9622.net

A slight ditty about your mothers:

Your Ma
Your Pa
Your Easy-greasy Grandma
She's a loop de loop
She's a prostitute

She's a bore
She's a whore
She's always trying to score

She got a peg-leg
A wooden eye
Humpback titty and
A glass thigh

Boom-boom.

i like cheese.

a song about teenagers and rock and roll:

Hippies are squares with long hair
And they don't wear no underwear
Country Rock is on the wane
I don't want music, I want pain!

Dictators can swing
Make you dance and sing
Cause an oil spill
You don't know us, but you will!

We're the members of the master race
Got no style, and we got no grace
Sleep all night, sleep all day
Nothing good on t.v. anyway

Gasoline shortage won't stop me now, Oh no!

We've reached a higher spiritual plane
That is so high, I can't explain
We tell jokes to make you laugh
We play sports so we don't get fat

We can sweat and stink
We can eat and drink
Don't do what we're told
And we're scared of growing old!

We're the members of the master race
We don't judge you by your face
First we check to see what you eat
Then we bend down and smell your feet

Hope you don't pick your nose!

My favorite part of growing up
Is when I'm sick and throwing up
It's the dues you've got to pay
For eating burgers every day

Take my vitamin C
No one's good for me
Life can take it's toll
When you're living
ROCK N' ROLL!!!

We're the members of the master race
Got no tact, and we got no taste
First you put your sneakers on
Going outside to have some fun

Dont forget to wipe your ass!

C'mon guys!

courtesy of the Original Old School Punks....

This made me laugh, albeit briefly and not heartily: Losing My Religion, the ringtone.

After all these years Jayne & Handsome Dick seem to have reconciled. Cats layin' down with dogs, yo.

A friend of mine took a fantastic picture of me rocking out with a faux-lepoard skin scarf on Saturday night. I don't really remember it being taken, but it was quite funny. Unfortunately, it's on his computer and he's in Chicago until Wednesday. Until then, all I've got is this.

"It flashed and it's crashing! It's crashing. Oh, terrible! Oh, the bear-manity!"

THE KOOL-AID MAN MURDERED GHANDI FOR NIXION.

SHUT UP.

I only want to hear you purr and to hear you moan.
You have another man who brings the money home!
I don't want dishes in the sink,
Don't ask me what I feel or what I think.
There's a few things that I never could believe:

A woman when she weeps,
A merchant when he swears,
A thief who says he'll pay
A lawyer when he cares,
A snake when he is sleeping,
A drunkard when he prays.
I don't believe you go to heaven when you're good;
Everything goes to hell, anyway!

The Big Swap of Winter '05 List of Participants So Far.

Me
Towerbrave
ColdChef
Vidiot

I'm giving you another couple days to think about whether or not you want to sit on your thumb this winter like a gelatin-assed taint-muncher, then the rest of us commence to schwapping.

Also: I hate ringtones of all kinds. Vibrate, people!! Put the motherfucker on vibrate, if only for the fact that if it rings at an inopportune time you can IGNORE it, losers!!

Other things I find myself hating: Out of season grapes (ptui!); the fact that my new "promotion" has been (a) postponed about 30 days, and (b) is likely a temporary stopgap leading up to the eventual elimination of my department in (according to my sources) approximately 1 to 1.5 years (max); that I spilled coffee on my car this morning; that my usual purveyor cannot seem to find me a decent pair of flat front dark brown dress slacks (what is this, Cuba??); that I am STILL waiting for my new 80G harddrive to arrive from the muttonhead who's Ebay listing SAID Paypal but eventually admitted to me that he only takes paypal backed by a checking account (which is just fucking stupid) and too whom I had to send a money order (cost: $3) for a drive I needed last Friday evening, when I presumed upon a friend of mine to aid me in installing my broadband and wireless, and upon whom I have to presume AGAIN to set up the fucking server when the drive finally arrives; defending the civil rights of assholes to be assholes, and to have them in response up their assholery a notch; that IUMA gives me a max download speed of about 800b a second, no matter what my connection (what the hell is THAT about???)...

Did I mention the lack of goddamned brown pants? Grrrr.

Anyone who fucks with me today gets an ugly surprise. Let's see who in my office will be the first - will it be you, the barely competent administrator? or you, the fatuous service boss? Or maybe you, the clueless salesperson? Nah, it's going to be you, the pompous ignoramus who self-appointed herself to the job of "sales marketing director" (up from "assistant"!) and who couldn't market, direct or sell her way out from under a blanket. Say something idiotic, madame sales marketing director, go ahead. I dare you.

*squints mercilessly*

You can mark me down for the swap Fes. I could point out that both you and I are still awaiting Vidiot CD's from, what, a year ago? But that would be tasteless, so I won't ;)

ColdChef wants to swap with me.

Yeah. Bodily fluids.

WoooHOOO, best offer I've had today!

Because I am lame and don't want to plumb the depths of Hotmail, to whom do I already owe a disc?

Kato! To my archives!!

According to the official Swapinistrator archives, your Swapmates in the Fall '03 Swap were me, ufez, brittney and valerie; in the Summer '03 Swap, your swapmates were eyeballkid, tizzie and yhbc.

Thanks. Summer 03 was out on time, and I only flaked on the Fall one.

Also:

Ringtones suck. Especially when you just have to sample them all. In a crowded subway car.

You're about to enter a world of pain.

I just bury my head in a book and take comfort in the fact that I'm not the one hoisting an audio "I'm an asshole!" sign for everyone's edification.

Besides, when it's on vibrate and you're wearing snug jeans, you can just lean up against a payphone with a roll of quarters...ahhh, instant bliss.

I don't even know *how* to download ringtone onto my antidiluvian cellphone. So even if I wanted to be an asshole, I couldn't.

Well, I mean, I couldn't be an asshole using the cellphone ringtone route. There are plenty other ways I am able to avail myself of being an asshole.

If I had bought more than 4 records in 2004 I would join the swap, btw, but as it stands now I got nothin' to swap with.

Waitasec...we have to use new music to swap with? 'Cause I'll just go ahead and declare myself as flaking out on this one too...

Since when have we ever had rules in our swaps? Pre-ought-four is fine.

I got me a big ol' hangover. Owwwww. Send help.

I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so Stavros could have a hangover!

It ain't official, but I think I'm now a professional dog-walker. And I *love* it.

Where do you find professional dogs?

Where I find all of my professionals, chefinatrix... the back pages of the local alt-weekly.

You need an assistant,fez? I can commute.

Ack-shoo-arr-lee, I'm still working for the moment - it's the generous "severance for four months provided you keep working full time while you look for a new job, oh and only so long as you have a good attitude" plan, meaning all of the stress of unemployment with none of the free time.

And, the new computer I mentioned in my only other comment so far this year isn't yet fully set up, so I have to bow out on any immediate swap action.

I would dearly love a copy of the 2004 edition Xmas CD though, Chef! Yep, still at the same address:

The Commish
10 Cardboard Box
Behind the Dumpster, MA

Tanks!

Oh, and

I went down to the beach and saw Kiki, she was all like 'eww' and I'm all like 'Whatever!'

Then this chick comes up to me and all like 'hey aren't you that dude..' and I'm all like 'yeah, Whatever!'

Then later I'm at the pool hall and this girl comes up and she's all like 'aww' and I'm all like 'yeah, Whatever!'

Coz this is my United States of Whatever!
And this is my United States of Whatever
And this is my United States of Whatever

And then, it's 3am I'm on the corner wearin my leather, the dude comes up and he's like 'Hey Punk!' and I'm like 'yeah, Whatever!'

Then I'm throwin dice in the alley, Officer Leroy comes up and he's all like 'Hey I thought I told you..' and I'm like 'yeah, Whatever!'

Then up comes Zafo and I'm all like 'yo Zafo what's up' and he's like 'nothin' and I'm like 'that's cool'

Coz this is my United States of Whatever
And this is My United States of Whatever

commish, I love that song!

Alright, I can do a swap. Exclude me in if the door is still ajar.

Commish, you saucy minx, you. Email me that address again. The whore behind the dumpster wants a carton of Kools to be my courier.

IT'S AN INVASION!

I tried to warn you all, but did you listen?

So now it does seem to be official. In spite of juany's spacecats, I am now employed as a dog-walker for the really-fucking-well-to-do set. 'Tis a stopgap solution, but much better than punching a cash register at [big-box store here]. And I've totally fallen in love with 14 or so dogs in the past two days.

Completely unrelated, said pic of me, rocking the fuck out of the faux-leopard scarf is here. It's not flattering, but it does make me chuckle a bit. Enjoy my pale, bloodless eyes.

Ufez and Barbara Bush : they like two peas in a pod, they!

Or Laura Bush, or something. They're all in the thrall of the same twisted dessicated desert demon soul that flew screaming out of the wastelands of the Sinai 40 years ago to inhabit the corporeal shells of the Bush family and all their unholy spawn until Baal claws his way back to the mountaintop during the Final Battle, anyway.

Silly.

Hook 'em!

Hail Baal! just in case.

Total List of All Non-Gelatin-Assed Taint-nonmunchers (aka schwappers):

Fex
KaltChev
Vadyeeoot
Oofayze
Cheeko
Mycrow
Tao'er Braheeve
and possibly Teezie

If we don't get no more, why not we all schwap with each other as one giant group? 7, maybe 8 CD's does not seem onerous...?

Administrators, please hope me.

1) I can't post comments from home - I get a "Forbidden" message.

2) Even from the office, I can't link to the homepage where I store images. I get a "Your comment could not be submitted due to questionable content: home.fuse.n*t" message.

3) I can't post in-line images, ever, and I used to be able to.

My browser's not antique (for a change) so I'm not sure what the fook is going wrong.

This is a test.

So is this.

But it flunked.

Ok, hold my hat, I'm going in.

Well spank me hard and call me Rhonda.

I think that puppy looks like Ufez.

That's the best compliment I've ever heard, Tizz. Seriously.

I knew you'd feel that way! And good on you for the new job, my friend.

test, or die!

Oh, for god's sake. It worked.

I totally owe dana and lupo oral sex. Either separately or at the same time. Really good oral sex.

now tizzie, just knowing that I somehow helped you is reward enou--

hm. Got any plans tomorrow at 3?

It's all about Dana. She totally pWn3D me.

I propose a 9622 Oral Sex Meetup!

Yes, yes, YES!

I love you guys.

I'm glad we were able to get this resolved without you pulling your MAC-90 on me, tizzie.

Hell, no. I am all about the peaceful resolution, conflict avoidance, and oral pleasure.

Hello all. A very late happy new year. Monkey cocktails all around!

Adam, that is the cutest goddamn photo I've seen in ages.

Awww, look at the cute widdle kitties!

BALLS!

Sure does look like that cloned cat. Hmm.

Adam, you stealin' kitties?

Awwww, kitties.

They're particularly good in a white wine sauce, with shallots and mushrooms.

vidiot, I'm shocked.

Everyone knows breaded and fried kitties are the best.

*cough*

Is this thing on?

I had cds to send out to people, sometime last year. But I suddenly became jobless and other things came up and...
well...

New swap you say?

Jon, Vidiot, I'm shocked. C'mon, you guys. That's just gross.

Kittens in white wine (preferably a nice Sauvignon Blanc), cats lightly breaded and fried. Panko works really nicely.

And I'd be happy to round out that swap to an even eight, if y'all will let me play.

Or, y'know, nine.

Holy hell, do I spy, with my little eye, EBK?

LIES! AND DECEPTIONS! AND CONFOBULATIONS!

Speaking of which, I was glad to read that we're a failure. (Or will be soon.)

Which takes the pressure off, frankly, and confirms what my mother, priest, first-grade teacher, guidance counselor, driving instructor, college advisor, barber, high school girlfriend, and the bum on the corner have all independently told me.

The burden of success has been lifted, leaving us free from expectation, able to fail and fail and fail in any way we choose.

Fuckin' A.

I find it odd that you associated my first comment in months with the failure of the site. I ask you Vidiot, where's the love?

I meant, "speaking of deception and lies."

The love is right here, baby.

Despite what the bum on the corner and my driving instructor said.

Weird. I think we had the same driving instructor.

Well, if ehbick is going to be the downfall of 9622, I might as well come watch the show. I brought popcorn - anybody want some?

Only if it tastes like delicious beer.

Mmmm. Beer.

In for the swap. What the hell.

I can't swap as I'm enjoying staying with relatives to avoid a lengthy commute, with a dash of only at home on weekends. (Coming at you from an old mac running 8.6 - kaZOW!)

Since the swap won't work for me right now, I would suggest we switch to a system where you all send me swap discs and I give you nothing in return. Who's with me?

9622.net is like a monkey humping a puppy.

You sick bastards!

I love you all you magnificent bastiges, you.

The ranks of the gelatin-assed thus ase!

Fes
ColdChef
Vidiot
Ufez
Chico
Mikro
Towerbrace
Tizzie
eyeballkid
adam

That's ten, five and five. Sound good? And Miss Salmonberry, I will send you a disk, my lovely northern princess.

In other news: they got 'em a big navel over at the blue, ah, grey, to contemplate, don't they? Every day, they go at each other like minks on speed with rabies, but 9622 is destined to fail? Somebody - hold me!

that first line should end"... thus decrease!"

*snivels acerbicly*

one song snippet:

I dig you
You dig me
We dig each other
That's groovy
oh yeah

*holds Fes*

*gives him a belly rub, while he's at it*

*kicks leg*

Aaaahhhhhhrooooooooooooooooo that feels good!

Well, stav, I guess I will just have to order us up some of this beer powder for popcorn then, how's that?

Powdered beer would be possiby the greatest invention since that other great invention those guys came up with that time!

I just witnessed a billiards tourney between a team of rockabilly girls and a team of mulleted fringe-of-Dallas-ers (yes, I felt a bit like a matador). The highlight of my night was going to the bar and ordering another beer and seeing Kobe being carried off the court.

Reading this thread has redeemed my whole evening. Kudos, monkers. And, of course.....Ole!

I missed bmarkey's declaration that he is not a taint-muncher. Here at 9622, we go to 11.

Do you ever get the strange feeling you're being watched?

I felt a bit like a matador

I'm betting it was that scarf.

We're not just failures, Vidiot. We're UGLY too!

And the Lakers are doomed this season. DOOMED.

We're ugly, but we're horizontal. And I think that sums it up nicely.

I wish that was my monkey!

Who wants to see my monkey?

You know I'd jump on that chance.

I could catch a monkey...if I had to.

Dammit. I gotta start showing up more often so I can get in on another one of these CD swaps. It's been too long. Ah well. Next time.

*quick runs out to get some new music*

So we gonna fuck or what?

Thanks, Fes.

And thanks very much for the offer, chef, but, uh, I'm spoken for.

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