9622.net

(I know, the accompanying photo is weak, but you try googling jewish + monkey and see what you get.)

*puts on monkey suit and yarmulke*

(hey, I'm gonna be unemployed soon. But I'm recoupled with pips. One of those good news/bad news type of deals. but actually, I've grown to hate this job, so maybe it's good news/good news)

"Chewish"? Ugh.

And I wish I'd checked on when Passover was before I told my dad that this coming weekend was a good time to visit. Office full of Jewish people + Passover = no vacation time available!

Ah well. Life ain't too bad, regardless -- gotta do some serious apartment-cleaning, but I just discovered that my local film museum is running a Robert Altman retrospective through June. (And I went and saw Playtime, an utterly amazing film and one of my very favorites, yesterday, and I'm still aglow.)

Sorry to hear that, Jon, and good to hear that. Good luck with the search -- are they downsizing?

Well (like everything else over the past two months) it's a long twisted story. I'm meeting pips at Antarctica (Hudson & Spring, next to the deli) around 5, you can buy me a drink if you want to hear the whole sordid tale.

Sorry, but a 9-to-5 workday is not in my forseeable future...

Vidiot, if you'd known that this week was Passover, you'd have also known that you gotta start cleaning , like, a week beforehand.

I'm as flat as piece of matzoh, thank you very much. I threw my back out on Saturday and have been on the couch ever since. Pity me!

Ok, in order:

- Dana: I tried to help you out by googling for the charming monkey/yarmulke combo. Trust me -- you did better.

- Jon: Sorry to hear that and congrats (or congrats and congrats, whichever way you choose to spin it).

- Vidiot: Good luck with the no vacation/houseguest combo. Tell your Jewish coworkers they owe you so you can come out and play the following weekend when we're in town. :)

- tizzie: Sorry to hear about the back. Been there. Did not enjoy it one bit, no sir. Hope you're up & around soon.

Ok. I miss anybody?

aine: in the past 2 months, I've: tresspassed on a vacant floor of my office for immoral purposes (two different ones), watched two female friends spontaneously make out in a bar, got so stoned that I managed to lose my companion in a one half block walk, visited potential apartments in all five boroughs including ones offered by two Irish mechanics, old hippies with and without dogs, a Bronx woman who emailed a link to thong pics on her myspace page with her apt offer, and a psycho omelet chef on staten island. Also, I learned that properly applied handcuffs and whips can be fun and I learned the meaning of the word 'bear.' That $45 dollar haircuts are worth it. That the best wingman is a woman, but that one should be cautious about screwing women who live with gun owning alcoholics. I learned that karaoke in front of drag queens can be fun, but office romances can be a bitch. That a well placed hand can lessen the pain of a kick to the balls. That once gone sideburns aren't really missed. That, to some people, 35 is old. That showing women your music collection is often impressive to them. That our justice system grinds slowly. That it's possible to invent 'fetishes.' That both frog and duck are quite tasty. That lesbians on roller skates are still lesbians. That to find yourself, you have to lose yourself.

Oh, the places you'll go....

tizzie, ugh, that's terrible news! How'd it happen? Were you rearranging the kitchen on your own again?

Jon, you are freaking me out, dude.

True train story: I'm sitting there with my book (Maximum City, Suketu Mehta) minding my own biznaz, when on come two people who form an almost perfect yin/yang: the first, a young girl, early college, really lovely: brunette, dressed well, big brown knowing eyes. She sits down, tips me a small smile, and produces the BIGGEST Bible I've ever seen from out of her backpack, and begins to read with a highlighter in her hand. A stop later, an older man gets on, thick shock of white hair, craggly, dressed for business - gray suit, blue tie, overcoat. A real Andy Rooney. He slowly plants his ass, like boxes falling off a cargo ship, into the seat right next to the girl, reaches into his his overcoat pocket - and pulls out a PSP. Upon which he starts going to town, thumbs a'flying.

I love this world. I will miss it when it's gone.

Well, fes, my adventures seem strange on the surface. and in the middle and on the bottom, I suppose...

Been a busy spring for you, without a doubt. My adventures during the same period, on the other hand, have been by and large mental frippery.

But that old saw 'it's a jungle out there?' They ain't just whistlin' dixie. That first occured to me after an East Village post-midnight snack where I was served a mediocre hot dog by two attractive mustachioed young ladies.

That entire phrase is so fraught with double- and triple-entendres that I think I may have just wet myself a teeny bit.

Well, as they say: New York. It Ain't Kansas.

Also, all day long there's been a traffic pylon traveling up and down in one of the elevators. Maybe he's got a friend in the building. The bosses have removed the office vending machine, too. These cutbacks are getting to be murder.

Hmmm. I'd have thought the vending machines would be a source of reliable cashflow...

Hey Tizzie, I'll trade you half your back-pain for half of my concussion and then we can hobble about together in a daze, like two old drunks in a movie staring Robin Williams.

Concussions? Back injuries?

Awww, you poor things. I send healing vibes (and quality liquor) your way!

Actually, my stumbling looks more like Groucho Marx in a blonde wig.

How did you manage to get a concussion, towerbrave? Yikes, that sounds dreadful.

Yikes! You two gotta take it easy on yourselves. Remember, ladies: the most dangerous drug interaction in the world is the one where alcohol is mixed with boredom.

*nods sagely*

I swear there was no alcohol involved... really! But it's important to remember that when applying that old saw about moving the world with a lever, well, if you let go of the lever, make sure your head is out of the way.
I'm much better this morning, but I still feel like I'm speaking gibberish, so please excuse.
Hope you are recovering swiftly, Tizzie, bathe in those Vidiot Vibes and a tub full of gin!
How about Groucho and Chaplin, staggering about in blond wigs? Perhaps in a bakery... mmmmmm, pie in the face. Yum!

...bathe in those Vidiot Vibes...

Warning: May be illegal in some states.

Dammit Vidiot. Do you know how bad it hurts to snarf an imported Reese's Peanut Butter Cup out your nose?

At this rate, the entire Thunderslut collective is going to look like the remains of insurance company costcutting hospital walkthrough by Good Friday.

*gently inserts two colossal wads of rolled up toilet paper into romakimmy's nostrils to staunch the Reeses ejectorate*

Reeses ejectorate?

It always comes back to the monkeys...

As of right now, I am hale & hearty--just tired. Is that about to change?

Oh my god, my right leg just fell off.

Christ, it's Final Destination: 9622.

Run, readymade, run! It's coming for you!

*Gently rubs Witchstone's disembodied leg against face*

*Sharpens knife for Brittney's kidneys*

...bathe in those Vidiot Vibes...
Warning: May be illegal in some states.

Which is why I live in Canada. Pot, strong beer and 'Vidiot Vibes' for everyone!

Heya folks- I gots me a new project!
http://www.martini-recipe-online.com/

(hee hee and believe it for not- it's kinda for work!)

Work-related and booze-related. Better together.

Nice. Expunge all mentions of Pucker and then we'll talk.

Yeah, I was considering editing out the Appletini but it's still better than you'll get at most bars when you order it. This research is gonna kill me!

Normally I'm all jealous of you New Yawkers and the Left Coasters and the Mississip Coasters and even the Great Lakers*, and I'm fighting to be the first in line that TX isn't the best place to live (believe me), But (note the capital B):

I just saw Mojo Nixon. And none of you all did.

Just give me my one in five times a year where I see something slpendid that you can't.

Thanks.

-u-

*congrats, teej. But come Stars v. Red Wings in the WC Finals or Mavs v. Pistons in the Champs, I'm gonna hate with a fury worse than Dong and EBK multiplied and squared!

Holy shit! I thought he gave up touring years ago.

(I still cherish the autograph he gave me that reads: "Dear Sam: RAVE ON SICK PIG! Love, Mojo.")

I cannot in good conscience forgive Nixon for his friendship with Steve Earle. Thus, he's on my enemies list.

Holy shit! I thought he gave up touring years ago.

He did, but he came out of retirement to play Austin, Dallas and Houston last week in support of Kinky's bid for Governor. Still puts on a hell of a show for an old fat drunk.

Ufez, tell us about the Kinky thing. I like him (the dog rescue stuff alone!) But I feel like I'm seeing a filtered view.

And on another note, why did I have to wake up this morning and see "Tom to eat Katie's placenta" as a headline on Google news? Why, God, why?

Apropos of absoulutely nothing

I am TOTALLY eating my wife's placenta this summer.

Ufez, tell us about the Kinky thing. I like him (the dog rescue stuff alone!) But I feel like I'm seeing a filtered view.

First off -

9622.net : tell us about the Kinky thing

Now that that's out of the way, I'll give you the best, semi-coherent, semi-concise summary I can muster at the moment:

He's been on one hell of a whirlwind of self-promotion, hitting up big cities and towns that still have general stores, stumping for social libertarianism and massive school reform*. The school reform is a big issue down here at the moment, as we've had emergency legislative session after emergency legislative session called (at the taxpayer's expense, natch) and fuck all has been resolved. This will likely be current incumbent felchmonkey Rick Perry's downfall.

There's another woman running as an indpendent who is the former State Comptroller. She was originally going to challenge Perry in the Republican Primary, but backed off of that and is currently trying to collect enough signatures to get on the ballot. Can't say I'm too impressed with her effort, though, as the only evidence of it I've witnessed thus far is some guy hitting me up to sign her petition outside of a fairly empty library at 3 in the afternoon on a Tuesday. I politely declined.

Anyhow, both Kinky and Strayhorn (the aforementioned former comptroller) have until sometime in mid-May (IIRC) to turn in their signatures for verification and counting. I've little doubt Kinky will collect more than enough. Strayhorn on the other hand, I'd be mildly surprised, which is kind of a shame, as I'm sure she'd steal far more votes from Perry than Kinky.

The next issue is already percolating, though. The office in charge of verifying and auditing the petition sheets for valid signatures has already come out saying that they "are going to do an extremely thorough job, and it will be a long process", meaning they're going to drag dick through the mud and give Kinky official status on the ballot as late into the race as possible**.

However, my working assumption (and not, I've no inside info or anything -- hell, I've barely had time to pay attention) is that Kinky's campaign will kick into full swing sometime shortly after they turn in the signatures, and, once he's seen as Rick Perry's main opponent, the mainstream press around here will start paying attention and it'll be a pretty exciting race. I may be naive, but I actually like his odds. Perry's not a very popular governor at the moment, and hasn't been for quite some time, even in his own party. It's a pretty good situation for an independent to have a decent run at the office.

Notice I never mentioned a Democrat candidate? Well, I'm sure there is one, but I've no earthly idea who/what/where he or she may be.

*breathes heavily*

There was a pretty good feature article written in the local alt-weekly last summer on Kinky's campaign. He's got some of the same people working on his staff that helped Jesse Ventura win in Minnesota.

Okay, seriously, that's all I got. Pass the placenta jambalaya, please.

*including Kinky as grand marshall of the local St. Paddy's day parade. A full three people in the metroplex know that it was actually my idea. I'm moving in with one of them this weekend.

**seriously. The local NPR show (12-1 - used to be the Glenn Mitchell show [RIP, Glenn]) had him on and he was shameless in the fact that it would take a long time and squirmed when asked for an estimate. It was nearly enraging enough to make me drive into White Rock Lake

"The House has been littered in recent years with guys who were one election away from becoming the bottom right square on Hollywood Squares."

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Thanks, Ufez! Interesting.

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