9622.net

Me? I won 'Best Screenplay'? You're kidding!

I just have to say that I was impressed that Beyonce was able to learn enough French -- even phonetically -- to get that one song out.

I was under the impression, see, that she wasn't very bright.

Splendid secondary sexual characteristics, though, I do declare. Which ought to count for something in this cruel smartocracy in which we live!

*sobs for the beautiful dummies*

"Gosh, Gary. You're right! They're as hards as diamonds! Must be this weather."

No shit! There's a smartocracy functioning somewhere?

Where? Where?

Chico, the smartocracy is meeting right...inside....this...large...burlap...sack.

Care to have a peek?

See? See how cunning the smartocracy is?

Cruel, too.

Sexy cruel.

Fuck that shit.

Radio Free Europe?....Come in Radio Free Europe???...

Wow, cool.

Oh, and have you guys seen this site yet? It is teh funnay! Many monkeys to laugh at!

You devious rat bastard!! Graaagh!!

Dammit, commish. You're a sneaky one.

Wouldn't it have been weird if that had been my last post ever?

I got hit by a truck on my way back to the office after I went swimming at lunch today. I was stopped for the light on the exit ramp from the expressway, and a 37 ton semi came up behind me, apparently he had lost his brakes, and took the side off my beloved VW.

Scared the hell out of me, but I think that physically I'm OK. The truck driver is ok. A bunch of people stopped to help, which was good - it's just weird. This is the second really bad wreck I've been in in the last few years, both where I saw it coming and there was nothing I could do.

Anyway, how was your day?

Whoa! Tizzie, that's terrifying!

I'm glad you're ok. Sorry to hear your car's all squished up, though.

Yipes! Suddenly my bad back seems like a frolic in the park.

My condolences on the car. Then again, cars are replaceable; tizzies are not so. Buy yourself a long tall drink or two and take tomorrow off.

Wow, sorry to hear, tizzie, glad you're okay.

On the other hand, your brain was particularly tasty.

Not that I'm wishing the Tiz any ill, but that would have been a freaky last post and a hell of a drinking tale for all of us.

Want to rethink your crash survival, tizzie? Think of all the drinks we could have in your memory.

I'm just sayin.

Holy crap! Glad you're OK, tiz.

I know, ColdChef! That would have been the stuff of legends. And the swap CDs I sent you would have been collectors items - you'd be rich, rich, FILTHY rich.

I'll try to be a couple inches to the left next time, promise.

Wow. Glad you're still with us, Tiz. Just wow.

Lupo, my love, be glad you have a VW. I honestly think that if I had been in a little American piece of tin, I'd be roadkill. The guy who got me out of my car said that he thought for sure the back wheel of the truck was going right across my seat.

I ♥ my VW. I'm in my second GTI right now, and I can't wait for the '06 model to come out in the US. It's already available in the UK and boy oh boy is it perty!

Yowzah! Glad you're okay.

I'll try to be a couple inches to the left next time, I promise

My goodness, it was just last night I was whispering those very words...

Hunter S. Thompson, Sandra Dee, when will it stop?

Ah! Glad to hear you're OK, Tiz. I'm almost done with my Golf, methinks. at 80k it's starting to have little quirks.

I'm drunk and ready for fightin'. Which one of you pussyfuck plastic boys is gonna have the stones to take me on?

Huh? Huh?

*pokes you in the chest, wild-eyed and emanating clouds of booze-and-cheese stink*

Jeez, I thought that I was the only one here drunk at 7 am.

Tiz, how you recuperating? Are you enjoying the V6 power of that Ammurrican rental car? That torque, it's somethin' else, ain't it?

Vrrrrrooooooom! Vrrrrrroooooom! Me in my (rental) mid-life crisis mobile, we ownz the road!

It had a CD player - that's the best thing I can say, heh.

And that stuff about how you're going to feel a whole lot more sore about 3 days after the accident? That part was true. I can no longer play the role of a "yes woman," since every time I nod my head in agreement, lightning shoots through my skull.

After work tonite, I intend to invest in a big old bottle of Maker's Mark, and retire to my corner of the sofa.

Nothing wrong with being a cantankerous old coot on the sofa with your bottle of Maker's Mark.

At least, that's my aspiration.

Who you calling old, whippersnapper?

Tizzie, I speak for myself when I say: we want you drubk on that couch. We need you drubk on that couch.

(Did you get your Creedence tape back, at least?)

"old coot" are just words that go together. I think I was an old coot before I got my driver's license.

(However, it was maybe a "Jr. Old Coot", since I could neither legally buy nor afford Maker's Mark.)

I hope, also, that you let the truck driver's insurance know about your pain. Get that dough!

Thank you, friends.

Hey, did anybody get the swap discs I sent?

Oooh, my head.

Gorilla Cover Gallery (possibly a repeat (take it to 9622Talk!), but like I said, my head hurts...)

Simian brothers and sisters, today is great TV day on AMC. I just finished watching Every Which Way But Loose, now The Blues Brothers is on, followed by Animal House, and both Smokey & The Bandit's.

I also have some Goo Goo Supremes, Utz Salt & Pepper Chips, Twix Bars, a six of Schlitz & 3 1pt 9oz bottles of this shit.

It's a gift from Gahd.

OK, who has taken the Slut Test?

54%. That's utter bollocks.

82%. That's a bit of a disappointment. I expected to be sluttier.

I am 55% slutty.

And, I always thought it was utters OR bollocks, but not both. Maybe its different in Korea.

52% here. And I always thought I was so pure at heart.

59%, but I was a pristine 7% until a recent break-up, since when I've been running around 130% slut. I feel disappointed by how conservative I look when I go out yet I still keep cheating on myself.

81%. But I pretended to be crash.

44% slut.

(but it obviously doesn't count thoughts...)

92%.

I have no idea how that happened.

81%

I have no idea how that happened.

*cough*ass-shoutouts*cough*

Thank god for Chico! I was having a very difficult time fessing up to 87%.

At least I could say "no" to "bought used sex toys." I mean, seriously, that's gross.

Although, when you think about it, Chico's a rock star with groupies. I'm, what?? Oh, right, a public relations manager.

The only reason *my* score is so high is because I bought used sex toys from Chico.

Those were not "gently" used, you know.

Monkey naming rights go for 650K.

They don't mention that I came in third. I bid $1.89 in loose change, a subway token, and a Chiclet, which happened to be the contents of my change bowl. Incidentally, this is not the first time I've been outbid by Ellen Degeneres. (See Chico's used sextoys, above.)

Hey, I would have given them to you gratis, but you insisted on paying for them. Which is noble and all, but seriously.

(Also, I have a hope chest of the damn things still. Dana, tiz, anyone else: if'n you need something, let me know. Many of them are even sterilized, even!)

So I know it's rich of me to say, but -- that test was a bit tame, for the most part. I kept thinking of stuf I haven't done, but they never asked about that stuff.

Also, I totally forgot about the ass shoutouts. Now that's something that needs to happen again.

And again.

Oh, and I fully support the passing of this law.

You trying to send a message there, neighbor?

C'mon upstairs. I'll hook a monkey up.

(But not like this.)

This is probably amusing only to me, but I was just over on my neighborhood message board (which consists mainly of people complaining about a lack of take-out options) and I found this guy's site. Apparently he is LIC's FRESHEST resident. Or dumbest. HE HAS A CELL PHONE!

(And also, he paints houses.)

You totally should ask him for a free CD. Then post it here.

Get your pie
Off my windowsill

That is either the most zen, or the most fucking hilarious, thing I've ever heard.

Let me finish this bourbon and I'll decide which.

I, also, have been kickin' it since '02, yo.

And for the record, I am 67% slutty - not pushing the envelope, but a respectable level of sluttiness for a man of my age and station who really enjoys listening to the Donnas.

I am a mere 60% slutt-like. I need to slut more.

Slut it UP, dude!

Man I totally failed the slut test, 64%...guess I need to dump my single lifestyle.

Tizzie, sorry to hear about the loss of your VW Rabbit, hope all is well.

Looks like me and vidiot are the least slutty folks here.

Off to the convent with us...

I'd like to interrupt this fine display of percentage comparisons to say I have tix for the Quakes - Revs game on April 7, and Lupo, you guys are dead! DEAD!!

Hmmm. Strange comment problems again.

The Quakers versus the Reverends? Holy smoke, what a game!

Until fairly recently, there was a high school here in Seattle whose team was known as the Fightin' Quakers.

Fortunately, we still have the yearly match-up between Roosevelt High and Ballard High. Yes, that's the night when the Rough Riders take on the Beavers.

I just saw the video for I Got You by Split Enz on The Tube. Freakshow, baby. I once dated a girl that sorta looked like a feminized version of Neil Finn. Not much to talk to, but even the most rudimentary foreplay and *kablammo*, she'd go off like a howitzer.

Gawd, there just wasn't any decade more fun than the 80's, was there?

Looks like me and vidiot are the least slutty folks here.

'S ok, jon. I got the same score as you. Guess a few of us are a little less slutty than we thought.

So I finally had to give up my season tix last year, kaf. My brother had a damn baby and couldn't make the games. (Plus I, like, bought a home and stuff, so I had all sorts of other drains down which I could flush my money.)

But listen, pal. Realize that you're talking trash about a team that just beat the BERMUDA NATIONAL TEAM! They make your Quakes look like my local U14 traveling team.

I'm home sick and require amusement. Dance, my little monkeys, dance!
Also, only 48% slutty -guess I need to get out more.

Thunderslut powers, activate!

Feel better, Towerbrave.

(And don't forget that Wake Forest University is the home of the Demon Deacons.)

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