Apparently, in an effort to protect their circus and zoo animals from the record-low temperatures, the Russians have been giving them booze.
It seemed like a good idea at the time. As the mercury plunged to below -30C in Russia's coldest winter for three decades, what better way to help a freezing elephant fight off the cold than with a bucketful of warm, vodka-based toddy.
And what better for Indra, a 39-year-old Indian elephant, than to drain the bucket to the last fortifying drop of the drink beloved of Russians down the ages.
Moments later, however, the star of the circus was on the rampage. With alcohol coursing through its veins it ran wildly round its enclosure, smashing hot water radiators and tearing them from the wall. Indra was subdued only after giving itself and two other elephants a hot shower.
....Reports of the elephant's drunken behaviour were followed by accounts of monkeys at a zoo in Lipetsk, south of Moscow, being given wine three times a day "to protect against colds", and of a sea lion treated for pneumonia with brandy body rubs.
This weekend I inherited a large and obscure liquor collection. I could have made three kinds of Champagne cocktails, or Vidiot's favorite, the Corpse Reviver, but last night when I went to reward myself with a martini I discovered that the one thing missing in this bequest was dry vermouth. Very distressing. I whispered "vermouth vermouth vermouth vermouth" into the shaker for awhile instead.
By the way, Cold Chef, we now own enough brandy to hose down your extended family, if you're all interested.
Posted by: dana on January 23, 2006 12:23 PMOnce, we were in a hottub...drunker than you should ever be in a hottub...and this girl who was there (my roomate's cousin, I believe) commented how she'd like to fill a tub with Mailbu Coconut Rum and sit in it.
So I flung my drink in her face.
I, alone, found it funny.
Posted by: ColdChef on January 23, 2006 07:57 PMI now realize that I was wrong.
I should have never been drinking Malibu Rum.
Posted by: ColdChef on January 23, 2006 07:58 PMDude! What were you thinking? I thought you were a man of style and taste, and you admit to drinking something that tastes like suntan lotion?
(I am glad that you have realized the error of your ways, and so therefore I can grudgingly forgive you.)
Posted by: Vidiot on January 23, 2006 09:10 PMVidiot, you're torturing me with these cocktail suggestions! I need to go on a dedicated drinking holiday, where I sample them all.
For scientific purposes, of course.
Posted by: tizzie on January 23, 2006 10:16 PMCome to Noo Yawk, then.
(I'm currently sipping an Old Fashioned, minus the orange.)
Posted by: Vidiot on January 24, 2006 12:10 AMI have a bottle of Malibu rum now, too. I took a sip of it last night. CC, How old was your roommate's cousin, exactly--like 13? Yick. In fruity drinks, it's not so bad, but alone it's...like Hawaiian Tropical #4.
Tizzie, you gotta come up to NYC for a cocktail invitational. You can help me with this bottle of Rum Bitters, which I can't find any info on beyond the fact that it's an aphrodisiac.
Posted by: dana on January 24, 2006 09:18 AMYou, me, and an aphrodisiac.
We can sell the video rights and retire to the south of France!
Posted by: tizzie on January 24, 2006 10:20 AMWow, I've never seen rum bitters before. Dr. Cocktail or Chuck Taggart may know something about 'em.
Also: If you need a cameraman, let me know.
Posted by: Vidiot on January 24, 2006 10:43 AMSidecars. Old Fashioneds. *drool*
(I'm just going to pretend I didn't see any mention of Malibu. La la la. I can't hear you.)
We really should stage an all-monkey meetup somewhere. (Monkeys take Manhattan?) We'll just get the closest liquor store to cater it.
Posted by: aine42 on January 24, 2006 05:52 PMWhat a co-inkidink! Bitters in the LA Times this morning.
Posted by: tizzie on January 25, 2006 07:44 AMI read that article with interest, though it made no mention of rum bitters, sadly. I'm not touching that bottle until someone else tries it first.
In other un-booze-and-baby-related news, do you think metafilter would be less acrimonious if, instead of being self-policed, it were monkey policed?
Posted by: dana on January 26, 2006 11:24 AM"They also were not able to remove the dominant female ... because to do so would have entirely disrupted the monkeys' social structure."
Word.
Posted by: tizzie on January 26, 2006 01:11 PMI often shout--to little avail--DO NOT REMOVE THE DOMINANT FEMALE! when being kicked out of finer drinking establishments.
I would kind of like a t-shirt that said that, actually.
Posted by: dana on January 26, 2006 02:32 PM...so when are the Females of 9622 going to fight for dominance? And will there be a webcam?
I ask for purely scientific, economical, political, pervy reasons.
Glaq! Rum bitters?! I want them now! Where do I get them? Covetcovetcovet.
(Oh, by the way, hi.)
Posted by: Chuck on January 27, 2006 02:20 AMAny friend of Vidiot's is a friend of mine.
In other words, Hi, Chuck.
Posted by: tizzie on January 27, 2006 08:20 AMFunny story about Chuck. I added him to my list of Flickr contacts last fall, when I was looking for pictures of the aftermath in New Orleans. Well, for Christmas, my mom happened to get me the "Doctors, Professors, Kings and Queens: The Big Ol' Box of New Orleans" compilation for Christmas and it's fantastic. As I was looking at the book, I recognized Chuck's name from my Flickr contact list. (He produced the compilation). Small world.
Posted by: ColdChef on January 27, 2006 10:12 AMWhat's with this webcam obsession? Ours will be a Velvet Revolution.
Welcome Chuck. I will send you the bitters, post haste, if you'd like. But first you have to tell me what the hell you make with it.
And in return I may call upon you to produce my next album. Duet between tuba and harpsichord. They said it shouldn't couldn't be done.
What's with this webcam obsession?
I'm not sure I want the answer to that question.
*lightly whacks ufez on the nose with a rolled up newspaper*
Naughty ufez! Go sit in the corner!
Posted by: romakimmy on January 28, 2006 06:01 AMI also just realized that Chuck is MetaFilter's Chuq which means that although I thought I just met him, I've known him for a while. The internets are a weird place.
Posted by: ColdChef on January 29, 2006 12:56 PMLesson learned this weekend:
Sunday-evening existential despair can be staved off with a well-made Manhattan.
Yours?
Posted by: Vidiot on January 30, 2006 12:00 PMI learned that I could never cook anything if I didn't live two doors down from the Corner Market. It took me three trips there, and one to my neighbor's kitchen, to buy/borrow/steal the ingredients and equipment to bake one chocolate cake. And of course, I thought I already had everything before I started!
Posted by: tizzie on January 30, 2006 12:53 PMIf your pregnant wife tells you that she's okay with you taking nude photos of your 24 year old former assistant (to give to her boyfriend as a Valentine's gift), don't be surprised if she doesn't speak to you for two days after she sees the pictures.
Also, some pregnant women don't consider light bondage photos to be "artistic." Lesson learned.
Posted by: ColdChef on January 30, 2006 01:01 PMYes tizzie, hot chocolate cake photo action, post haste!!!
Posted by: dana on January 30, 2006 03:27 PMDid it have creme filling? Oh, yeeeeeeeeahhhhhhhhh!
Posted by: ColdChef on January 30, 2006 03:42 PMCakeporn.com cannot be far behind...
Ooooh baby, lemme have it right in the Bundt. Spray me with Pam and put me in a springform.
(If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom with the King Arthur catalogue...and no, I'm not interested in the Tunnel of Fudge cake.)
Posted by: Vidiot on January 30, 2006 03:47 PMSpray me with Pam and put me in a springform.
Oh man. That just reminded me of those Joe Frank dial-a-preacher skits, for which I would give sweet cakeporn bartering action to hear right now.
Posted by: dana on January 30, 2006 04:08 PMI'll report tomorrow on whether it tastes better than it looks.
Posted by: tizzie on January 30, 2006 09:42 PMHey, all. New poster, avid cocktail-shakin' monkey. The Mrs. & I have recently been enjoying Brandy Manhattans, with a dash of Peychaud's Bitters rather than Angostura. Nice.
We're normally a household of Sidecar, but it's nice to shuffle things up every one in a while.
Posted by: Pirate on January 31, 2006 01:03 AMWelcome! Just fling some poo, and I'm sure you'll fit right in.
Posted by: Vidiot on January 31, 2006 09:39 AMA note about posting images:
We encourage users to post images, especially those hilarous pics of monkeys
wearing dresses or programming for Linux. But posting images that reside on someone
else's server is considered by many to be bandwidth theft. Our thoughts
on the matter, along with some solutions to the problem, can be found
here. Thanks.
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