9622.net: They come runnin' just as fast as they can

October 09, 2005 : They come runnin' just as fast as they can

Under all that sartorial splendor is his birthday suit.

Have a great one, Uncle Fes!

Posted by tizzie at October 09, 2005 12:28 AM

People have said these things about that :

*doffs fedora in Fes's direction*

Posted by: Vidiot on October 9, 2005 09:26 AM

He's got legs, but does he know how to use them?

Posted by: ColdChef on October 9, 2005 10:43 AM

It looks like the NYT is celebrating Uncle Fes's happy birthday by reviewing some Monkey Porn:

Bonobos don't exactly distinguish between sex and friendly touching. Since their behavior is so often X-rated, you will have to read the book to learn the details...

So, Book club, anyone?

Posted by: krimur on October 9, 2005 11:49 AM

"Bonobos don't exactly distinguish between sex and friendly touching."

Who does? Sheesh!

Posted by: Crash on October 9, 2005 12:41 PM

Happy britday, you Beau Brummelesque mofo.

As a special gift:

Two mp3 laden music threads at MeCha. (all song links yousendit, follow prompts).

Posted by: jonmc on October 9, 2005 01:30 PM

"One reason bonobos engage in so much sex is to prevent rival males from killing their babies. If everybody has sex with everybody else, there's no saying who's the daddy."

I had never thought of taking this apporach. You know, it's so crazy it just might work.

Posted by: Slack-a-gogo on October 9, 2005 02:20 PM

I'm assuming you all know about this.

Posted by: ColdChef on October 9, 2005 02:28 PM

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

Posted by: Vidiot on October 9, 2005 03:23 PM

I still have not watched that movie.

I'm holding out for some sort of extra incentive.

Posted by: Crash on October 9, 2005 04:06 PM

No commentary on Lebowski?!? What the hell?

Posted by: Slack-a-gogo on October 9, 2005 06:17 PM

Happy birthday, Fes!

Posted by: aine42 on October 9, 2005 06:27 PM

Happy birthday, Fes!

Posted by: aine42 on October 9, 2005 06:27 PM

Uncle Fes happy
Swimming backwards into his youth
Uncle Fes birthday

Posted by: kaf on October 9, 2005 07:31 PM

*raises a ghost-Schlafly*

Cheers, Fester.

Posted by: ufez on October 10, 2005 12:17 AM

Thanks, everyone! To be honest, 38 feels much like 37, except for a teeny bit of additional hoariness.

Super Birthday Weekend Fun Schedule

Friday (evening): homeslices converge on divorcing compadre's abode for drinks, Fritos, and headshaking.

Saturday (morning): I take delivery of not one, not two, but SIX new trees. And four tons of dirt. Holes are dug, trees are planted, dirt is moved and piled is aesthetically pleasing dirt-piles. A hirable kid from down the way is duly hired, along with tractor, to assist.

Saturday (afternoon): see previous.

Saturday (evening): zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Sunday (morning): celebratory pancakes and homemade birthday cards!

Sunday (later morning): First gift rec'd: two hours of blessed silence, during which I engage in some bracing out-of-doors dirt-shovelling on what proves to be lovely day for working outside (entire personal legal department heads to mall to engage in some much needed slipper-buying for the young'uns)

Sunday (noonish): pizza lunch.

Sunday (afternoon): That dirt don't shovel itself, you know!

Sunday (towards evening): Second gift rec'd: Pressure washer. Immediate assembly required. 4.5 horse, 2200 psi, three nozzle attachments, frissons of neighbor jealousy when displayed. Briefly re-enacted initial Predators vs. Aliens contact scene from Alien vs. Predatorwith pressure washer "wand" for entertainment of burgeoning cul-de-sac mommy gathering. No one caught reference.

Sunday (evening): Rome on HBO. Don't lose your head, Pompei Magnus! Heh heh heh.

Sunday (night): "Neighborhood Watch" meeting at Chuck from down the way's garage. Keglette of Warsteiner consumed. Chuck's completely restored '69 Dodge Dart and impeccably ordered tool pegboard positively commented on. Merits of Air Force vs. civilian life debated (me: chair and sole member, civilian way of life defense team). 70's bands critiqued (Earth, Wind and Fire notches another big win). Virtues of various neighborhood dogs ennumerated.

Returning to work this morning is just sad, really.

Posted by: Fes on October 10, 2005 09:28 AM

Fes, I hope you spent the day eating cake and drinking bourbon.

An airkiss to you! (The actual kisses required additional postage and delivery confirmation, which was an extra $2.75, and please, I wasn't born yesterday, I know a scam when I see it.)

(It's kinda strange that the cleanshaven member of ZZ Top's named Frank Beard, innit?)

Posted by: dana on October 10, 2005 09:30 AM

No bourbon, and no cake, although Chuck did gift me with one of his locally famous Sapphire martinis, which he refers to as "Martians." I believe he uses an olive oil mister to add the vermouth. I have also been promised, by MissusFes, an apple pie to be named later.

*airkisses back, saves $2.75, having had previously no idea that was a scam*

Posted by: Fes on October 10, 2005 09:41 AM

Glad to hear you got a powerwasher. I've heard tell those are popular items amongst menfolk.

Posted by: dana on October 10, 2005 10:43 AM

Happy Day, Fester.

And, IMHO, EW&F were better than all the neighborhood dogs combined.

Posted by: jpoulos on October 10, 2005 10:46 AM

Krimur, that interesting monkey article is by Temple Grandin, a very interesting person in her own right.

Men and powerwashers! Freud was right.

Glad you had a good birthday, Fes. The pancakes s ounded good, anyway.

Posted by: tizzie on October 10, 2005 01:14 PM

And I think Fes would make a better James Bond than this guy.

Posted by: tizzie on October 11, 2005 02:01 PM

Honestly, I can't help but feel I'd be a better Blofeld instead. I have the hair for it, after all.

And the lack of earlobes!

Posted by: Fes on October 11, 2005 03:19 PM

Is Craig the new James Bond? Shit.

Because Clive Owen just oozes Bond.

(and yuknowwhut, Fes? Scary thing is, first time I saw a pic of you, I thought "It's Jeff Gannon!")

Posted by: Vidiot on October 12, 2005 01:33 AM

Oh, that's nice! Thanks Vidiot.

Posted by: Fes on October 12, 2005 09:34 AM

*swats Vidiot*

OK, did you guys read this? I am sitting here at work weeping. I don't know Matt, of course, but I've been reading DY for ages and this hits so close to home.

Weird, isn't it? I don't know whether to write and say, hey, you don't know me, but I just read this and I want you to know how hard the next few decades are going to be for you? Is it wrong to be honest and say, Hey, everyone else is saying really reassuring stuff, but just in case it doesn't always seem like you can continue to smile, then it's ok to say that, too?

Maybe in the 20+ years since my kids were diagnosed, there's been a lot of progress and Matt won't have to go through a lot of the hell I went through. Maybe hearing about my "dark ages" experience is not helpful. I don't know. What do you guys think?

Posted by: tizzie on October 12, 2005 10:00 AM

My little buddy has some issues. He was born WAY premature and sufferred some brain damage. Next week, he'll turn 13. He's overcome most of the physical effects (problems with gross motor skills and spatial relations, sensory issues) but he still has some learning disabilities and problems socializing. (He can damn-near beat my ass in chess, and he knows more about superheroes than I know about any single subject, but he struggles with basic math.)

I remember when we were going through the early years--dozens of doctors and teachers and friends, all of whom had different advice--I remember thinking "I don't care what any of you has to say, I just want you to listen to me scream and break shit for a while".

Matt's obviously a saner and better-adjusted person than I was, but personally after a while I'd get sick of all the advice.

So, to answer your question Tizzie, I don't know. Your advice is "you don't have to listen to all this advice", and that's good advice, but it's still advice. And personally, I came to hate advice.

Posted by: jpoulos on October 12, 2005 10:42 AM

I don't know, jpoulos. I think my advice is more like "It's ok to be really angry about this. It doesn't mean that you don't love your son. It doesn't mean that you don't love your wife. Life just took a shitty turn, and being noble on the outside while you are dying on the inside might not be too healthy."

That, too, would be advice, and probably bitter advice, which is not good.

Posted by: tizzie on October 12, 2005 10:57 AM

I'm not ashamed to say that this sort of thing petrifies me, with my little guys. I'm not a spiritual man, but some nights the thought of this happening prompts me toward making bad bargains with dicey otherworldy characters.

Posted by: Fes on October 12, 2005 11:12 AM

I'm just a bitter crank, Tizzie. Let him know what you think.

Posted by: jpoulos on October 12, 2005 11:16 AM

Drop him a line. You certainly know what you're talking about and aren't pulling it out of your ass, and from the few times I've traded e-mails with him, Matt's a nice guy.

Posted by: Vidiot on October 12, 2005 12:34 PM

Exactly, Fes. It is every parent's worst fear.

It's good that Matt can write about it, because when it happened to us, my husband still had that 'old school' men thing going on, and he couldn't really talk about his feelings to anyone. I honestly think, in my heart of hearts, that it was the death of our marriage. He couldn't go in to work and say to the other guys, "My kids just had this devastating diagnosis, and I am freaking out." But it was perfectly ok to go in to work and say "Jeez, my wife is fat and she won't do the ironing!" and they were all, "Yeah, I know what you mean."

In other words, Matt's starting from a healthier place. So Lupo is right - he needs my sad story like he needs another hole in his head.

But Vidiot is all wrong. Fes has a much better chin than Jeff Gannon.

Posted by: tizzie on October 12, 2005 12:36 PM

Oh, and Fes wanted me to post this:

Posted by: Vidiot on October 12, 2005 12:41 PM

Better chin, and MUCH better ears. Much better in the face, in general.

Now, Fes, we'll be needing a photo of your butt for another compare and contrast.

Posted by: dana on October 12, 2005 12:49 PM

Thanks! I don't have any pictures of my butt handy, but the ladies in my office have on previous occasions referred to it as "pretty flat." And I've lost about 30 pounds since that picture was taken, (combo of South Beach, drugs for something else entirely, and the flu), so it's probably flatter yet.

I prefer to think of myself has having the smooth sleek butt-lines of a professional soccer player. Or, perhaps, an otter.

Posted by: Fes on October 12, 2005 01:11 PM

I miss the 'stache, dude. Made you look like john McGinley in Platoon.

Posted by: jonmc on October 12, 2005 01:32 PM

Tizzie, I'm sure Matthew would welcome your email and support and experince in these matters.

Posted by: kaf on October 13, 2005 12:27 PM

Gotta love them non-sequiturs.

Posted by: Crash on October 17, 2005 10:23 AM

jesus, they're closing in on us.

Posted by: dana on October 17, 2005 02:51 PM

Ah hell, I suck.

Belated ones, Fes, my captain.

Posted by: stavrosthewonderchicken on October 21, 2005 04:42 AM

Posted by: oOcspBTweg on October 25, 2005 04:24 PM

Why not join in and say something too?

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