We're sorry we forgot. We offer you wet kisses by way of apology.
Posted by dana at September 13, 2005 05:10 PMBah. I forgot myself until the refugees in my house threw me a party. Imagine the gifts you get from a houseful of people who've lost everything. Saddest party you've ever seen. "Oh. Hotel soaps. You shouldn't have."
Posted by: coldchef on September 13, 2005 05:20 PMOf course, when I suggested that they all just sign over their $2000 FEMA checks to me, they got all indignant, like I'm the insensitive one.
If it's not food, it's water with these people.
Posted by: coldchef on September 13, 2005 05:23 PMWhy do they need those FEMA checks anyhow? I heard tell they's all just using 'em to buy Gucci bags!
Posted by: dana on September 13, 2005 05:27 PMWith these people it's all:
"I'm homeless."
"I've lost all my childhood photos."
"The state is going to take MY child away."
I, I, I, I, me, me, me. All they can think about is themselves. But what about the birthday boy, I ask you?
I mean, take for example my birthday cake. All they could afford was to cover a shoebox full of Reese's cups with icing and pretend that it was a cake. But did they even ask if I LIKE Reese's cups? I mean, I do...but did they ASK? Selfish, I tell you.
Posted by: coldchef on September 13, 2005 05:28 PMThe happiest of birthdays to you, ColdChef. I'm sure you can appreciate these small things so much more than us.
Posted by: kaf on September 13, 2005 06:27 PMHappy Birthday Chefstah. In honor of you tonight I will put tabasco on all my food, even if I only eat Fruity Pebbles.
Posted by: jonmc on September 13, 2005 06:41 PMWow, you got Reese's? Luck-ee!
Bet you had to cut it into thirty even pieces, though. Wotta pain.
(Happy Birthday, CC)
Posted by: yhbc on September 13, 2005 08:50 PMColdChef! Your birthday! Belated! A toast!
Seriously, Reeses? Jesus, everybody knows you use Twinkies for a half-assed birthday cake. What's the matter with that houseful of refugees, anyway?
Posted by: tizzie on September 13, 2005 09:29 PMHappy birthday.
(You go with the birthday cake you have, not the birthday cake you want...or at least that's what Unca Don told me.)
Posted by: Vidiot on September 13, 2005 10:36 PMReese's on a shoebox beats a tator-tot with a match in it...lousy traumatic Okie childhood.
Many cheers, beers, and clipping shears, CC.
Posted by: ufez on September 14, 2005 12:16 AMIn my day, our houseful of refugees didn't even *have* a shoebox full of Reese's covered in icing. Everyone just passed around a big rock and spit on it.
Posted by: jpoulos on September 14, 2005 09:49 AMToo much information there, chief.
And what exactly is that thing in the picture that's supposed to be a monkey? It's back legs look like they're nailed on or something.
Posted by: yhbc on September 14, 2005 11:30 AMno, jpoulos is right, we love him in a very very gaye fashion.
Happy Birthday, you toothsome wench!
Posted by: Fes on September 14, 2005 03:16 PMHandjobs for the men, stinky pinky for the ladies!
Huzzah! And celebrations.
I need a fucking drink.
Posted by: ColdChef on September 14, 2005 03:40 PMMmmmm...I got bread pudding with rum sauce instead of cake. Delish!
It was hard to hide my swollen belly when I came home to my house of refugees. I told one of the kids I had brought him a packet of crackers from the restaurant, but that they got a little smushed in my pocket on the way home, so I threw them away. He cried a little.
Then, I let the adults take turns licking my fingertips. Poor sorry bastards. Hey, if I could afford a fancy dinner for everyone, you just know I would.
Tonight, I'm going to let them have whatever bits of cheese stick to the top of my pizza box. And if I'm feeling generous, my dipping sauce and crusts.
Posted by: ColdChef on September 15, 2005 08:08 AMHoly cow, that is some dinner.
(I got only pizza for my birthday! And I paid for it! Do over!)
Posted by: dana on September 15, 2005 09:34 AMColdChef, I noticed that fish had a tail. You coulda brought that home and boiled it up for soup! Cracker crumbs on top, and that's mighty good eatin' for refugees.
Posted by: tizzie on September 15, 2005 10:00 AMFishtail soup?! If I feed them that well, they'll never leave.
No, best to keep them to their boiled racoon and toast diet. Better than Atkins!
Posted by: ColdChef on September 15, 2005 10:12 AMI sorta feel that all my bitching and moaning and depressing tales of death-dodging are taking all the fun out of this site. Could someone start a new thread that has nothing to do with my sorry, soggy ass? I'm sick of myself, I am.
Posted by: ColdChef on September 15, 2005 11:38 PMHow do you know our asses aren't sorry, too?
Well, my ass is kind of fabulous. But I do have a skinned knee, and a little poison ivy on the inside of my right wrist.
So nobody's perfect, CC, and at least your gripes are part of a genuine natural disaster instead of just boring old dry-land shite. Plus, we love you.
It's true, we DO love you, even if your Flickr photo streams get more attention than the rest of ours put together.
Posted by: dana on September 16, 2005 09:46 AMI used to love him, right up until he got all high and mighty about the abject misery and devastation that surrounds him every day.
I know! I'll start a new stupid thread about monkeys or something, and knock him off the front page! That'll show the smug bastard!
Posted by: yhbc on September 16, 2005 10:32 AMOK, this whole thread makes me want to puke.
The Red Cross can suck it.
Posted by: Crash on September 16, 2005 09:53 PMFuck me, I've missed two birthday threads, and I haven't even got time to try to be funny because there's some kinda demon crawling out my asshole screaming for virgin's blood and disconcerting as that may be, I'm still here, perched on one cheek, typing with teeth gritted.
Happy birthday, Chef, you magnificent bastard.
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wearing dresses or programming for Linux. But posting images that reside on someone
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on the matter, along with some solutions to the problem, can be found
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