulness christmas, and his and ufez's newfound freetime, there shall be music. Was there music when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no. And there's no music now! I think this calls for a stupid, and pointless, gesture on someone's part...? And we're just the guys to do it! Who's with me! Aaaahahhhahahahahaaahahhhh....

I'm in for the swap, but could you remind me of the how and such? I have not done this before.
And hey! Maybe we could do some wife swapping at the same time? I've got two... well, technicly they're my roomates not my wives. But we nag each other about the dishes and don't have sex, which is like being married, so it'll still work out. They're really cute!

Bitch, you gonna make me make ONE MORE DAMN COPY of my Christmas CD? Well, I suppose it's only fair since you contributed a song to it.

You still at the same address, Commish?

Oh, and I'll swap, too. Just got some fantastic mixes from Vs. Dobbs that I'd love to split up and pass off as mine.

(Four fantastic mixes, truth be told...someone should email him and get him in on this)

test

Test?! Crap! And I'm in my underwear! This is just like this dream I always have!

Running late as ever, but I'm in.

Cound me as in and as down. I've been itching for a swap.

Count. Count me in. Don't cound me anything.

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